MK2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 I am confused with my same sex friend’s behavior (I have known her for about 3.5 yrs). She is 36 year old single female. The last time she was in a relationship was 8 years ago. Her last relationship with a man lasted 1.5 years. She told me in the past that she hates having sex with men, has no desire for sex at all, that she hated even to be touched by men, and that she even wondered if she could be a lesbian or that maybe some kind of abuse happened to her as a kid that she does not remember. Anyway she texts me all time time about random stuff. She tells me constantly that she misses me. She keeps saying her sister adores me ( I met her sister only once for about 30 min). She keeps saying how she talks to her friends and colleagues about me and how they all want to meet me. She thinks I am the funniest person. She invites me to all of her trips ( we live in different states). When we are together she gives me hugs and rubs my back. She loves to rest her head on my shoulder at games or whenever we sit next to each other. She gets super jealous to the point of crying (but tries to hide it) when I pay more attention to our other friend(nothing special going on with me and that other friend I actually find her extremely boring). She sends me her moms cookies for Christmas. Recently she went on two dates with men but nothing turned out to be serious. Anyway... is she into me romantically? Or is she just a possessive friend? I am starting to develop feelings for her (she does not know that I like women) ... but I am not sure if she is interested. Her behavior is inconsistent. I am not sure if she is playing me or if she is confused herself. I need some unbiased opinion please.
healing light Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 18 minutes ago, MK2020 said: She told me in the past that she hates having sex with men, has no desire for sex at all, that she hated even to be touched by men This line made me think perhaps she identifies as asexual, but then reading the rest, it seems like she herself is a bit confused/or may not be ready to label herself. However, given her possessiveness with crying over you talking to another friend, rubbing your back, etc. and her contemplating previously if she may be lesbian, I would say there's a possibility she could be into you. You only live once, right? So I guess you could just ask her if she's ever thought of you as anything more than just a friend. And then proceed from there depending on how she answers. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Well, obsessive in some way, anyway. This would make me nervous. Crying because you pay attention to another friend...something's not right. 5
Versacehottie Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 i do think she could very well be into you but I agree with California Girl, she sounds obsessive and a bit off. A little unhinged in a way. It may be flattering, especially if you are not out but I don't know if it would be the smartest thing to pursue. One thing you could do is let her know you like women in some way, either very directly or in passing and see if she ups the pressure. I think she will but again she does not seem stable. Good luck 2
Miss Spider Posted June 8, 2020 Posted June 8, 2020 Oh dear. I always feel for people with same sex crushes....it’s hard enough for us heteros.. then to add that extra confusion in there.... I think it’s hard to say how she feels. It does sound like she might be Bi or Bi curious at the very least. I think it’s going to be up to you to make the first move. I agree that maybe you should come out to her. I do think that in life we regret more of the opportunities we didn’t take . Best wishes 1
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2020 Posted June 8, 2020 It's a possibility...but whatever it is, crush or friendship, it's an unhealthy one. I don't know if you are up for the challenge but maybe she just needs someone to open up to....sounds like she has gone through some horrible things but it too afraid to reveal her demons. I would approach her on it, but just mention her behavior and slowly pry it out of her. But that is up to you....we can only guess what it going on...the only way to find out is to talk to her. 1
preraph Posted June 8, 2020 Posted June 8, 2020 It sounds like she has some psychological problems she needs to deal with before she knows what she wants. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted June 8, 2020 Posted June 8, 2020 (edited) Hard to tell. If I had to guess, she's still confused and not quite accepting of her attraction to women. She may indeed be in love with you ... but isn't sure you are even interested in women. I don't pick up the obsessiveness others mention. I think the crying could be that she is working so hard to pretend that she doesn't like you. Do keep an eye on that crying though. But assuming you think she's sane, float a line out there. My view is don't schedule a talk or necessarily plan a talk. But ... the next time you find yourself holding back from whatever ... whether it's kissing her ... or looking her in the eye like a love interest ... or telling her she find her really hot ... don't hold back, tell her. You can even put some qualifiers on your words ... I've never been attracted to a woman but I really like you ... I don't know what's going on, but I want to kiss you ... I'm not sure what you think, but sometimes I feel really close to you. I'm not picking up mixed messages as much as tentative messages of someone who is still getting clear on their sexuality. Sounds like she hasn't given herself full permission to date women. The way she talks about you to others, though ... sounds like love to me ... and she may only now be in the process of seeing that. Edited June 8, 2020 by Lotsgoingon 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 8, 2020 Posted June 8, 2020 Have you guys held hands? Another move you could make--when you're really feeling close to her--is take her hand. She is she takes it back. See what happens. Taking a hand is gentle, not violence ... not too intrusive ... perfect step for the person terrified of disclosing interest. I recommend this step to guys all the time. Instead of abruptly going for a kiss, or dramatically professing love with no warning ... just touch the other person's hand. If there is interest, the other person will usually touch you back ... or squeeze your hand. If the other person doesn't tenderly return the hand hold, then likely they're not interested ... and yet ... none of this is such a big deal that you would need to run and hide. Another scaredy-cat approach (yes, I've been a scaredy-cat at times ... usually with good reason it turned out--because I was bad at reading others' interest) is to take a moment when you're with this person ... and things feel awkward. Awkward is a good sign for two people who've been friends. Often means the underlying relationship is changing. You can pose the question. I'm feeling confused about me and you. Something feels different ... Or ... Is there something going on between you and me? 1
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