Am I overreacting?

[camillalev]

Hey guys, I've been dating a guy I met on Hinge for the last 3 months, over the course of the last month and half he's made a few jokes that caught me off guard or hurt my feelings, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.

The first one he made was on our fourth time hanging out irl. We technically had been dating/facetiming for two months but our first date was right before quarantine, so we didnt see each other for the subsequent month or so before deciding to meet up again. This particular night I had told him about one of my exes who was manipulative and gaslighting, who I found out afterward is known for being a sociopath. During the convo, he was looking at me smiling and said "what if I'm like him? I'll try not to hurt your feelings." ?? That ex was emotionally manipulative and abusive. To me this is clearly a weird and inappropriate joke. I brought it up and asked him why he would say something like this, and he immediately acknowledged and seemed to understand why this would rub me the wrong way. He explained that he has a really dry sense of humor and sometimes says weird things, and that its gotten him into some weird situations in the past, that he has a "class clown" type of sense of humor, etc. Ok whatever, I decided to let it go. He followed up with me the next day over facetime to make sure I was feeling ok about it, and that we were on good terms.

The second time we were changing into pajamas for bed and I asked him if he had the same t shirt I had worn last time, he paused and had a look on his face then said, "yeah, I dont think anyone else(any other women) have worn it. Haha." we hadnt discussed exclusivity at this point and had been seeing each other for a little over two months. I brought the joke up to him and again, he immediately seemed to understand why that would be weird to say, of course a joke like that is weird since we hadnt discussed whether or not we are seeing/talking to other people. He said it didnt occur to him that it would be a strange thing to joke about because from his perspective, he likes me so much that it seemed obvious to him that he isn't/doesn't want to talk to other people, and that he hadnt been on hinge or talked to anyone else since our first date. He mentioned he had been thinking about that, thought the topic might come up, said he felt that I was waiting for him to bring it up, etc. If it had been on his mind and he felt I was waiting for him to bring it up, why would he not and then make a joke about other women coming over? Earlier in the night he told he felt that we're very cautious people, that we are both afraid of being hurt. To me this seems like a weird thing to say/acknowledge and then make a joke to me about other women coming over, but maybe I'm making connections that arent there.

The most recent one was two weeks ago. We were looking at movies by a specific people and noticed one I liked was released he year he was born. We talked about it for a bit, then he asked what year I was born. I'm four years older than him, which he knows since it's stated on our profiles. After I told him, he quickly turned to me wide-eyed in shock and started saying "Oh my god, I didnt realize how much ol-" about to say he didnt realize how much older I was than him, before he cut himself off mid-sentence to say that I look much younger than my age and at one point he thought he must have mis-read it on my profile. This is the one where I dont know if I'm being sensitive. He sensed that it made me feel some type of way and tried to make me feel better by saying that I "look good for my age" and that if "your age was an issue to me I wouldn't want to be with you", "of course I know your age I saw it on your profile". What he said didn't really make me feel better because 1. four years isnt a huge age difference, esp once you enter your 30s 2. but he seemed to be really focusing on it and making it a big deal. 3. his complement seemed underhanded. I look good - for my age. 

I've been really upset about the most recent one. It crossed my mind whether or not he is intentionally making these jokes to make me feel insecure. But also with quarantine there's a lot of time to just sit and overthink things, I dont want to think the worst about him.

Edited June 12, 2020 by camillalev

[ShyViolet]

It sounds to me like he just has a dry sense of humor and he doesn't mean to offend you.  This is just how he is.  I do think you are being overly sensitive.  If you're going to keep getting offended so easily at things he says, then maybe the two of you are not compatible.  

[MsJayne]

I think if this early in the scenario you're questioning whether he's deliberately trying to make you feel insecure,  that's a sign that you're not compatible, and it'll only get worse.  He may be doing it on purpose, or he may just be socially inept. Either way, it's obviously not something that you find acceptable. And downplaying the abuse you experienced in a previous relationship isn't funny on any level.  

[camillalev]

36 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

 If you're going to keep getting offended so easily at things he says

Its totally possible that I was overthinking the last joke. That being said, it's not normal or appropriate to joke to someone you're trying to date who is essentially a stranger to you about their abusive ex or suggest that you're like them/might abuse them. Many people do not even openly admit or talk about their histories of abuse.

Thanks for your input.

[Versacehottie]

hmmm, well one thing for sure, he's not very funny.

i think you are a tiny bit sensitive and he's kind of set to insensitive.  I'd bet that friction from the way each of you are will continue to come up.  Sorry, I know it's tough to hear.

I think bringing up your ex and saying those huge, heavy deep things regarding your ex/your treatment by him was a misstep by you---especially if there was essentially only one acceptable response to all this heavy stuff, ie supportive soothing stuff.  I don't believe that a 2nd date regardless of how long you've been talking over the phone, messaging etc is the time or place to bring up an ex and all the things wrong with him.  It's a like a b*tch session with your gf or a damaged, heaviness to the evening, like it's more likely to put a damper on the evening in some way rather than go well. It conveys that you are broken, not ready, needy.  His conversation was a way to try to lighten the mood or even have a deeper discussion from the point of view of him being in your life that brought the focus back onto the two of you, but it still was deemed not how you would have liked him to respond.  There's a good reason why this kind of stuff is too heavy and not appropriate for this point in time.  You two don't really know each other well enough to really know how to communicate about heavier stuff with each other yet and likely don't have the true foundation for it.

The rest of it sounds like he's the guy he is, puts his foot in his mouth, not sensitive, a bit of a buffoon. Yeah, you are still getting to know him.  The good news is you can stop seeing him or break up with him at any time if you have enough information.  Good luck

[CaliforniaGirl]

Honestly he just sounds really socially inept. The older thing, though...only four years...and you look good "for your age"? Huh? WTH, that one is just weird. It isn't 20 years. Or even 10, hell, even 5. So...huh???

He sounds exceptionally awkward.

[Versacehottie]

11 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Honestly he just sounds really socially inept. The older thing, though...only four years...and you look good "for your age"? Huh? WTH, that one is just weird. It isn't 20 years. Or even 10, hell, even 5. So...huh???

He sounds exceptionally awkward.

yes that is a limited mindset man comment. socially lame. not a prize.

[camillalev]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

I think if this early in the scenario you're questioning whether he's deliberately trying to make you feel insecure,  that's a sign that you're not compatible, and it'll only get worse.  He may be doing it on purpose, or he may just be socially inept. Either way, it's obviously not something that you find acceptable. And downplaying the abuse you experienced in a previous relationship isn't funny on any level.  

Compatibility is definitely something that has crossed my mind. The thought that he is a bit of a buffoon or just clueless has crossed my mind, as well as the possibility that he is saying these things on purpose. The added layer to that is that since I dated someone who was manipulative, I might now interpret someone elses actions as trying to be intentionally manipulative when it's not. At the same time, people who have dealt with abusers/narcissists/etc tend to go for the same type of people repeatedly, which I try to be very mindful of. What makes me think that might not be the case is that so far has heard me out and seemed to quickly understand where I'm coming from and validates my feelings, rather than being defensive. 

I agree that joke wasn't funny.

[camillalev]

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

hmmm, well one thing for sure, he's not very funny.

i think you are a tiny bit sensitive and he's kind of set to insensitive.  I'd bet that friction from the way each of you are will continue to come up.  Sorry, I know it's tough to hear.

I think bringing up your ex and saying those huge, heavy deep things regarding your ex/your treatment by him was a misstep by you---especially if there was essentially only one acceptable response to all this heavy stuff, ie supportive soothing stuff.  I don't believe that a 2nd date regardless of how long you've been talking over the phone, messaging etc is the time or place to bring up an ex and all the things wrong with him.  It's a like a b*tch session with your gf or a damaged, heaviness to the evening, like it's more likely to put a damper on the evening in some way rather than go well. It conveys that you are broken, not ready, needy.  His conversation was a way to try to lighten the mood or even have a deeper discussion from the point of view of him being in your life that brought the focus back onto the two of you, but it still was deemed not how you would have liked him to respond.  There's a good reason why this kind of stuff is too heavy and not appropriate for this point in time.  You two don't really know each other well enough to really know how to communicate about heavier stuff with each other yet and likely don't have the true foundation for it.

The rest of it sounds like he's the guy he is, puts his foot in his mouth, not sensitive, a bit of a buffoon. Yeah, you are still getting to know him.  The good news is you can stop seeing him or break up with him at any time if you have enough information.  Good luck

I think I am a bit sensitive. I do wonder if there will be more friction over these kinds of things in the future. Usually when there's more of a relationship/rapport/foundation of trust certain types of jokes are fine because you know where they are coming from. That's not really the case here, and some of his "jokes" are not ones I would find funny anyway.

We had the ex discussion on the fourth date I think. It pretty naturally came up after asking about when our last relationship was etc. I dont think the feel/emotional tone of the convo was particularly heavy, though it was intimate. I didn't use the word "abuse" since I was trying to convey that that reationship wasnt great while not to making it feel heavy, but I did say he consistently tried to manipulate me and brought up a few instances. Afterward though I did wonder if any info besides basic info is too much. Nobody wants to hear about exes.

 

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Honestly he just sounds really socially inept. The older thing, though...only four years...and you look good "for your age"? Huh? WTH, that one is just weird. It isn't 20 years. Or even 10, hell, even 5. So...huh???

He sounds exceptionally awkward.

Agree, weird thing to say. The qualifier of "for your age" feels gross, like there's something wrong with being a few years older than him and I look good despite it.

[Miss Spider]

None of this stuff would particularly bother me. Yes...He sounds awkward...but it really depends on delivery... awkward people make me laugh..  The  last part about you looking good for your age despite being 4 years older is kind of funny. Maybe his delivery just sucks 

Edited June 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[schlumpy]

9 hours ago, camillalev said:

I've been really upset about the most recent one. It crossed my mind whether or not he is intentionally making these jokes to make me feel insecure. But also with quarantine there's a lot of time to just sit and overthink things, I dont want to think the worst about him.

In my opinion, humor can be a relationship probe. You can touch on a subject under the guise of joke to determine where your SO's boundaries are. Once those boundaries are established the joker will not try to push the envelope if he cares about the relationship.

I suggest you let him know where your boundaries are so he can adjust. If he ignores your forceful entreaties then you have a problem.

[Miss Spider]

6 hours ago, camillalev said:

 

Agree, weird thing to say. The qualifier of "for your age" feels gross, like there's something wrong with being a few years older than him and I look good despite it.

I agree with you on “For a..” , but you’re 4 years older!!! That clearly sounds like a joke? But if you think he was serious or even if you just think his jokes are lame/don’t share his humor, it’s a dumpable offense imo 

Edited June 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't agree that you're "too sensitive." You are what you are, and a compatible partner will click with who you are, or at least back off the humor you don't find amusing once you bring it up. I also don't take well to these kinds of "jokes." I don't find them funny, don't poke fun at my partner in that kind of way, and don't appreciate it. It would certainly put me on the defense. I'd look out for more instances and be prepared to move on if he kept making me feel rubbed the wrong way.

[poppyfields]

9 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

It sounds to me like he just has a dry sense of humor and he doesn't mean to offend you.  This is just how he is.  I do think you are being overly sensitive.  If you're going to keep getting offended so easily at things he says, then maybe the two of you are not compatible.  

I agree with this^.  Sweetie, he's teasing you!  That's how I'm interpreting. 

My bf is also a huge tease.  It's a sign of endearment, men tease when they like you, it's all in good fun.

With my bf, I tease back and we might have a good chuckle about it.  I don't take it personally. 

That said, it appears you are quite sensitive and take offense.  Which means your natures are too different and you are not compatible. 

No wrong or right here, you are just different. Not compatible. 

If you continue on, he will be constantly on guard so as not to offend you. Walking on eggshells. 

Or he might say something inadvertently as a tease and you will become offended, say something and he will feel bad. 

That is not good!  

When a couple's respective natures are sooo different as yours are, best to move on, really.  

I see no other way, it's good you discovered it this early on.

[smackie9]

What I see is a guy that uses this dry humor as a coping mechanism when dealing with a) serious topics like abuse, and b) being put on the spot and doesn't know how to respond. He's an avoider and his weird humor is how he handles situations like these. This is learned behavior since childhood ie "class clown". This is who he is, unless he goes to therapy to get this habit under control and learn how to deal with situations is a more healthier way.

Edited June 12, 2020 by smackie9

[Alexa 95]

11 hours ago, camillalev said:

Hey guys, I've been dating a guy I met on Hinge for the last 3 months, over the course of the last month and half he's made a few jokes that caught me off guard or hurt my feelings, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.

The first one he made was on our fourth time hanging out irl. We technically had been dating/facetiming for two months but our first date was right before quarantine, so we didnt see each other for the subsequent month or so before deciding to meet up again. This particular night I had told him about one of my exes who was manipulative and gaslighting, who I found out afterward is known for being a sociopath. During the convo, he was looking at me smiling and said "what if I'm like him? I'll try not to hurt your feelings." ?? That ex was emotionally manipulative and abusive. To me this is clearly a weird and inappropriate joke. I brought it up and asked him why he would say something like this, and he immediately acknowledged and seemed to understand why this would rub me the wrong way. He explained that he has a really dry sense of humor and sometimes says weird things, and that its gotten him into some weird situations in the past, that he has a "class clown" type of sense of humor, etc. Ok whatever, I decided to let it go. He followed up with me the next day over facetime to make sure I was feeling ok about it, and that we were on good terms.

The second time we were changing into pajamas for bed and I asked him if he had the same t shirt I had worn last time, he paused and had a look on his face then said, "yeah, I dont think anyone else(any other women) have worn it. Haha." we hadnt discussed exclusivity at this point and had been seeing each other for a little over two months. I brought the joke up to him and again, he immediately seemed to understand why that would be weird to say, of course a joke like that is weird since we hadnt discussed whether or not we are seeing/talking to other people. He said it didnt occur to him that it would be a strange thing to joke about because from his perspective, he likes me so much that it seemed obvious to him that he isn't/doesn't want to talk to other people, and that he hadnt been on hinge or talked to anyone else since our first date. He mentioned he had been thinking about that, thought the topic might come up, said he felt that I was waiting for him to bring it up, etc. If it had been on his mind and he felt I was waiting for him to bring it up, why would he not and then make a joke about other women coming over? Earlier in the night he told he felt that we're very cautious people, that we are both afraid of being hurt. To me this seems like a weird thing to say/acknowledge and then make a joke to me about other women coming over, but maybe I'm making connections that arent there.

The most recent one was two weeks ago. We were looking at movies by a specific people and noticed one I liked was released he year he was born. We talked about it for a bit, then he asked what year I was born. I'm four years older than him, which he knows since it's stated on our profiles. After I told him, he quickly turned to me wide-eyed in shock and started saying "Oh my god, I didnt realize how much ol-" about to say he didnt realize how much older I was than him, before he cut himself off mid-sentence to say that I look much younger than my age and at one point he thought he must have mis-read it on my profile. This is the one where I dont know if I'm being sensitive. He sensed that it made me feel some type of way and tried to make me feel better by saying that I "look good for my age" and that if "your age was an issue to me I wouldn't want to be with you", "of course I know your age I saw it on your profile". What he said didn't really make me feel better because 1. four years isnt a huge age difference, esp once you enter your 30s 2. but he seemed to be really focusing on it and making it a big deal. 3. his complement seemed underhanded. I look good - for my age. 

I've been really upset about the most recent one. It crossed my mind whether or not he is intentionally making these jokes to make me feel insecure. But also with quarantine there's a lot of time to just sit and overthink things, I dont want to think the worst about him.

After you mentioned your abusive ex, for him to say what if hes like him, is a bit weird in my opinion.

And him then saying he has a dry sense of humour, he must think hes hilarious

The woman comment, again maybe his unfunny "banter" again.

The last one about your age,how you look good for your age. Even though its only four years. Is rude. 

Unfortunately since hes offended you three or four times, i do believe it will happen again at some point.

Forget his motives ( innocent or not)..but decide if you will continue to enjoy his company if he keeps this up. 

[Gaeta]

I agree 200% with Versacehottie. It was way too early for you to share your experience of abuse with an ex. If you need to share that with your partner  you at least need to be in a well established exclusive relationship. You also need to ask yourself why you need to share this with him. I spent 15 years in a difficult marriage with some horror stories to tell and I did not share any of it with my current boyfriend of almost 5 years. There is no need to. I made peace with my past and I don't want to use my boyfriend as a shrink. This man of yours simply did not know how to handle this secret you shared with him, it's big and heavy and at this point it doesn't belong to him so in his awkward way he tried to make it lighter by joking about it. 

The other 2 incidents to me are trivial, this kind of stuff would just roll off of me, I am not even sure I'd notice it could be offensive to someone. 

I don't think you are a good match. Soon this man will get tired of being critizised each time he opens his mouth. 

[ShyViolet]

10 hours ago, camillalev said:

Its totally possible that I was overthinking the last joke. That being said, it's not normal or appropriate to joke to someone you're trying to date who is essentially a stranger to you about their abusive ex or suggest that you're like them/might abuse them. Many people do not even openly admit or talk about their histories of abuse.

 

LOL but you think it's normal or appropriate to tell someone who you are "trying to date who's essentially a stranger to you" all these heavy stories about your abusive ex?  Maybe that was a little too much too early, and it made him uncomfortable, and the way he chose to deal with it or diffuse the situation was with his dry, dark sense of humor.  No one is saying you have to like his jokes.  Humor is very subjective.  It sounds like you are the type of person who is more conservative and easily offended and you don't like dark or dry humor.  That's fine.  But you might not be compatible with this guy.

[Alexa 95]

3 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

LOL but you think it's normal or appropriate to tell someone who you are "trying to date who's essentially a stranger to you" all these heavy stories about your abusive ex?  Maybe that was a little too much too early, and it made him uncomfortable, and the way he chose to deal with it or diffuse the situation was with his dry, dark sense of humor.  No one is saying you have to like his jokes.  Humor is very subjective.  It sounds like you are the type of person who is more conservative and easily offended and you don't like dark or dry humor.  That's fine.  But you might not be compatible with this guy.

Wasnt it after 2 months she told him?

And hes a man not a puppy or a baby. .

 

[Miss Spider]

4 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I don't agree that you're "too sensitive." You are what you are, and a compatible partner will click with who you are, or at least back off the humor you don't find amusing once you bring it up. I also don't take well to these kinds of "jokes." I don't find them funny, don't poke fun at my partner in that kind of way, and don't appreciate it. It would certainly put me on the defense. I'd look out for more instances and be prepared to move on if he kept making me feel rubbed the wrong way.

With what  I said about it clearly being a joke( to me) being said, I will clarify once more that I in no way think you are being too sensitive or that it should be ok. Tone really matters in these scenarios and oftentimes jokes are 100% jokes or are meant to kind of get to someone. Just because the subject of gas lighting was brought up, I notice a lot of time people often joke about things (I feel like this happens a lot to women from men, but it can go any way) and it can be a little hurtful and they know it's offensive, but they also know if the person gets offended, they can call them out for overreacting, being too sensitive/not "fun".You're not. You just have your boundaries and you're completely right to enforce them

Edited June 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[camillalev]

8 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

None of this stuff would particularly bother me. Yes...He sounds awkward...but it really depends on delivery... awkward people make me laugh..  The  last part about you looking good for your age despite being 4 years older is kind of funny. Maybe his delivery just sucks 

 

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I agree with you on “For a..” , but you’re 4 years older!!! That clearly sounds like a joke? But if you think he was serious or even if you just think his jokes are lame/don’t share his humor, it’s a dumpable offense imo 

Awkward people make me laugh as well. It could have been funny with the right delivery. But unfortunately, he was not joking and was saying it to try to make me feel better.

4 hours ago, schlumpy said:

In my opinion, humor can be a relationship probe. You can touch on a subject under the guise of joke to determine where your SO's boundaries are. Once those boundaries are established the joker will not try to push the envelope if he cares about the relationship.

I suggest you let him know where your boundaries are so he can adjust. If he ignores your forceful entreaties then you have a problem.

Thankfully once I've let him know a joke was inappropriate or impacted me a certain way, he's completely understood and hasn't done it again. That would be a red flag.

4 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I don't agree that you're "too sensitive." You are what you are, and a compatible partner will click with who you are, or at least back off the humor you don't find amusing once you bring it up. I also don't take well to these kinds of "jokes." I don't find them funny, don't poke fun at my partner in that kind of way, and don't appreciate it. It would certainly put me on the defense. I'd look out for more instances and be prepared to move on if he kept making me feel rubbed the wrong way.

 I agree. I'm going to see how things go over the next few weeks.

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I agree 200% with Versacehottie. It was way too early for you to share your experience of abuse with an ex. If you need to share that with your partner  you at least need to be in a well established exclusive relationship. You also need to ask yourself why you need to share this with him. I spent 15 years in a difficult marriage with some horror stories to tell and I did not share any of it with my current boyfriend of almost 5 years. There is no need to. I made peace with my past and I don't want to use my boyfriend as a shrink. This man of yours simply did not know how to handle this secret you shared with him, it's big and heavy and at this point it doesn't belong to him so in his awkward way he tried to make it lighter by joking about it. 

Soon this man will get tired of being critizised each time he opens his mouth. 

I think sharing too much about an ex or a past relationship within the context of romantic relationships is not a good idea in general. In that context, I agree to some extent. However when it comes to these topics, there's ways to touch on them without being heavy handed, or presenting a filtered version of events, which some on here seem to not understand. He also shared with me a past unhealthy relationship he had, and his share was a slightly more expanded version of "One of my exes would insult things about me - my looks, interests, things I liked, etc. She would be mean in front of people. She was kind of mean to people in general. but she had moments of being really sweet, which is why I stayed around. She had issues - her dad was abusive" etc. I said "wow, that's so s***ty, you didn't deserve that at all" then the convo flowed to another related topic. It was an intimate conversation, but not "heavy". There's certainly a difference between a style of sharing you do in this situation, which is being open enough to be intimate vs the style of sharing you do with a therapist, which is much more raw, unloading, and no hold barred. 
We already have a history of having conversation around deeper topics like mental health and the importance of mental health, self work, negative self talk, impostor syndrome, etc so this convo didnt seem extremely out of the ordinary. But clearly, for some touching on the subject of toxic/abusive relationships at all is an absolute no go, and that works for some people.

And no, he's not being criticized "each time he opens his mouth". 
Respectfully communicating and bringing up an issue and how it impacts you or pointing our why it might be inappropriate isnt being "critical". Criticizing someone for something they may not realize they're doing isn't even healthy.

1 hour ago, Alexa 95 said:

Wasnt it after 2 months she told him?

And hes a man not a puppy or a baby. .

 

exactly  Her response was exceptionally immature, not worth a response.

Edited June 12, 2020 by camillalev

[camillalev]

9 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

With what  I said about it clearly being a joke( to me) being said, I will clarify once more that I in no way think you are being too sensitive or that it should be ok. Tone really matters in these scenarios and oftentimes jokes are 100% jokes or are meant to kind of get to someone. Just because the subject of gas lighting was brought up, I notice a lot of time people often joke about things (I feel like this happens a lot to women from men, but it can go any way) and it can be a little hurtful and they know it's offensive, but they also know if the person gets offended, they can call them out for overreacting, being too sensitive/not "fun".You're not. You just have your boundaries and you're completely right to enforce them

I appreciate this, thank you.

[kendahke]

 

14 hours ago, camillalev said:

He sometimes says weird things, and that its gotten him into some weird situations in the past,

He's telling you that he hasn't learned from his past experiences and has no interest in learning from them--else he would have acted accordingly.

It really doesn't matter what it looks/feels like to us: what matters is how it feels/looks to you. You do have a right to your perspective.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, camillalev said:

And no, he's not being criticized "each time he opens his mouth". 
Respectfully communicating and bringing up an issue and how it impacts you or pointing our why it might be inappropriate isnt being "critical". Criticizing someone for something they may not realize they're doing isn't even healthy.

You pointed to him 3 times in the past 6 weeks that his humor is innapropriate. That is often to me. Also you consider these incidents *issues that impact you*. Sometimes I'll tell my bf that his jokes are not funny but they don't *impact me* if they did I would consider him and I incompatible. I want the man in my life to joke around freely and be himself without the fear he'll hear another *your jokes hurt me*. 

You should be with a man that has the same definition of humor as you and he should be with a woman that will let him be him.

[Watercolors]

I think you two need to spend way more time in person than online. But this is Covid, so that is not really possible unless you two wear masks and gloves around each other. 

It's easy to overreact and overanalyze everything the other person says or does when you haven't spent enough time in person. Online and video dating is not the same as in person dating.