Miss Spider Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) Petition for facepalm reaction. !!! This one is clear as day now, like chili said. She said no spark. Asked you to alter your appearance. You look and see all the exes look completely different than you tattooed etc . You aren’t her type looks wise . She told you she was just trying because she wanted someone to “grow with” and she was tired of getting pumped and dumped by her type. That’s insulting! 44 minutes ago, simpycurious said: You are not alone Grey......I am tat less as well. Don't think they would match my blonde hair and blue eyes but whatever. You cannot beat yourself up about it. The constant wondering and asking why this or why that is not going to make things better. A close friend of mine got CUT once so he calls me and asks if he should ask the team why they cut him and my answer was "do you really want to know and that it won't make a difference." I think this logic might apply to you. By the way, you will find someone NEW.............. Blonde guys ftw. Btw I still think you would rock a “simpy curious” face tat Edited June 3, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
rjc149 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, poppyfields said: rjc, great posts but don't agree he should adopt qualities SHE likes. Who is she the be-all of what all women like? Lol He could adopt those qualities, but then meet another girl he really likes who does not like those qualities. I do think he needs to work on his self-confidence and self-esteem, but if he's not the burly dominant alpha male type by nature, he'll only come off as awkward, contrived and phony. I agree, he should not now conform himself to her standards of attractiveness. But (and this has been a source of conflict on other threads lol) I do think it's advisable for men to have a generally more confident, I'm-nice-but-don't-mess-with-me presence, because not only does it get them further in life, it gets them further with women. From what the OP wrote about himself and this girl, it seems like he was a bit of a culture shock from who she normally dates. It also seems like his confidence and self-esteem is a bit lacking, and he would be well-served to adopt some burly alpha male character traits. Adopting a few learned traits to be better at something is not a betrayal of one's authentic self. We are all an amalgam of our experiences and life lessons, we all pick up a few things along the journey. It doesn't mean we are turning our backs on the older versions of ourselves. We are incorporating new experiences in order to learn and grow. And one way successful people learn and grow is to emulate people who are successful at something. I want to be successful in business, so I study successful businessmen and seek to adopt the habits and behaviors that have made them successful. It doesn't mean I want to be Michael Bloomberg. I want to be rjc149 who does a few things the way Michael Bloomberg did. The OP doesn't need to become a burly alpha male jerk. But he can adopt a few of the habits and behaviors that make the alpha male jerk appealing to women, while still being distinctly himself. Edited June 3, 2020 by rjc149 1
simpycurious Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) I agree the OP needs to let it go........he's trying to push this toooooo far Edited June 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
simpycurious Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 RJC, you can be an alpha being blonde haired, blue eyed, and NOT BURLY. IMO...........Also, just cause you are an alpha does not mean you are a jerk or overbearing or pompous. 3
rjc149 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 2 minutes ago, simpycurious said: Also, just cause you are an alpha does not mean you are a jerk or overbearing or pompous. Oh I couldn't possibly agree with you more lol. It's actually a point I try to make again and again, but a lot of other posters don't seem to see it that way. 1
manfrombelow Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 11 hours ago, Grey40 said: Talked to a girl for a while via FaceTime during quarantine, got to know her really well. We started hanging out in person recently (about 4 different occasions) all at her house. We hooked up, had sex numerous times, dirty talk, lots of flirting. She would text me and FaceTime me every single day and was really into me. Yesterday she started actually different and then texted me saying that “I’ve been doing some thinking, and even though I really enjoy our conversations I just don’t feel a romantic spark. I don’t know why but it’s how I feel”. There are millions, if not billions, reasons that we, as human beings, could come up with to justify our choice in starting or ending a relationship. It's just life. Spark or not, it's just lips service. Or in my terms, a "diplomatic move". It had no meaning other than the fact that she's trying to end things with you against your will. And, in this case, the concrete "formula" for you to do is to send her something like this: "OK, thank you for the fun we had together. Wish you best of luck. Let me know when you've changed your mind. Bye" And then you go out, hit on other women and continue improving yourself everyday, instead of getting stuck with this particular woman. You are getting the so-called "ONEITIS" on her, I'm sorry for the harsh words. 1
miranda561 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 9 hours ago, ccas93 said: OK, so I dealt with almost what sounds like your exact situation last summer... met this girl who immediately took a strong liking to me; seemed way super into me. She wanted to do these elaborate dates, was talking about future dates, bragging about me to friends and family, messaging me the whole time she was on vacation.. she was a bit nuts and should have recognized these signs. after a month of dating we had sex twice over a weekend. Then she sort of went cold on me. Had a phone conversation, when I probed about what was going on, broke down into tears and saying stuff like "if you want a girlfriend, then don't hold out for me!" "I can't give you what you want" (this is why I now believe in not waiting super long to have sex) The problem was for her, as one poster mentioned, a lack of emotional ROI. She wanted me bad but I was just kind of sitting back and enjoying the ride and all the attention. I let her take too much control in the bedroom. I didn't enjoy the sex as much as she did and she knew it. And this was pretty much a deal breaker for her as far as a long term relationship. At the time there was no other guy for her. Hope this provides some insight. People always say men want one thing, but if you're a "hot guy", you will come across many women who will objectify and use you as some kind of boy toy/dildo to satisfy their needs... then discard. Most likely only the type of women who get around the block and village bikes. Classy women will not use and abuse men. 2
miranda561 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 2 hours ago, rjc149 said: I agree, he should not now conform himself to her standards of attractiveness. But (and this has been a source of conflict on other threads lol) I do think it's advisable for men to have a generally more confident, I'm-nice-but-don't-mess-with-me presence, because not only does it get them further in life, it gets them further with women. From what the OP wrote about himself and this girl, it seems like he was a bit of a culture shock from who she normally dates. It also seems like his confidence and self-esteem is a bit lacking, and he would be well-served to adopt some burly alpha male character traits. Adopting a few learned traits to be better at something is not a betrayal of one's authentic self. We are all an amalgam of our experiences and life lessons, we all pick up a few things along the journey. It doesn't mean we are turning our backs on the older versions of ourselves. We are incorporating new experiences in order to learn and grow. And one way successful people learn and grow is to emulate people who are successful at something. I want to be successful in business, so I study successful businessmen and seek to adopt the habits and behaviors that have made them successful. It doesn't mean I want to be Michael Bloomberg. I want to be rjc149 who does a few things the way Michael Bloomberg did. The OP doesn't need to become a burly alpha male jerk. But he can adopt a few of the habits and behaviors that make the alpha male jerk appealing to women, while still being distinctly himself. He doesn't need to adopt anything. He is fine being himself... If she can't appreciate him for who he is then hes better off without her. End of! 2
miranda561 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 3 hours ago, Grey40 said: Yeah she definitley made it clear I'm not usually the kind of guy she likes, but she knows the kind of guys she likes are s***ty--usually tattooed losers with crappy jobs or abusive types. She was still really attracted to me, but I'm definitley the more "conventionally" good looking guy--along the likes of a "pretty boy" kind of look--not the rebellious, trashy jacked macho type. Leave her be. Let her be messed around by people who are her 'type ' 1 1
rjc149 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 Just now, miranda561 said: He doesn't need to adopt anything. He is fine being himself... You're certainly entitled to give that advice. But since he's come here seeking closure and answers, I'm trying to offer him an alternative perspective on what happened, and instead of telling him he's perfect just the way he is and giving him a trophy just for trying, maybe trying to tell him where he can improve his confidence and emotional self-reliance.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, rjc149 said: Oh I couldn't possibly agree with you more lol. It's actually a point I try to make again and again, but a lot of other posters don't seem to see it that way. What do you care what other posters think? Alpha males never care about stuff like that. ☺ They're confident in their choices, to hell with what the other guy thinks. Because what works, works. As far as I can see, anyway. As for the OP, here's something else beyond all the good advice people are giving: you say all along you were guessing she wanted somebody not like you. Have you considered why *you* chose to pursue somebody who felt you were not really her type? You wanted to chase and chase. It's just something to think about. You wanted someone who you felt you had to change for. How come? Edited June 3, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
Author Grey40 Posted June 3, 2020 Author Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: What do you care what other posters think? Alpha males never care about stuff like that. ☺ They're confident in their choices, to hell with what the other guy thinks. Because what works, works. As far as I can see, anyway. As for the OP, here's something else beyond all the good advice people are giving: you say all along you were guessing she wanted somebody not like you. Have you considered why *you* chose to pursue somebody who felt you were not really her type? You wanted to chase and chase. It's just something to think about. You wanted someone who you felt you had to change for. How come? No, she didn't give me that vibe at all until like the last week. She was really into me and super invested. But I kindof felt like I couldn't be myself around her, and it made things awkward which untimely led to her questioning everything. I was in a perpetual state of "does she actually like me? and is she just messing around with these mean comments?" Her humor was very sarcastic but it was tough to tell how she was feeling, and I hate that. She was very hot and cold....would facetime me daily for like an hour or so, or call me on the phone and text me everyday....but then in person kind of criticized everything about me. Most likely some other guy/an ex came back into orbit and she started feeling that sort of way again, or she realized that I just wasnt the kind of guy she really wants. To me though, this boils down to someone else entering the picture..either a new dude,, or someone from her past that's sparking her nostalgic promiscuous behavior. She just moved into her own place, and finally has freedom. She probably realized, "Hey, should take advantage of being alone and single and hook up with a bunch of hot dudes and play the field". Regardless, if her mindset is anywhere close to that, she clearly had 0% interest in me as a long term partner and decided that a while ago, but kept me around for sex and out of boredom. Edited June 3, 2020 by Grey40
manfrombelow Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 If OP really truly wants to find out why she flaked, well, there's a very high chance she got hooked up with another guy. Who knows? And who cares? Women come into your life and out of it. Your job is to focus on your mission, not women.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 40 minutes ago, manfrombelow said: If OP really truly wants to find out why she flaked, well, there's a very high chance she got hooked up with another guy. Who knows? And who cares? Women come into your life and out of it. Your job is to focus on your mission, not women. There's a mission? 1
manfrombelow Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: There's a mission? Why not? If you want to know what this mission is all about, you can try asking another question for it. I'll gladly reply. Edited June 3, 2020 by manfrombelow
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 13 minutes ago, manfrombelow said: Why not? If you want to know what this mission is all about, you can try asking another question for it. I'll gladly reply. Okay. I guess. What's the mission? 1
miranda561 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 9 hours ago, rjc149 said: You're certainly entitled to give that advice. But since he's come here seeking closure and answers, I'm trying to offer him an alternative perspective on what happened, and instead of telling him he's perfect just the way he is and giving him a trophy just for trying, maybe trying to tell him where he can improve his confidence and emotional self-reliance. You're telling him in other words to be a douchebag like most men. Which only women with no self respect like to go for 1
rjc149 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: What do you care what other posters think? Alpha males never care about stuff like that. Lol when I have ever claimed to be an alpha male? I'm an anonymous stranger on the internet. I could literally be anything. Edited June 3, 2020 by rjc149 1
rjc149 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Okay. I guess. What's the mission? The "mission" refers to a man's greater purpose and ambition in life. His career, studies, overall goals and objectives that he wants to accomplish. The concept is that when he places more importance on the woman he's dating than his own life, it's unattractive. As we've established on other threads, there are men who will be unattractive to a certain woman regardless of what he does because the cosmic vibez and feelz are just not jiving, and there are women who require their asses to be kissed by their men at all times. Generally speaking, if the OP had more focus on his own ambitions than on this girl, he could move past this more easily, and that abundance mindset of "I'm a high-value guy who can get another girl" will come through and make him more attractive to women in general, which will allow him to meet a new girl and move past this girl more quickly, which will give him an abundance mindset -- sort of like a circle. Look at it like the circle of life. Or something. Edited June 3, 2020 by rjc149 1
rjc149 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 8 minutes ago, miranda561 said: You're telling him in other words to be a douchebag like most men. Which only women with no self respect like to go for "trying to tell him where he can improve his confidence and emotional self-reliance" is telling him to be a douchebag?
manfrombelow Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 25 minutes ago, miranda561 said: You're telling him in other words to be a douchebag like most men. Which only women with no self respect like to go for That was not what RJC said. You are mis-quoting him on purpose.
miranda561 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, rjc149 said: "trying to tell him where he can improve his confidence and emotional self-reliance" is telling him to be a douchebag? He shouldn't be shamed for liking a female or expressing that interest. If he wants to make a woman his priority he should be allowed to do so without getting advice from other men about how weak he is and instead to devalue women Its this attitude in turn which causes men to act like a holes. Its a consequence of that type of advice And having come across men like this...its only attractive for a miniscule amount of time..before it gets irritating. Edited June 3, 2020 by miranda561 1
miranda561 Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 2 minutes ago, manfrombelow said: That was not what RJC said. You are mis-quoting him on purpose. Nah 1
Juha Posted June 3, 2020 Posted June 3, 2020 (edited) Sounds like this woman has body issues, self esteem issues, needs to have alcohol to enjoy sex, likes to have lots of orbiters around her so she feels good, gets in her head when things are good and casts doubt on things. Think she did you a favor, she sounds like a train wreck with lots of issues she has not taken care of Hope you enjoyed the sex but you do not want any serious relationship with this woman Consider you just dodged a big bullet with this woman with all her issues This is not a quality woman Edited June 3, 2020 by Juha 2
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