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The best way to make sb fall for you?


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Posted

Thought of a way to put it.

Op , doing , giving and trusting , builds up over mths and years with someone special , trust and effort is earnt over time.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Mystery4u said:

I treat my girlfriend like a princess because I want to, not because she has an attitude like a princess. She doesn't expect it, nor do I expect anything back. She's special and deserves to know it.

I've had a lot of experience with women and they all loved to be treated like a princess. Probably why I never had a problem getting a girl my whole life.

The whole thing about being a princess is having her every whim catered to without lifting a finger.  Maids and gifts and dresses and such.  I would prefer a man who treats me as a regular woman and who has the balls to say "no" should I be too strong.

And nobody is special.  Not me, not you and not a princess.  We're all pretty much ordinary.

Edited to add: I note you speak of lots of women and how they all like to be treated.  If you're churning through women like this, then they really aren't all that special to you.   Or the princess treatment isn't sufficient to keep them wanting you. 

Edited by basil67
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Posted

Indeed you are Enigma.  

Posted
3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill from the 90's sums this up perfectly.  Such an angry but great record.

Omg i loved alanis morisette! 

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Posted
1 hour ago, chillii said:

 

Yep , exactly , if it's a lasting relationship you want and it's gonna be real then it has to be real, pretty simple. None of the bs all over the net on how to is real , no decent relationship is gonna come from games and pretense or being someone your not . But yeah sure if a guy just wants to screw around sure , whatever , he's not gonna fuss over women apart from getting what he wants but of course at anytime , male or female a doormats not gonna end well either but that's a different thing again all together .

OP, that's just a song , that's all it is. There's a billion songs out there singing anything you want to believe or that fits your moment at the time.  The words and theories are just that though , usually scribbled stuff in the moment , bitter times happy times , any times.

PS , for me a women acting like that song would turn me off quicker that a light switch .

 

 

 

 

So what do you look for in a woman

Posted
3 hours ago, amanda141 said:

Your words are true. :) Maybe people chase other because of low self-esteem, and behave like a doormat because they hope to look good in the eyes of their lover, and lose their own personality. It has also happened to me, as I said, and I’ve come to realise that there is no point in giving your 100% to people who don’t care about you.
 

The last part of the song (which I hadn’t written before) says “without love, what is a man?”. I agree that love can be a powerful added value to someone, but it should be a “healthy love” 

Its so good  you've come to that realisation, how there isn't any point giving 100%to those who dont care.  

Some men/women it can take them years to get to that stage

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Posted
19 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The whole thing about being a princess is having her every whim catered to without lifting a finger.  Maids and gifts and dresses and such.  I would prefer a man who treats me as a regular woman and who has the balls to say "no" should I be too strong.

And nobody is special.  Not me, not you and not a princess.  We're all pretty much ordinary.

Edited to add: I note you speak of lots of women and how they all like to be treated.  If you're churning through women like this, then they really aren't all that special to you.   Or the princess treatment isn't sufficient to keep them wanting you. 

Its fine to be treated nice once in a while though...

I think this is missing in a lot of relationships/connections as some men know they can get away with the bare minimum to keep a woman around. 

 

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Posted

For sure @miranda561.    Doing nice things for each other is wonderful.   But if a guy makes it all about me, then I can't return the favour :)

Posted
4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

For sure @miranda561.    Doing nice things for each other is wonderful.   But if a guy makes it all about me, then I can't return the favour :)

I can!

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Posted
6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

For sure @miranda561.    Doing nice things for each other is wonderful.   But if a guy makes it all about me, then I can't return the favour :)

Of course you can! Equal give and take 

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Posted
2 hours ago, enigma32 said:

Speak for yourself, Basil. I am a princess!

l'm a specilal🤪🤩 princess

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Posted
2 hours ago, miranda561 said:

So what do you look for in a woman

Wouldn't have the words tbh , but no one would get it anyway so no matter.

Do you know what your looking for ?

Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, miranda561 said:

Of course you can! Equal give and take 

It depends on how they show it.  If they want to always do what *I* want, then I don't get to offer things they want.    

Seriously though, someone who's all about about treating me like a princess screams "player" to me.   Or 'bait and switch'  Just as the poster wrote above about his extensive experiences with women and how they all love to be treated special.....so many women.   Not feelin so special now are ya princess.   

I don't trust men who go over and above with great technique....and it's served me well because I have a wonderful husband who doesn't do all the bells and whistles but who is solid, loving, respectful and a great father.  

Edited by basil67
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Posted
33 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It depends on how they show it.  If they want to always do what *I* want, then I don't get to offer things they want.    

Seriously though, someone who's all about about treating me like a princess screams "player" to me.   Or 'bait and switch'  Just as the poster wrote above about his extensive experiences with women and how they all love to be treated special.....so many women.   Not feelin so special now are ya princess.   

I don't trust men who go over and above with great technique....and it's served me well because I have a wonderful husband who doesn't do all the bells and whistles but who is solid, loving, respectful and a great father.  

I know that's why i meant occasionally. Not always and not never. 

Usually if princess treatment occurs..it doesnt last long anyway. 😂so a player is identified pretty quickly. 

I haven't come across anyone who can show a balance. Its either never or always ( for a short period) till i realise its all a facade. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, chillii said:

Wouldn't have the words tbh , but no one would get it anyway so no matter.

Do you know what your looking for ?

Someone  compassionate, loyal, and adventurous..three key words. Ain't  found it yet though. 

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Posted
7 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I know that's why i meant occasionally. Not always and not never. 

Usually if princess treatment occurs..it doesnt last long anyway. 😂so a player is identified pretty quickly. 

I haven't come across anyone who can show a balance. Its either never or always ( for a short period) till i realise its all a facade. 

I've seen it last long enough to get to the aisle and then BAM! he's another person.   

You're right about the balance thing.  Hubby has never been the type to do flowers or compliments...and I have to ask him to help me carry shopping bags.  But he's *there* for me - which is so much more important to me.  

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Posted
9 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Someone  compassionate, loyal, and adventurous..three key words. Ain't  found it yet though. 

I'm not at all criticising you, so please don't take this the wrong way:  I am curious about what 'adventurous' brings to the table when it comes to a long term relationship/marriage.  Or perhaps I should first ask what traits you define as adventurous?  

The context to my question is that I've been with my guy for nearly 30 years, 23 of those years spent raising kids.  (The oldest of which remains permanently in need of support).  I wonder if an adventurous spirit would be crushed in a long term family situation where our needs have to get put aside for the greater good of the family.  Or perhaps this isn't something you seek and I'm heading off on a silly tangent? 

 

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Posted
15 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Someone  compassionate, loyal, and adventurous..three key words. Ain't  found it yet though. 

Nice words , l hope you do , l did., good luck.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, basil67 said:

It depends on how they show it.  If they want to always do what *I* want, then I don't get to offer things they want.    

Seriously though, someone who's all about about treating me like a princess screams "player" to me.   Or 'bait and switch'  Just as the poster wrote above about his extensive experiences with women and how they all love to be treated special.....so many women.   Not feelin so special now are ya princess.   

I don't trust men who go over and above with great technique....and it's served me well because I have a wonderful husband who doesn't do all the bells and whistles but who is solid, loving, respectful and a great father.  

This could be down to personal experiences. In mine, the most thoughtful men and most loyal were those who did take that extra care to see to it that I was happy. (I did the same, obviously.) Players are more about getting some, love-bombing in the immediate term but that's not really treating someone like a princess, it's usually more about creating a fake "bond" very fast. Easy to spot. Then the sex and then, gone. Until later when they eventually want sex again. Then they're back - for a.minute - with some story, probably  at 1 AM. That's definitely NOT princess treatment.

I've never had the experience of a guy who gave flowers, called/texted to see how I was, remembered birthdays and holidays, took extra pains or whatever being anyone but somebody more committed and interested in my happiness. Those are the guys who do end up married and fathers as you say. Players don't want to have to invest an ounce more than it takes to get the pants down.

This is what my own experience/observation has been and if yours has been drastically different then your mistrust makes a lot of sense in this case.

ETA: Why does it mean you're not special if the guy has treated other women this way?...Why wouldn't he have known a number of people in his life that he felt were special? Don't you have a bunch of people you cherish as special? I'm wondering about your really sharp tone there... "Don't feel so special now, do you, princess?" Maybe she does, because she is, why would that call for heavy sarcasm? Sure that person has the right to feel special.

Edited by CaliforniaGirl
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Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm not at all criticising you, so please don't take this the wrong way:  I am curious about what 'adventurous' brings to the table when it comes to a long term relationship/marriage.  Or perhaps I should first ask what traits you define as adventurous?  

The context to my question is that I've been with my guy for nearly 30 years, 23 of those years spent raising kids.  (The oldest of which remains permanently in need of support).  I wonder if an adventurous spirit would be crushed in a long term family situation where our needs have to get put aside for the greater good of the family.  Or perhaps this isn't something you seek and I'm heading off on a silly tangent? 

 

I'm not the person you quoted but both my husband and I love to explore new places, and as for the kids, well, we take them with us. We also like trying new restaurants and trying weird foods. Just different discovery stuf f, not Indiana Jones but new and different. His parents travel, when he and his sibs were little they came with and they all discovered some pretty amazing stuff. A sense of adventure in various ways can be fun and doesn't exclude the possibility of a family. Just bring the kids! They'll probably love it.

Edited by CaliforniaGirl
Posted (edited)
19 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I've never had the experience of a guy who gave flowers, called/texted to see how I was, remembered birthdays and holidays, took extra pains or whatever being anyone but somebody more committed and interested in my happiness. Those are the guys who do end up married and fathers as you say. Players don't want to have to invest an ounce more than it takes to get the pants down.

I wonder if some of this is how one defines being treated as a princess.  While hubby has never done flowers or compliments, he always called me during his lunch break to say Hi.   Even when the kids were babies, I used to worry that I'd fall and hurt myself and nobody would know and the babies would have nobody to care for them, so he called me every day at lunch time.   He's not one for Valentines, but he always does birthdays and Christmas.   Even though he was a bit of a party boy when we started, he started skipping most (not all) post work drinks because he knew I was at home with the kids and needing adult company.   He still loves to go out on dates, but when at a party, I won't see him all night because he'll be with the boys ;)   Perhaps what I call "being a great husband and father" is what others call being treated as a princess?

I agree with your definition of a player, but I would argue that a player could also be someone who makes a girl feel really special for a few months or a year but can't or won't sustain a long term relationship.   

 

 

Edited by basil67
grammar
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Posted
52 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Someone  compassionate, loyal, and adventurous..three key words. Ain't  found it yet though. 

Yeah, but Miranda, to be honest about this, you give the hot-and-cold treatment. You have no way of knowing none of those guys would have fulfilled this for you. These three things really are not a lot to ask for but you don't give these guys a chance and intelligent, quality guys are going to given up and move on. So you think these guys don't exist because you shoo them away fast.

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Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I'm not the person you quoted but both my husband and I love to explore new places, and as for the kids, well, we take them with us. We also like trying new restaurants and trying weird foods. Just different discovery stuf f, not Indiana Jones but new and different. His parents travel, when he and his sibs were little they came with and they all discovered some pretty amazing stuff. A sense of adventure in various ways can be fun and doesn't exclude the possibility of a family. Just bring the kids! They'll probably love it.

Ah, yes, this is what we wanted in life.  However, our eldest child is autistic and can't travel or do restaurants.   New restaurant can equal projectile vomit at the table or when younger, a meltdown.   So we couldn't do it  (though occupational therapy is helping us do a bit more locally).  I would dearly love to travel but difficult.   We went to Bali this year - it was nice to get away but we were so limited in what we could do.   It's hard to feed an adventurous spirit when unexpected restrictions come along.    

But yes, adventurous in terms of trying new things (as opposed being an adventurer) could well be what Miranda was getting at.  

Edited by basil67
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Posted
10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ah, yes, this is what we wanted in life.  However, our eldest child is autistic and can't travel or do restaurants.   New restaurant can equal projectile vomit at the table or when younger, a meltdown.   So we couldn't do it  (though occupational therapy is helping us do a bit more locally).  I would dearly love to travel but difficult.   We went to Bali this year - it was nice to get away but we were so limited in what we could do.   It's hard to feed an adventurous spirit when unexpected restrictions come along.    

But yes, adventurous in terms of trying new things (as opposed being an adventurer) could well be what Miranda was getting at.  

Our older son is autistic too. Meltdowns for about eight years. Over time things changed but it took tons of work. For now first years we went only to very family-friendly places and even then had to know we could make a quick getaway just in case (and frequently did) but we made it work.

Today we have to have things in place for him in various ways but with certain consistencies for him we all get out. We're going out of town this coming week, in fact. He comes right along nowadays, we get out and about eberywhere, or did before March and now are just beginning to again.

But most people will not have your and my situation, and can easily be adventurous in various ways while being parents. I can't see why Miranda couldn't find adventure and loyalty in one person.

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Posted
24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I wonder if some of this is how one defines being treated as a princess.  While hubby has never done flowers or compliments, he always called me during his lunch break to say Hi.   Even when the kids were babies, I used to worry that I'd fall and hurt myself and nobody would know and the babies would have nobody to care for them, so he called me every day at lunch time.   He's not one for Valentines, but he always does birthdays and Christmas.   Even though he was a bit of a party boy when we started, he started skipping most (not all) post work drinks because he knew I was at home with the kids and needing adult company.   He still loves to go out on dates, but when at a party, I won't see him all night because he'll be with the boys ;)   Perhaps what I call "being a great husband and father" is what others call being treated as a princess?

I agree with your definition of a player, but I would argue that a player could also be someone who makes a girl feel really special for a few months or a year but can't or won't sustain a long term relationship.   

 

 

No, I think princess implies really treating someone as incredibly special. Doing things that *that* person loves, not just practical things "I'm" comfortable doing. Just because they make my loved one feel happy. Going the extra mile. I think that's lovely. 😍

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