Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 Talked to a girl for a while via FaceTime during quarantine, got to know her really well. We started hanging out in person recently (about 4 different occasions) all at her house. We hooked up, had sex numerous times, dirty talk, lots of flirting. She would text me and FaceTime me every single day and was really into me. Yesterday she started actually different and then texted me saying that “I’ve been doing some thinking, and even though I really enjoy our conversations I just don’t feel a romantic spark. I don’t know why but it’s how I feel”. Uhh, what about the whole sex part/talking every day, telling me about her life, bragging about me to her friends. It seems really out of the blue to me. She did say things like “you’re really skinny makes me feel insecure” and “I think you’d look good with a beard”. Maybe I wasn’t quite as burly or manly enough for what she wants? im usually good at reading the signals that she’s not feeling it, but she wasn’t giving those off...she was initiating conversation, she was constantly telling me how I turn her on, how she Uses her vibrator to me etc.
rjc149 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 A few things are possible. 1. She's getting involved with someone else. 2. You weren't validating her enough, and giving her any emotional ROI (you make it seem like she was primarily validating you, and you were primarily sitting back and enjoying the ride) 3. Conversely, you were being a little too available and perhaps treating the relationship as more than what it was, and this began to make her skittish. 4
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, rjc149 said: A few things are possible. 1. She's getting involved with someone else. 2. You weren't validating her enough, and giving her any emotional ROI (you make it seem like she was primarily validating you, and you were primarily sitting back and enjoying the ride) 3. Conversely, you were being a little too available and perhaps treating the relationship as more than what it was, and this began to make her skittish. Definitley not #2. I gave her plenty of compliments and never put her down. But now that I think about it, she never really did give me many compliments. A few here and there, but not as many as to what I’m used to when dating. She did say I make her happy when she talks to me, and that me playing music turns her on, but not much aside from that. could be the other two things for sure, and Ill never know probably. I personally think the spark thing sounds like an excuse because why would you FaceTime/text someone every day, invite them over to your place a bunch of times and act totally invested in it if you really didn’t think it was worth it? Literally 4 days ago she begged me to come over because she was horny and couldn’t wait to see me. Now she’s “no spark sorry.” Most likely some other guy has really peaked her interest hard enough for her totally give up on all that time spent getting to know each other that we built. Edited June 2, 2020 by Grey40 1
rjc149 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 It's uncommon for a woman to be really sexually interested in a guy without a strong emotional connection. They're wired differently in that respect that we are. In other words, she saw your fling as purely sexual, and nothing more. For her, it ran its course. She got her fill and is now moving on to either another fling with a new guy, or something more emotionally nourishing. 2 1
Calmandfocused Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 Thank you Grey, the interactions that you described with this lady certainly gave me a giggle. However, on a serious note something seems a bit off to me: Telling you that she wants you to change XYZ about yourself is as offensive as you telling her that she needs to lose a bit of weight! If she’s critical at this stage then god knows how critical she’d be in a relationship. Lucky escape! I don’t think she’s seeing someone else. I think there’s a possibility she may be emotionally unstable. Rapid switches from one behaviour to the opposite can be indicative of that. If you want a sexy buddy, find a woman who at least respects you and doesn’t expect you to grow a beard.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 My guess is that she's seeing someone else or an ex came back or some such thing. 2 1
ccas93 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) OK, so I dealt with almost what sounds like your exact situation last summer... met this girl who immediately took a strong liking to me; seemed way super into me. She wanted to do these elaborate dates, was talking about future dates, bragging about me to friends and family, messaging me the whole time she was on vacation.. she was a bit nuts and should have recognized these signs. after a month of dating we had sex twice over a weekend. Then she sort of went cold on me. Had a phone conversation, when I probed about what was going on, broke down into tears and saying stuff like "if you want a girlfriend, then don't hold out for me!" "I can't give you what you want" (this is why I now believe in not waiting super long to have sex) The problem was for her, as one poster mentioned, a lack of emotional ROI. She wanted me bad but I was just kind of sitting back and enjoying the ride and all the attention. I let her take too much control in the bedroom. I didn't enjoy the sex as much as she did and she knew it. And this was pretty much a deal breaker for her as far as a long term relationship. At the time there was no other guy for her. Hope this provides some insight. People always say men want one thing, but if you're a "hot guy", you will come across many women who will objectify and use you as some kind of boy toy/dildo to satisfy their needs... then discard. Edited June 2, 2020 by ccas93 1 1 1
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 Yeah the sex part seemed fine, she didn’t seem as into it as I was most of the time, and I also couldn’t make her orgasm (though she says that only one guy has in her life, and it was from dry humping believe it or not). Its possible that it ran its course for her, she was obviously attracted and wanted to get some...tried to give it a chance/shot in terms of a long term relationship situation but realized I’m not the right person for her in that regard. It’s like she lost respect for me. Perhaps I acted a little weak or insecure at times and didn’t realize it.
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said: Telling you that she wants you to change XYZ about yourself is as offensive as you telling her that she needs to lose a bit of weight! If she’s critical at this stage then god knows how critical she’d be in a relationship. Yeah this is what I also think, and it’s helping me process this easier. She was supper supportive and always talking me up to her friends, family and in public. But in private when it was one on one she got really critical of things and kept testing me a lot..saying mean things probably to see how I would react. Maybe she wanted me to stand up to her and put her in her place? No idea.
Miss Spider Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 Same exactly as when you feel about girls no spark... Hot enough to have sex with but not enough there to fall for. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's true. 3 1
poppyfields Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 Maybe it was a shyt test. Not out of the realm of possibilities. It was actually the first thing I thought of. She's unsure about you, how you feel, what you want, and she is testing you to gauge your reaction.
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 I think this has a whiff of the rebound here All in and she slotted you directly into the place her ex or an ex occupied. It all feels great to you but suddenly she realises you are not her ex and it is all over I guess he was a bit more burly with a beard... Just a thought BUT it could be literally anything..
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Maybe it was a shyt test. Not out of the realm of possibilities. It was actually the first thing I thought of. She's unsure about you, how you feel, what you want, and she is testing you to gauge your reaction. What do you mean by this? She’s breaking up with me to see how I react???
rjc149 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Grey40 said: But in private when it was one on one she got really critical of things and kept testing me a lot..saying mean things probably to see how I would react. Maybe she wanted me to stand up to her and put her in her place? No idea. Yeah this whole thing could be a sh-t test. Generally when a woman is testing you like that, she's either lost respect for you and seeing how far she can push. Or, she's feeling anxiety in the relationship and wants your negative reaction to reassure her that you care for her. Insulting you or acting out, trying to undermine your confidence, openly flirting with guys in front of you, and disrespectful behavior usually indicates loss of respect and attraction. The way to deal with a sh-t test is to ignore them entirely and demonstrate they don't rattle you whatsoever, or, calmly, but firmly, tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. This must lie on the foundation of your willingness to walk away forever. I hope your response to her was "okay, I felt a spark, but I respect if you don't feel it. I'll bow out. All the best." And go no contact. PS: A lot of woman cannot orgasm from PiV sex. They need manual/oral stimulation or -- something else. I dated a girl who said she only had orgasms from her vibrator or by rubbing herself on inanimate objects like the couch, etc. Edited June 2, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
poppyfields Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, Grey40 said: What do you mean by this? She’s breaking up with me to see how I react??? Omg, you don't know about shyt tests? rjc149, would you enlighten him please? Lol.
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 Just now, poppyfields said: How did you respond after she said it? I told her: ” ? I’m totally stunned. I really thought things were getting better every time as we keep learning about each other and learning what we both like sexually. The other night was so much fun and this seems so abrupt. Damn.” she replied, “sorry I’m not sure why I feel this what but it’s how I feel. I wanted to be upfront with you.” I said, “I appreciate you being upfront and honest about it. This is really a bummer but you can’t change how you feel. Good luck to you.” ahe says “and to you”.
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 We did also go to the beach together this past weekend, so it’s not like all we did was have sex. We talked on the phone for hours, and I went to a bbq with her and her friends the week before this. So I thought it was pretty obvious that I wasn’t just looking for a fling.
poppyfields Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 Ok that wasn't a shyt test. Sorry mate, chalk it up to she's fickle and call it a day.
rjc149 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Grey40 said: I told her: ” ? I’m totally stunned. I really thought things were getting better every time as we keep learning about each other and learning what we both like sexually. The other night was so much fun and this seems so abrupt. Damn.” she replied, “sorry I’m not sure why I feel this what but it’s how I feel. I wanted to be upfront with you.” I said, “I appreciate you being upfront and honest about it. This is really a bummer but you can’t change how you feel. Good luck to you.” ahe says “and to you”. This was a good response. It seems likely she'll reach out again. IF you disappear. Edited June 2, 2020 by rjc149 1
Author Grey40 Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 I then also asked her “was there something I did or said that changed the way you feel? If so I’d really like to know so I don’t repeat the same mistakes and mess things up in the future” her response: “no, there’s just no spark on my end”
poppyfields Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) Just to know, there are women who will break up w you to see how hard you will fight for them = shyt test. They're insecure, so they play that game, sometimes it works, sometimes it backfires, and he doesn't fight for her and she's left feeling worse than before the test! I've never played that game but when younger I did do some shyt testing, not proud to admit. Edited June 2, 2020 by poppyfields 1
simpycurious Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, Grey40 said: I then also asked her “was there something I did or said that changed the way you feel? If so I’d really like to know so I don’t repeat the same mistakes and mess things up in the future” her response: “no, there’s just no spark on my end” Or maybe the wind changed directions....it happens ya know
Miss Spider Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Grey40 said: I then also asked her “was there something I did or said that changed the way you feel? If so I’d really like to know so I don’t repeat the same mistakes and mess things up in the future” her response: “no, there’s just no spark on my end” Mistake, fam. That's why a lot of people ghost ya' know. They hate having that awkward convo. "Why? Was it something I did? ;__;" Like if she gave you a list of things to do/change to make yourself attractive to HER you'd changeyourself? Sounds like it could have been your lack of confidence. Just speaking from personal xp, but usually guys I found super physically attractive but didn't see as more/bf material were really needy/lacked confidence. Be more self-assured, man. Who cares if she didn't think you were a match. Different women find different things hot. If a girl is into burly men with beards and wants a Jason momoa, she's gonna drop Tom Hiddleston for him. It's not necessarily you, at least in the way you think it is . She sounds like she handled it very maturely and responsibly. Just not a match. Edited June 2, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
poppyfields Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Grey40 said: I then also asked her “was there something I did or said that changed the way you feel? If so I’d really like to know so I don’t repeat the same mistakes and mess things up in the future” her response: “no, there’s just no spark on my end” Some may disagree but I wouldn't advise asking this question again to a woman who just dumped you. Please. I mean l like literally cringed when reading that. It comes off very weak and needy, and if this was your general attitude while dating, she felt that from you and that is what may have turned her off. rjc149's no.3 in his first post. Edited June 2, 2020 by poppyfields 4 1
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