Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 31 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Some may disagree but I wouldn't advise asking this question again to a woman who just dumped you. Please. I mean l like literally cringed when reading that. It comes off very weak and needy, and if this was your general attitude while dating, she felt that from you and that is what may have turned her off. rjc149's no.3 in his first post. Agreed. I knew I shouldn’t ask that, but I just needed to get some clarity. I know she really liked me a lot and there was Definitley a spark for a while. So something changed within her. Maybe it was some lack of confidence she noticed that turned her off, who knows. But she did a total 180 on me in less than a week.
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) I don't see anything cringeworthy in asking her why? She just dumped him out of the blue. He needs some explanation He will never get another chance so better to ask than spend the next 6 months wondering... OK to be all macho and play it cool, but that is not going to help when he wakes at 3am wondering why? He needs an answer surely? Who cares what she thinks, he needs to look out for #1 Edited June 2, 2020 by elaine567
Miss Spider Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I don't see anything cringeworthy in asking her why? She just dumped him out of the blue. He needs some explanation He will never get another chance so better to ask than spend the next 6 months wondering... OK to be all macho and play it cool, but that is not going to help when he wakes at 3am wondering why? He needs an answer surely? Who cares what she thinks, he needs to look out for #1 But he got an explanation. She doesn't feel a spark. Going through details - "I think your arms are too skinny" "I don't like way you scrape your teeth against a fork when you eat" is going to do what? Who cares what she thinks..exactly. 1 2
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 I want to tell her how much I really like her and how I’m going to miss talking to her and hanging out with her, but I doubt that’s a good idea. Do you think she’s hoping that I fight for it? 2
Miss Spider Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 Just now, Grey40 said: I want to tell her how much I really like her and how I’m going to miss talking to her and hanging out with her, but I doubt that’s a good idea. Do you think she’s hoping that I fight for it? Stopppppp. Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!! 2 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, Grey40 said: I want to tell her how much I really like her and how I’m going to miss talking to her and hanging out with her, but I doubt that’s a good idea. Do you think she’s hoping that I fight for it? NO. Do not do this and NO she is not just messing with you, hoping you will "fight for her." This is EXACTLY why women ghost men because they don't want to have to deal with that behavior. She was horny after being cooped up for a while, you scratched an itch, but the attraction to you fizzled for her. Do you even want to be with someone who doesn't feel a spark with you? If so, why? 2
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: NO. Do not do this and NO she is not just messing with you, hoping you will "fight for her." This is EXACTLY why women ghost men because they don't want to have to deal with that behavior. She was horny after being cooped up for a while, you scratched an itch, but the attraction to you fizzled for her. Do you even want to be with someone who doesn't feel a spark with you? If so, why? I won’t do it, but I hate that this is just over so suddenly. I really liked her and there WAS a spark for both us 100%. It’s like her mind flipped a switch in like 24 hours. this isn’t the first time this has happened to me either, my last gf did the same thing but after like 4 months.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, Grey40 said: It’s like her mind flipped a switch in like 24 hours. Her mind probably didn't flip a switch that quickly, but her mouth did. It's likely she was struggling with that feeling/loss of spark longer than that but didn't want to hurt your feelings so wanted to make sure before she broke that news to you :(. Has that ever happened to you with anyone you've dated? You started to lose feelings but felt badly about it so you kept on for longer than you probably should have? 1
rjc149 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 35 minutes ago, elaine567 said: He needs some explanation He will never get another chance so better to ask than spend the next 6 months wondering... OK to be all macho and play it cool, but that is not going to help when he wakes at 3am wondering why? He needs an answer surely? If he's still hung up about this 6 months later and waking up at 3AM wondering what happened, I'd say he's got some much bigger issues he needs to deal with. 2
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Her mind probably didn't flip a switch that quickly, but her mouth did. It's likely she was struggling with that feeling/loss of spark longer than that but didn't want to hurt your feelings so wanted to make sure before she broke that news to you :(. Has that ever happened to you with anyone you've dated? You started to lose feelings but felt badly about it so you kept on for longer than you probably should have? Definitley. You’re right, it probably was something she was thinking about for a while. She probably wanted to say this before but gave it a shot. But she was totally normal this whole week and all flirty and into me, FaceTiming me daily and getting upset when I don’t answer right away. I didn’t sense her pulling back it was the opposite. We hung out 3 days this week the most ever so far up to this point. Seemed like things were picking up. the first time I noticed it was Friday night. I came over and we started watching a movie and randomly during the movie she turned it off and said “let’s just go to my room.” And then she went to bed basically, saying she was tired. She seemed pissed for some reason, and I asked what was wrong and she said she’s just tired and the wine got to her. We still had to sex before we went to bed but it seemed like it was more going through the motions. And then the next day she was diffeeent too. Edited June 2, 2020 by Grey40
rjc149 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 26 minutes ago, Grey40 said: I want to tell her how much I really like her and how I’m going to miss talking to her and hanging out with her, but I doubt that’s a good idea. Do you think she’s hoping that I fight for it? Of course she's hoping you'll fight for it, nothing would validate her more. When women dump you, acting sort of unconcerned and disappearing sort of throws it back in their face "wait a minute -- did he really like me at all? Does he even care? How could he just walk away like that?" So do NOT fight for her. Act somewhat unconcerned and disappear if you want her coming back you. Chasing her and needing answers and closure from her is -- needy -- and will turn her off. You just gotta walk from this one buddy, as hard as it sounds. 2
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 21 minutes ago, Grey40 said: Definitley. You’re right, it probably was something she was thinking about for a while. She probably wanted to say this before but gave it a shot. But she was totally normal this whole week and all flirty and into me, FaceTiming me daily and getting upset when I don’t answer right away. I didn’t sense her pulling back it was the opposite. We hung out 3 days this week the most ever so far up to this point. Seemed like things were picking up. the first time I noticed it was Friday night. I came over and we started watching a movie and randomly during the movie she turned it off and said “let’s just go to my room.” And then she went to bed basically, saying she was tired. She seemed pissed for some reason, and I asked what was wrong and she said she’s just tired and the wine got to her. We still had to sex before we went to bed but it seemed like it was more going through the motions. And then the next day she was diffeeent too. So yeah I tried to figure out if there was something specific I said that made her mad but I don’t think there was anything.
poppyfields Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, rjc149 said: When women dump you, acting sort of unconcerned and disappearing sort of throws it back in their face "wait a minute -- did he really like me at all? Does he even care? How could he just walk away like that?" So do NOT fight for her. Act somewhat unconcerned and disappear if you want her coming back you. Chasing her and needing answers and closure from her is -- needy -- and will turn her off. You just gotta walk from this one buddy, as hard as it sounds. I hate to admit, but this is 100% spot on. Edited June 2, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1
Miss Spider Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 It shouldn't be hard to walk away at all. In fact, the point that it was hard to walk away says a lot. You saw her 4 times and it sounds mostly sexual. Don't play casual game if you catch feelings. Be clear on intentions. You know how many guys have to walk away before they even get to smash. Now that hurts...
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: It shouldn't be hard to walk away at all. In fact, the point that it was hard to walk away says a lot. You saw her 4 times and it sounds mostly sexual. Don't play casual game if you catch feelings. Be clear on intentions. You know how many guys have to walk away before they even get to smash. Now that hurts... It was 4 times in person, but we talked via FaceTime/Skype for 2 months, for almost 12 hours a week, and for last couple of weeks we talked daily over the phone for at least an hour. It wasn’t purely sexual, we got to know each other a lot. But it’s true that I didn’t learn how insecure she was sexually and about her body until I was with her physically. She pretty much always needs “liquid courage” to enjoy sex. Otherwise she feels super uncomfortable. She’ll let you do it to her but you end up feeling like she’s just appeasing you not that she actually likes it. Edited June 2, 2020 by Grey40
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 46 minutes ago, rjc149 said: If he's still hung up about this 6 months later and waking up at 3AM wondering what happened, I'd say he's got some much bigger issues he needs to deal with. I wasn't actually implying he will be still waking up at 3am 6 months later but he may do this weekend. Also these blindsided, sudden break-ups of what seem to be great relationships with a potential future can take a bit of time to get over for even the most level headed.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 My first thought is...there's another guy... Because if she were just cold that would be one thing, but she was warm (outside of bed) and then seems to have done this 180. 1
Miss Spider Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Grey40 said: It was 4 times in person, but we talked via FaceTime/Skype for 2 months, for almost 12 hours a week, and for last couple of weeks we talked daily over the phone for at least an hour. It wasn’t purely sexual, we got to know each other a lot. But it’s true that I didn’t learn how insecure she was sexually and about her body until I was with her physically. She pretty much always needs “liquid courage” to enjoy sex. Otherwise she feels super uncomfortable. She’ll let you do it to her but you end up feeling like she’s just appeasing you not that she actually likes it. Ah okay, sorry for the misunderstanding. I get that it sucks, but best dust your shoulder off and move forward.When it's really right, you both feel it. Sounds like she has a lot of hang ups with sex that would prove difficult to get through anyway, m8 Edited June 2, 2020 by Cookiesandough
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: Stopppppp. Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!! OMG...agreed. Please don't do this. 1
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 37 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: My first thought is...there's another guy... Because if she were just cold that would be one thing, but she was warm (outside of bed) and then seems to have done this 180. Yeah this was my initial gut feeling as well. Sucks to know that some random dude can just swoop in at a moments notice and completely destroy 2+ months of getting to know each other and being into one another. But I guess the fact that she was willing to totally drop all of that out of the blue for someone new shows how little she really valued or was interested in the relationship. It was more something to keep her occupied during quarantine I suppose. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 I don't think there was anyone else. Why would you want to be with someone who YOU feel like it just going through the motions to appease you with sex anyway? 1
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: I don't think there was anyone else. Why would you want to be with someone who YOU feel like it just going through the motions to appease you with sex anyway? I don’t. But I thought it could get better and we could work on it. It was getting better each hangout. Even she said as she gets more comfortable with me she’ll open up more and be into it. She said it’s been an issue with everyone she’s dated. Also, she had a lot of other good qualities that made me willing to stick it out longer. Edited June 2, 2020 by Grey40 1
Miss Spider Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 I don't think there was anyone else either. But I am sorry I have to bring this possibility up..is it possible she was not even attracted to you? She insulted your body and told you to grow a beard...Then she was like "I have to be drunk to have sex with you and still can't cum" Sorry but if a guy told me I was too big for him and that I should change my hair color, couldn't get it up when he was around me unless he was drunk..thats what id assume and I'd move on 2
snowboy91 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Grey40 said: I don’t. But I thought it could get better and we could work on it. It was getting better each hangout. The unfortunate thing is we can't know what's going on inside anyone's head at any point in time... even partners we've been with for years. What you felt was "things are slowly getting better and this could be great" might have felt for her like "this isn't getting any better quickly enough, I'm really not feeling it". And if it feels like that much effort after 2 months, it will be 10x worse after a year - so she had to make the call. As for the lots of sex - well she might just have a really high sex drive. Lots of sex is no guarantee of a long lasting relationship - stereotypically it's the girl who falls into that trap, but as you've experienced it can happen to anyone. And sure, she did mention things about your physical appearance, but that's only down to personal preference and not something that reflects badly on you. Edited June 2, 2020 by snowboy91 1
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I don't think there was anyone else either. But I am sorry I have to bring this possibility up..is it possible she was not even attracted to you? She insulted your body and told you to grow a beard...Then she was like "I have to be drunk to have sex with you and still can't cum" Sorry but if a guy told me I was too big for him and that I should change my hair color, couldn't get it up when he was around me unless he was drunk..thats what id assume and I'd move on I doubt that, she could have friend zoned me or got rid of me much sooner if that was the case. She told me numerous times before that she used her vibrator to me, thinking about me. And she invited me over and wanted to have sex with me, she just wanted to be sure that's not all I was looking for. The skinny comment was because it made her feel like she was "bigger" than me and made her feel more insecure, which was not the case, she's as skinny as you can be, so that's just in her head. And the beard thing was because I have a baby face, so she felt weird like she was "having sex with a teen" or something. Yeah, I wasn't pleased with those comments, but they seemed to be said kind of playfully. Clearly she had me sleeping over and had sex with me numerous times. Also, she admitted it's nothing to do with me and she's like this with every guy she's been with, she can never orgasm unless it's on her own with a vibrator. Mostly because she overanalyzes. You don't do that and initiate it if there's no physical attraction. She was never "wasted" when we hooked up either, just buzzed. And we had sex in the morning too when she was totally sober. Maybe I just didn't do it for her sexually though, and wasn't "good" enough in that category. If so, that would be the first time in my life that's ever been the case. Usually women say I'm amazing in that department. Perhaps I need a women who orgasms easier and who isn't so insecure to where it becomes an issue. I'm used to giving women multiple orgasms every time, not having them remain unfinished. Edited June 2, 2020 by Grey40 1
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