Grey40 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Been talking to this girl via Facetime and on the phone for over 2 months, since the virus took hold. The last few weeks we've been able to hang out in person, but we just went to a park and the beach, and she would not kiss me or do anything intimate. She did let me hug her and give her a massage though. She's extreme hypochondriac and is concerned about getting the virus and I totally understand that and told her I respect her decision. However, she has no timetable for when she's going to feel ready. She was going to invite me over to watch a movie at her place this weekend, (no kissing of course), but when she found out I went to Shop Rite this week with a friend (even though we wore masks and were distant) now she doesn't want me over...and we're only going to hang out to play some mini-golf. On top of that, her last BF cheated on her multiple times and she's been constantly getting upset and supicisious over every little thing I do. I'll say something by accident that "really hurts her" or "makes her feel s***ty" that I didn't realize. She keeps saying, "I don't date guys that like attention, I don't date men who don't put effort in, and I can't date people that do blah blah". It's a long list. I get that she's warning me, but should I be concerned at all? Is this a red flag? It sometimes feels like she has a microscope on me at all times trying to catch me in a lie and it's kind of taking all the fun and enjoyment out of dating her. What do you guys think? Also, how long is it acceptable for me to wait this out? I like her and want to get intimate, and while I respect her decision, I've already been waiting 2-3 months to progress this relationship, is it fair to make me wait an additional 1-2 months before even being able to kiss me?
ShyViolet Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 You've only been casually talking to her for 2 months and she's already being negative, insecure and making you feel like you're under a microscope? This will only get worse. It really sounds like she is not worth the trouble. You should run from this. 5
Versacehottie Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I'd be worried more about her being emotionally ready or not a bitter type than her germaphobia due to covid. That will pass eventually but whatever is going on in her head unrelated to covid is a bigger problem IMO. She sounds not ready or set to bitter. I think you should pass on this one. Let her have the space she needs and have it fade away. If she changes her attitude and pursues you more then maybe, but see how you feel. A bird in the hand is no good if she is a pain in your a**. Good luck 1 1
Fox Sake Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) She’s already got you by the balls. You’re jumping through hoops for her and she’s calling all the shots. It’s already unbalanced and turned into a game of what she will and will not put up with you. What about you? What will YOU put up with? If you want a controlling and insecure woman who hasn’t dealt with her past issues And will ridicule you for anything you do that she doesn’t like, then you’re on to a keeper. Personally , as someone who has been cheated on twice in my life - everyone starts with a clean slate in a new relationship. You can’t tar everyone with the same brush. It however only takes one thing for that slate to become dirty. She sounds like she needs to be alone and to deal with some of her issues before she can commit enough of herself to someone else, fairly Edit - She also hasn’t kissed you yet...3 months ? You already waited too long. Don’t waste anymore of your time. You’re her support blanket right now and it’ll end up with you in the friendzone. If you decide to throw everyone’s advice here and continue seeing her, then I suggest you crack one off before you go around so you aren’t just bleeding sexual tension out into the room. But really you should be running before she does it first, and leaves you feeling worthless Edited June 13, 2020 by Fox Sake Add a bit 2
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 28 minutes ago, Grey40 said: Been talking to this girl via Facetime and on the phone for over 2 months, since the virus took hold. The last few weeks we've been able to hang out in person, but we just went to a park and the beach, and she would not kiss me or do anything intimate. She did let me hug her and give her a massage though. She's extreme hypochondriac and is concerned about getting the virus and I totally understand that and told her I respect her decision. However, she has no timetable for when she's going to feel ready. She was going to invite me over to watch a movie at her place this weekend, (no kissing of course), but when she found out I went to Shop Rite this week with a friend (even though we wore masks and were distant) now she doesn't want me over...and we're only going to hang out to play some mini-golf. On top of that, her last BF cheated on her multiple times and she's been constantly getting upset and supicisious over every little thing I do. I'll say something by accident that "really hurts her" or "makes her feel s***ty" that I didn't realize. She keeps saying, "I don't date guys that like attention, I don't date men who don't put effort in, and I can't date people that do blah blah". It's a long list. I get that she's warning me, but should I be concerned at all? Is this a red flag? It sometimes feels like she has a microscope on me at all times trying to catch me in a lie and it's kind of taking all the fun and enjoyment out of dating her. What do you guys think? Also, how long is it acceptable for me to wait this out? I like her and want to get intimate, and while I respect her decision, I've already been waiting 2-3 months to progress this relationship, is it fair to make me wait an additional 1-2 months before even being able to kiss me? If she doesn't want to get close to you because of covid. You have to respect her decision. As for the other stuff, she's obviously got some baggage and trust issues from her last relationship. Its pretty new and you're already unsure. Therefore i would say leave it. Maybe she isnt ready to go all in.
Author Grey40 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 20 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said: If she doesn't want to get close to you because of covid. You have to respect her decision. As for the other stuff, she's obviously got some baggage and trust issues from her last relationship. Its pretty new and you're already unsure. Therefore i would say leave it. Maybe she isnt ready to go all in. Well, she thinks I'M not ready, which is why she's testing me hard. She has trust issues, but most people do to some extent, especially when they've been cheated on. I'm a musician, and she sees girls flirt with me via social media, and that's a big reason she started acting very different. She got really mad at one specific comment, and she hasn't been the same since.
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, Grey40 said: Well, she thinks I'M not ready, which is why she's testing me hard. She has trust issues, but most people do to some extent, especially when they've been cheated on. I'm a musician, and she sees girls flirt with me via social media, and that's a big reason she started acting very different. She got really mad at one specific comment, and she hasn't been the same since. She thinks you're not ready because of her trust issues. If she replaced you with someone else. She may find something wrong with the new person. Are you ok with her being insecure all the time? 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Honestly I would give up and just look for someone else. You're walking on eggshells, jumping through hoops and STILL getting cr*p for it. What's the upside? 1 1
Author Grey40 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Honestly I would give up and just look for someone else. You're walking on eggshells, jumping through hoops and STILL getting cr*p for it. What's the upside? Yeah, I guess maybe I just worry that I'm being too critical or overanalyzing it too much. Maybe she just really likes me and wants things to work and that's why she's just making sure we're compatible. She just wants reassurance I'm not like the other guys that screwed her over. It does feel like she already believes what she believes though, and it at times does feel like nothing I do is going to be good enough. There's always going to be questioning. I've told her this is how I feel. And she said, "I wouldn't have to badger you or question you like this if you didn't say stupid things that made me feel s***ty, or promise/tell me things and don't follow through". I did at one point promise her we'd watch a show together, but then like a month passed and I started watching it on my own, and she got really pissed and upset I did that. I told her there was no way to know when we'd watch it together because of the virus, so I didn't want to keep waiting. That caused a huge deal, and she still brings it up to me sometimes. Edited June 13, 2020 by Grey40
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, Grey40 said: Yeah, I guess maybe I just worry that I'm being too critical or overanalyzing it too much. Maybe she just really likes me and wants things to work and that's why she's just making sure we're compatible. She just wants reassurance I'm not like the other guys that screwed her over. It does feel like she already believes what she believes though, and it at times does feel like nothing I do is going to be good enough. There's always going to be questioning. I've told her this is how I feel. And she said, "I wouldn't have to badger you or question you like this if you didn't say stupid things that made me feel s***ty, or promise/tell me things and don't follow through". I did at one point promise her we'd watch a show together, but then like a month passed and I started watching it on my own, and she got really pissed and upset I did that. I told her there was no way to know when we'd watch it together because of the virus, so I didn't want to keep waiting. That caused a huge deal, and she still brings it up to me sometimes. Holy sh*t. She is a mess and is glad to just keep making you feel like the bad guy who somehow owes her even more ridiculously tiptoeing, apologetic behavior. She'll have NO problem whatsoever making you pay from now until the end of time for whatever she thinks someone else did to her. Boy run. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 The speeches ... "I don't date men who ..." ... total red flag, total sign of problems. You don't preach to people what you do not like. You simply seek out and find people you do like ... going to Shop Rite freaked her out? I mean, I'm one of the cautious ones on the virus and that seems totally absurd to me. Drop her ... This will only get worse and her odd behavior is not the result of the virus. She'd be frustrating to deal with without a virus.
OnlyHonesty Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I'm not sure what it is with men putting up with so much bs, jumping through hoops for girls, and then asking how they can jump even higher so they can reach nothingness. I would not be inviting this toxicity into my life at all. Why are you? Why don't you have her under the same microscope? why aren't you looking at her behavior and realizing that it brings only toxicity and negativity into your life? Why aren't men holding women to any standards so often? This girl is not ready to be dating, not ready for intimacy, not ready for relationships. She may not even be ready for a close friendship with anyone. I suggest you cease all contact and then ask yourself why you weren't holding her to any standards. 3
Ellener Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I don't think you have a choice but wait for intimacy due to the Covid situation @Grey40 that's just a very personal decision we're all having to make in these times. The nagging and complaining, that's a bit weird and annoying.
Versacehottie Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 5 hours ago, Grey40 said: Well, she thinks I'M not ready, which is why she's testing me hard. She has trust issues, but most people do to some extent, especially when they've been cheated on. I'm a musician, and she sees girls flirt with me via social media, and that's a big reason she started acting very different. She got really mad at one specific comment, and she hasn't been the same since. I think girls that give the "trust issues" warning are signaling that they will be an upcoming nightmare about it. If you continue past a warning like that, it's you implicit agreement that you will reassure her constantly, deal with her monitoring, and a host of other issues. It's a fake warning just so she can act however she wants without consequence.
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 6 hours ago, OnlyHonesty said: I'm not sure what it is with men putting up with so much bs, jumping through hoops for girls, and then asking how they can jump even higher so they can reach nothingness. I would not be inviting this toxicity into my life at all. Why are you? Why don't you have her under the same microscope? why aren't you looking at her behavior and realizing that it brings only toxicity and negativity into your life? Why aren't men holding women to any standards so often? This girl is not ready to be dating, not ready for intimacy, not ready for relationships. She may not even be ready for a close friendship with anyone. I suggest you cease all contact and then ask yourself why you weren't holding her to any standards. Probably coz hes over how she looks. It.doesnt take much else.
Author Grey40 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, OnlyHonesty said: I'm not sure what it is with men putting up with so much bs, jumping through hoops for girls, and then asking how they can jump even higher so they can reach nothingness. I would not be inviting this toxicity into my life at all. Why are you? Why don't you have her under the same microscope? why aren't you looking at her behavior and realizing that it brings only toxicity and negativity into your life? Why aren't men holding women to any standards so often? This girl is not ready to be dating, not ready for intimacy, not ready for relationships. She may not even be ready for a close friendship with anyone. I suggest you cease all contact and then ask yourself why you weren't holding her to any standards. I think she has me convinced that most of the problems are my fault. Last night I tried my best to be really nice, cute and a good partner, gave her compliments and said I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, we had a sexual/phone sex conversation and everything. Then she calls me like an hour later and is upset that I commented back to a girl on Instagram. I posted a video of me playing guitar. The girl wrote “keep up the skills!!!” I replied back, “that’s the plan”. She doesn’t want to hang out with me at all today now because it was “disrespectful” to her that I was “flirting” with someone else. It was a random person on Instagram, no relation to me at all, just a random girl that I’ve never met. Seems a bit extreme. Edited June 13, 2020 by Grey40
elaine567 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Ok so you have been speaking to this girl for 3 months yet last week you were upset about some other girl you had been sleeping with who dumped you. Is it any wonder that this girl doesn't trust you? Most women can usually suss out if a guy's interest is not on her alone.
Maldives Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 On 6/13/2020 at 12:57 PM, OnlyHonesty said: I'm not sure what it is with men putting up with so much bs, jumping through hoops for girls, and then asking how they can jump even higher so they can reach nothingness. I would not be inviting this toxicity into my life at all. Why are you? Why don't you have her under the same microscope? why aren't you looking at her behavior and realizing that it brings only toxicity and negativity into your life? Why aren't men holding women to any standards so often? This girl is not ready to be dating, not ready for intimacy, not ready for relationships. She may not even be ready for a close friendship with anyone. I suggest you cease all contact and then ask yourself why you weren't holding her to any standards. Totally agree I been asking that question of myself recently and have decided I will value myself more and enough to walk away from such woman. Lotta woman have probably lots of options and men sense that and put up with it but we shouldn't 1
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