Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 10 minutes ago, Deaana said: I have mentioned to him once or twice and actually I have said him "you can't live without me" while we were joking. I have never mentioned his taste if it is awful or not, and I have never said that only losers want to flirt with him. As I said, at some point it gets serious. And just because he is the first to me, doesn't mean I had no options before. It was my choice to be single. Just didn't want to. If im honest. It seems like hes trying to even the score now because you bruised his ego. Those comments where you say he cant live without you clearly get to him. Hes retaliating and trying to hurt you back. I dont think he necessarily means you will only get losers and inferior people. Has he made any other negative comments such as this? 2
Realitysux Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) Dull and boring? What kind of person would call someone dull and boring? To be honest my life has been pretty crazy. I can not connect with anyone because I don't feel like I can relate to such normal experiences if truth be told. I think dull and boring means a simple person. That's not a bad thing. Edited June 13, 2020 by Realitysux 1
Author Deaana Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said: If im honest. It seems like hes trying to even the score now because you bruised his ego. Those comments where you say he cant live without you clearly get to him. Hes retaliating and trying to hurt you back. I dont think he necessarily means you will only get losers and inferior people. Has he made any other negative comments such as this? He was cleaning the table for me and he said something about it and I said "you can't live without me". He is not stupid to understand that I was joking and being kind of ironic, because he was doing it for me. It's clear it was a joke. The one who is probably being insecure, is me. He said many times "how could you like him, he is dull. What an awful taste. Sometimes i think, why did I fall for you" and two times "losers flirt with you, see what you can get?". And then "you can't find better". Who is making whom feel insecure? These. But lately I can notice a change on his behaviour. And he has said those things to me before I have told him that he can't live without me Edited June 13, 2020 by Deaana
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Deaana said: He was cleaning the table for me and he said something about it and I said "you can't live without me". He is not stupid to understand that I was joking and being kind of ironic, because he was doing it for me. It's clear it was a joke. The one who is probably being insecure, is me. He said many times "how could you like him, he is dull. What an awful taste. Sometimes i think, why did I fall for you" and two times "losers flirt with you, see what you can get?". And then "you can't find better". Who is making whom feel insecure? These. But lately I can notice a change on his behaviour. And he has said those things to me before I have told him that he can't live without me Then he's the insecure one. In a way hes trying to control you by breaking you down. Saying you can't do better than him and all the rest of it. I've been on the receiving end of comments like that, i didnt realise at the time but he was being emotionally abusive. This isnt normal or good or fun banter. And btw someone who talks to you like that, its only going to be a downward spiral from here. Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95 1
Ruby Slippers Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Yeah, I was reading up on verbal abuse a while back, and this kind of talk is categorized as insulting and abusive. Not good.
Poutrew Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Gosh, it would be so easy to break up with many of the female posters on this board. All I would have to do would be to tell a sour joke, and you'd be out the door faster than a fly following a hearse. Of course, the Jag I bought you would stay in my driveway...
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Poutrew said: Gosh, it would be so easy to break up with many of the female posters on this board. All I would have to do would be to tell a sour joke, and you'd be out the door faster than a fly following a hearse. Of course, the Jag I bought you would stay in my driveway... Well, now you know! All you need is one insecure enough to stay down the negs and the car! #themoreyouknow
Ellener Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 12 hours ago, Deaana said: What would you do if your boyfriend says to you "You should be happy to be with me because if we weren't together, you would have ended up with someone dull and inferior" laugh. 3
Acacia98 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 6 hours ago, enigma32 said: One of the dangers of having the type of relationship where you both jokingly take little digs at each other is that it can one day turn serious. That might have happened here. Sometimes you have to be careful with joking. This.
Fox Sake Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) You both created this with your joking and behaviour towards each other. Who started it doesn’t really matter , the fact is you both say things to get a reaction from the other and that has now turned into something that isn’t healthy. It’s made both of you insecure. i hope you guys sort it out. But if you don’t I hope you learn not to do it again and not allow other people to do it to you either Edited June 13, 2020 by Fox Sake 2
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 7 hours ago, enigma32 said: I could be completely off-base here, but here's some thoughts. The guy could be joking. One of the dangers of having the type of relationship where you both jokingly take little digs at each other is that it can one day turn serious. That might have happened here. Sometimes you have to be careful with joking. When a guy becomes your BF, he will often compare himself to the other men you have dated. I have known guys that will look at his GF's exes, and if those guys are a bunch of deadbeats, losers, or whatever, it can change his opinion of her a little, and sometimes even his opinion of himself. Maybe after learning about your exes, he has lost some measure of respect for you if he sees himself as a better man than they are. The guy could be really insecure. Maybe he wants to build himself up in your eyes so that you think he is better than he is....or make you think you really can't find better than him. I don't see what her other half said as a joke. Repeating she can't find better than him is beyond normal behaviour. It shows deep insecurity/inflated sense of self.
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: You both created this with your joking and behaviour towards each other. Who started it doesn’t really matter , the fact is you both say things to get a reaction from the other and that has now turned into something that isn’t healthy. It’s made both of you insecure. i hope you guys sort it out. But if you don’t I hope you learn not to do it again and not allow other people to do it to you either What, tease each other? Playfully mess with each other? Life's too short to not have a laugh once in awhile which imo is all this was. Maybe they're simply incompatible, I highly doubt HE is giving this a second thought and would be shocked if he read some of these posts. Abusive, narcissistic, come on now. He was teasing her, my bf and I do the same, all the time. He can be pretty cocky sometimes, lol but I wouldn't want him to be any other way than the way he IS. .All in great fun. Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 9 hours ago, poppyfields said: This is your dynamic and when done right it can be fun! Playful, even if he did say with serious tone. I happen to like a little cocky from time to time. Sure beats the insecure whiners who take life so seriously all the time. This X 1000 If I had to point out one characteristic I notice among many people that have struggles with interpersonal relationships(not only dating/relationships, btw), is hat everything seemingly anyone says is taken literally and spun as an insult...If you have ever been around someone like this its completely miserable...You walk on eggshells, thinking that anything you say can set them off...I'm not suggesting that this Is the case with the OP, but I do see it often enough and its not something i'd ever be comfortable around.. I just think its a great attribute for a woman to not be overly sensitive about anything that is said or happens to them...And I like it when if you throw a comment in a joking way(like I believe is the case here), then she winds up "pushing back" in her own way....It can be fun as pops said...and I agree.. I'm very serious about certain life aspects(business, family matters, etc), but I also don't take myself all that serious at other times...I just think life is so much easier when you aren't always rattled by stuff that isn't meant to be abusive...Most of us know abusive...and that can't be tolerated...but little stuff like this isn't a big deal, with what we know about it here and by the little info presented... TFY 1 1
Fox Sake Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: What, tease each other? Playfully mess with each other? Life's too short to not have a laugh once in awhile which imo is all this was. Maybe they're simply incompatible, I highly doubt HE is giving this a second thought and would be shocked if he read some of these posts. Abusive, narcissistic, come on now. He was teasing her, my bf and I do the same, all the time. All in great fun. I don’t remember using abuse and narcissistic in my post once?! I never said that ... What I do think tho , is that it’s clearly become and issue if she has to post about it and now feels insecure...if it was a joke then she would know that better than anyone as she’s the one who’s said it to him first. There is joking in a relationship, teasing and messing with each other, of course. I just don’t think this a very healthy joke anymore. It’s clearly causing issues Edited June 13, 2020 by Fox Sake
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 No you didn't call him abusive or narcissistic Fox, but others did. 1
Fox Sake Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 What happened to people people telling the person they love that they’re the best thing ever, making them feel appreciate and wanted...loved . When did it become acceptable to tell them that they can do better than you , on multiple occasions and that it would always be a joke if that was said. ... now don’t get me wrong. I’m a comedian a relationship and I’ll always tease. But this sounds like it’s gone too far. I get a feeling we don’t know the full story entirely 1
elaine567 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, Deaana said: he thinks I liked someone dull and annoying. ( Actually I didn't.) He is very jealous of that guy. He wants to put him down He is just saying "If you hadn't ended up with me you would have been dating Mr Dull and Boring." You see it as putting YOU down, but that is not what he is doing. He is looking for reassurance from you. Edited June 13, 2020 by elaine567
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 13 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: What happened to people telling the person they love that they’re the best thing ever, making them feel appreciate and wanted...loved . My bf and I do both. It's not one or the other. The key is to find balance. Knowing when to tease and be playful, and when to be serious. 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: My bf and I do both. It's not one or the other. The key is to find balance. Knowing when to tease and be playful, and when to be serious. There is a lack of insight here sorry. Telling your partner repeatedly he/she cannot do better than them. Pointing out the "losers" who flirt with her. This is not banter. If she doesn't find it funny, then its not funny. It shows extreme insecurity and jealousy. I don't know what kind of sense of humour you have Poppy, but in my books, his words are sour. Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95
Alexa 95 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: What, tease each other? Playfully mess with each other? Life's too short to not have a laugh once in awhile which imo is all this was. Maybe they're simply incompatible, I highly doubt HE is giving this a second thought and would be shocked if he read some of these posts. Abusive, narcissistic, come on now. He was teasing her, my bf and I do the same, all the time. He can be pretty cocky sometimes, lol but I wouldn't want him to be any other way than the way he IS. .All in great fun. These are signs of an abuser. Or at the very least a manipulator. Well they go hand in hand. He's clearly making her uncomfortable. 1
Gaeta Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 12 hours ago, Deaana said: He was cleaning the table for me and he said something about it and I said "you can't live without me". Who started this negative negging put down type of joke? Why did YOU pick to say this over something cute and flirty? If my boyfriend cleans the table and I want to tease him I'll say *see why I can't live without you*........which is positive teasing, ego-boosing, made to laugh and at the same time it elevates my partner. You and your boyfriend picked to do this but with a negative twist and it's getting out of hand, it's now some type of contest on who will be the most cruel. Change this dynamic, change your tone and tease each other with a positive twist. You start it and see if he adjusts. 1
smackie9 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Seeing the words on a page....it can hold many different meanings. It's like that post that went around on FB or IG about what color a dress was in a photo. It was actually white, but it looked purple/blue etc. Everyone had a different opinion. So coming on here asking us what he meant is a only a guess, what we say could very well be incorrect. The best course of action is for the OP to decide on their own how it makes them feel and question it further with her BF. 1
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Alexa 95 said: There is a lack of insight here sorry. No dear, there's a lack of understanding here. Understanding that "context" is important and it is wrong to project our own feelings and experiences to the situation when we lack knowledge of said context, including mine. And I apologize for that. None of us were there and words on a screen are not enough to assess the situation properly. So I am signing off and to the OP if your boyfriend make you uncomfortable, for God's sake talk to him, communicate. I fail to understand how you can allow this man to put his **** inside your ****** but are unable to communicate with him about what hurts you or makes you uncomfortable. Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields 2
simpycurious Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 It is so important to be uplifting to others especially if you are involved friendship or romantic wise. I am not sure why that concept is hard to grasp. 1
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