snowcones Posted June 9, 2020 Posted June 9, 2020 I say NEW because if I've already known them for years, I make an exception. But assuming they are a new friend or I just met them, I typically don't enjoy becoming friends with people who are married because: a) I feel like they use me as an escape. I'm the single friend that represents fun and freedom to them, so whenever they get a chance to "escape" from their spouse, they act like they are getting out of jail and I'm the accomplice. I don't like that feeling and I don't want to aide and abet that, not to mention that I don't have respect for it. Get a freakin' divorce if you hate being around your spouse that much. I don't invite or encourage this behavior, they just automatically act this way around me. Then they are shocked when I don't want to go along with it. b) I hate hearing people complain endlessly about their marital problems. I say endlessly because I'm specifically referring to the type who isn't going to do anything about it, like leave, or really stand up for themselves. They just like complaining and want a willing ear. I don't feel like being that, sorry. Ask someone else. I have old friends who all they do is complain about their partner, I don't need brand new friends to do that. c) They are bored and use me as entertainment. This is so obvious because they usually have nothing to say. I'm not a performing monkey here to entertain you. Why don't you entertain ME for once? When you're ready to entertain ME, then you can hit me up. I just greatly prefer new friends who are single. Sorry I just had to vent, I had a new friend contact me today and this came to mind. Thanks for reading. 1 1 1
central Posted June 9, 2020 Posted June 9, 2020 I'm married and have single friends, both men and women. I think you have a very limited view of potential friends, or just need to choose your married friends more carefully. a) I enjoy being around my spouse, and I enjoy being with my friends. Most of the time without my wife, but she is sometimes invited. We may go to dinner, or stay in, drink some wine, and watch some esoteric sci-fi shows we both like but my wife does not. b) I'm VERY happily married, so have nothing to complain about. I also don't talk about how great my wife is, either - my friends don't want to hear either way about good/bad things in my marriage. My friends and I have our own mutual interests and things to discuss. I do sometimes lend an ear to their dating and mating woes, however. c) See (b). We entertain each other by engaging in mutual interests; it's not one-sided at all. It's not rocket science. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2020 Posted June 9, 2020 snowcones If that has been your experience making new married friends it makes perfect sense that you don't want new ones. If you had a new friend who happened to be married who simply shared your interests & you enjoyed each other's company would you jettison that solely on the person's marital status? I'm not talking about someone who complains about their marriage all the time or somebody who is using you to escape from their marriage. 1
FMW Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 Making new friends is usually based on discovering you have things in common. Marital status shouldn't necessarily have a big effect on it unless you are only interested in bar hopping and dating sites and they are only interested in family game nights and couple's retreats. Ok, I'm being a little extreme in my examples, but hopefully you get the gist. Where do you meet these new "friends"? If it's only through work, that's probably not a great source, our interactions with coworkers can easily end up being more surface and mere distractions. Realistically, most people probably do spend more time with people with similar partnership status. But that doesn't mean there's no room for anything else. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 10, 2020 Posted June 10, 2020 12 hours ago, snowcones said: I say NEW because if I've already known them for years, I make an exception. But assuming they are a new friend or I just met them, I typically don't enjoy becoming friends with people who are married because: a) I feel like they use me as an escape. I'm the single friend that represents fun and freedom to them, so whenever they get a chance to "escape" from their spouse, they act like they are getting out of jail and I'm the accomplice. I don't like that feeling and I don't want to aide and abet that, not to mention that I don't have respect for it. Get a freakin' divorce if you hate being around your spouse that much. I don't invite or encourage this behavior, they just automatically act this way around me. Then they are shocked when I don't want to go along with it. b) I hate hearing people complain endlessly about their marital problems. I say endlessly because I'm specifically referring to the type who isn't going to do anything about it, like leave, or really stand up for themselves. They just like complaining and want a willing ear. I don't feel like being that, sorry. Ask someone else. I have old friends who all they do is complain about their partner, I don't need brand new friends to do that. c) They are bored and use me as entertainment. This is so obvious because they usually have nothing to say. I'm not a performing monkey here to entertain you. Why don't you entertain ME for once? When you're ready to entertain ME, then you can hit me up. I just greatly prefer new friends who are single. Sorry I just had to vent, I had a new friend contact me today and this came to mind. Thanks for reading. Somewhere buried in all of this seems to be the logic that heterosexual married people in turn shouldn't have friends (of the same sex)... er, rather, shouldn't make NEW friends of the same sex (It's OK if they've been friends for years). That sounds completely absurd. Maybe married people shouldn't be allowed out with coworkers either ?? Why limit this to friends who are newer and single?? However, I do recognize the exact roles which you describe. And maybe all of the threads on Loveshack started by a woman who is concerned that her husband has befriended another woman somewhere (who is "single", of course)... should from this point forward be mitigated with the phrase: "... but, but, but SO few single people will have my friendship anymore... so I have to make extra efforts with the few (young hotties) who will". (that, too, sounds absurd) The inference that married people MUST hate their spouses if they consent to hang out with the likes of you is completely unfair. Much of the scenarios you describe need to be allowed if only for the relief afforded to someone who is perhaps a stay-at-home mom, whose only human interaction all day is with infants. Of course you as an individual never have to participate but the blanket implications probably aren't fair to the world all around us. When you're married, you do NOT sign on to never again play tennis with another person... to never again have another person as a Bridge partner... to never again discuss neighborhood doings with (gasp) someone who is single (yet who you've not known since elementary school). I just don't know how people at Loveshack could help you to devise a plan to permanently exclude yourself from any such interactions. 1
Luna66star Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 I experienced the same situation once with a married co- worker. We were always totally platonic but he tended to complain about the wife, other people o his life. I think he had a problem getting along with people in general. I grew weary of it all and felt, due to my compassionate nature, he hit me up to spout off about all his frustrations. It was everything, I mean, like an altercation on the road with a driver while he rode his bike to work, long line ups at the store, not feeling appreciated....and the list goes on. I eventually distanced myself from him by making excuses about how "busy" I was these days. My mistake was not distancing myself sooner and being too much of a softie about his "poor me" attitude. In your case, I can totally relate. I'm careful to pick up on red flags now really soon with them. If they are there, I don't act interested at all.
Bluesky00 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) Married women like to throw cheap shots at unmarried women like “oh you must be sooo happy you are not married.” true. Married people complain about marriage. I know this because married ppl have told me this personally. Ever seen chris rocks comedy about the difference between married and single ppl? It’s hilarious Edited July 30, 2020 by Bluesky00
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