MsJayne Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 50 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Maybe explosions of disgust and sarcasm like this one are why this guy didn't bother to even dip his toe in the water. It's not like liberals haven't been seeing, hearing and reading stuff like this for 3.5 years, from the top down, on every platform, every site, everywhere. This guy might have had similar abuse hurled on him before so now he just doesn't bother anymore...who knows. He's probably smart to just move along. An explosion? I wouldn't call it that. Or abuse.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, MsJayne said: An explosion? I wouldn't call it that. Or abuse. "Stomach churning..." a rant that even grabbed # metoo, sarcastically...you can call it what you'd like, you can call it an evening's sonata if you'd like; choose your description. It doesn't change the fact that it's accusatory, sarcastic and a collection of put downs...even without knowing the guy or even having heard what he actually said. Liberals have been hearing these types of exhausting one dimensional talk-pointy accusations for a few years now, very loudly and literally everywhere. My suggestion is, it's possible that, probably being neither blind nor without social media, a radio or a TV oraccess to print media, he has had a few similar rants thrown his way and just wants a drama free date so he's just avoiding ideological mismatches. The OP has asked for opinions and this is one possibility. They're not a match, no need for the OP to worry, she will find someone. Edited June 1, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 4
Miss Spider Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) For the record... I also completely understand his passion and need for helping his community.... I respect it What I don’t respect at all is the passive aggressiveness illustrated in his uppity, presumptive “ [i am] a social justice liberal [who] fights for causes in [my]community” He might has well have told you “ I actually care about black people. We wouldn’t get along. Bye now” xD Edited June 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: For the record... I also completely understand his passion and need for helping his community.... I respect it What I don’t respect at all is the passive aggressiveness illustrated in his uppity, presumptive “ [i am] a social justice liberal [who] fights for causes in [my]community” He might has well have told you “ I actually care black people. We wouldn’t get along” xD But isn't this projection? We don't know what she said. We don't know anybody's tone, not even his. All we know is that they're not a match. I'm not sure there was actually a question in the OP. It's really more like a pile-on. They're not a match. Time to move on. 3
Miss Spider Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) True. I’m just taking the words as they are written... you are right that if there was any para/rephrasing or things left out , then yea it’s completely different. Not a match ! Edited June 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: True. I’m just taking the words as they are written... you are right that if there was any para/rephrasing or things left out , then yea it’s completely different. Not a match ! Exactly, and he left it on a polite note. He respects her opinion. Seems pretty even-keeled and to the point, nobody's time gets wasted, a gracious exit. Not much more to say, I guess? 2
basil67 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, MsJayne said: An explosion? I wouldn't call it that. Or abuse. Perhaps "uncalled for" would be a better description. After all, calling people "stomach churning and self righteous" is hardly pleasant commentary, nor were your suggested comebacks to what was a polite end by him. Edited June 1, 2020 by basil67 2 1
lana-banana Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 So we're hating on this guy because he is passionate about social justice and wants to date someone who feels the same way? How in the world is that a problem? If he had said he was very religious and wanted to date a very religious person would we be mad about that too? It sounds like you had a totally normal interaction: you briefly exchanged messages, realized it wasn't a fit, and moved on. What's the issue here? I also think it's pretty messed up to be making fun of someone who thinks social justice is important. All these comments are like "he wants to demonstrate against police brutality and racial discrimination? What a loser!" And FWIW, anyone calling themselves a liberal in 2020 isn't that far left at all. 7
elaine567 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 15 minutes ago, lana-banana said: I also think it's pretty messed up to be making fun of someone who thinks social justice is important. So do I. Social justice is standing up for the poor, the vulnerable and the oppressed. Equality., freedom and common good are the ideas the advocates are fighting for, surely that is a good thing, no? 5
balletomane Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 He was respectful about what he was looking for, he didn't get unpleasant or ghost you, and he wished you well. I don't see anything in your post to warrant the criticism he's getting here. There are lots of people out there (mostly white) who are giving more attention to looting than they are to the murder of black people, and by making that your topic of conversation, consciously or not, you planted yourself in that category. As others have said, you could have asked him questions about the protest and his community involvement and got a sense of what he does. Instead you chose to focus on looting. Bear in mind that he will no doubt have seen very distressed frightened people that day who are or have been at risk from unjust and violent treatment by police, and think how it may have seemed to him to have you skip over that to a discussion of your fears. He didn't insult you or criticize your response, he simply said that he couldn't see this working out. You can't fault someone for being a.) honest and b.) polite. 7 1
Acacia98 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 4 hours ago, basil67 said: There's another bit of this which nobody seems to have picked up on - MO's immediate response to what he'd been doing: She immediately started talking about herself and her feelings and shut down his dialogue. She didn't ask what he saw there. What it felt like. No questions about the experience. Even if she didn't like the movement, there's a whole conversation which could have come out of it. But noooo...she made it about herself. Poor conversational skills are as likely to be a deal breaker as opposing views. That's actually what I noticed too. He was talking about something that mattered to him and her immediate response was to put herself at the center of the conversation and highlight the negative aspect of the topic. That's a sure way to shut things down. If someone is already feeling sensitive about what they're talking about, it will make them withdraw from the conversation. @mortensorchid, I think there was more going on in the conversation than you concluded. And I think his saying he was a "social justice liberal" wasn't about elevating himself above you. I think he was actually distinguishing himself from, say, cultural liberals or fiscal liberals. The component of liberalism he identifies with most strongly is the social justice one. 3
Emilie Jolie Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 8 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I'm blue but responded with class and said "I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you find what you are looking for as well.". That was a cool response, to be fair to you. You were incompatible based on your political views (not because of 'social justice'), they were a dealbreaker to him (which is totally his prerogative), you didn't invest too much time getting to know each other, so all in all nothing much was lost. FWIW, I'm as left as they come in my political views on the democratic socialism scale (Sanders is totally mainstream from my perspective) but would not be describing myself as a 'social justice' anything, because I find this a little too defensive. I assume he probably just wanted to make it clear what his position was in these crazy times for you guys in the USA. Onwards and upwards! 4
homecoming Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: So do I. Social justice is standing up for the poor, the vulnerable and the oppressed. Equality., freedom and common good are the ideas the advocates are fighting for, surely that is a good thing, no? Yes, I cannot see how being aware of inequality, injustice, oppression, and other issues is being "on a high horse". Seems to me to be something good, and it's odd that it keeps getting negative commentary. The term SJW is used as an insult mostly now, people don't really refer to themselves that way, anymore. I'd love to find someone who was aware and passionate about social justice issues, tbh Edited June 1, 2020 by homecoming 4
Miss Spider Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: So do I. Social justice is standing up for the poor, the vulnerable and the oppressed. Equality., freedom and common good are the ideas the advocates are fighting for, surely that is a good thing, no? To me there’s a very distinct difference between someone who stands for social justice and a justice crusader. I had a bf who was in the latter group and learned to pick up on some of their tactics. He was white and tried to school me on the oppression I was supposed to have felt as a minority, as if he was disappointed in me that I never felt that way. They are essentially bullies to anyone who disagrees with them, whether it’s passive aggression, or more commonly, flat-out aggression. Maybe I am wrong about this guy, but the what she wrote definitely pinged. Doesn’t really matter though. Doesn’t seem like they would have worked out either way Edited June 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Emilie Jolie Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: To me there’s a very distinct difference between someone who stands for social justice and a justice crusader I see what you mean, I think. To a potential date who is basically a stranger, just say 'hey you know, I don't think we're compatible, let's leave it there'. You don't need to position yourself on some sort of higher moral ground. I think our OP did well to keep herself out a pointless political altercation, to be honest.
balletomane Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 58 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: I see what you mean, I think. To a potential date who is basically a stranger, just say 'hey you know, I don't think we're compatible, let's leave it there'. You don't need to position yourself on some sort of higher moral ground. I think our OP did well to keep herself out a pointless political altercation, to be honest. And if he had said that mid-conversation, no doubt there would be a thread wondering why he'd cut off the conversation without giving her a reason, probably with lots of judgemental speculation thrown in. He was honest, to the point, and polite. That isn't the behaviour of someone who is looking for an altercation. We know nothing about this man except what the OP has told us. From her posting history, we know more about her. Some of her posts about LGBT people suggest she finds activists distasteful, and she doesn't like it when people talk openly about political struggles they're involved in. I wouldn't be surprised if some of that distaste was colouring her reaction to this guy. This whole thread suggests the same thing - it isn't asking for advice or other perspectives, it's just a complaint about how "social justice" supposedly got in the way of her romance. 4
Emilie Jolie Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, balletomane said: That isn't the behaviour of someone who is looking for an altercation Neither was hers. Her reply to him was totally fine; it could have escalated on both parts. It didn't. That's a good thing, right? 38 minutes ago, balletomane said: it's just a complaint about how "social justice" supposedly got in the way of her romance. So what? Besides that, you saying you want social justice vs you saying you are a social justice liberal / warrior / whatever slant you want to put on this is not the same thing. I get why that could grate on some people. The current situation is super volatile for all of you guys, I get that, I'm not in the USA but I can imagine it's high tension. Still, people are going to date, people who have different opinions to yours are going to date and not everyone views politics as a dealbreaker regardless of current political climate. Does everything have to turn into a battlefield? I believe not. It's also ok for her to be gutted that this dating experience was unsuccessful for her. Edited June 1, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1
Haydn Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 7 hours ago, basil67 said: There's another bit of this which nobody seems to have picked up on - MO's immediate response to what he'd been doing: She immediately started talking about herself and her feelings and shut down his dialogue. She didn't ask what he saw there. What it felt like. No questions about the experience. Even if she didn't like the movement, there's a whole conversation which could have come out of it. But noooo...she made it about herself. Poor conversational skills are as likely to be a deal breaker as opposing views. Bang on. Taking even the slightest interest can take you to amazing places.... 7 hours ago, basil67 said: 1
Author mortensorchid Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 We are getting off topic here - I was saying that this guy shut it down because of how I feel about protestors. To me, protesters are not about "the cause", they are about getting loaded, rioting and looting. Comes from years of experience. I think he was rather foolish to do this but he made his decision based on that.
rjc149 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) It sounds like the SJW in question saw your apparent disinterest in participating in unruly demonstrations as an incompatibility with his world view, whether he was being completely fair or not in giving you a chance. He was polite and civil about it, much the same way I would civilly decline a relationship with someone on their way across the country to a protest, whether I’m being completely fair or not in giving them a chance. It’s not that I disagree with the reason. I just find the people doing that to be incompatible with who I choose as company. SJW's annoy the hell out of me. Edited June 1, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: We are getting off topic here - I was saying that this guy shut it down because of how I feel about protestors. To me, protesters are not about "the cause", they are about getting loaded, rioting and looting. Comes from years of experience. I think he was rather foolish to do this but he made his decision based on that. I am certain you meant rioters and looters are not about the cause. Protesters, the majority of those marching, are about the cause. I don't know what experience you have, but may be you were at an event you thought had intrinsic value and just confused that with a social-justice cause? I have been to few myself, by the way... Edited June 1, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 3
smackie9 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) Just me, ol Canadian watching from afar.....you are on a dating site looking for a date, right? IMO If you are in the middle of something like this guy was...get off the dating sites and stop wasting people's time. There are other, more productive platforms to express your protest/belief. Tho he has ties to helping the community supposedly, it doesn't sound like he was in it for the actual cause...his arrogance was pretty evident, and wow what a turn off. He's a wack job just lookin to pump his tires about something. And to all those people who take it upon themselves to loot, and set things on fire...go piss up a tree. It's happening here now, and the injustice that happened has nothing to do with this country for f sakes. My rant.. register to vote if you already haven't, and write your local politician....the voters have the power to make changes. not some dip s%^& setting a dumpster on fire. Edited June 1, 2020 by smackie9
introverted1 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 Really seems like MO is being maligned here. The guy said his weekend was good, then took a turn for bad. She asked why. He mentioned he'd gone to a protest and she said she had not b/c she was concerned about potentially less-than-peaceful aspects of the event. Neither position is unreasonable -- there are good people protesting and there are also people inciting violence. I think it was a stretch on his part to twist her concern about safety into a determination that she doesn't care about social causes. Protesting isn't the only or even the most effective way to remedy social injustice.
poppyfields Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) Agree introverted but as some of us have been suggesting, the reason for him canceling may go deeper than what OP is claiming. Just my sense and others. There is something else that caused his turnoff, again we are only hearing her side of things, which can sometimes be a problem on forums like this and prevents the OP from receiving true objective opinions unless they tell the entire story and/or post their conversation. The tone of the person even over text can also turn someone off. We don't have the benefit of hearing any of that which is why I am not inclined to point a negative finger at this guy or assume what he may have been thinking. What is clear is they are not a match. Edited June 1, 2020 by poppyfields 1
elaine567 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 The guy is probably looking for an enthusiastic "campaigner" just like himself. He has probably heard it all before and can spot a "naysayer" at a mile, hence the quick shut down. 1
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