I like my best friend too much but he has a girlfriend and I don't want to end this relation. What I suppose to do?

[crlss]

 

It started over half a year ago. We know each other from school. One day he texted on a group conversation who wants to go on a cigarette so I asked from which part of my city he is. He texted me on a private conversation and we keep talking. In the beginnings, I thought that he only wants to get to know me as a friend but I started to notice that he was flirting with me. It didn't last long because he observed that I wasn't interested in it. Our relation was developing pretty well. We were getting along great! After some time I realized I feel something more to him (in a romantic way). I knew he is in a relationship but he has never told me about her directly. Once upon a time, we’ve been at his home and we’ve been after alcohol. I’ve started to cuddle him, I have been trying to kiss him but nothing has happened. After that, I blamed myself for it. Our contact didn't deteriorate until. We had an argument that made me understand something. A couple of days ago we met for a beer and we drunk too much:/ We were kissing and almost we had sex. We both wanted it. I had never felt like that before. He said that he had never felt so safe before. probably his girlfriend hears things like that every day but it doesn't change the fact that it sounded truly. I know this is horrible what I’ve done. I know I am a bad person. I can't explain my emotions. I am confused because I don't know what feelings I have. I know that I'll never be in a relationship with him, I said:”you know that we will never together?” It sounds beastly, I know, but the truth is that I will always be the second option. In the first place will always be his girlfriend. The worst thing is that I think I fell in love  I should end it but I can't, I wanna do this but I can't and he doesn't want to do it too. Please don't judge me I know that I’m doing wrong.

PS I'm sorry for my English, it's my second language. Sometimes it may be incomprehensible and harmonious.

[preraph]

Well, I think you should back off until and unless he first breaks it off with his girlfriend, for her sake and your own.  If you dated him now, you'd never be able to trust him as is because you know he will cheat.  

 

Don't know how young you are, but if you're in your teens or early 20s, it's kind of normal not to be very committed and to keep changing partners and seeing other people.  But older than that, and it is what it is and you can't trust it. 

[crlss]

17 minutes ago, preraph said:

 If you dated him now, you'd never be able to trust him as is because you know he will cheat.  

This is the reason why I can't be with him

 

[d0nnivain]

Your English is fine.  

You know he has a GF.  Unless he dumps her -- a clean break -- & picks you, you have to stay away, far away.  If you keep this up, you are just a homewrecker.  If that is not what you want to be, tell him you like him & you hope he picks you but unless he does you're out.   But then you have to stick to your guns or he will NEVER respect you.  If you don't do this you will forever be the piece on the side who doesn't respect herself thereby giving him permission not to respect you either  Is that really what you want?  

[Lotsgoingon]

Stop this "I'm a horrible person" thing. That just blocks clear thinking. You didn't murder anyone. And you didn't have sex.

We older folks know something that younger people often do not: you have to set blocks and limits around a person you're attracted to--if you don't want to be tempted to get involved. But setting up limits and blocks does require that we come out of denial and admit early on if you're attracted to someone. No way the bar was the first time you got an excited feeling when hanging out with the guy, a feeling beyond just close friends. You gotta come out of denial earlier in order to prevent disaster.

My heart beats a certain way if I'm meeting someone I am open to romance with, that I'm very attracted to. Very different than meeting with a friend. I have close women friends ... and yes, there's a huge difference. 

Sometimes we learn this the hard way. 

Edited June 2, 2020 by Lotsgoingon