Consequences

[TheRainbow]

12 hours ago, understand50 said:

Rainbow, is a self centered selfish woman who should not have gotten married. OK, she did, and they have children. 

I agree one hundred percent I should have walked away. The night before my wedding was proof of that since I had a one night stand. I'm ashamed of it, but it happened. He knows everything and this is where we are. 

[understand50]

9 hours ago, TheRainbow said:

I agree one hundred percent I should have walked away. The night before my wedding was proof of that since I had a one night stand. I'm ashamed of it, but it happened. He knows everything and this is where we are. 

OK, I need to ask you why you decided to share that on your wedding night you had a one night stand.  My post was supposed to be about moving forward, as your husband and yourself have decided to try and make it work.  It is almost as if you are trying to self sabotage.  On one of my first, mostly readable posts on the site, I made the comment on a thread "She cannot un-F@@k the guy"  As for your past, this is real true.  You cannot undo what you have done.  So, Rainbow, what are you going to do going forward?  I see bit  and pieces, but I really do not see a whole plan.  In my opinion, one of the first things you should do is try and not run yourself down all the time.  Try and take credit and give yourself a break for the doing the right thing in the here and now.  As I stated in my last post, if you can become the wife and mother your husband and kids need, in 20 years you can look back at that record.   Right now you are just starting, so people expect you to slip.  As the years pile up, and you show by actions you can be faithful, and committed, you can point to that.  Your husband can take comfort in that record.  Time, if you keep your nose clean,  will heal.

 

I wish you luck.....

[DukeAsrul]

On 6/15/2020 at 9:46 PM, understand50 said:

OK, I need to ask you why you decided to share that on your wedding night you had a one night stand.  My post was supposed to be about moving forward, as your husband and yourself have decided to try and make it work.  It is almost as if you are trying to self sabotage.  On one of my first, mostly readable posts on the site, I made the comment on a thread "She cannot un-F@@k the guy"  As for your past, this is real true.  You cannot undo what you have done.  So, Rainbow, what are you going to do going forward?  I see bit  and pieces, but I really do not see a whole plan.  In my opinion, one of the first things you should do is try and not run yourself down all the time.  Try and take credit and give yourself a break for the doing the right thing in the here and now.  As I stated in my last post, if you can become the wife and mother your husband and kids need, in 20 years you can look back at that record.   Right now you are just starting, so people expect you to slip.  As the years pile up, and you show by actions you can be faithful, and committed, you can point to that.  Your husband can take comfort in that record.  Time, if you keep your nose clean,  will heal.

 

I wish you luck.....

I dont know about this, but i am really grateful that the bro in law escaped this toxic family. From 2 loose woman and one lame man that have no back bone. I really wish the MIL the best of luck. Poor woman must feel like a failure having a cuck and a cheater ad a children. Rainbow and her husband needs to be careful. I saw it myself how my friend leave the house at 16 and went to live with her grand parents, all because the mom and dad keep blaming the grand parents for not accepting the another man child,. She is a really beautiful woman in her last year in college. I call her friend because we dont have a tag in our relationship. Her mother cheating way really mess her up. Been sleeping with me for two year, come and stay at my place every week, cook and clean, and recently she seem a bit possessive towards me, esp after i got a new neighbor. After she saw those girls, she made it a point by quarantining with me.. Her grandparents love me and knew about our friendship. Thanks me for being patient with her and she still hate her parents. Told me if she got married, that grandpa will be the one to walk her down the isle. 

[BreakOnThrough]

When do you look at yourself and realize the pain and destruction you've caused and the ability to move forward is just too much to bare, not for you, but for everyone else involved.  I'm not referring to forgiveness, what other's will tolerate, but a true sense of what has occurred, knowing it's time to remove yourself from the situation so everyone may finally heal.

[DukeAsrul]

13 hours ago, BreakOnThrough said:

When do you look at yourself and realize the pain and destruction you've caused and the ability to move forward is just too much to bare, not for you, but for everyone else involved.  I'm not referring to forgiveness, what other's will tolerate, but a true sense of what has occurred, knowing it's time to remove yourself from the situation so everyone may finally heal.

True, but she cant keep blaming the MIL, just because MIL can forgive, there is no reason she have to accept the child. Peeps in here acts like she is the one who sleeps around or abuse the grandchildren. The woman i am seeing right now told me that she really love me, but she is really scared that she will follow her mother foot step just because she have the same dna. As i say, she is really hot(blond with blue eyes), smart and kind. She came from money but never show it off. I know for a fact how lucky i am having her in my side. As i said we dont have a tag and yet she gets so mad that i reply a dm from my insta, she then show me her dm all her socials and tells me she never bother replying or read any of it, even if it came from a celeb with a blue tick. Thats when she told me she loves me and i tells me that i should judge her from her action. I really wish rainbow and her husband well. But at the same time know that her MIL action is justified and she should not force or put the blame on her MIL. If she keep pushing the issue, then dont be surprise, if her child turn against her and support grandma pov when she can think for herself and know what is right or wrong 

[DukeAsrul]

13 hours ago, BreakOnThrough said:

When do you look at yourself and realize the pain and destruction you've caused and the ability to move forward is just too much to bare, not for you, but for everyone else involved.  I'm not referring to forgiveness, what other's will tolerate, but a true sense of what has occurred, knowing it's time to remove yourself from the situation so everyone may finally heal.

True, but she cant keep blaming the MIL, just because MIL can forgive, there is no reason she have to accept the child. Peeps in here acts like she is the one who sleeps around or abuse the grandchildren. The woman i am seeing right now told me that she really love me, but she is really scared that she will follow her mother foot step just because she have the same dna. As i say, she is really hot(blond with blue eyes), smart and kind. She came from money but never show it off. I know for a fact how lucky i am having her in my side. As i said we dont have a tag and yet she gets so mad that i reply a dm from my insta, she then show me her dm all her socials and tells me she never bother replying or read any of it, even if it came from a celeb with a blue tick. Thats when she told me she loves me and i tells me that i should judge her from her action. I really wish rainbow and her husband well. But at the same time know that her MIL action is justified and she should not force or put the blame on her MIL. If she keep pushing the issue, then dont be surprise, if her child turn against her and support grandma pov when she can think for herself and know what is right or wrong 

[Doom]

On 6/9/2020 at 2:18 AM, TheRainbow said:

I know I made a lot of selfish decisions that hurt a lot of people. My oldest daughter knows about my affair with the last other man, and she knows her sister is not her father’s biological father, but she also knows that her father will be her sister’s father in all the ways that count.
I don’t know why anyone would think, anyone, including myself in this situation, would think of running away and abandoning my children, and my family would be better. Better for who? My daughters would be devastated. My husband would be destroyed.

I’ve been an involved mother. I make all the appointments, make all their meals, I am there when they get hurt or want someone to play with them. Their father takes on more of the financial burden and is an involved father. Right when I told my husband the truth about my middle’s daughter’s paternity, it was him that wanted to be there for her. I was ready to move on and gave him plenty of opportunities to walk away. I was all ready to go after the other man for child support. He didn’t’ want all that. He went out of his way to make sure the other man stayed away.
He’s the only father she has ever known. And legally, the other man will never have legal rights to her. We’d made sure of it. So even if I decided to get up one day, take my middle daughter and leave, all it’d take is for him to go to court and sue for joint custody. 
 
If it at any point we get to a point where we decide to divorce, then I’ll know we both tried with both of us, especially me being at our best. I’m working on my issues, and live with a lot of guilt and shame for what I did to him. We’re working through it. We are doing better. I one hundred percent don’t believe he’s dead inside. If he were dead inside, he wouldn’t have tried so hard to keep our family together. 
 
 I’m grateful for a lot of tough love I got on here and tough love from my therapist, friends I’ve met, and so for.

Wow, just wondering how in the hell you managed to be an involved mother with all that screwing around? It's like having two...wait, three jobs! A mother, a wife (s***ty one but still) and a mistress. I guess it's true what they say that women are slightly better at multitasking.

[schlumpy]

6 hours ago, Doom said:

Wow, just wondering how in the hell you managed to be an involved mother with all that screwing around? It's like having two...wait, three jobs! A mother, a wife (s***ty one but still) and a mistress. I guess it's true what they say that women are slightly better at multitasking.

I think it would help your perspective if you were to read Rainbows backthread. It always helps to have all the information before you make up your mind. 

[sandylee1]

Your MIL doesn't have to accept your middle daughter as her GC. You can't blame her for that. It doesn't make her a bad person. 

Everything your MIL thought about you proved to be true...probably worse than she could have even imagined. 

You just need to focus on what you can control and continue working on yourself. 

Your comment about only wanting to work with women is a bit of a worry...as it comes across that you're incapable of trusting yourself around men. 

 

After all you've been through I'm very surprised  you can't control yourself to have more affairs. 

[Harry Korsnes]

Hi!

Have the two of you ever thought about moving to a new place and starting a new life? 

Maybe eaven a new contry with diferent cultures? Could help focosing as a family and not let the in laws diside who they want speek to/ see. 

Maybe will help?

[TheRainbow]

A few days ago, my Mother-In-Law hate for me took the cake. She can hate me, and I'll accept it but jointly my husband and I have decided his mother is no longer wanted in our lives.  My husband is beyond angry, and won't even speak her name. 

[mark clemson]

That's too bad. Alienated families/family members are surprisingly common from what I understand, often over things like inheritances, specific incidents/"falling out", or major personality differences. I suspect situations like yours are a bit rarer, but no doubt you're not the only person with this sort of thing happening in their life. C'est la vie.