Met "The One" but she has a Boyfriend

[JohnnyBravo]

So I was at a party a few weeks ago and had an immediate connection with a girl there. We ended up together that night till almost 6:00 am. As we started to get physically closer during the course of the night, I asked if she had a BF and she said she did, but he was out of town. We became very affectionate but she (and I) wanted to be honorable and respect the relationship she was in, so were weren't making out or anything, but there was no mistaking we were together. We went out again a few nights later and had a great time again. The chemistry and communication we had was rare and amazing and we both acknowleged that this was something special and she admitted that she was becoming quite conflicted since she wasn't looking to meet anyone or leave the relationship she was in, but she was now considering that. Of course, she also said she wasn't prepared to leave the relationship she was in after two dates, so she just wanted to spend some time with me to get to know me. Fair enough.

 

I then went out of town for a week. We spoke every day. She admitted that she actually missed me and was thinking about me a lot. She told me the chemistry and communication we had was missing from the relationship she was in, and that it was always something she wanted in a relationship.

 

She and I had some plans for when I returned home but her BF came back early, so she had to cancel our plans, saying that we'll have plenty of time to do things together. Fine.

 

I finally did see her a few nights later and it was actually a bit awkward since the dynamics have changed. her BF is back and I don't know what that means to her. I know she's very busy with a work issue and some other things that I don't want to be specific about here, but they are time consuming, but even so, we went from speaking every day when i was away to not speaking very much at all. And I've been back a bit over two weeks and I've just seen her that one time.

 

I'm trying to just sit back and let her figure her stuff out, but I'm not stupid and it's going on a week since we last even spoke. I usually like to let her call me, but I did send her an email the other day and she still has not responded, and it was the kind of email any girl would normally respond to - it was a good email.

 

Sorry for being so long. though I'm not dumb and figure that the honeymoon's over already and I'll probably walk away even though she said she wanted to make sure I wasn't going to lose interest in her, I still am a bit confused since even during our last conversation everything seemed fine, that is if fine means she's got a BF and probably feels guilty and conflicted for even speaking to me.

 

During a conversation we had, I said it might be easier for everyone if I just walked away. She said she hoped I wouldn't. I feel now like I have no choice but to do just that.

 

Thanks

[edbravo]

hey dude...you took my user name. ....please use it with care...ha ha ha....thats why i cant register by that name

[Cecelius]

There's no such thing as "The One"

 

If there was such a thing, then she'd have dumped her B/F for you.

 

Then you'd have to face the fact that she was a cheater in any event (you may draw the line a whole lot farther than I do, but do you think her B/F would NOT consider what she's been doing to be cheating? Would you if you were in his shoes?).

 

The only solution to this is for you to back off completely and see what happens. If she breaks up with him, give it a few weeks/months and try again.

 

If you keep pressing this you will either get heartache over her attachment to another guy, or she will cheat on him more with you, in which case when/if she becomes your G/F, you simply won't be able to trust her.

[adrianna]

Hey Johnny,

This is an interesting situation you have because I am in the same predicament but I am in her shoes. I can totally understand what she's going through. She probably feels really conflicted right now because she's been with the BF for a while maybe and wants it to work, but now she has met someone who is new, exciting, interesting etc. She probably also doesn't want you to think she's a bad person, etc. I would personally try to hang in there a little longer, and then if you get nothing, tell her that she has to make up her mind. But I completely understand where your coming from, and I know how hard it must be for you. Nobody wants to get hurt, and at least she is being upfront with you and told you she has a bf, and the fact that she is reconsidering her relationship with this guy I think should speak volumes for you. I know it's hard, and I won't give u any false promises that it will work out, but it also could. I understand why she went out with you, she wants to test the waters, you definately peeked her interest, and i can guarentee you that if she went out with you, she is definetly trying to decide what to do at this point. I am also in a "relationship" but recently met someone who I have very strong feelings for, this had been developing over the whole summer. He knew I was involved but persisted to compliment me and ask me out. Finally I couldn't handle it anymore, I am so attracted to him, I agreed to meet him just to see if what I was feeling was "real". Unfortunetly my story has a sad ending, he stood me up. Maybe that is what I deserve, I don't know, but I do know, that I definately "felt something" and that has made me re-evaluate my recent situation. What I don't understand, the same as you, is why after all these months of flirting and looks and chemistry, I finally agree to go out with him, and he doesn't show. I didn't give him my phone number, but all i can think, is that if he was really serious and really liked me he would have been there. Hang in there Johnny, I totally feel for you!

[civettuolo]

A relationship that starts out with cheating is not off to a good start.

Would you trust her when you went out of town,being thats how you met her?

I would leave it alone .

let her know if she ends it with him ,then takes time to herself ,you would start dating or seeing her.

[edbravo]

Hey…..this sounds like my GF. Hey dude what are you doing with her!!!!

 

Ha ha ha…….just kidding.

 

Hey Johnny…she only have a BF not yet her husband. Didn’t you know that the BEST man Wins. If you really want her, GO and whip her feet of her and prove to her that you are a better man. I think you got nothing to lose….yet.

[hoppy28]

DUDE RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

seriously if you dont want to look like an ass stay away. i just went through this. i dont care how hot she is, how much you connect, or what ever.

if she is/has been with a guy for awhile now you will be her "rebound guy".

if you trully feel for this girl walk away right now. if she ends it with him and seeks you out down the road(months) then so be it....great. if she jumps from one long relationship into something with you........disaster.

 

i was silly...............i put my self in the situation. she left as quick as she came. she didnt even think twice about it or give me an explanation. she knew from day one i was just a guy to pass the time. although she played the part very well. i was the "rebound guy". i looked like an idiot because i actually believed we could have had a great relationship. do not tell her how you feel about her right now. do no tell her you want a relationship with her.

 

if she says these things to you....................just nod or something.

if you open your heart right now you are taking the VERY BIG risk of it being stomped on. if she hooks up with you immediatly after him she may wake up one morning and realize your not what she wants either. if she is "sonfused"

do not get involved. let her get "unconfused" first.

 

walk away right now. keep what dignity you have left. goodluck.

[edbravo]

DUDE RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

seriously if you dont want to look like an ass stay away. i just went through this. i dont care how hot she is, how much you connect, or what ever.

if she is/has been with a guy for awhile now you will be her "rebound guy".

if you trully feel for this girl walk away right now. if she ends it with him and seeks you out down the road(months) then so be it....great. if she jumps from one long relationship into something with you........disaster.

 

i was silly...............i put my self in the situation. she left as quick as she came. she didnt even think twice about it or give me an explanation. she knew from day one i was just a guy to pass the time. although she played the part very well. i was the "rebound guy". i looked like an idiot because i actually believed we could have had a great relationship. do not tell her how you feel about her right now. do no tell her you want a relationship with her.

 

if she says these things to you....................just nod or something.

if you open your heart right now you are taking the VERY BIG risk of it being stomped on. if she hooks up with you immediatly after him she may wake up one morning and realize your not what she wants either. if she is "sonfused"

do not get involved. let her get "unconfused" first.

 

walk away right now. keep what dignity you have left. goodluck.

 

 

This guy got a good point....so you better listen to his advice

[CircumstantialVictim]

This girl isn't the one, because:

1- face it, you met at a party= everyone is 'the one' at a party, a friend of mine almost snogged a coat rack last weekend

2- she got somewhat physical, then backed off= oops, you blew it.

3- she was both quick to get physical, and yet 'loyal' at the same time= you got used. she needed a piece of evidence for revenge, and she got it. she felt bad for awhile and kept playing the game with you, but now she's over that feeling and.... you haven't heard from her for a week.

 

My advice: get a good last mental image of this girl, pop one off the stack, smoke a butt, shower up and go to another party. If she's really looking for someone else, you'll stumble across her again by herself, but when her boyfriend's in town.

[Cecelius]

OP: pay attention to whichever poster above talked about how she had a b/f but another guy persisted so much that "she couldn't help herself"

 

That is traditional girl-speak for "I'm not responsible for what I do; I have no control". If your prospective girl talks like that, run even faster. Do you think yours is the only rod she'll be polishing when she breaks up with the other guy?

 

You're not there to rescue girls and this is not Hollywood. Good girls don't cheat on their b/fs (and going on dates and hooking up at a party is cheating).

[eazy_b]

Grow some testicles, man! If you want her and she wants you go for her. Like it was previously said- she's not married. Your not going to be a "rebound" guy because she hasn't yet broken up with her bf therefore she's not on the rebound. What to you owe her boyfriend? Do you even know him? Then screw him! If he can't keep the bitch satisfied that's his problem, not yours. Stop being so sensitive, damn it!

[JohnnyBravo]

Thanks for everyone's advice, especially Adrianna and Eazy_B. They're right that I should go for it but i also have my pride. We last spoke last Monday, so it's over a week since we spoke and really, if she wanted to speak to me, she would have called, especially after my last email. I might "think" I have strong feelings for her now, but those WILL fade at the rate things are going. I actually just left a message on her machine that I would love to get to know her and see her, but that I kind of think it's time for me to sit back a bit and let her come around, if that's what she wants. I'll probably check in with her in a while, like a month or two, but I'm kind of not feelin' the magic right now. And Eazy's right, I don't know the boyfriend and don't owe him anything, but I do respect her and want her to respect me, and part of that is not humiliating myself and chasing someone when it seems they don't want to be chased. If that happens, the game is already lost.

[SuperMonk]

I love how some guys out there that think they have met "the one" when they haven't dated or even had sex with her for at least 3 months.