Amanda141 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Hello everyone. I was wondering what are, in your opinions, the best ways to attract a woman/man to you? For example, there is a famous Italian song from the 80s (which I translated down here), which states that you can make a woman fall for you not by being sweet, showing her your love or giving her reassurance... but by treating her bad (ofc not beating her, but by giving her little attention, making her wait for you, " be a tender lover, but out of bed, no mercy"). I am a girl and tbh I have to say that sometimes that I dumped boys who were sweet and kind with me and, however irrational it may have been, I behaved like a doormat and chased guys that clearly had no more interest in me! I know that there is no love potion to make sb fall for you, but what are your opinions? Some lines of the song: "Take a woman, tell her you love her, Write her love songs. Send her roses and poems Give her your heart, too. Always make her feel important, Give her the best of the best you've got. Try to be a tender lover Be there for her all the time, solve her problems. And be sure she'll leave you, Who is too much loved, does not give love. And rest assured she will leave you. He who loves less is stronger... you know. Take a woman, Treat her badly. Let her wait for you for hours, Don't show up and when you call her Do it as a favor. Make it feel like she's not important. Mix love and cruelty. Try to be a tender lover, But out of bed, no mercy. Then she'll love you. He who is less loved the more love he gives you." (The song is called "Teorema" by Marco Ferradini, and in Italy it's super famous) 1 2
stillafool Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Unfortunately love cannot be bought, sold or manufactured. It's either there or it isn't. I would say just be yourself because that is always who you are going to revert back to anyway and if they don't love that person it will fail. Just like you said you chased and became a doormat for guys who didn't care about you and you see that didn't work. 5 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 The song is correct for people with no self-esteem who believe, "He's only worthwhile if he realizes how not worth it I am." Artists are, frankly, not always all that well-balanced. I one had a boyfriend who was in a band. His bandmates told him, "I wish you weren't happy now. Your lyrics were so much more meaty when you were miserable." He agreed that his and their best writing happened when there was some angst going on. I thought that was interesting. , Anyway, yes. there are those who run away when you treat them well. You've done it too, you say. Perhaps you want push and pull and uncertainty and a reason to feel lesser than rather than a desire for an equal relatuonship. If so there will surely be some guy right around the corner ready to neglect you until your heart is full. It takes all kinds. 4 1
basil67 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 What's an sb? I read those song lyrics and neither guy would appeal to me. Romance, poems and possibly doormat? I just did a little sick in my mouth. Cruelty and distance? No way on earth would I be up for that. I would suggest that being a regular person doing regular stuff is the way to go. 1 1 1
simpycurious Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 "We May Never Understand If Love Just Happens Or It's Planned, We Must Believe Our Spirits Know Somehow" 2 1
basil67 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: I one had a boyfriend who was in a band. His bandmates told him, "I wish you weren't happy now. Your lyrics were so much more meaty when you were miserable." He agreed that his and their best writing happened when there was some angst going on. I thought that was interesting. , Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill from the 90's sums this up perfectly. Such an angry but great record. 2 1
Author Amanda141 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: The song is correct for people with no self-esteem who believe, "He's only worthwhile if he realizes how not worth it I am." Artists are, frankly, not always all that well-balanced. I one had a boyfriend who was in a band. His bandmates told him, "I wish you weren't happy now. Your lyrics were so much more meaty when you were miserable." He agreed that his and their best writing happened when there was some angst going on. I thought that was interesting. , Anyway, yes. there are those who run away when you treat them well. You've done it too, you say. Perhaps you want push and pull and uncertainty and a reason to feel lesser than rather than a desire for an equal relatuonship. If so there will surely be some guy right around the corner ready to neglect you until your heart is full. It takes all kinds. Your words are true. Maybe people chase other because of low self-esteem, and behave like a doormat because they hope to look good in the eyes of their lover, and lose their own personality. It has also happened to me, as I said, and I’ve come to realise that there is no point in giving your 100% to people who don’t care about you. The last part of the song (which I hadn’t written before) says “without love, what is a man?”. I agree that love can be a powerful added value to someone, but it should be a “healthy love” 1
Author Amanda141 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 @basil67 For “sb” I meant “somebody”. Thanks for the song suggestion, I’ll listen to it! 1
Author Amanda141 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 11 minutes ago, simpycurious said: "We May Never Understand If Love Just Happens Or It's Planned, We Must Believe Our Spirits Know Somehow" Perfect quote!! 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, amanda141 said: Your words are true. Maybe people chase other because of low self-esteem, and behave like a doormat because they hope to look good in the eyes of their lover, and lose their own personality. It has also happened to me, as I said, and I’ve come to realise that there is no point in giving your 100% to people who don’t care about you. The last part of the song (which I hadn’t written before) says “without love, what is a man?”. I agree that love can be a powerful added value to someone, but it should be a “healthy love” When you really want each other there's sexual/romantic tension. It's not a sure thing and nobody is a doormat or going crazy texting ten times a day hoping to get one text back. But it's far from boring. There's flirting, there's buildup, then there are fireworks. If one NEEDS to be neglected like in the song, either as the "meh" partner or as the one not getting the flowers (or really much of anything), that's different. Because then as soon as one of them comes around the other one will be gone anyway. All they wanted was either the chase or the neglect. Take one of those away and it just sort of falls flat. Edited June 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 25 minutes ago, basil67 said: What's an sb? I read those song lyrics and neither guy would appeal to me. Romance, poems and possibly doormat? I just did a little sick in my mouth. Cruelty and distance? No way on earth would I be up for that. I would suggest that being a regular person doing regular stuff is the way to go. The song shows a great degree of exaggeration with both scenarios and almost certainly is sarcastic/bitter.I think it's meant to be. It's not a love song, it's a lament, IMO.
Author Amanda141 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 @CaliforniaGirl you’re right! I think that the only rule is “love yourself”: looking for love should be a choice, not an act of necessity/need. In fact, at the end of the song there is another voice that contradicts the first one and says “I don’t agree, you speak like a wounded man.. there are no rules, just be yourself. Leave the door of your heart open: there is already a woman looking for you” 1
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Try not to pick any men that are out on the extreme. Try to pick someone who's just in the middle, not so desperate he's trying too hard and not such an abusive jackass that he treats you bad. 3
basil67 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 22 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: The song shows a great degree of exaggeration with both scenarios and almost certainly is sarcastic/bitter.I think it's meant to be. It's not a love song, it's a lament, IMO. I was thinking about awesome lyrics coming from anger when I mentioned that record. However, the song the OP wrote was not a love song either. It was about catching a woman with low self esteem by neglecting her. Anyway, songs aren't supposed to be considered life advice, so I hope the OP isn't taking the song she quoted seriously.
simpycurious Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 37 minutes ago, amanda141 said: Perfect quote!! It's simplistic in nature but seems to say a great deal.
Interstellar Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 (edited) Hah, how appropriate. I’m watching this documentary about Elvis on HBO. He’s a good natured southern boy who loves his mother...but there ain’t nothing wrong with a little swag and attitude. If you're looking for trouble You came to the right place If you're looking for trouble Just look right in my face I was born standing up And talking back My daddy was a green-eyed mountain jack Because i'm evil, my middle name is misery Well i'm evil, so don't you mess around with me Edited June 6, 2020 by Interstellar 1
simpycurious Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 5 minutes ago, Interstellar said: Hah, how appropriate. I’m watching this documentary about Elvis on HBO. He’s a good natured southern boy who loves his mother...but there ain’t nothing wrong with a little swag and attitude. If you're looking for trouble You came to the right place If you're looking for trouble Just look right in my face I was born standing up And talking back My daddy was a green-eyed mountain jack Because i'm evil, my middle name is misery Well i'm evil, so don't you mess around with me There is NOTHING WRONG with LOVING YOUR MOMMA..........I sure do love mine to the moon and back..... 1
poppyfields Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, basil67 said: Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill from the 90's sums this up perfectly. Such an angry but great record. "You live you learn, you love you learn You cry you learn, you lose you learn You bleed you learn, you scream you learn You grieve you learn, you choke you learn You laugh you learn, you choose you learn You pray you learn, you ask you learn You live you learn." AWESOME! Edited June 7, 2020 by poppyfields 4
Author Amanda141 Posted June 7, 2020 Author Posted June 7, 2020 @basil67 no of course I’m not taking it seriously, but I was interested in hearing other opinions. As far as I am concerned, I think that there are no rules in love, and people should be genuine, not playing games (like for example keeping their lover waiting, ignoring him/her on purpose..). The only thing I noticed is that, since I am insecure, sometimes I fell for guys who didn’t treat me with respect, and I became clingy, needy and obsessive. It’s a mistake which I have to learn from 1
Miss Spider Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 Alanis morrisette taught us so much...except what irony is.. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 18 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Alanis morrisette taught us so much...except what irony is.. I know. Isn't it ironic? 1
basil67 Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 23 minutes ago, enigma32 said: In my experience, I did my best with women when I tried not to hit on them in any way. Talk to her sure, but treat her like any other person, not some girl I am trying to smash. Treat her like I would a guy friend even. Most guys are so thirsty these days that they talk to all these women like little princesses. I don't even think they like it beyond the ego boost it gives. I agree with you Enigma. I also think it's a mistake to treat a girl like a princess because who wants a girl with a princess attitude for a girlfriend? 1 1
Mystery4u Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: I agree with you Enigma. I also think it's a mistake to treat a girl like a princess because who wants a girl with a princess attitude for a girlfriend? I treat my girlfriend like a princess because I want to, not because she has an attitude like a princess. She doesn't expect it, nor do I expect anything back. She's special and deserves to know it. I've had a lot of experience with women and they all loved to be treated like a princess. Probably why I never had a problem getting a girl my whole life. 3 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: I treat my girlfriend like a princess because I want to, not because she has an attitude like a princess. She doesn't expect it, nor do I expect anything back. She's special and deserves to know it. I've had a lot of experience with women and they all loved to be treated like a princess. Probably why I never had a problem getting a girl my whole life. I am swooning...
chillii Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, stillafool said: Unfortunately love cannot be bought, sold or manufactured. It's either there or it isn't. I would say just be yourself because that is always who you are going to revert back to anyway and if they don't love that person it will fail. Just like you said you chased and became a doormat for guys who didn't care about you and you see that didn't work. Yep , exactly , if it's a lasting relationship you want and it's gonna be real then it has to be real, pretty simple. None of the bs all over the net on how to is real , no decent relationship is gonna come from games and pretense or being someone your not . But yeah sure if a guy just wants to screw around sure , whatever , he's not gonna fuss over women apart from getting what he wants but of course at anytime , male or female a doormats not gonna end well either but that's a different thing again all together . OP, that's just a song , that's all it is. There's a billion songs out there singing anything you want to believe or that fits your moment at the time. The words and theories are just that though , usually scribbled stuff in the moment , bitter times happy times , any times. PS , for me a women acting like that song would turn me off quicker that a light switch . Edited June 7, 2020 by chillii 1 1
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