abbswhit Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 My birthday was about a week ago and my boyfriend said he would get me flowers. We have been dating for a year and two months and I have got him gifts for every occasion (birthday, Christmas, valentines day and random gifts in between). A day or two after my birthday he says he is struggling to afford flowers so I tell him to leave it and that it is fine. His immediate family is on the wealthy side where mine isn’t, however I always save up to get him something special for him. After he told me he was struggling to afford simple flowers he spent £80 on a video game and 2 video game merchandise. Am I wrong for being extremely upset at this? I kept hinting at things I wanted (literally all under £10) and he never took me on. I don’t know how to feel now as it has been getting me down for the past few days 1 1 1
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Grrrrr. Of course you're not wrong to be mad that your bf is a selfish narcissist. He'll only get worse. Why bother with him? 1 1
d0nnivain Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 He's selfish. You're not wrong to be upset. You are wrong to think he'll change & become invested. 2
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Wake up and realize he only cares about himself and his own needs. Get out and find someone who wants you to be happy. 2
Acacia98 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't even bother getting upset about it. I'd just frame it as an incompatibility issue: You like to give gifts and to receive gifts. It's part of how you show love and receive love. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to be interested in giving gifts, period. He's not interested in reciprocating your efforts either. That's fine. He can continue doing that. But it makes him and you incompatible. He's better off being with someone who'll buy herself gifts and ignore his birthday etc. And you're better off being with someone who enjoys giving and receiving gifts, as you do. I'd suggest that you don't bother trying to change him. You'll only end up resenting him for having to be pushed to buy you gifts. And you shouldn't force yourself to live in his world either. You'll be miserable. 8
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 23 minutes ago, abbswhit said: . After he told me he was struggling to afford simple flowers he spent £80 on a video game and 2 video game merchandise. He is showing you he is a selfish idiot. Selfish idiots do not make good bfs or husbands or fathers. So take heed and dump him. 3
Author abbswhit Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 4 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't even bother getting upset about it. I'd just frame it as an incompatibility issue: You like to give gifts and to receive gifts. It's part of how you show love and receive love. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to be interested in giving gifts, period. He's not interested in reciprocating your efforts either. That's fine. He can continue doing that. But it makes him and you incompatible. He's better off being with someone who'll buy herself gifts and ignore his birthday etc. And you're better off being with someone who enjoys giving and receiving gifts, as you do. I'd suggest that you don't bother trying to change him. You'll only end up resenting him for having to be pushed to buy you gifts. And you shouldn't force yourself to live in his world either. You'll be miserable. The thing is he usually gets me things, for my first birthday we were together he got me something on the expensive side and for Christmas he got me a couple of things handmade which I thought was sweet. He is one of those boys that will let you steal his hoodie (as corny as that is). But this is an exception. I know an exception isn’t something major to worry about but it is just making me upset. Is not giving him anything for his birthday and using this as an excuse petty? That seems like the only way I can feel better about it and make things equal.
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 4 minutes ago, abbswhit said: The thing is he usually gets me things My guess he is no longer "feeling it".
Author abbswhit Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: My guess he is no longer "feeling it". Do you really think so? I was just thinking it was a one off?
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 He was going to get you flowers but changed his mind an got himself £80 of gaming stuff. Where are you on his list of priorities? Nowhere. 3 1
Author abbswhit Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 1 minute ago, ShyViolet said: How is the relationship going besides this? The relationship is going great. We are still at that point in the relationship where we’re deeply in love but at the stage we’ve settled and gotten used to each other. We talk about a future together and sometimes it seems too good to be true. It sometimes feels like the perfect relationship, even when we have extreme highs and lows. I’m struggling to get over it even though I know he will most likely make up for it in the future.
ShyViolet Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 1 minute ago, abbswhit said: The relationship is going great. We are still at that point in the relationship where we’re deeply in love but at the stage we’ve settled and gotten used to each other. We talk about a future together and sometimes it seems too good to be true. It sometimes feels like the perfect relationship, even when we have extreme highs and lows. I’m struggling to get over it even though I know he will most likely make up for it in the future. If the relationship is going great, if it's HONESTLY good besides this one thing, I think it would be really superficial and extreme to break up with him just because of this one incident. Some people are just not into getting people gifts. As long as he treats you with respect and you have a good connection then that's the most important thing. 3
Emilie Jolie Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 50 minutes ago, abbswhit said: he spent £80 on a video game and 2 video game merchandise Do you know for a fact that he bought them with his own money? Also, how old are you both, and do you live together currently? I ask because you used the £ sign, and we're still on lockdown here, so wondered how often you are seeing each other.
Author abbswhit Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: If the relationship is going great, if it's HONESTLY good besides this one thing, I think it would be really superficial and extreme to break up with him just because of this one incident. Some people are just not into getting people gifts. As long as he treats you with respect and you have a good connection then that's the most important thing. I also thought it’d be extreme to break up with him and never would’ve over this. I just needed to see if it was selfish to feel this way over one thing. Thanks
Author abbswhit Posted June 6, 2020 Author Posted June 6, 2020 7 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Do you know for a fact that he bought them with his own money? Also, how old are you both, and do you live together currently? I ask because you used the £ sign, and we're still on lockdown here, so wondered how often you are seeing each other. We are both 17 and living with our parents. We’ve seen each other twice through the lockdown (I know we shouldn’t have). He did buy them with his own money, well that’s what he told me as I wondered where he suddenly got the money to buy these things from.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 29 minutes ago, abbswhit said: Do you really think so? I was just thinking it was a one off? I don't think you're thinking that, or you wouldn't be worrying enough about it to ask a lot of strangers on the internet whether it indicated something else. 1
miranda561 Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 17 minutes ago, abbswhit said: We are both 17 and living with our parents. We’ve seen each other twice through the lockdown (I know we shouldn’t have). He did buy them with his own money, well that’s what he told me as I wondered where he suddenly got the money to buy these things from. Firstly a bunch of flowers surely isn't going to be that expensive. Nothing in comparison to 80 quids worth of games. So in my opinion hes pretty selfish and not that generous. I know a guy not much older (20 years) old and he is constantly buying his gf expensive gifts whether its her birthday or not. 1
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 He cares more about video games than you . Wake up. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 27 minutes ago, abbswhit said: We are both 17 and living with our parents. We’ve seen each other twice through the lockdown (I know we shouldn’t have). He did buy them with his own money, well that’s what he told me as I wondered where he suddenly got the money to buy these things from. Ah well it could be a case of temporary out of sight, out of mind because of the lockdown? In his defence, 17yo boys aren't particularly mature, but that was still thoughtless. It's normal you feel disappointed. Does he know how you feel?
d0nnivain Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 I take back the part where he will never change 17 year old boys do grow up. However, decent people acknowledge their loved one's birthdays. If he cared about you he would have made some effort. Instead he prioritized himself. Better to find out sooner rather than later 2
poppyfields Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: He is showing you he is a selfish idiot. Selfish idiots do not make good bfs or husbands or fathers. So take heed and dump him. Agree and that's the real issue, telling her he will buy her flowers, then telling her he couldn't afford and buying himself something! No, no and no! As another poster said, if he's not into giving gifts, FINE, then don't tell her he will and then take it back making up some BS about not being able to afford. That's the dealbreaker. Not him not being into buying you a gift, which is bad enough IMO, but the lying is worse! Edited June 6, 2020 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted June 6, 2020 Posted June 6, 2020 1 hour ago, abbswhit said: We talk about a future together and sometimes it seems too good to be true. It sometimes feels like the perfect relationship, even when we have extreme highs and lows. I'm sorry, this makes no sense to me. How can a relationship be "perfect" when there are extreme highs and lows? Seems like a pretty big contradiction. Can you explain your rationale about that? It sounds like you're idealizing him, therefore in your mind, he's perfect. When the reality is, if that were true, this incident would not have happened and there would not be so many extreme highs and lows. Sad truth.
DarrenB Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) I remember being 14 and giving my 'girlfriend' flowers or something that would hold some sort of sentimental value on celebratory occasions, out of the pocket money I earned doing chores from my Parents. I have lived by this to family, close friends/colleagues and partners since and I'm now 21. Although he's still a young teen with his priorities probably still all over the place, it really isn't difficult to provide something as a showing form of affection, love and gratitude. A lad that would rather invest in visual pleasure as oppose to someone he's been romantically involved with for over a year (also the fact of lying about funds) is not a good look and is a very stern indication that he thinks he's in this relationship carefree and can get away with it. Edited June 7, 2020 by DarrenB
Miss Spider Posted June 7, 2020 Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) what is he, 15? Edit: ok sorry 17.wasn't too far off Edited June 7, 2020 by Cookiesandough
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