Jump to content

Upset with my past?


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

What does being together one year have to do with anything?

You don't have to be wise or mature to notice that these questions and statements are absurd:

- "If that friend was obviously in love with you and you didn't notice it, then it means you never told her no and didn't set standards for your friendship. otherwise she would have stopped loving you and being friends. Why would people stay friends with someone they once loved and know they can't have regardless."

-"You probably didn't like her, but you enjoyed the idea of a girl having feelings for her. So you strung her along as your friend because its nice to get attention"

A good 99+ percent of friendship crushes are resolved without a direct conversation. 

Posted (edited)
16 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

What does being together one year have to do with anything?

You don't have to be wise or mature to notice that these questions and statements are absurd:

- "If that friend was obviously in love with you and you didn't notice it, then it means you never told her no and didn't set standards for your friendship. otherwise she would have stopped loving you and being friends. Why would people stay friends with someone they once loved and know they can't have regardless."

-"You probably didn't like her, but you enjoyed the idea of a girl having feelings for her. So you strung her along as your friend because its nice to get attention"

A good 99+ percent of friendship crushes are resolved without a direct conversation. 

Really?.... Emotional investment - he wants to sort it out and asked for help. If it was early days , then I’m sure he would run immediately and look for someone better, but he obviously cares and it’s been a year already. That’s what emotional investment has to do with it. 
 

I never said it wasn’t absurd.
What I said was, did he do anything to make her feel that way that we don’t know about? 


I can’t read their minds but I can put myself in other peoples shoes and try and figure out WHY they would say such things. 
 

Having been the victim of a cheating Ex who conspired with her close friends to make me think I was crazy and cover her back (16 years ago) and my paranoia was unjust, when in actual fact there was something going on behind my back the whole time. That situation was f***ed. I’m now quite understanding of how some people can be  paranoid . 
9/10 times it’s unjust. But occasionally there’s more to the tree than just the apple. 

 

In no way am I saying they should be together. 

Im bowing out. 
 

Edited by Fox Sake
Grammar
Posted

Yes, we do need to keep our radar going for oddities in the present! ... This woman is digging into the past ... in a very negative way ... and getting the OP to apologize for something he did NOT do in the past.

If she caught the OP doing something weird in the present, yes, she should bring that up. Not the case here.

Posted
On 6/5/2020 at 7:40 PM, RJJennings1 said:

Hello everyone,

I have been dating this girl for close to a year. We've been friends since high school but we ended up falling in love around end of May last year. As usual things were well at first. However, she started going through my social media and noticed that one of my close friends may have once been in love with me. She got upset and pointed out all the "obvious signs and posts" that I missed. Some of these posts included "date" or "love ya" in the pictures of comments and it somewhat did make sense that maybe this friend liked me.I also mentioned that this girl said "Im like a brother to her" so I never thought of this girl liking me and thought that's the whole "friendzone" thing. She still got mad and said "Guys write that on reddit relationships and then find out the best friend like him all along. It doesn't mean ****". It also doesn't help that some of my friends had told me that this friend liked me, but I never thought much of it because they said that about other female friends I had.

Eventually I removed that friend from social media with no explanation and haven't spoke to them since. 5 months has passed and she continues to ask me "how did you not see the obvious signs?". I finally had it and asked why it's still important to her still when the friend was deleted. Her response was these 2 things

- "If that friend was obviously in love with you and you didn't notice it, then it means you never told her no and didn't set standards for your friendship. otherwise she would have stopped loving you and being friends. Why would people stay friends with someone they once loved and know they can't have regardless."

-"You probably didn't like her, but you enjoyed the idea of a girl having feelings for her. So you strung her along as your friend because its nice to get attention"

I have since denied both telling her "Im sorry I didnt see this girls hints" and "If I had known I would have just told them I didn't like them because I dont want to give anyone false hope".

Can you guys tell me what I can do to better this situation? Did I miss obvious signs and how can I make things better for us?

All i can say is you must really like her to want to improve the situation. A lot of men would have walked by now. Or at the very least have pulled away.

She's  definitely  way over the top stalking your social media and making up stories in her head..and then confronting you based on her random assumptions. 

You can't make things better for someone who already has issues. Only she can do this for herself..

If you continue  to stay with her..guaranteed it wont be the last time you hear her accusations. Try and work out if you really need that added stress  in your life. 

  • Like 2
Posted
On 6/5/2020 at 3:12 PM, smackie9 said:

Yes you may have...but you are also missing that your GF is cray cray...and you should run to the hills.  Me personally wouldn't tolerate such nonsense. She will continue to scan, stalk, inspect, snoop, invade your privacy. This is the beginning of hell for you. In her mind she is right, and you can't ever be trusted...no matter what you say to her. She will twist it around making you the bad guy. TBH you did nothing wrong if you didn't notice your friend's hints....so what. Nothing happened anyway.

I agree with everything Smackie9 said. She's still harping on it after 5 months??!!!  There isn't anything you can do to make things better at this point.  You got rid of the friend.  That should've been enough.  PERIOD.  The problem is your GF already believes what she believes.  She will not let this go unless and until your answer matches what she believes.  Mark my words, if you stay in this relationship, you will be going back to this dilemma every time you do something that doesn't sit well with your GF.  

I have dated people like this in the past. It only gets worse.  This is a BIG RED FLAG and she's waving it.  Don't ignore it.  

  • Like 1
×
×
  • Create New...