Ellener Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 5 hours ago, Fox Sake said: I’m a comedian a relationship and I’ll always tease. But this sounds like it’s gone too far. I look at it like this, if that wasn't a joke then he's got a problem because joke or not it's not what I think about myself- that I need someone or could 'do better'. That said- is he trying to get your attention? In the early stages of attraction people often blow hot and cold as they work out if they want to get involved. It's a game I guess, creating intimacy without necessarily acting on it. Flirting, trying to ignore each other. Needing to feel needed. Keeping that spark. All the usual cliches! When someone says something provocative it's how it makes you feel and if your communication styles and egos fit together. 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 53 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No dear, there's a lack of understanding here. Understanding that "context" is important and it is wrong to project our own feelings and experiences to the situation when we lack knowledge of said context, including mine. And I apologize for that. None of us were there and words on a screen are not enough to assess the situation properly. So I am signing off and to the OP if your boyfriend make you uncomfortable, for God's sake talk to him, communicate. I fail to understand how you can allow this man to put his **** inside your ****** but are unable to communicate with him about what hurts you or makes you uncomfortable. Projecting ones own feelings and experiences aside. Not that i specifically was doing that. It does not sound like a joke, any of the things he said. If i'm mistaken and he was kidding around, he probably shouldn't give up the day job. The fact she made a whole thread about it on some random forum for some strangers to comment suggest to me her interpretation of his comments, were not that he was simply kidding with her. 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 minute ago, Kaarek said: I would press the button: NEXT According to everyone on here. This is the guy's banter.
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 17 hours ago, poppyfields said: Are you sure he was being serious? I can't imagine a man, your bf, saying that and actually being serious. Just my take. Plenty of people use those words and are serious. Its a form of control. 1
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 3 hours ago, Alexa 95 said: I don't know what kind of sense of humour you have Poppy, but in my books, his words are sour. I have a keen sense of humor so does my bf, we play, tease and laugh A LOT. We also know when to be serious. If that's not your thing Alexa, I respect that! I am also extremely perceptive and certainly know the difference between something said in a teasing way, and verbal abuse. I used to work with abuse survivors so quite aware of this difference. That said, I wasn't there, none of us were so we don't know the context in which it was said. All we know is it made the OP uncomfortable and she should talk to him about it.
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 minute ago, Alexa 95 said: Plenty of people use those words and are serious. Its a form of control. Agree and may even be true here! But again, we don't know the context so it's literally impossible to say either way.
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: I have a keen sense of humor so does my bf, we play, tease and laugh A LOT. We also know when to be serious. If that's not your thing Alexa, I respect that! I am also extremely perceptive and certainly know the difference between something said in a teasing way, and verbal abuse. I used to work with abuse survivors so quite aware of this difference. That said, I wasn't there, none of us were so we don't know the context in which it was said. All we know is it made the OP uncomfortable and she should talk to him about it. No disrespect. Then you should know its a common tactic used by abusers. Anyway lets see what she says
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Just now, poppyfields said: Agree and may even be true here! But again, we don't know the context so it's literally impossible to say either way. Lets just agree to disagree.
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said: Lets just agree to disagree. Fair enough although not sure what you disagree with me about. My opinion that since we weren't there and don't know the context, nor the dynamic they've established together (remember she's made similar remarks to him), that it's difficult if not impossible to determine how he meant his words? But yea okay, agree to disagree. Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields 1
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