ThrownAway2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 I’m honestly not sure where to begin and I will write this as short as possible. First of all..I have ALWAYS STRUGGLED in all of my relationships knowing if I wanted to be in it or not. I have been in at least 4 serious relationships. They were all ended by the girlfriend. Obviously, because I could never make up my mind. Besides all that..we started chatting and what not...met up...I live in a few hours away; ya it was an alright time and after we finally met up and the second I left she started questioning everything...who I was recently talking to..etc. Like she knew I was talking to someone else before things got serious and she got on me about that and all that. I had no idea where things were going with her and we were just chatting until I saw her. Obviously I cut off ties with the other girl, but I was planning to hang with her before I even met up with my current gf and before they got serious. So ya, she started questioning me and being completely insecure...all that. And it never stopped since there. I got into the relationship because I wanted to but also hoping that it would take away her insecurities….obviously it did not. Now we are at where we are.I just dont know what I feel. I’m not sure if Im in love with her. I know that I love her. It’s really hard to describe. I don’t call her lovey names like babe or anything like that. It feels awkward to me. Let alone I barely flirt with her and at times it feels off. Ya, I’m attracted...but I just don’t feel like it’s natural. Maybe it’s because I still hold a grudge off some things she’s done? Like one time she lied about being in the hospital in one instance that we had broken up so that she may grab my attention. I caught her in the lie and she claims she doesn’t fully remember. Idk I just am what I am right now and maybe this feels like a friend that I love more than anything? However, I feel like I NEED her and it’s the strangest mix of emotions. I feel like she’s the one I go to when I need comfort however there are other things missing. I constantly think about other people or the potential of other relationships. Hell, I even emotionally cheated and think of her a lot...yes I know..it was a mistake. But like...I’m lost, confused, trying to figure out what’s right for me to do. I just don’t know anymore. Knowing the fact that I’ve always struggled in relationships to figure out what I want doesn’t help. At all. I just want to do the right thing and be happy with that. I know if I break up I will regret it and I know if I stay I’ll be thinking of other potential relationships/people. Idk where to go, what to do, anything. I'm lost every day. Every day I wake up with anxiety...not knowing what I want. Constant questions if this is relationship ocd...yes it's a real thing. i've struggled with ocd in the past...not so much besides in video games anymore. Me thinking I have relationship ocd just f***s me up mentally thinking that what I may desire is *wrong*. I'm just so lost and it's all so hard to describe. I feel like I'm repeating. Let alone I emotionally cheated and I like that girl A LOT and I hate that I did that but at the same time it's like...why do I like her so much? Is it because the girl I'm with doesn't do it for me? Ughhhhhh tldr; I'm lost in my relationship. Not sure what I want. I messed up and emotionally cheated and still think of the other girl. Yet, I crave my gf's presence.
justwhoiam Posted June 8, 2020 Posted June 8, 2020 20 hours ago, ThrownAway2020 said: Not sure what I want. I messed up and emotionally cheated and still think of the other girl. Yet, I crave my gf's presence. Hi, welcome to the LS forum. I read your entire post. I think the problem is very simple: you are *not* in love with your current girlfriend. If you were, you'd know. The hospital incident let you know that she's not the right one for you long-term. Plus, you might be young to settle down for good and the thought of it is making you uncomfortable. It's the thought of all that you might be missing out. Be honest with your girlfriend and let her know that - at this time - you don't feel like being in a committed relationship and would prefer something more casual. You then add that it seems fair to just take a break from the relationship. If she's in love with you, she might try to convince you not to leave... or she might face the truth and let you go. Then you're free to see whomever you want and keep your options open. My suggestion is: don't rush meeting up with the girl you've been thinking of. See other girls first. You'll have a fresh mind and will be better able to consider how you feel, beyond fantasies. 1
Author ThrownAway2020 Posted June 8, 2020 Author Posted June 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, justwhoiam said: Hi, welcome to the LS forum. I read your entire post. I think the problem is very simple: you are *not* in love with your current girlfriend. If you were, you'd know. The hospital incident let you know that she's not the right one for you long-term. Plus, you might be young to settle down for good and the thought of it is making you uncomfortable. It's the thought of all that you might be missing out. Be honest with your girlfriend and let her know that - at this time - you don't feel like being in a committed relationship and would prefer something more casual. You then add that it seems fair to just take a break from the relationship. If she's in love with you, she might try to convince you not to leave... or she might face the truth and let you go. Then you're free to see whomever you want and keep your options open. My suggestion is: don't rush meeting up with the girl you've been thinking of. See other girls first. You'll have a fresh mind and will be better able to consider how you feel, beyond fantasies. Hi there, I seriously appreciate the reply. I'm having such anxiety as of late. I can't differentiate it between what if it's what I really feel or if it's relationship ocd. I feel like I'm losing my s***. I wish I had the answers and I wish I could agree that my feelings are my feelings, just so that I didn't have this doubt. As for the other girl. I can't get her off my mind and I hate that she's been so short with my lately. And YES! I know it's something I shouldn't be entertaining whatsoever. But I'm just so lost and broken. Edited June 8, 2020 by ThrownAway2020
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2020 Posted June 9, 2020 Your anxiety is your subconscious screaming at you that this relationship is not working The idea that you started dating her to alleviate her insecurities is nuts. The minute she exhibited that behavior you needed to end things but you stayed. You may have a bad habit of trying to fix the women you date. Stop. If you want to fix something restore furniture, tune up old cars or renovate a house but stop trying to fix people. When you see the red flags end things
justwhoiam Posted June 9, 2020 Posted June 9, 2020 16 hours ago, ThrownAway2020 said: Hi there, I seriously appreciate the reply. You're welcome. Quote I can't differentiate it between what if it's what I really feel or if it's relationship ocd. We're not medical experts, you should ask a specialized therapist. For now, I have no elements to say you have ROCD, as that would be there even if your partner were the best. In your case, I see how you can have doubts, because you caught her in a lie. Quote As for the other girl. I can't get her off my mind and I hate that she's been so short with my lately. And YES! I know it's something I shouldn't be entertaining whatsoever. But I'm just so lost and broken. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask her out (once you've talked to your girlfriend and cleared your position). I'm just saying don't ask her out right away. Go out with other girls first. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 9, 2020 Posted June 9, 2020 I think you know this isn't the right relationship for you, and you feel guilty at the thought of breaking up with her and guilty that you've emotionally cheated on her. It seems you crave the comfort and security of a relationship, but you're not actually that into her anymore. For reference, how old are you? And how long have you been with your current girlfriend? Why did you previously break up?
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