lovesfool Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 I have been recently dating a guy who I am really into and he seems to be into me as well which is always a good thing! I can see ourselves taking things a bit further over the next short while and I was thinking of asking him to stay over some night. It's not necessarily for sex, but would like some intimacy, even if it's just a cuddle and straight to sleep. He is living at home with his parents for a short period so going to his house is not an option. He also lives 2 hours away which makes things a bit more awkward. Given the distance, he can't casually come over one evening where I could suggest staying the night while we're watching a movie. It really needs to be planned if he's travelling so far. I thought about asking him to come over for dinner one evening, but I don't know how to plant the seed that he could stay. I don't want to come across as too keen or easy either. It's a delicate balance and I don't really know how to handle it. I would love to hear your advice!
alphamale Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 just invite him over for dinner and then do some french kissing for dessert. if that doesn't get his motor running then i don't know what else to tell you 2 1
alphamale Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 oh and make sure you make him something good to eat 2 1
alphamale Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) and mix in some alcohol just a few drinks each, nothing more than 2 or 3 Edited June 10, 2020 by alphamale 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 33 minutes ago, lovesfool said: I have been recently dating a guy who I am really into and he seems to be into me as well which is always a good thing! I can see ourselves taking things a bit further over the next short while and I was thinking of asking him to stay over some night. It's not necessarily for sex, but would like some intimacy, even if it's just a cuddle and straight to sleep. He is living at home with his parents for a short period so going to his house is not an option. He also lives 2 hours away which makes things a bit more awkward. Given the distance, he can't casually come over one evening where I could suggest staying the night while we're watching a movie. It really needs to be planned if he's travelling so far. I thought about asking him to come over for dinner one evening, but I don't know how to plant the seed that he could stay. I don't want to come across as too keen or easy either. It's a delicate balance and I don't really know how to handle it. I would love to hear your advice! Instead of going through all this mental turmoil, just invite him for dinner at your place on a night when he doesn't have to work. He gets there, you talk, have a couple drinks while the 2 of you finish making dinner. Then you eat, go for a walk, and come back to settle on the couch. By then it will be late and you can easily slip in a "hey you can stay the night if you don't feel like driving". Done and done. 5
alphamale Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 3 minutes ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: Instead of going through all this mental turmoil, just invite him for dinner at your place on a night when he doesn't have to work. He gets there, you talk, have a couple drinks while the 2 of you finish making dinner. Then you eat, go for a walk, and come back to settle on the couch. By then it will be late and you can easily slip in a "hey you can stay the night if you don't feel like driving". Done and done. maybe she should just answer the door naked and skip the rest of the BS? 3 2
Backinthesaddleagain Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, alphamale said: maybe she should just answer the door naked and skip the rest of the BS? If they had been together a while that would be a great idea to keep things fun. But it is early in the relationship and she said she didn't want to come off as being easy. Did you read her entire post?
Emilie Jolie Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 1 hour ago, lovesfool said: It's not necessarily for sex, If it's on your mind (no shame in that) and his, just invite him for dinner and ask him to bring something for dessert; he'll take the hint. 4th or 5th date with the SO was lunch at his - I thought it was a nice touch, because it was pressure-free. We cooked the main dish together and I'd brought homemade dessert. There was some intimacy and the chemistry was off the scale, but there was no sex. Neither of us were fully 'ready' at this point, and neither of us wanted to be a fling. So my advice is - not for sex = lunch. Not necessarily for sex, but fine if it's on the cards = dinner. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 49 minutes ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: If they had been together a while that would be a great idea to keep things fun. But it is early in the relationship and she said she didn't want to come off as being easy. Did you read her entire post? I could be wrong, but I believe alphamale was being sarcastic? 1 2
alphamale Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: If they had been together a while that would be a great idea to keep things fun. But it is early in the relationship and she said she didn't want to come off as being easy. Did you read her entire post? yes i did, i was joking basically 1
snowboy91 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 If you invite him over to stay the night, he's probably going to assume sex is on the table. How would you feel about that move? Although if he's really into you he'll be respectful of what you want. If you're happy with dealing with that outcome, then don't be shy about saying that he can stay the night if he doesn't want to drive all the way home. I'd leave it at that and not give any more detail.
contel3 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 You're thinking way too hard about this. My experience has been if the guy likes you, you could pretty much ask him point blank to stay at your place. He lives two hours away, I don't think any guy expects to travel 2 hours for dinner to then go home. If the date goes well it'll happen naturally... 1
contel3 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 59 minutes ago, snowboy91 said: Although if he's really into you he'll be respectful of what you want. I know its off topic but this made me cringe so bad! I would hope he respects what she wants even if he doesnt like her that much!!!
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 13 hours ago, lovesfool said: I was thinking of asking him to stay over some night. It's not necessarily for sex, but would like some intimacy, even if it's just a cuddle and straight to sleep. No, no, no. I can't stress this enough. If you are not DTF or offering the guest room expressed as such DO NOT climb into a bed with a man you are not prepared to have sex with. Just don't. Inviting a man to sleep over is an invitation to sex. Grown men do not want to cuddle. Do not set yourself up as some sort of tease. If you are ready to take that next step, call him & say hey how about you come over for dinner on Friday? If you play your cards right I might be talked into making breakfast on Saturday too. He'll take it from there. 3 1
Blind-Sided Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: No, no, no. I can't stress this enough. If you are not DTF or offering the guest room expressed as such DO NOT climb into a bed with a man you are not prepared to have sex with. Just don't. Inviting a man to sleep over is an invitation to sex. Grown men do not want to cuddle. Do not set yourself up as some sort of tease. I tend to agree with that. I was very stand-off-ish with my current GF because I was messed up from my divorce. I was a "Good Boy" and I wasn't pressing for sex because I wasn't really ready... but when she decided we should be a little intimate, she told me that she wanted me to stay... but she wasn't ready for sex. She then followed up with... "but there are a few other things I can do for you." (BJ) OP... that may be an option for you... but it's still relatively intimate.
poppyfields Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) How long have you been dating him and how has he handled the 2 hour drive on your previous dates? Surely this isn't the first time he's driven to see you? If me, dating a man for awhile, I'd invite him for dinner, whether local or 2 hours away. Say nothing about him staying over to "cuddle" or anything else. The best things happen spontaneously. He's a man, he knows what to do. Follow his lead. He can always revert back to what he's done on prior dates, assuming this isn't the first meet and you have in fact met him in person and he's driven to see you previously. Do not plan. Let things happen naturally and spontaneously. Including sex if that is what you want. Assuming this isn't his first rodeo making the drive, he will know what to do. Do not plan, do not push. Natural, spontaneous just like if he were local. Edited June 11, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1
miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 16 hours ago, lovesfool said: I have been recently dating a guy who I am really into and he seems to be into me as well which is always a good thing! I can see ourselves taking things a bit further over the next short while and I was thinking of asking him to stay over some night. It's not necessarily for sex, but would like some intimacy, even if it's just a cuddle and straight to sleep. He is living at home with his parents for a short period so going to his house is not an option. He also lives 2 hours away which makes things a bit more awkward. Given the distance, he can't casually come over one evening where I could suggest staying the night while we're watching a movie. It really needs to be planned if he's travelling so far. I thought about asking him to come over for dinner one evening, but I don't know how to plant the seed that he could stay. I don't want to come across as too keen or easy either. It's a delicate balance and I don't really know how to handle it. I would love to hear your advice! I agree with donnivain i don't think men are necessarily into cuddles..and climbing into bed for cuddles specifically may not work Usually with regards to physical intimacy i personally think its better for the man to lead on that front. But you can give subtle signals, which if interested he should be able to pick up on.
Author lovesfool Posted June 11, 2020 Author Posted June 11, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: How long have you been dating him and how has he handled the 2 hour drive on your previous dates? Surely this isn't the first time he's driven to see you? If me, dating a man for awhile, I'd invite him for dinner, whether local or 2 hours away. Say nothing about him staying over to "cuddle" or anything else. The best things happen spontaneously. He's a man, he knows what to do. Follow his lead. He can always revert back to what he's done on prior dates, assuming this isn't the first meet and you have in fact met him in person and he's driven to see you previously. Do not plan. Let things happen naturally and spontaneously. Including sex if that is what you want. Assuming this isn't his first rodeo making the drive, he will know what to do. Do not plan, do not push. Natural, spontaneous just like if he were local. I think this is the best advice I've gotten, thanks! Technically I've only been on two physical dates with him, but we have been video calling for over two months now. It may sound silly, but I feel I know him better after all the video dates we had over the 2 months compared to going on a bunch of physical dates with someone else over two weeks. The previous dates were during the daytime so had the full day to talk and the drive seemed more worthwhile I figure. I think I will invite him to dinner in the evening and see what he says. The conversation might naturally lead to the question of staying the night. Spontaneity is something I'm not good at, but am working on it!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 With you inviting him for dinner and he having a 2-hour drive, there is and will be an expectation to extend this dinner beyond that intended occasion. He is definitely thinking about it as you are. You need to be prepared to either allow things to happen or make it clear to him before he makes the trip that you are not ready and that sleeping on your couch will be the option if it does become too late for him to drive back. 1
stillafool Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 I don't think OP wants him to sleep on the couch but in the bed with her. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 13 minutes ago, stillafool said: I don't think OP wants him to sleep on the couch but in the bed with her. Yeah. I wonder if the OP is not using the 'cuddling' as a pretense to something 'natural or organic.' 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 Are you hoping for something long-term with this guy? If so, what's the rush? Everyone is wonderful in the very beginning, and you barely know him. Don't put the cart before the horse.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) You can offer him the couch if driving safety is an issue. But for heaven's sake if you invite him into your bed, he's going to expect more than cuddles. Know your own boundaries going in & make them clear. Do not be coy & then whine that he took advantage or pushed for sex before you were ready. If you are not ready for sex -- organic or otherwise -- meet him half way & go for a socially distanced walk / picnic where you both bring your own food. Edited June 11, 2020 by d0nnivain 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 10 hours ago, contel3 said: I know its off topic but this made me cringe so bad! I would hope he respects what she wants even if he doesnt like her that much!!! Yh he should respect her anyway. 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 21 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You can offer him the couch if driving safety is an issue. But for heaven's sake if you invite him into your bed, he's going to expect more than cuddles. Know your own boundaries going in & make them clear. Do not be coy & then whine that he took advantage or pushed for sex before you were ready. If you are not ready for sex -- organic or otherwise -- meet him half way & go for a socially distanced walk / picnic where you both bring your own food. I understand the OP is desiring some thing in between.
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