Dating a guy from happn *UPDATE*

[rainbow12]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Said every woman that got played.

I wonder how  you know the type of guy he is, you've only met him 3 weeks ago. I know more about my Bank Manager than you know about this guy so how can you state you know the type of man he is after 1 meeting and 3 weeks talking. The only thing you know about him is what he told you! 

I didn't say, I know everything about him in person, I know 3 weeks is still short. What I meant is that my gut instinct is telling me he's okay at the moment, I am allowed to have feelings where they are telling me he's fine for now but still guarding my heart, What I meant he's not like the rest is I meant he's not arrogant, pushy, demanding. Yes, at the back of my mind i'm 50/50 I'm still not sure about him, I'm just going with the flow, sitting back and watch how this plays out like I did 100th million times before

[Versacehottie]

the fact that you saw him log on to the app alone lets you know that you DON'T know everything about him and may not be on the same page.  

It doesn't necessarily mean things are bad or that they won't work out.  It just shows you that you shouldn't really blindly give your trust or decide this person is the ONE until you have a lot more information.

Of course, you always need to go with the flow AND manage your end of things the way that will serve you best.  There's no real rush and you will be better off for it.

[smackie9]

I know it's difficult these days but I always say, and should be a rule of thumb: you can't count messaging each other as time spent dating. So in reality you have had one date. One date. That isn't enough to be invested or telling him to get off the dating app. He's playing ya if he's already that much blowin romantic smoke up yer butt.  It has caused you to be over invested....it's a deadly combination.

As soon as you invite them in, sex is on their mind and on the table. They will work towards that...like Geata said, the ones that want dates at your place are predators.

My advice: Cut back on the messaging, and have dates going out, whether it be a walk at a park, or whatever is allowed in your area. If he starts to fade, he was in it for sex and nothing else.

[rainbow12]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

Sorry if i was rude in my earlier post.

You sound very naive. And an incredibly young 24 year old. 

It just sounds like all you guys ever ..well him ever talks about is hugging and kissing and all the rest off it. Is he even trying  to get to know  you for you. Because all the rest of it is unnecessary at the very beginning  stages. It should just progress naturally. 

Just go with the flow for now as you don't even know him that  well!! ..and try not to put all your eggs in one basket

Everyone got their wires crossed in thinking I believe him completely when I never said that, to say I'm naive, it's just patronizing, I have come across with more untrustworthy guys than a fisherman catching a fish. He didn't say about the hugging and kissing, straight away only after one week, I didn't feel uncomfortable, but yes, it was too familiar and escalated quickly into romantic texting a little. I didn't mind that, of course, and I'm still keeping my eyes on the situation of how it could change to not what I wanted. People always tell me I seem naive in threads when all I'm doing is searching for others opinion. Apologised accepted.  

[rainbow12]

44 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I know it's difficult these days but I always say, and should be a rule of thumb: you can't count messaging each other as time spent dating. So in reality you have had one date. One date. That isn't enough to be invested or telling him to get off the dating app. He's playing ya if he's already that much blowin romantic smoke up yer butt.  It has caused you to be over invested....it's a deadly combination.

As soon as you invite them in, sex is on their mind and on the table. They will work towards that...like Geata said, the ones that want dates at your place are predators.

My advice: Cut back on the messaging, and have dates going out, whether it be a walk at a park, or whatever is allowed in your area. If he starts to fade, he was in it for sex and nothing else.

Smackie, I always love your advice on love shack, You're my favorite on here. He could be after that, but he said one day in the future if it is ok to sleep in the same bed while caressing my hair but like you said... That could all be for shoving a romantic, smoke up my butt in trying to make me believe he wants to watch me sleep and being all princes charming. He could be after sex, I just don't know him, but whenever I don't want to talk certain stuff I'm not comfortable with, he respects that. He did ask if I ever chat with someone in a naughty way after a week of knowing me, but that's just mild questionable. I'll see how things go. 

[miranda561]

23 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

Everyone got their wires crossed in thinking I believe him completely when I never said that, to say I'm naive, it's just patronizing, I have come across with more untrustworthy guys than a fisherman catching a fish. He didn't say about the hugging and kissing, straight away only after one week, I didn't feel uncomfortable, but yes, it was too familiar and escalated quickly into romantic texting a little. I didn't mind that, of course, and I'm still keeping my eyes on the situation of how it could change to not what I wanted. People always tell me I seem naive in threads when all I'm doing is searching for others opinion. Apologised accepted.  

Dont worry..I've been called naive many a time aswell..

Still i think  a week is very soon as well to start talking about  the physical stuff. You still dont know each other too well.

Usually when a person is that forward with me within  a week..i assume they just want one thing. And very quickly back away. 

But i mean explore your other options too. He doesnt have to be your be all and end all...

So talk to other people aswell. Th at way you can find  the best match for you

[miranda561]

16 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

Smackie, I always love your advice on love shack, You're my favorite on here. He could be after that, but he said one day in the future if it is ok to sleep in the same bed while caressing my hair but like you said... That could all be for shoving a romantic, smoke up my butt in trying to make me believe he wants to watch me sleep and being all princes charming. He could be after sex, I just don't know him, but whenever I don't want to talk certain stuff I'm not comfortable with, he respects that. He did ask if I ever chat with someone in a naughty way after a week of knowing me, but that's just mild questionable. I'll see how things go. 

Ohhhh hes definitely wanting one thing..but pretending to be all romantic with  the caressing your hair. Do me a favour.... Hes such a fake and phoney person already. 

Ive heard these lines before..one of my male friends used to say oh come over ..we can hug all night. Its safe to say i never went over to his place.

I don't know you personally  but all the fake cheesy lines is enough for me to say forget him!

Edited June 8, 2020 by miranda561

[rainbow12]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I know it's difficult these days but I always say, and should be a rule of thumb: you can't count messaging each other as time spent dating. So in reality you have had one date. One date. That isn't enough to be invested or telling him to get off the dating app. He's playing ya if he's already that much blowin romantic smoke up yer butt.  It has caused you to be over invested....it's a deadly combination.

As soon as you invite them in, sex is on their mind and on the table. They will work towards that...like Geata said, the ones that want dates at your place are predators.

My advice: Cut back on the messaging, and have dates going out, whether it be a walk at a park, or whatever is allowed in your area. If he starts to fade, he was in it for sex and nothing else.

Do you think it's strange that he rather tells his parents about me after the lockdown finishes? I know there's no rush in telling them and he doesn't have to reveal everything because I'm not his gf but why after the lockdown,? I'm skeptical about that and that... When we are serious if we were, he doesn't want me to travel all the way to his place because he says he feels bad if I travel and prefer it if he travelled.

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

Do you think it's strange that he rather tells his parents about me after the lockdown finishes? I know there's no rush in telling them and he doesn't have to reveal everything because I'm not his gf but why after the lockdown,? I'm skeptical about that and that... When we are serious if we were, he doesn't want me to travel all the way to his place because he says he feels bad if I travel and prefer it if he travelled.

Its beyond strange. But i think its moving too fast either way. You dont want things to blow up in your face  

[rainbow12]

3 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Its beyond strange. But i think its moving too fast either way. You dont want things to blow up in your face  

I don't Miranda and I have to admit after this thread, I feel more secure and cautious. Yeah, caressing someone's hair is some tale story from a princess book lol. I keep thinking what if he is a nice guy and... That he doesn't know how to be slow towards girls because he hasn't had many experiences with women. I just don't want to get rid of someone without proof because he is full on isn't enough proof that he's only looking for a bang. I dated a little bit a guy from college, he wasn't like the other guys, he had special needs and he was desperate to have me as his gf and he acted all clingy and needy, but never sexual but I never saw him romantically and wanted to cool things off, but with James... All he did was act the similar way, but just a little bit different with the whole bed stuff and banter a little. 

[miranda561]

8 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

I don't Miranda and I have to admit after this thread, I feel more secure and cautious. Yeah, caressing someone's hair is some tale story from a princess book lol. I keep thinking what if he is a nice guy and... That he doesn't know how to be slow towards girls because he hasn't had many experiences with women. I just don't want to get rid of someone without proof because he is full on isn't enough proof that he's only looking for a bang. I dated a little bit a guy from college, he wasn't like the other guys, he had special needs and he was desperate to have me as his gf and he acted all clingy and needy, but never sexual but I never saw him romantically and wanted to cool things off, but with James... All he did was act the similar way, but just a little bit different with the whole bed stuff and banter a little. 

No but clingy and needy is completely different to talking explicitly about sexual things. They're not the same. 

I think you like him so you're giving him some  leeway   

[rainbow12]

4 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

No but clingy and needy is completely different to talking explicitly about sexual things. They're not the same. 

I think you like him so you're giving him some  leeway   

You're right, I like him and I am giving him leeway, The good thing is he doesn't talk about sexual things, he talks about casual things to not relate to sex, but yeah reading him out right now is still confusing even when I don't know him. If he is way out of line and acts out of character I won't continue to see him or give him any leeway. I feel like this is a story, I don't know what's at the end of the page sometimes. He asks specific questions about me, he shows how he's really wanting to know me, it's just hard to believe right now at the moment that... He is only after sex, but I'll promise to everyone and to myself that I won't be blinded by him if his true colors did show. 

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, rainbow12 said:

Do you think it's strange that he rather tell his parents about me after the lock down finishes? he says he feels bad if I travel and prefer it if he traveled.

2 red flags right there. There's a possibility he's married, has a GF, etc. When they put the brakes on you visiting them is very suspect.

[Miss Spider]

This guy is more red flags than the PRC 70th anniversary ceremony. Not happn.

Edited June 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

23 hours ago, rainbow12 said:

Do you think it's strange that he rather tells his parents about me after the lockdown finishes.

Just because he told you he is going to tell his parents, that does not mean he will or that you should believe him.

It's just another line he is using to build a false intimacy.  To make you believe you're "special" to get you to have sex with him.  It's quite common.

I think it would be smart to stop believing everything this man tells you and start utilizing some good old fashioned common sense. 

I don't say this to insult you and I mean no disrespect but everything you have written about this man, screams player to me.

Edited June 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[rainbow12]

You guys that replied to my other thread, you were right about him, but it was mostly about that he wasn't interested or invested in travelling all the way to see me from his place to woodlands park that's on my doorstep, He didn't want to travel further for 32 mins on the train for me and this was meant to be our second date but he blew it by being too lazy to travel where I am. He wanted me to meet him on his terms and kept changing the gold post. He's been to others places on the train on his own for 1 hour to see his dog racing, but he couldn't take the 32 min train to see me. It was bad enough he cancelled the picnic I was meant to have with him while I insisted on paying for it, he changed the outcome by saying he has to help his brother cook the dinner at 2:30 to help his mum out. So he's a mummy's boy, and then he said he can still meet me at 4 after dinner at woodland park.  So, I agreed and then yesterday when we were supposed to meet he decided to not travel to the park that's in my area, but he wanted me to meet him at the Dartford park because he thinks where I live is too far away when it's not.

 

He lives in Belverdere London, but can't go all the way to Gravesend. Gravesend and Dartford is a stone throw away.  A man is meant to entice the woman impress her in the beginning, he wasn't wooing me or making any effects. When I had ago at him for this, all he said was I am annoying and I'm stressing him out, it's like he had a mind of a 15 year old. He tells me that the meeting at Dartford park is nearer to him and that I got it easy for my mum picking me up and he has to walk 15 mins to the train station and get another train. The guy that jogs everywhere and takes up sports, but complains about walking up the train station for me is beyond ridiculous.   He acts like a big girls blouse. I block him because we had an argument and I'm never ever no matter how long I live on this earth I'm never going on a dating app ever again and that goes for after the lockdown because this puts me right off. What I find weird the most is that before this happened, I written down instructions for him were to go to woodlands park to have a picnic, but then it started to rain, he didn't even comprehend from yesterday to scroll up the messages and see where it is. Because all he said to me was he doesn't know how to get there. Oh, and get this....

After I said the train station is near woodland park, he said can I meet him at Danson park tomorrow, so he expects me to go to him in Danson Parks that's 9 mins from Belverdere for him. He just makes a monkey out of me! I had a friend that I was kind of dating take the 1 hour train to see me and he never made a song and dance about it, he never called me names, he never needed instructions, he just got on with it.  There's seriously something mentally wrong with him.  Do you all think I was over the top or I acted the right way?

  I'm glad to finally move on from my past experiences on dating apps, I don't find them worth it anymore. I hope in the future that... I'll go out there in the real world to find a guy because at least then... I know what I'm getting after the whole virus is over.

[Versacehottie]

well:

a) you should have added this to your same post rather than create a new one..  That's how it's done properly   ok...

b) your reaction was over the top and you need to get a better hold of your emotions, over investing and being controlling.  Think about it...this was to be your 2nd date...do you legitimately think this response was justified for the situation? at 2nd date level if you don't want to date someone because they won't go the extra mile for you or making time and effort to see you, you just graciously back away or stop replying.  Your over the top reaction alone says you have some impulse control to work on, need to learn not to invest so much so soon and need a more realistic perspective.

c) while i think HOW you got there and exploded is the wrong way to go about it, I think you are doing the right thing not to keep seeing him. His actions and words are not lining up. 

d) try not to think in absolutes such as never going to go onto a dating app again.  You are deducing the wrong information from a situation by assigning a quality to a method (dating apps) because of a bad experience with a person by swearing off the whole method.  That's a bit unrealistic and also not the lesson to take from this happenstance (lol).  The lesson is that you need to be better and how you choose to invest, how you screen people and how to build trust over time and in increments.  You also need to have better impulse control and not be acting like a girlfriend from the get-go so you don't end up in these situations.  Because what you INPUT into a situation also plays into how it will play out.

e) while i think it's better to meet people in real life, that's not a guarantee either and the fact is a huge majority of people looking to date use dating apps so you might have to use them to meet someone.  Never say never.

ok, try to calm down and feel better. good luck

 

[rainbow12]

40 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

well:

a) you should have added this to your same post rather than create a new one..  That's how it's done properly   ok...

b) your reaction was over the top and you need to get a better hold of your emotions, over investing and being controlling.  Think about it...this was to be your 2nd date...do you legitimately think this response was justified for the situation? at 2nd date level if you don't want to date someone because they won't go the extra mile for you or making time and effort to see you, you just graciously back away or stop replying.  Your over the top reaction alone says you have some impulse control to work on, need to learn not to invest so much so soon and need a more realistic perspective.

c) while i think HOW you got there and exploded is the wrong way to go about it, I think you are doing the right thing not to keep seeing him. His actions and words are not lining up. 

d) try not to think in absolutes such as never going to go onto a dating app again.  You are deducing the wrong information from a situation by assigning a quality to a method (dating apps) because of a bad experience with a person by swearing off the whole method.  That's a bit unrealistic and also not the lesson to take from this happenstance (lol).  The lesson is that you need to be better and how you choose to invest, how you screen people and how to build trust over time and in increments.  You also need to have better impulse control and not be acting like a girlfriend from the get-go so you don't end up in these situations.  Because what you INPUT into a situation also plays into how it will play out.

e) while i think it's better to meet people in real life, that's not a guarantee either and the fact is a huge majority of people looking to date use dating apps so you might have to use them to meet someone.  Never say never.

ok, try to calm down and feel better. good luck

 

 

 

@Versacehottie I think my reaction to this is justified, if someone making a fool out of me, I'm not just only going to walk calmly away, Alright that could be the better approach to walk away and just block him but this guy needed telling, how things work on online dating because he likes the idea of having a girlfriend but not work his way for it. 

 

For me, I was fiery and I don't like to waste time not for 3 weeks let alone for one day. I had loads of time wasters, I'm allowed to act the way I did, So, I have to disagree with you on that one. I wasn't angry because I thought me and he had something special, I was annoyed because he is playing mind games and acting like a child. Whether I'm feeling over invested or not with him, I'll still act the same way. It's part of who I am. Some may not be affected by it, but some can, it's how human works. 

 

I meant what I say about the dating apps, I'm not taking wrong information about it, Most are bad luck on there, It's never good. I choose to say Never and I mean never. Dating apps are not for me and I don't want the same thing keep happening to me after chances after chances of going on the apps because that's the risk you take. It's more risky to go to these apps than socializing in real life, at least you're not wasting time and energy texting somebody. I made my mind up, I'm sticking to it. I'm happy for it. Thanks for reading. 

 

[miranda561]

22 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

 

 

@Versacehottie I think my reaction to this is justified, if someone making a fool out of me, I'm not just only going to walk calmly away, Alright that could be the better approach to walk away and just block him but this guy needed telling, how things work on online dating because he likes the idea of having a girlfriend but not work his way for it. 

 

For me, I was fiery and I don't like to waste time not for 3 weeks let alone for one day. I had loads of time wasters, I'm allowed to act the way I did, So, I have to disagree with you on that one. I wasn't angry because I thought me and he had something special, I was annoyed because he is playing mind games and acting like a child. Whether I'm feeling over invested or not with him, I'll still act the same way. It's part of who I am. Some may not be affected by it, but some can, it's how human works. 

 

I meant what I say about the dating apps, I'm not taking wrong information about it, Most are bad luck on there, It's never good. I choose to say Never and I mean never. Dating apps are not for me and I don't want the same thing keep happening to me after chances after chances of going on the apps because that's the risk you take. It's more risky to go to these apps than socializing in real life, at least you're not wasting time and energy texting somebody. I made my mind up, I'm sticking to it. I'm happy for it. Thanks for reading. 

 

Ohh youre in england! For some reason i thought you were american. But when you started mentioning  the names of places like dartford and gravesend i knew

I think you do have a right to think what you think and feel what you feel. I don't  really think half n hour is really a massive deal. ive been on the train to meet  a guy for about an hour or over an hour. So it just shows hes not willing to put in the effort and it only date two. . 

However  i think instead of getting overly emotional with him..just in a clear and concise  way tell him what you think. And if you then decide to end it..wish him well. And be on your way. 

With regards to what you think about dating apps, i agree, there are a lot of weird people on them..however i have come across some cool normal guys as well. But it takes some work  to find them!

I mean you could take a break and then try again ( if you wanted). Instead of ultimately writing them off for good. I have a friend who has terrible luck with online dating and instead of deleting her account completely  she just takes breaks.

 

Edited June 10, 2020 by miranda561

[Miss Spider]

Online dating isn't meant to be taken seriously Imo haha. It's just a way like any other to meet people. Shouldn't really be your main way, but it's a way and pretty easy

Edited June 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[rainbow12]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

Ohh youre in england! For some reason i thought you were american. But when you started mentioning  the names of places like dartford and gravesend i knew

I think you do have a right to think what you think and feel what you feel. I don't  really think half n hour is really a massive deal. ive been on the train to meet  a guy for about an hour or over an hour. So it just shows hes not willing to put in the effort and it only date two. . 

However  i think instead of getting overly emotional with him..just in a clear and concise  way tell him what you think. And if you then decide to end it..wish him well. And be on your way. 

With regards to what you think about dating apps, i agree, there are a lot of weird people on them..however i have come across some cool normal guys as well. But it takes some work  to find them!

I mean you could take a break and then try again ( if you wanted). Instead of ultimately writing them off for good. I have a friend who has terrible luck with online dating and instead of deleting her account completely  she just takes breaks.

 

@miranda561 What made you think I was American? Lol Yeah, It's weird, it wouldn't surprise me if he's meeting another girl while meeting me at the same time that's why he suggested meeting at 4 which is much later and the fact that he didn't want to travel far to see me, because he's travelling elsewhere to see someone else on the same day. I know you don't believe me about going off apps, but I mean it. I'm not interested in searching hard enough to see the normal guys while I can get the normal guy which is joining social groups. I just don't see the reason anymore, No matter how much good effort you put into knowing someone online, you find out they are not all what they seem to be and it's just really disappointing and a waste of texting and time. 

[miranda561]

14 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

@miranda561 What made you think I was American? Lol Yeah, It's weird, it wouldn't surprise me if he's meeting another girl while meeting me at the same time that's why he suggested meeting at 4 which is much later and the fact that he didn't want to travel far to see me, because he's travelling elsewhere to see someone else on the same day. I know you don't believe me about going off apps, but I mean it. I'm not interested in searching hard enough to see the normal guys while I can get the normal guy which is joining social groups. I just don't see the reason anymore, No matter how much good effort you put into knowing someone online, you find out they are not all what they seem to be and it's just really disappointing and a waste of texting and time. 

Because a lot of people here  are .

Yeh maybe he is meeting another? But you can't guarantee that. 

If you don't  want to carry on old. Its your choice!. 

 

[Mystery4u]

42 minutes ago, rainbow12 said:

, it wouldn't surprise me if he's meeting another girl while meeting me at the same time that's why he suggested meeting at 4 which is much later and the fact that he didn't want to travel far to see me, because he's travelling elsewhere to see someone else on the same day.

And why shouldn't he be seeing other girls? You have only met once. You already came across a bit crazy by demanding he delete his dating profile. He doesn't owe you anything. Going on one date does not mean the guy should drop everything and make his life revolve around you. You are expecting way too much too soon and just reading your posts you come across very angry and like you have a chip on your shoulder. Very off putting.

If he is not matching your expectations (which is not really hard to do as they are very unrealistic) then instead of a simple message telling him this is not going to work for you, you block him? Very very childish.

I think you need to look in the mirror before blaming others and apps.

[rainbow12]

1 hour ago, Mystery4u said:

And why shouldn't he be seeing other girls? You have only met once. You already came across a bit crazy by demanding he delete his dating profile. He doesn't owe you anything. Going on one date does not mean the guy should drop everything and make his life revolve around you. You are expecting way too much too soon and just reading your posts you come across very angry and like you have a chip on your shoulder. Very off putting.

If he is not matching your expectations (which is not really hard to do as they are very unrealistic) then instead of a simple message telling him this is not going to work for you, you block him? Very very childish.

I think you need to look in the mirror before blaming others and apps.

 Oh, he can see other girl's alright.... But just not on the same day as seeing me if he was doing that. I've already read this by another user of how I acted crazy and how it's wrong for demanding him to treat me as I'm his gf, I don't need  telling twice thank you. I already came to terms with that, but this has nothing to do with that anymore.  You make it seem like I'm stalking him like I'm stalking his dating profile every single time, I wasn't! I only check once big deal,I was curious so what? After him texting me a lot and brain washing me, my mind went overdrive, he filled my head with rubbish basically that's what guys do when they want a leg over. It doesn't really matter anymore, does it? Of what I did before, what my reaction was when I saw him a few days ago on the app, He would of still treated me the same way if I acted cool and calm, so this same old advice of yours is not important anymore.  Not meeting my expectations and mines unrealistic? So you agree with him not going the extra mile to see me? You think that's unrealistic for him to travel that way? His expectations weren't realistic more like, he was suppose to go another 7 mins on the train to Gravesend to see me, how's that unrealistic? You haven't got a slightest clue how naive and weird this guy is, He's the guy that doesn't know if he can ride a bicycle, which he should know already, he says he's too nervous to drive, doesn't sound like a grown up man does it? You're calling me unrealistic? It's like you're putting all the blame on me even when you hardly know him.

 

You need to get your facts right and read above, I'm not going to be giving him the soft, calm approach you think he deserves, I gave him tough love to stop him for doing the same thing to other girls but which I doubt he listen.  He can multi date all the women he wants or not, but the truth is... He's still a liar and a little boy who wants to get in girls knickers. Oh, and don't forget he was aggressive towards me too, he wasn't all nicey nicey. He could off listen if he was interested and understood what my first message was when I weren't aggressive, but he didn't, so don't make it seem like it's all my fault. 

@Mystery4u

 

Edited June 10, 2020 by rainbow12

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, Mystery4u said:

And why shouldn't he be seeing other girls? You have only met once. You already came across a bit crazy by demanding he delete his dating profile. He doesn't owe you anything. Going on one date does not mean the guy should drop everything and make his life revolve around you. You are expecting way too much too soon and just reading your posts you come across very angry and like you have a chip on your shoulder. Very off putting.

If he is not matching your expectations (which is not really hard to do as they are very unrealistic) then instead of a simple message telling him this is not going to work for you, you block him? Very very childish.

I think you need to look in the mirror before blaming others and apps.

Some people genuinely don't like or want the person theyre dating to be seeing others. 

I think they would rather meet see how it goes..n if it doesnt work meet another person