Foxhall Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 hmmn very good, interesting thread, charisma goes a long way to attracting a beautiful woman but that is not enough on its own 1 1
Timshel Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 (edited) So much goes over people's heads, it's almost frightening. At least people have a place to vent their own fears/worries, that's a good thing. Good Luck Cookies. Edited June 4, 2020 by Timshel correct spelling 1 1
simpycurious Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 If she likes the so be it..........it's her path and certainly not anyone else's. People judge others constantly about a multitude of things. YOU have to be happy with YOU. No path is void of obstacles granted some are larger than others but still obstacles. I had someone very wise once tell me that going through pain (in this context physical endurance driven pain) and not succumbing to this pain will make you stronger than you can even imagine. I think that sometimes going through trials with someone in a relationship can do much the same.......Make you stronger. 1 1
Ellener Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 1 hour ago, FMW said: Good luck on your date with a new guy! yes, good luck! I am so looking forward to getting back out there 1 1
miranda561 Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 1 hour ago, basil67 said: She can see beyond the shallow and superficial. And many others would be able to as well. However this doesn't mean that in his current state he is able to be a good partner. No many won't. 1
Realitysux Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, miranda561 said: No many won't. That's correct. I moved here five years ago with the clothes on my back and nothing else. No one would even look at me and until recently could not even have a conversation with someone. I'm in a better place now with the exception of letting go of an obsession that killed my personality. Edited June 5, 2020 by Realitysux 2
basil67 Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 What's your point Miranda? The discussion is about whether or not he'd make a good partner. Do you think he'd make a good partner? 1 1 1
stillafool Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Do any of you know what it's like to not be able to feel anything? Yes I was that girl when I was young. I have only met 3 men in all my years that actually made me feel something. Now I am married to one of them. Back in the day when people were into astrology it used to be blamed on my Libra moon. 2 1
Timshel Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 20 minutes ago, basil67 said: What's your point Miranda? The discussion is about whether or not he'd make a good partner. Do you think he'd make a good partner? I'm not Miranda, but beside the aggressiveness of your post basil, I would ask why you would ask a rhetorical question? There is no poster who has said he would make a good partner...and this is quite firmly from the vantage that all of this is hypothetical; all of this. 2
simpycurious Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Ellener said: yes, good luck! I am so looking forward to getting back out there ^^^Same, it's time.....a candlelight dinner cruise I do believe may be in order with a full moon just like is out tonight Edited June 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 1
basil67 Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) Sorry, I didn't realise my post came across as aggressive as it did. I'll see myself out. Edited June 5, 2020 by basil67 1 1
poppyfields Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I have cut it off with this person romantically. Normally, I might have been inclined to see where it goes, but in light of knowing he has BPD and other mental health issues,, I feel like continuing to see him could become too messy and possibly dangerous. It has become messy even in times where person was quite stable. I do not want to mislead or cause any hurt feelings. So I feel like this is the best course of action. As much as I would like to help him, it is just too much for me to take on after reading this thread and thinking on it. I have another date on Saturday. wISH me luck! Wait wha? In a matter of a few hours, you've changed your mind? And you're over it? One of those things that makes you go hmmm.. Oh well, I must've totally misread the situation, I thought you had genuine feelings for the guy, for the first time in your life. No biggee, not the first time I misinterpreted but I feel a bit silly now for posting all that. Anyway, have fun on Sat! Edited June 5, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1 1
Author Miss Spider Posted June 5, 2020 Author Posted June 5, 2020 I don’t think it was silly, poppy. What you said is true... and normally I would, but I’m just trying be logical. I do not know him. It feels genuine but feelings for someone can be shattered in an instant this early on. I have to heed the words of people who have long term experiences with people with BPD and alcoholism and I can’t handle all the problems this could lead to. Already in his texts since our date he is displaying needy behavior. What if I miss his texts and his thinking turns black and white and he feels abandoned? I can’t do it. Thx I’ll update with how it goes. At least I have a better idea of what I’m looking for and the possibility it exists as FMV has said. Ty 6 1
poppyfields Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, simpycurious said: ^^^Same, it's time.....a candlelight dinner cruise I do believe may be in order with a full moon just like is out tonight Ah, that sounds so damn awesome..... Imagining it now, I live by the bay, and we have those cruises here! So romantic. Edited June 5, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
Ellener Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 12 hours ago, Realitysux said: That's correct. I moved here five years ago with the clothes on my back and nothing else. No one would even look at me and until recently could not even have a conversation with someone. I'm in a better place now with the exception of letting go of an obsession that killed my personality. Glad you are doing better. The stigmas attached to mental health, addiction, homelessness are another barrier on the road to recovery. A collective barrier it would seem, where all three issues are concerned there's a level of hypocrisy in society. In our recent state lockdowns for the pandemic liquor stores remained essential services from day one...and stayed very busy. If those same alcoholics find themselves also with depression and homeless they will be perceived differently and become outcast. @Cookiesandough the alcoholic can choose to stop drinking alcohol, though it's a long difficult road for some people. Personality disorder is lifelong. Still, the worst trait in humans seems to be cruelty. Now you've shared your friend's story- I hope he will always retain the good inside him that you got to see. May we all for that matter... 1
miranda561 Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, stillafool said: Yes I was that girl when I was young. I have only met 3 men in all my years that actually made me feel something. Now I am married to one of them. Back in the day when people were into astrology it used to be blamed on my Libra moon. I have a scorpio moon. And feeling something for anyone is rare.... and when i actually do i would rather not let it go. Since i wont know when it will be ill find that again. So i totally get cookie Edited June 5, 2020 by miranda561 2 1
miranda561 Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 10 hours ago, poppyfields said: Wait wha? In a matter of a few hours, you've changed your mind? And you're over it? One of those things that makes you go hmmm.. Oh well, I must've totally misread the situation, I thought you had genuine feelings for the guy, for the first time in your life. No biggee, not the first time I misinterpreted but I feel a bit silly now for posting all that. Anyway, have fun on Sat! I was a bit surprised too at the turnaround. Didnt think it would be that quick 1 1
simpycurious Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 Selfishly, I would WANT (not my place of course) to find or be with someone who compliments her, who gives her "goosebumps", who values her, and who helps her grow as a person. Just because the guy has issues does not mean he is a bad person or anything of the sort. I have helped people with chemical dependencies, major financial "entanglements", and behavioral problems so I fully GET why she is perplexed as to what path to choose. I think people with a great deal of compassion find it hard to walk away when they see A NEED. Just my two cents. 1 1
miranda561 Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 14 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: Chasing feelings isn’t the answer. It never is. Feelings are fleeting. They come and go. Stick to your core values. Your actions matter far more than your feelings and let your values direct your actions. Often it means acting in ways you don’t feel like. Eating an apple when you crave a chocolate bar. Studying when you feel like partying. Exercising when you feel like watching Netflix. And staying out of romantic relationships with dysfunctional people even when you feel drawn to them. Its not as easy as that for some people though. There are individual differences 1 1
poppyfields Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, miranda561 said: I have a scorpio moon. And feeling something for anyone is rare.... and when i actually do i would rather not let it go. Since i wont know when it will be ill find that again. So i totally get cookie cookie has let it go though, it had only been a few hours since her original post. And she let it go and set up another date with a new guy. Or so it seems. I am not questioning her letting it go, with all his issues, that's probably smart. I am only questioning how seemingly easy and quick it was for her to do it. Within hours. Given everthing she wrote in her original post. I am like you miranda, extremely rare when I feel that connection, energy with a man. And I'm a water sign too - still waters run deep. And when I do find it, it's not so easy to just move on from those feelings. If I realize a man isn't the right fit for me, I will leave but the feelings will continue to linger for a long time. That's what confuses me about cookies situation, but everyone is different and I'm learning to just accept that and not judge. Edited June 5, 2020 by poppyfields 2
poppyfields Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 And by the way miranda, not that I'm a huge believer astrology, but I do think there is at least some validity to it. And as such, I am glad you mentioned your Scorpio moon, I understand you much better now as crazy and hokey as that might sound to some or even many. Because I'm water too, I've been told I'm hard to read, a mystery, confusing, even been accused of playing games. It can be frustrating but I've learned to accept my nature and the right men have understood it and accepted it too, including my current. 1 1
Weezy1973 Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Its not as easy as that for some people though. There are individual differences No, definitely not easy. Often doing the right thing is hard. Edited June 5, 2020 by Weezy1973 1 1
simpycurious Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 ^^I would venture to say that THOSE that can see through the confusion and mystery are very glad they took the time to do so. I would say that with 100% certainty. The OP seems to have a very consistent stream of would be suitors why seemingly the same eventual outcome. I am not sure what that means in the end. Nobody is going to be perfect and we are all looking for perfection then we are probably going to be disappointed in the end (me included). 1 1
poppyfields Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) I understand what you're saying simpy and agree for the most part with the exception that everyone is looking for perfection. I'm certainly not, we all have flaws. I've accepted mine, and when I love a man, I accept his. Or do you mean "perfect for each of us" despite the flaws? If so, I do agree with that. What's "perfect" for one person may not be perfect for another. Edited June 5, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
Weezy1973 Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: Or do you mean "perfect for each of us" despite the flaws? If so, I do agree with that. What's "perfect" for one person may not be perfect for another. Hoping for “perfect for us” is just as problematic as perfect. Nobody was designed solely for our happiness (or perfectly suited to us). It doesn’t exist. 2
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