Happy Lemming Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 49 minutes ago, VanessaVanessa said: ...with part time work if I wanted to eventually own a home. I've been saving for a future holiday... Believe me, I never wanted to be 25 and at home. When can you work Full time?? As far as a future holiday/vacation, priorities first... (Food, Clothing & Your own Shelter), then have fun on holiday/vacation. If you don't want to be at home at 25, then set a goal to move out (on your own), again. You can still date your boyfriend, but have your own independence! 3
BaileyB Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: You can still date your boyfriend, but have your own independence! This. I would never suggest that you sign a mortgage with a man that you are not married to at your age. So much can happen, you need to be more settled and more committed before making a legal and financial commitment like that. If he wants to buy a home with his family, that his decision. You can either decide to move in and pay rent, or you get your own place. If you decide move in and stay for any length of time, you should maybe consult a lawyer to learn the legal implications of the decision and be sure that you both protect yourselves financially. 3
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 6 hours ago, VanessaVanessa said: He is of Asian descent, Upon seeing your topic on the Loveshack main page... the only critical detail I needed to search for was this. It's OK if youuuuuuuuuuu are offended, or even if you feel the need to get a new boyfriend... but in no way is this out of the ordinary in Asian culture. For in many places there just isn't enough room, or accommodations are waaaaaaay too cost prohibitive to go it alone as one family. It's entirely up to you as to whether you want to participate... but his having the idea, and/or being/seeming comfortable with the idea, is "OK" (by societal standards).
Emilie Jolie Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: The good news is that eventually he will want to buy a home with you and only you. Where did you infer that from?
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 11 hours ago, VanessaVanessa said: He is of Asian descent, but was born in Australia (where we are). I have not been aware of that being the case in his culture, especially since his grandpa does not live with them and is elderly. Wha? It is very much the case that it is cultural. Just because he grew up in Australia does not mean he is not strongly tied to his culture. I am Asian and can tell you that taking care of your family is an obligation that you are expected to fulfill. Often it is so engrained that it does not seem unusual to the person. It is just the way they are brought up. It is hard to understand if you are not brought up with it. And yes can cause some major friction for the entire relationship unless you make a strong effort to understand it and accept it. Obligation is the buzz word. Culturally Asians view it differently than Americans or Europeans. On another note, you are young. Enjoy your freedom. Don’t get tied down. I think it is a good thing that he is doing it this way so you can still keep your freedom and come and go as you please, Living together when young and struggling sucks. . Until you are ready and needing that next bigger step don’t rush it. Be the “girlfriend” (build a strong individual identity) for as long as you can be. Don’t rush to be the “wife”.
deepthinking Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) You have no money to put in. Sorry, although you are offering some, maybe that little bit is not enough. A lot of women have publicly wanted equality, so he may think that it would be offensive to not be equal. You are studying. Do that. Don't play housewife. Play? Sure. Once you marry. Okay. But moving in is not a real tight bond. And living with his family, meh, mother-in-law may well dominate. Older than you, see. Edited June 11, 2020 by deepthinking new thoughts
Ami1uwant Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 early in relationships I always have had voncerns if someone has plans to buy a house or they just bought one. Here in the US it’s not a good idea to sell a house a few years after you buy it. To me it’s something innthe idea of you want to be here for a while. i understand some like to buy houses as a long term rental investment in Asian cultures there is a bigger responsibility in taking care of your parents as they get older and that means them moving in with their kids. It might not be now, but in 15-20 yrs from now he expects to have his parents live with him.
MsJayne Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 If you're in Australia, (I'm assuming so because the $25k first home buyers grant has just been passed here), check out the regulations which apply to this scheme. I'm not sure if it's the same as it was 20 years ago, but back then there were a lot of people using this grant and then renting the property out, (illegal), or doing as your BF is wanting to do, buy the home and collect rent from boarders to smash the mortgage as quickly as possible. My advice....if you want to buy a home, do it on your own, not with him and his family involved after only a year and a half together. If you don't have the income to apply for the grant and a home loan on your own, maybe a girlfriend, or a sibling, anyone who wants to get on the property ladder with you, is the answer. I just think that if you do this with your boyfriend, not only have you used up your opportunity for the grant, but if things don't work out between you you'll be battling his whole family for your share of the property.
snowboy91 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 17 hours ago, VanessaVanessa said: He is of Asian descent, but was born in Australia (where we are). I have not been aware of that being the case in his culture, especially since his grandpa does not live with them and is elderly. As others have said, this is the kicker. Although he was born in Australia, he was raised in an Asian family and thus still has some of those values where looking after parents until late in life is the norm, as opposed to the Western norm where home ownership (or at a minimum, moving out) is a major step of independence from family. He should also be aware that the first home owner's grant (I think that's what you're referring to) requires it to be a new home and for him to live in it for at least a year once it's completed. So if he decides to rent it out to anyone within the first year, he is ineligible. (note this may vary by state) At the very least you should consider this step for him as one for him and his family. As others have said, don't contribute to it yourself, but have a discussion with him as to how he sees his future say 5 years down the track. It sounds as if you want to live with him and no-one else, which is completely fine, but if he doesn't have the same expectation I see a rocky road ahead.
jspice Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 19 hours ago, VanessaVanessa said: Trust me, I wish I didn't need to, but since only one of my parent's works full time they can't afford all expenses. In fact, it's my parents who don't own a home (they rent). If I didn't have to do so, then maybe I could have saved more to buy my own place too by now, unfortunately I haven't had the financial support he has had Then you shouldn’t be helping him buy his property. He’s taking care of his family, as he should, but you’re trying to contribute your money to his house for you two instead of staying with and helping out your parent.
introverted1 Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 The more I read, the more I think this guy is smart. He's 23 and figuring out a way to buy a home with someone else funding the first 25K. Maybe he has plans to have it all paid off in 5 years (with his parents' help). It's odd to me that you are upset that he, at 23, will be living with his parents when you, at 25, are doing exactly that with yours. Is the larger issue that if he proceeds with this you will not have a private place for the 2 of you? Or are you expecting him to commit to marriage at this point? 1
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: Where did you infer that from? Experience with people from his culture. I am not saying it's sure at 100% he'll want a house with *you* but as he gets older he'll want a family and he'll be under pressure from his parents for grand-children. If he doesn't marry a Chinese woman (like you) he won't have a choice but to buy a family home with his wife. If he marries a Chinese woman she will obey to tradition and most likely go live with him and his parents. I suggest you familiarize yourself with the treatment reserved to live-in daughter-in-law in Chinese culture. It's a treatment women from a western culture could not put up with. Not generalizing but I have witnessed it too many times. Your boyfriend may be a modern man but his loyalty and devotion will be to his parents, and this above his wife. Edited June 11, 2020 by Gaeta
Emilie Jolie Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Experience with people from his culture. I am not saying it's sure at 100% he'll want a house with *you* but as he gets older he'll want a family and he'll be under pressure from his parents for grand-children. If he doesn't marry a Chinese woman (like you) he won't have a choice but to buy a family home with his wife. If he marries a Chinese woman she will obey to tradition and most likely go live with him and his parents. I suggest you familiarize yourself with the treatment reserved for live-in daughter-in-law in Chinese culture. It's a treatment women from a western culture could not put up with. Not generalizing but.... I'm not the OP, but that's for the tips anyway
kendahke Posted June 11, 2020 Posted June 11, 2020 On 6/9/2020 at 10:44 PM, VanessaVanessa said: Do I have a right to be upset here? Only if you're expected to fork over money to pay for this. I'd keep my money in my pocket and let him go buy this house and move his family into it and they can handle their finances without your input.
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