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Should I Run?

Myasylum

By Myasylum
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Myasylum Established Member

Myasylum

Posted
Posted

Hi...

Seems like I got myself into a bit of a situation with a co-worker.

She ask me to go out with her for a few drinks, I said... Ok. Little did I realize, This girl REALLY likes to drink.

I ended up staying at her house, Nothing happened I just slept in bed  with her.

Couple days later... Same thing! I'm starting to realize this is an everyday thing for her. I just cant do that. I like to be sober and with my wits at work. It was fun the first couple times, but then It happened again!! Still no sex, but we kissed and it was cool. 

Now...  thing is this girl as a bit of an edge to her, a bit of an attitude, but I've noticed when she's drinking it all goes away, and she is sooo sweet and adorable,

Well... then It happened again, but at a friends house. I had to help her to her car, grab get purse and all that... and she remembers nothing, Not one thing. I slept over again... and just though how weird it was. I'm at her place, I could just do whatever I wanted. but it was cool she seemed to have that trust in me. Which is good,

So I'm thinking... I can't keep  doing this. It just isn't healthy, and how often does this happen with other guys and her too?

So I sent her a message, just asking to chill out a bit. I told her I'm not trying to tell her what to do, I know I can't "change" her, just chill out a little.

Well... all she said to me was that she's "not looking for a relationship"... ok fine?! Whatever... It's still fun, just not all the time. But the next day at work...She flipped out! Not at me directly, but to a co-worker, saying that I don't know her and all this. Fact is I have learned to know her quite a but... She just don't remember.

Now she's really short with me, tells me nothing, and basically ignores me. So part of me thinks... OK?! This is a good thing! I'm off the hook. Yet another part of me misses how sweet she can be and I kind of want to give it one more shot and try to talk with her if she even lets me in.

From what I gather she was at the bar again, just without me.

Guess maybe I'm a sucker for girls like her? IDK?

What are your thoughts?

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

Well do you only get to see the sweet side of her if she is wasted??  If so, I think you have your answer since you don't want to be wasted all the time.  I think you should cool it with her for a while and see if she comes back with a better offer.  Right now she is pissed and reacting. If she is a good person to date, my guess is that she will come back around after she's calmed down, acting normal hopefully, maybe even sweet.  TBD, if she has a drinking problem or not.  Sounds like the whole thing could be messy since you work together and she is certainly volatile nor can she keep your personal business between the two of you to herself (already saying things to co-workers).  Tread carefully. :) 

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miranda561 Established Member

miranda561

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Myasylum said:

Hi...

Seems like I got myself into a bit of a situation with a co-worker.

She ask me to go out with her for a few drinks, I said... Ok. Little did I realize, This girl REALLY likes to drink.

I ended up staying at her house, Nothing happened I just slept in bed  with her.

Couple days later... Same thing! I'm starting to realize this is an everyday thing for her. I just cant do that. I like to be sober and with my wits at work. It was fun the first couple times, but then It happened again!! Still no sex, but we kissed and it was cool. 

Now...  thing is this girl as a bit of an edge to her, a bit of an attitude, but I've noticed when she's drinking it all goes away, and she is sooo sweet and adorable,

Well... then It happened again, but at a friends house. I had to help her to her car, grab get purse and all that... and she remembers nothing, Not one thing. I slept over again... and just though how weird it was. I'm at her place, I could just do whatever I wanted. but it was cool she seemed to have that trust in me. Which is good,

So I'm thinking... I can't keep  doing this. It just isn't healthy, and how often does this happen with other guys and her too?

So I sent her a message, just asking to chill out a bit. I told her I'm not trying to tell her what to do, I know I can't "change" her, just chill out a little.

Well... all she said to me was that she's "not looking for a relationship"... ok fine?! Whatever... It's still fun, just not all the time. But the next day at work...She flipped out! Not at me directly, but to a co-worker, saying that I don't know her and all this. Fact is I have learned to know her quite a but... She just don't remember.

Now she's really short with me, tells me nothing, and basically ignores me. So part of me thinks... OK?! This is a good thing! I'm off the hook. Yet another part of me misses how sweet she can be and I kind of want to give it one more shot and try to talk with her if she even lets me in.

From what I gather she was at the bar again, just without me.

Guess maybe I'm a sucker for girls like her? IDK?

What are your thoughts?

Don't bother. You can't just want to start hanging out with her again because you enjoy her company while drunk.

Logically speaking its not the right thing to do 

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted (edited)

That is odd. Is it possible she's an alcoholic? I mean the blackouts of not remembering don't seem normal.

Edited by CaliforniaGirl
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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

You can't base a relationship on how someone behaves when they're intoxicated, OP. 

In other words, you have nothing solid to build on if you like the person she is when she's three sheets to the wind. That's fleeting and borne out of alcohol. I don't know how old you are, but it reminds of Monica's boyfriend Fun Bobby on Friends. Super fun and amiable because he was drunk all the time. 

You're seeing who this woman really is, and she's a woman who loves to drink. She got defensive because you called her out on it. I would step back and keep your options open for someone else. She doesn't sound like a match for you. 

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chillii Established Member

chillii

Posted
Posted

Yep , your being a sucker , and nope women don't take rejection well as we were just talking about in another thread , no surprises, but also true colours.

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Myasylum Established Member

Myasylum

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Yea, I think she was expecting a certain something out of me. A partner in crime so to speak... when it turned out not to be the case,  it does seem like she took it as some form of rejection. 

     Also when she mentioned that she wasn't looking for a relationship... i never said that I was either.  I don't know what she was expecting out of me, but I think she felt hurt.

Now it's almost as though she wants me to feel her pain,  so shutting me out completely is her way of doing so. 

In general I find it to be all so weird.  If someone told me to chill out my drinking,  I wouldn't act mad.  I'd be thankful they cared enough about me to say something.

Idk...?? My co-worker even started,  for you two not being in a relationship you two are sure complicated.  :)

Yea, you'd think there was a nice girl out there for me somewhere wouldn't yea?

Edited by Myasylum
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Myasylum said:

In general I find it to be all so weird.  If someone told me to chill out my drinking,  I wouldn't act mad.  I'd be thankful they cared enough about me to say something.

Right, but she isn't you. We cannot apply our own logic and expect others to react the same way we think we would. 

I think she is embarrassed and doesn't want to acknowledge that her drinking might be problematic, and doesn't want others questioning her about it either. 

I would just walk away from this one. 

  • Like 2
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

Typical of an alcoholic...they don't see what they do is a problem. Stay away, she's a train wreck.

Edited by smackie9
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Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

Posted
Posted

She got mad because you hit a raw nerve. 

She can’t stop drinking. She’s alcohol dependant. 

  • Like 1
CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Typical of an alcoholic...they don't see what they do is a problem. Stay away, she's a train wreck.

This too. Blackouts, the over-the-top reaction...I think there are bigger things here, OP. Ones you don't really want to touch. 

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

This too. Blackouts, the over-the-top reaction...I think there are bigger things here, OP. Ones you don't really want to touch. 

Right...OP don't try and fix this...you can't "help" her if she doesn't want it.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, Myasylum said:

Yet another part of me misses how sweet she can be and I kind of want to give it one more shot and try to talk with her if she even lets me in.

Strangle that part of you.  There is no more shots with someone who can't control their drinking.

You scooping her up 5 nights a week because she's too drunk to get herself home  is going to get really old really quick.

 

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted

Yes you should run.  She has a drinking problem.  She's not ready for a relationship.  Your first instinct was right, this situation is really unhealthy and you should stay away from it.

  • Like 1
MsJayne Established Member

MsJayne

Posted
Posted

I believe that most people who regularly do substance abuse are nursing a wound, even if they're not consciously aware of it. The hardened edge to her when she's sober is possibly something she developed as the result of a deep hurt. You won't be able to fix it if that's the case, only she can, and she will keep drinking until it doesn't dull the pain any more, but she will probably have lost her friends/job/whatever before she decides to take inventory.  On the other hand, she may just be a party animal if that's in her personality. Either way, if you like to lead a responsible life and she can't stop drinking, she's not the girl for you.  But it probably wouldn't hurt to have a quiet convo with her and explain that you really like her but no guy really wants to date a girl who gets smashed and blacks out. It may be the wake up she needs. 

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