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What is with grown ass men ghosting when you don't sleep with them right away?

Candygirl1414

By Candygirl1414
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simpycurious Established Member

simpycurious

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I think from a man's perspective that you should NEVER expect anything regardless of the duration of time that has passed or not passed.  Women should be respected, made to feel safe, and treated with a lot of dignity.  I am not sure why that is a hard concept to absorb.  I do believe that intimacy should not be forced but rather be allowed to evolve naturally  and happen when it's the right time for both.  That may seem somewhat old fashioned which I fully recognize. ^^awesome

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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Posted (edited)
38 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Just to be clear DO NOT invite men over until you trust them. Even if you’ve known him years before your date...but especially if you do not know the man... just no  

100% agree!

But I guess what confused me about your posts is that you've stated you prefer even first meets and first dates to be at yours or his. 

That you like the in-home setting, it's more relaxing and comfortable and makes it easier to connect.  Fair enough!  :)

I am just wondering, per the quote above, how you're able to trust a man you are having a first meet or date with? 

I'm not judging you at all, just confused about it, that's all. 

Tnx. 

 

Edited by poppyfields
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Posted (edited)

Im pretty sure I never said that!!! I have only been on one first date at home that I recall  ( the thread I showed you) and that guy was someone I had mutual friends with/talked to casually many times. I do LIKE/prefer the home date or going over to the guys house because it gives a lot of info about him and it’s just interesting, plus yes it does give the opportunity to get closer in ways ( not sex). But I’ve never gone for a first date at home with someone I’d never met before, but then again never been asked that before. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be comfortable until I had met him/we got to know each other more. 

 

sorry for the confusion !! 

 

 

Edited by Cookiesandough
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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Posted

Ok sorry, must've misread it, thanks!  :)

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

100% agree!

But I guess what confused me about your posts is that you've stated you prefer even first meets and first dates to be at yours or his. 

That you like the in-home setting, it's more relaxing and comfortable and makes it easier to connect.  Fair enough!  :)

I am just wondering, per the quote above, how you're able to trust a man you are having a first meet or date with? 

I'm not judging you at all, just confused about it, that's all. 

Tnx. 

 

Also to answer your question - I trust men in general, but I also feel I’m a good judge of character. I trust men after 1 date/meet for the same reasons I’d trust them after 3, 4, 9 ....i feel like if a guy can lie for one date, he can lie for 9. Yes, time and consistency help, but for this particular thing(being behind closed doors alone) for me it is about intuition/judge of character . Then I can trust to be alone with them 

 

Some people are more cautious than me, whether just as a character trait or learned. And that’s fine 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)
38 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

I think from a man's perspective that you should NEVER expect anything regardless of the duration of time that has passed or not passed.  Women should be respected, made to feel safe, and treated with a lot of dignity.  I am not sure why that is a hard concept to absorb.  I do believe that intimacy should not be forced but rather be allowed to evolve naturally  and happen when it's the right time for both.  That may seem somewhat old fashioned which I fully recognize. ^^awesome

Agree. I think you are much more gentlemanly/traditional than MOST men, simpy. But I don’t think for a second most men get irritated or lose respect for women who do not have sex w them. 
 

I honestly think a lot of women ignore blatant red flags along the way... then they act all surprised when he doesn’t turn out to be the perfect guy? If you’re ignoring red flags/intuition doesn’t matter how many dates you go on, it probably won’t end well. Like if a guy asks you to come over  without even knowing  you or if you’d be ok with it that is a red flag right there !!! 

Edited by Cookiesandough
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 5/31/2020 at 11:55 AM, Cookiesandough said:

Noooo some have been cute! FOR EXAMPLE:  This guy I'm actually still seeing. We're going hiking on weds.

I went to his house for our first date (my request) and he didn't kiss me on the date at ALL  and I feel like I was receptive/trying. Was certain he didn't like me much. I'm not saying I expected sex... just a kiss on a date well done..

But second date, we went out with some friends, ended up kissing. Alls good..

cookies, just so you don't think I'm off my rocker (which I still may be lol), this^ is the post that got me confused and wondering.  Second paragraph.

But it's all good, you've explained and I love your free spirited attitude about it!! :D  👍

Edited by poppyfields
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
Just now, poppyfields said:

cookies, just so you don't think I'm off my rocker (which I still may be lol), this^ is the post that got me wondering.  Second paragraph.

But it's all good, you're good peeps, and I love your free spirited attitude about it!! :D

Yes .. that’s the guy my thread was about that I showed you. . He’s the only one and I invited myself over because I did know him. To be completely honest with you, poppy,and this is just me, the reason I wouldn’t go on a home first meet with a guy I have not met yet definitely has to do with safety. but mostly to do with not wanting to be stuck at someone’s house having to excuse myself because I think they’re boring/not a good person/not attracted to them... 

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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Thnx, cookies I think we're on the same page now!!  Yay. 

Takes me awhile lol, appreciate you answering all my questions!  

It's all good!! 

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manfrombelow Established Member

manfrombelow

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, simpycurious said:

Women should be respected, made to feel safe, and treated with a lot of dignity. 

Yes, I agree 100% with this.

And still, this has NOTHING to do with the fact that from men's point of view, keep investing time and energy into you after being denied sex beyond the 3rd date, is a total waste of time - hence they stop doing that a.k.a disappearing from your life.

 

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, manfrombelow said:

Yes, I agree 100% with this.

And still, this has NOTHING to do with the fact that from men's point of view, keep investing time and energy into you after being denied sex beyond the 3rd date, is a total waste of time - hence they stop doing that a.k.a disappearing from your life.

 

Some do. It's just as well. In this case they weren't in the same page. Better to know early; she doesn't want her time wasted either, and that great guy might be just around the corner. Both can move on and find what they want and nobody has gotten hurt. :)

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