rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 need to talk to someone and my good friend went home for the weekend. let me vent. the "bump in" finally happend tonight, damn. i was skating around the city like usual. (by the way, i have seen her a few weeks ago, but we never talked, just smiled)...i tried to ignore her, but she didnt let it happen. she ran up to me, stopped me from skating, and started huging me. there was no way around this. so we satarted to talk, she asked how i was. i said i was great, conversation continued on. we both said it was weird, she said she missed me. told me i looked good. then she stared crying? what the hell? we continued to talk about summer. we went on. i dont know if i screwed up, i played it cool the whole time. then this guy came up to me and tried to sell me a rose. she looekd away and backed up. i bought the rose and gave it to her. she thanked me...conversation went on. then she said that she had a lot of homeowrk to do, but she didnt want to leave, teared up again. then she said "lets go have a drink"...i was like ummm, ok. we had a few beers. talked, and told me to call her. i refused. she brought it up like 4 differnt times. i said no. i told her to call me... then we walked back towards her place.she said that we should go to this concert, after looking at her planner. she said "i dont want to be too pushy''...i told her not to worry about it. then she brought up the calling again. she said "why do you have to put all the pressure on me?" i said "when we dated i always had to call you all the time"...she said she was a little busy this week but she would call. she hugge ME, then i left. it was weird....5 months of NC then this... ps. i was so stoked on not calling her on her bday. but now what.
Author rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 what shall i do, did i screw up? go to the concert, call her on her bday? damn......
blue16 Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 ok. we had a few beers. talked, and told me to call her. i refused. she brought it up like 4 differnt times. i said no. I'm guessing that 5 months ago she broke up with you? Uh oh, this reeks of ego boost alert. The old "ok I actually don't want to get back together, but I want a nice ego-boost so I'll try to get you to chase me..." Especially since she keeps insisting that you call her...but good for you for refusing to call her. I applaud you on that one. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't do anything. She calls you and invites you to a concert, say you're busy and have other plans...but maybe some other time. Don't call her on her birthday either. You two aren't friends, or in a relationship...so there is no point of a birthday call especially since you're still healing. Let her chase you. If she wants to get back together you'll know. Don't stop at anything short of that. When she says things like "You want to go to a concert with me?" "Will you call me?" IMO that's her just trying to see if she has you wrapped around her finger. I guarantee that if you start accepting her vague invitations, she'll disappear like THAT and you'll feel even worse. Don't do anything till she makes a legitamate move. PS - Go out with other girls immediately!
Author rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 thanks, i agreed on the concert allready....woops. that doesent mean i actually have to go though. i was very sturn about not calling her. she seemed a bit shocked. and i didnt give her any complements even though she was giving me plenty, im guessing she wanted some in return. this is just what everyone said. just when you think your over the person, they come back around. like they know or something. i was just telling my mom and roomate yesterday that i think im about over it because i barily think or talk about her anymore. and by the way, yea she did dump me. now im up at 6 in the morning with 2 hours of sleep in tears on LS. i hate how everyone but me has controle over my emotions. so when she does call, should i not answer? perhaps call her a few days later? i dont want to fall into the friends zone. and i want to be in controle.perhaps i am, she did say "why do you have to put all the pressure on me".... so no birthday call. its so funny becuase i was sure for the longest time i wasnt going to call her on her bday. i was actually excited no to. now i see her and im questioning it. damn women! thanks everyone, i need big help right now.
Author rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 ps. we broke up 8 months ago, NC for 5 months. is the crying whatever? she said "its a happy cry''...
Drivetildriven Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Definitely don't call her on her birthday and put in only enough effort to keep her chasing you; at least at first, then maybe level it out if things go well. As I see it, either way her crying is good. They're sad tears if she regrets breaking up with you. They're happy tears if she's so very happy to see you, maybe she's come to some kind of realization. Just play it cool.
puffy Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Yes, I also suggest you don't do much. Let her call you and initiate things. I think she probably wants you back, but as she was the one who broke up let her do the chasing. Continue to be nice and friendly but guard your feelings till you're sure that she wants you back and that she's not using you for an ego boost.
sanne Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 do you want to get back together with this girl? if so i'd suggest you at least send a txt message to her on her birthday. not doing so would be a huge mistake. other than that let her do all the contacting.
Author rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 well she was my first girl/love. i do love her to death, but she is going to be graduating college this year, and im a junior. she claims she is going to travel right out of school, so it would never work out. she needs to go trave and explore with nobody to hold her back. im not going to call her at all, but when she does she will want to go do something. like she was planning on going out again and getting another drink because "she owed me one." she was setting up future "dates"...that would suck if she was reading this forum....should i go to these things. ps. thanks agian to all for the help.
bendit Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Look man you are really young and so is she.. you have a lifetime of learning ahead of you and many more women to meet. Its GOING to be great but you must get over the notion that this woman is the end all and be all for you at 20 or so years old. they call that ONEitis. You thinking there is nobody else out there for you. I know you were in love and I know its tough. But realize you are not going to recapture what you had together. Accept it NOW and begin to heal yourself. You need to heal. You will never heal by continuing to see her, talk to her IM her email her or hear about her from friends. Its simple. You have to go FULL NC to move on. You were DUMPED. So don't send any birthday messages. She is history and you have to start acting like it. Unfortunately, you opened up some deep wounds by breaking NC in such a large way. So why delay things any longer? NC starts NOW. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can HEAL and partake in all the richness that life will offer you. Good luck. regards Mike
Author rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 mike, i dont think you got my post correctly. i didnt call her or anything for 5 months. she bumped into me and made me talk to her, she stoped me(got infornt of me and grabbed me) and hugged me. so i dont know if that means i broke NC "officially" becuse i never innitated anything. but i guess what your saying is that doesnt change a thing, i should continue with the NC, i was doing great with it. i just will feel bad for not being "nice" becuase we had a good time for like a hour and a half or so, we had a great time. i mean she is going to call me and stuff, so i just feel like its going to be real hard NOW to ignore her. but i guess you are right, because i was seriously just about over it to continue on. now i saw her and care again, and the more we talk, the more its going to hurt. i mean im crying agian and i havent cried about this damn girl in sooooooooo long. perhaps i should competely forget about her no matter how hard it is. and she wants to be friends or whatever, so i guess i should not let her have what she wants. right? damn, maby i should have said that i would call her and just never called. that would have made things much eaiser.
Author rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 i keep reading these posts over and over and someone seys be nice, and others are strict NC'ers. humm....
bendit Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Rasta, I don't buy your explanation. You would be in a better place today if you would have said HI! immediately looked at your watch and said I really have to get going NOW. Then walk away. YOU broke NC. Take responsibility. You spent a lot of time with her and that time was enough to open the old wounds. Take control of the situation and don't worry about being rude to the woman who told you SAYONARA. Man you are way too worried about what the woman who dumped you WANTS. What do you NEED to heal and move on? Certainly not her sniffing around looking for an jolt to the ego. 5mo of NC was a great achievement. This should be a lesson for anyone in NC to see that it is a total set back to break NC, especially in the manner you did. Start OVER. regards Mike
Author rastafari Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 you dont by it. imagine riding somthing with wheels, then your ex get directly in front of you, arms spralled out, so you slow down, then she hugs you. but i did continue to talk, and ended up at a bar with her, soo i did screw up there. but it didnt go up to her. lets not get into the nc rulebook though. i personally think the ''i dont give a f***'' attitude is way better/more attractive then making it seem like you care enough to ignore your ex by looking at the watch thats not on your wrist after she just grabbed you off your skateboard. my personal opinion. ok ok, so i am a little "worried" about things. im not sure why, first girlfriend so im not a master at this yet. i will just take everyones thoughts into consideration and make my own decisions. time to start over, damn. o well. i dont feel like its a mistake by any means, but shouldnt have gon to the bar with her. so i cried a few times today, at least i didnt cry in front of her like she did. wimp, haha. i played it like a playa because plays love to play:cool:haha.. its just hard to ignore a person that you have fun with, care about, love still, and was once your best friend as well. you all know the feeling. thanks for everyones thoughts on the issue, i will do my best-R
legrtova Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 If your NC worked for you and made you feel better, do it again? Good luck man! L.
jomaxfury Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 You have not yet received the words you are looking for from this girl. Something like " I am sorry that i hurt you and broke the relationship, I have changed and I want you back in life"...etc. Until them just do your own thing. 5 months of NC on your behalf was great and you came along way from then until this day. I suggest be cautious who knows what she wants until she tell you what you want to hear, then look into your heart, But for know I suggest don't go to the concert. Make her realize that, she invited you but you turned her down, and if she goes she will start thinking about you and why you didn't go...maybe. But you made your point to her. Keep strong.
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