Tas Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Is this actually true? I mean judging from your actions/sayings. We both just moved to the uni halls for masters degree, she's 23 I'm 26. I guess she can tell I like her by the different treatment (I pay more attention,ignore some times,small bulling,show interest etc) but we're both "free spirits" so she can be here now and there later. So I can never tell whether its true and if we get to know each other. Not from the very beginning, but a bit later she started having this attitude like talkative (but not too much) when just us (not happen often) and tend to ignore me when with the rest of flatmates eg in the kitchen. She instead focuses on 1-2 others that are currently in relationship. I'm really trying to find out whether she knows and not interested and just trying to keep the balance in the household. Or she's interested too and doesn't want to let others gossip. If only I could find a chance to suggest some activity of common interest. But not really familiar with her and seems she doesn't give me the chance to cause either talks to everyone in the kitchen or goes to the other female flatmate. I really need some new vision from any third party. Someone with more ideas. Well this is the main idea, don't want to rattle away, I can give some details if necessary though. Many thanks.
JayKay Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 You'd be surprised what speaking to someone directly and plainly can accomplish. Next time you see her, ask if you can have her phone number. Suggest casually, "Next time there's a good band in town/crafts festival/restaurant opening/magic show/three-ring circus/independant movie screening....would you like to go ?" If you gives you the brush off, you can probably safely assume she's not interested. If you get her number, you can take it from there. And no....women can't always tell if a guy is 'into' her or not. Some men just appear friendly but we're left wondering, "If he likes me, why doesn't he take the next step?" Be direct.
lindya Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Not from the very beginning, but a bit later she started having this attitude like talkative (but not too much) when just us (not happen often) and tend to ignore me when with the rest of flatmates eg in the kitchen. She instead focuses on 1-2 others that are currently in relationship. That sounds a little negative She might just be shy of course. I can remember going through a stage where I would walk over hot coals rather than talk to a guy I was interested in...but I think most people have got over that by the age of 23. If she hasn't, then getting to know her could be pretty heavy-going. If you feel that you've made it obvious you're interested in her, and she's not responding, then it's probably best to back off. If you don't trust your instincts and you want a clear answer, then yes - be direct and ask her if she wants to go out for a drink. The sooner the better, so that this situation doesn't keep preying on your mind.
Jayhawks Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 The only way to find out for sure is to ask. She might know of your feelings and she might just think your a friend. How direct have you been in letting her know how you feel?
elijahBailey Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 And no....women can't always tell if a guy is 'into' her or not. Some men just appear friendly but we're left wondering, "If he likes me, why doesn't he take the next step?" hmm, interesting point of view, although I tend to disagree. Women are more perceptive than the guys and most of them can sniff out a guy checkin' on them a hundred yards out. Those who aren't in tune with their senses really can't be bothered. If they only start payin' a little attention and open their eyes, they'll see a lot things going on around them. The same applies to guys.
elijahBailey Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 She might just be shy of course. I can remember going through a stage where I would walk over hot coals rather than talk to a guy I was interested in.... got a real question for you, lindya.... did you stammer or have problems with eye contact with the person you liked at that point of time? I'm wondering if when a girl stammer when talking to a guy.... what are the odds she's into him or is it just that she's intimidated by him; assuming she's not the shy type of course. I've always wondered.
JS17 Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 hmm, interesting point of view, although I tend to disagree. Women are more perceptive than the guys and most of them can sniff out a guy checkin' on them a hundred yards out. Those who aren't in tune with their senses really can't be bothered. If they only start payin' a little attention and open their eyes, they'll see a lot things going on around them. The same applies to guys. I'm going to have to agree with JayKay. And no....women can't always tell if a guy is 'into' her or not. Some men just appear friendly but we're left wondering, "If he likes me, why doesn't he take the next step?" Most of us have had the experience where we think we're receiving signals that they're into us and we're completely wrong. From those experiences it keeps you on your toes and your radar on alert but you won't really know if they're interested until they just come out and say it. And I agree that some men show friendship in different ways. Some are outwardly affectionate to everyone, especially the extroverts and if you looked at a single one on one relationship you would read the signals differently than if it were say a shy person acting in this manner.
elijahBailey Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Most of us have had the experience where we think we're receiving signals that they're into us and we're completely wrong. interesting. But what kind of signals? Examples please.
JS17 Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 interesting. But what kind of signals? Examples please. Touching and physical affection. Opening up emotionally in certain ways. Paying a lot of attention to you. Etc.
JayKay Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Yes, but there are also guys who pay lots of attention to a woman just because they're caught up in the moment and want to see if they can 'get' her. It doesn't always mean they really like you.
lindya Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 got a real question for you, lindya.... did you stammer or have problems with eye contact with the person you liked at that point of time? I'm wondering if when a girl stammer when talking to a guy.... what are the odds she's into him or is it just that she's intimidated by him; assuming she's not the shy type of course. I've always wondered. No stammering, but a ludicrous amount of blushing - and yes, eye contact was a definite problem. I can still recall the humiliation of having to rush to the loo in 14 year old fear and confusion when friends started nudging me and loudly hissing (about a potential beau) "he's looking at you. You'd better start looking back at him or he'll get off with someone else." And so he did When you're in your teens it is, of course, a most heinous crime to exchange glances lasting more than 1.5 seconds with someone you fancy.
Author Tas Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 Thank you guys for the so many replies. Well first about how clear I've been about my intentions, I guess mostly keep long eye contact while talking, pay less attention to her when with others and don't treat her as a friend (eg not going at Tesco's like with other flatmates), some verbal and not aggresive bulling + complements and of course try to became keen with her based on our common characteristics. About telling her directly I did quite some thinking about it. I did a small horoscope research (I know stupid ) and I found she's a saggitarius (I'm aqua). According to the findings it's the best to be direct BUT firstly we're flatmates and might me awkward if I'm rejected and secondly I just started getting more familiar with her. The only moments of us (apart from talkin alone) was yesterday that she knocked at my door because we both received a slip to collect a parcel from post office at local shopping centre and she wanted to go together. It was very nice time and short because she had to go to class after. Taking advantage of that I dared to ask for lunch for tomorrow (at the same shopping center) because she would have class after, just like yesterday. And she couldn't because she would go to gym and have lunch at the halls before she leaves. I want to believe that sagg is very straightforward and she didn't reject me I guess as indepentent as we both are she was just telling me the truth. I intend to let a few days before I find the way to ask her for some other activity again. But I worry that she might see me as a friend especially after previous w/e and this explains her attitude. Just before I click on submit she knocked my door for help on her pc I can foresee that after a week it will still not be clear and I will indeed tell her directly and shock her and of course be rejected. Sorry for the long post. And thank you for any reply.
Jayhawks Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 There is risk in any romantic encounter. Do not feel shame by telling someone of your feelings. It is a compliment to be liked "that way". As for the friends thing you could be considered a friend. The best way to get out of the friends zone is to back away and not spend so much time with her. Don't get to close and become more of a acquaintance. It will take a little time to get out of "just friends" so patience is a must. By that time you may well see someone else you want to pursue.
crazy_grl Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Tas, this girl may not be interested in dating her flatmates no matter whether she's attracted to you or not. I know if it seemed to me like one of my roommates was trying to ask me out on a date, I'd be pretty freaked out. Actually, one of them was interested in me awhile ago, and it was pretty uncomfortable until he just came out and asked me. I turned him down, but there was absolutely nothing he could have done to have made me change my mind. He now has a great girlfriend. Maybe she doesn't care about dating people she lives with. Maybe she's just not attracted to you. Maybe she is. The only way you can know is to ask her, and if she turns you down, just accept it and move on. If she's interested in you, she's interested in you. No amount of not hanging out with her as friends, not speaking to her whiles others are around, etc. is going to move you from the "friend zone" to the "boyfriend zone". All it's going to do is make her uncomfortable around you.
Author Tas Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 I think I have a more clear image now, to thank also all of you. Crazy_grl I thought of that too (I actually thought all possibilities) and I think that after all she's too straightforward to play mystery games. She just don't get them because she's so positive and open-spirit that maybe the only way to deal with it is directness. I made up my mind to tell her directly on the first chance but really careful what to say sothe household will not be affected. Well if I'm rejected it's going to be weird nomatter how carefully I talk. But if I've been asked to give some time (which I hope for) this will make me even more stressed. Just when I deceided to let it out of me.
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