Dating a guy who is homeless

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Hoping for “perfect for us” is just as problematic as perfect. Nobody was designed solely for our happiness (or perfectly suited to us). It doesn’t exist. 

You're reading too much into it Weezy, I just meant the right fit.

Versus the wrong fit = square peg into round hole.  That is what's problematic imo

 

[Miss Spider]

5 hours ago, poppyfields said:

cookie has let it go though, it had only been a few hours since her original post. And she let it go and set up another date with a new guy.  Or so it seems.

I am not questioning her letting it go, with all his issues, that's probably smart.

I am only questioning how seemingly easy and quick it was for her to do it.  Within hours.  Given everthing she wrote in her original post.   

I am like you miranda, extremely rare when I feel that connection, energy with a man.  And I'm a water sign too - still waters run deep.

And when I do find it, it's not so easy to just move on from those feelings. 

If I realize a man isn't the right fit for me, I will leave but the feelings will continue to linger for a long time. 

That's what confuses me about cookies situation, but everyone is different and I'm learning to just accept that and not judge.  

Poppy.. i think I’m waters too .I’m an Aquarius. Is that what you are? Haha. Im not sure I believe in astrology, but just the other week I realized that all my exes have been libras and gem and sag. Supposedly my 3 most compatible signs. This was realized completely post hoc so it’s not like it was in any way intentional. Extremely coincidental. It jweirded me out. 

Edited June 5, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

Yes, Pop that is what I meant....what is perfect for us individually.....I need to proof read more

I don’t anything about astrology or what the signs mean other than I am a Gem. 

[poppyfields]

No cookies, Aquarius is an air sign, which fits you imo, from what I know about Acquarians.  My dad was an Aquarius!  

The two other air signs are libra and Gemini.

More intellectual than emotional.  But can be emotional too, just not as much as water signs though. 

Super independent too, and unconventional, generally speaking. Free-spirited!

Not every Acquarian will fit that description though.

The water signs are scorpio, pisces, cancer.  Deep, emotional, sensitive, extremely perceptive, many are introverts, like me!

I'm cancer and my bf is scorpio, and we fit super well together- both being water, we understand each other.

cookie, if you don't mind my asking, you have mentioned you are in school, the program is intense.

If it's science related in any way, that would make sense!  

Edited June 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Hoping for “perfect for us” is just as problematic as perfect. Nobody was designed solely for our happiness (or perfectly suited to us). It doesn’t exist. 

So what is a person to do then

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, miranda561 said:

I have a scorpio moon. And feeling something for anyone is rare.... and when i actually do i would rather not let it go. Since i wont know when it will be ill find that again. So i totally get cookie 

I'm familiar with the Scorpio moon and it's not to be played with.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

Yes, Pop that is what I meant....what is perfect for us individually.....I need to proof read more

I don’t anything about astrology or what the signs mean other than I am a Gem. 

simp, I meant my shocked emoji kindly , I was surprised to learn you are a Gemini!

My moon is in Gemini!

The "gems" of the zodiac!    

Edited June 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm familiar with the Scorpio moon and it's not to be played with.

Lol, nor is Scorpio sun!  And I can tell you that from direct experience being in a relationship with one!  

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I'm cancer and my bf is scorpio, and we fit super well together- both being water, we understand each other.

I think this is one of the best pairings.  My Dad (Scorpio) and his 3rd wife (Cancer) are very happy.  

 

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

The two other air signs are libra and Gemini.

More intellectual than emotional.  But can be emotional too, just not as much as water signs though. 

Super independent too, and unconventional, generally speaking. Free-spirited!

I'm a Libra sun and my husband is a Gemini.

[simpycurious]

That does not appear to be a “good” shocked.  LOL

can you explain what all of it means ?

why does it surprise you Poppy?

Edited June 5, 2020 by simpycurious

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

So what is a person to do then

Examine your core values. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? 
 

Once you know your core values, then you look for someone with similar (they won’t be identical) core values, and who shares the same relationship goals (I.e marriage? Kids? Fling? FWB?). 
 

They won’t be a perfect match. But these two things will be a good foundation. 

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Once you know your core values, then you look for someone with similar (they won’t be identical) core values, and who shares the same relationship goals (I.e marriage? Kids? Fling? FWB?). 
They won’t be a perfect match. But these two things will be a good foundation. 

What about love?  I know and have dated plenty of guys who share my values and goals, and I was not "attracted to" let alone in love with any of them!

Sharing core values is important but they won't keep you warm in bed every night, I can tell you that. 

[Weezy1973]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What about love?  I know and have dated plenty of guys who share my values and goals, and I was not "attracted to" let alone in love with any of them!

Sharing core values is important but they won't keep you warm in bed every night, I can tell you that. 

If you’re attracted to guys who share your core values and goals then you’re good to go. It’s people who are attracted to others who don’t share their core values and goals that struggle.

 

It’s like people who love junk food but also want a healthy body. You can’t have both. People who love healthy food are lucky.

[miranda561]

54 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm familiar with the Scorpio moon and it's not to be played with.

Don't know if this is my bimbo moment.

But could you elaborate

[miranda561]

42 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Examine your core values. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? 
 

Once you know your core values, then you look for someone with similar (they won’t be identical) core values, and who shares the same relationship goals (I.e marriage? Kids? Fling? FWB?). 
 

They won’t be a perfect match. But these two things will be a good foundation. 

I have so many values though. Almost  no one can or has lived up to my standards.

[basil67]

I totally support your quick change of heart @Cookiesandough   Being able to put the heart aside and assess with your brain is a positive quality.    

[Weezy1973]

29 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I have so many values though. Almost  no one can or has lived up to my standards.

Nobody will be a perfect match. If nobody in the world exists that lives up to your expectations it may be your expectations that need honing.

Start writing down your values. Make sure they’re yours - I.e what kind of person YOU want to be. Forget about what you’re looking for in a partner for now. Then hone the list to the truly important.  
 

ex. Honesty = keep on the list!

Good dancer = take off the list

Trustworthy = keep on the list

Minimal flatulence = take off the list 

 

 

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I totally support your quick change of heart @Cookiesandough   Being able to put the heart aside and assess with your brain is a positive quality.    

When it’s a battle between the head and the heart, follow your head. That will serve you well. With a good partner, that battle won’t exist.

[miranda561]

7 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Nobody will be a perfect match. If nobody in the world exists that lives up to your expectations it may be your expectations that need honing.

Start writing down your values. Make sure they’re yours - I.e what kind of person YOU want to be. Forget about what you’re looking for in a partner for now. Then hone the list to the truly important.  
 

ex. Honesty = keep on the list!

Good dancer = take off the list

Trustworthy = keep on the list

Minimal flatulence = take off the list 

 

 

The last one made me lol!! 

I think i need to lower my expectations then. Theres no other way

Within the younger age bracket..i.e mid/late 20s to early 30s. There are a whole lot of immature people. Which is probably  why half the time they can't  live up to what i want

[basil67]

What do you define as "immature"?

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I totally support your quick change of heart @Cookiesandough   Being able to put the heart aside and assess with your brain is a positive quality.    

Hey me too!   I hope you know that cookies.

I was just surprised it happened so fast, that's all. Takes me years!  Lol, that's a joke. 

But I'm over it now, are you excited about your date tomorrow?  

Who is he?  Did you meet him OLD? 

Edited June 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

The last one made me lol!! 

I think i need to lower my expectations then. Theres no other way

Within the younger age bracket..i.e mid/late 20s to early 30s. There are a whole lot of immature people. Which is probably  why half the time they can't  live up to what i want

I wouldn’t say lower your expectations- in fact sometimes you need to raise your expectations with the important stuff like honesty and trustworthiness. Just getting rid of the “nice to haves”. 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

What do you define as "immature"?

Play games, passive aggression when they  don't  get their way, not straight  up communication  wise, trying to provoke reactions by mentioning  other women..just a few examples  I've  seen from younger guys 

[mortensorchid]

The title of this thread brought me in (like I'm sure it did for everyone else).  Just the other day I was reading one of the books by Karrine Steffans (Confessions of a Video Vixen), and she said she was stopped at a traffic light of a busy intersection when she looked off to the sidewalk nearby.  She saw four feet rolling around inside a cardboard box - two homeless people doing IT.  I guess there really is a lid for every pot.  Ha ha ha ...

But seriously, you sound like you are a nieve teenager.  When you're a teenager you are nieve - you don't think you are, but you are.  This reminds me of a guy I knew years ago who unfortunately looking back, sounds like this guy.  He was also pseudo homeless, guy was a loser.  He just went from place to place, friend to friend, had no purpose or whatever else.  He said he had this friend Bob who was moving to another state, he said he was going with him.  Did he?  I have no idea, he was just an idiot.  I googled him not too long ago, he's still in my city.  What does this guy do for you?  Chances are, not much.  It's just an encounter.  Move on, you can do better than him. 

[Malin889]

This isn't a romantic comedy movie, where one person saves the other and it's all romantic and sweet. This is real life. It stinks that he's "homeless", but, he has a place to go -- his family's house, and he's not going there "out of principle" -- really? I've never been in his position before, but I would live with my parents or my siblings over being homeless any day. His reasoning is just immature. Be a man, suck it up, and go live with mom and dad until you can afford your own place. Does he think it's sexier to move from friend to friend's place? 

His drinking and him having the shakes if he doesn't stop drinking: Alcoholic. 

Him accusing his ex-wife of being an alcoholic and abusing him: I can't help but think he's projecting. He is the alcoholic and was abusing her like she accused him, is my opinion. 

It sounds like he doesn't have a job. He won't be able to support you. I'm not saying a man has to support a woman, but, he won't even be able to support HIMSELF. You'll be supporting him.

And the first date in the park? Cute, if he had money to financially support himself and you only had it in the park because of the pandemic. But you didn't. He can't afford to take you out! Not cute. 

Living in a car? Not cute! Ever!