What is with grown ass men ghosting when you don't sleep with them right away?

[miranda561]

Just now, Cookiesandough said:

You lose respect when guys give it up too easy?

I just dont like or go for guys who give it up too easy. So yes. Nd ones who will move on just because i aint giving them that 

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, miranda561 said:

I just dont like or go for guys who give it up too easy. So yes. Nd ones who will move on just because i aint giving them that 

I think I agree with you. In theory, I don't care...But thirsty guys/guys who move too quickly are really unattractive :S It's all about balance.

 

Although I think I move on if they were too frigid for too long too  Because I would assume they were not interested since they are not socialized to wait like women are..Never had that happen though

Edited May 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[miranda561]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think I agree with you. In theory, I don't care...But thirsty guys/guys who move too quickly are really unattractive :S

EXACTLY!!!

Theres one guy who was dying to meet me a few months back (friend of a friend)...i was almost going to meet him.

 

Then literally a week and a half later. He was just being way too sexual and explicit in his messages. Soon enough  i blocked him. And to this day i think he still asks my friend about me. I think she was trying to get  us to meet. But  i know their  game

[poppyfields]

30 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Noooo some have been cute! FOR EXAMPLE:  This guy I'm actually still seeing. We're going hiking on weds.

I went to his house for our first date(my request)and he didn't kiss me on the date at ALL  and I feel like I was receptive/trying. Was certain he didn't like me much. I'm not saying I expected sex... just a kiss on a date well done..

 

But second date, we went out with some friends, ended up kissing. Alls good..

 

 

 

Hey what happened to the thread you linked, I didn't get a chance to read. 

is there a way to search for it?

 

[Miss Spider]

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hey what happened to the thread you linked, I didn't get a chance to read. 

is there a way to search for it?

 

Oh sry,. I didn't know if it was appropriate for the thread. pLS search "no kiss on first date. am I friend zoned?"

 

Anyway, I think I've contributed enough nonsense to this thread. Haha. My final opinion is that when it's right, the guy will wait. Not forever, obviously, but as long as you are giving signs that you're into him, but you're just not ready, the RIGHT guy will be patient.

 

 

 

Edited May 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Spainglish]

7 hours ago, alphamale said:

i have gone out on first dates where she says "I don't have sex on the first date".  Low and behold after she has 3 or 4 glasses of wine we're in the sack going at it...

You must have been too charming to resist or they were just liars. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

49 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

If you met the right woman, you would probably wait, if you didn't have that type of  restraint to wait for a true quality woman that required some patience, you're probably an idiot....no disrespect, man...

TFY 

There are many quality women out there that do not need to hold off on sex. I  enjoy intimacy and a level of maturity from the women whom I date that is not hindered from showing their true intimate needs and acting on them. I make it clear that I am open to sex early on and that it is important. It is rare that women, from my experience, need to or choose to hold off on sex. When you are into someone physically, emotionally, why wait? No need. Waiting months is unnecessary...

No offense taken. You didn't like what I had to say... 

[miranda561]

27 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think I agree with you. In theory, I don't care...But thirsty guys/guys who move too quickly are really unattractive :S It's all about balance.

 

Although I think I move on if they were too frigid for too long too  Because I would assume they were not interested since they are not socialized to wait like women are..Never had that happen though

If the guy doesn't make moves..eventually that is ...they are probably not interested. Or just extremely shy and awkward

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh sry,. I didn't know if it was appropriate for the thread. pLS search "no kiss on first date. am I friend zoned?"

Thanks cookies, I found it, and all I've got to say is -- wow.

You got beat up very badly on that thread, I actually had to stop reading. 

You took it all like a champ though.  Yeah probably didn't handle that situation the best, but we all make mistakes, and learn.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Lots of them do have plenty of options.  I hear women talking about needing sex even in mixed company, not just girl talk.  Like Chris Rock said "If pu--y was a stock, it would be plummeting.kelohood

The likelihood is if they need it (IOW are lacking it), they're doing a lot of turning down because to be flat out honest about it, most women can just get boned if that's what they want. There is definitely a taker out there. 

If they say they need it what they're saying is they need someone really good, with that special something to him, to make it worth THEIR while. They don't just want the one-two from any old guy, they've had that before and they could have it again from Joe Average if this were the desire.

Of course right now women and men may feel more desperate and therefore say they "need it" more but I'm talking about usual circumstances.

Edited May 31, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

There are many quality women out there that do not need to hold off on sex. I  enjoy intimacy and a level of maturity from the women whom I date that is not hindered from showing their true intimate needs and acting on them. I make it clear that I am open to sex early on and that it is important. It is rare that women, from my experience, need to or choose to hold off on sex. When you are into someone physically, emotionally, why wait? No need. Waiting months is unnecessary...

No offense taken. You didn't like what I had to say... 

Why is not wanting to do it immediately holding off on a true need? If she's not ready yet it's not a need yet. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

Why is not wanting to do it immediately holding off on a true need? If she's not ready yet it's not a need yet. 

Yep. I did say that when the need and desire is mutual, it happens. Where did I say that it had to happen 'immediately?' My experience is that intimacy usually occurs within the first couple of weeks. But, that is a mutual decision. 

[poppyfields]

Gr8, I hear ya, but what if the circumstances behind why she wasn't ready or couldn't were out of her control? 

Say for example a medical condition she was being treated for?

Would that change your mindset about it?   Again this is assuming she is the right woman for you, high chemistry, attraction, values matched.  

Edited May 31, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Desirable guys have tons of options....In fact after age 40 or so, its a literal sea of available  women...

One of my good friends slept with IIRC something like over 20 women in 14 months of using OLD...He's no prize  either....Broke, small gut, tatted up biker type...And I saw a lot of the texts/photos, so I don't believe its all BS.....Couple of dogs for sure, but some not so bad....

Anyway, at the end of the day I don't believe the theory that a guy who is actually in the market for a LTR will scoff at waiting...Forever?  Nah...But over a short period of a few months, whatever...Sure, no problem...If they bailed it was likely because for whatever reason it wasn't anything they needed or desired to wait long enough for...

TFY

I believe you about your friend but if this is generally the case then why do we hear all the time from guys that OLD is so difficult, women are too choosy, "why do women wait," employ a 3 -date rule because otherwise the woman might just never come through and you become "an orbiter," and so on?

Some guys can get lots of sex via OLD, probably the same guys who can get sex without it. .

[poppyfields]

Gr8, ref my last post, if the answer is yes, that you would wait under those circumstances, why not adopt the same approach for any other reason? 

Edited May 31, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Why is not wanting to do it immediately holding off on a true need? If she's not ready yet it's not a need yet. 

Well it's "his" need, so.....

That's why. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Yep. I did say that when the need and desire is mutual, it happens. Where did I say that it had to happen 'immediately?' My experience is that intimacy usually occurs within the first couple of weeks. But, that is a mutual decision. 

You didn't say that, so I didn't mean for it to come off that way, but you seemed to be saying that if a woman wasn't going for it she was hiding her "true needs." If it were months (of interaction, not texts) I'd agree, or else think there may have been abuse in the past, or else was just not interested in the man. I just don't see how these decisions are made that the woman should want it by a certain timeframe, or else she's being non-genuine and holding back. She may just not a ready yet. She may not know the guy well enough, may not be sure she trusts him overall yet, the heat may not be at that level yet, it could be anything.

You seemed to be subtly negging that a woman who doesn't have sex by a certain time is not a "natural" woman. Every woman is herself. Individual. And every association between people is unique.

Edited May 31, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[alphamale]

28 minutes ago, Spainglish said:

You must have been too charming to resist or they were just liars. 

i am charming 

[preraph]

And a good cook.  

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have stated, that there is a mutual desire. And yes, I do make it clear, from the start, that physical intimacy is important in a relationship. It is up the lady to decide when, how quickly intimacy takes place. If I found someone, an there were other circumstances, medical as mentioned, if she were "the woman" of my dreams, of course I would wait. 

My perspective is simply, intimacy is important for a successful, mature, fulfilling relationship. Intimacy, for me, is definitely a need. 

Edited May 31, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[Miss Spider]

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Thanks cookies, I found it, and all I've got to say is -- wow.

You got beat up very badly on that thread, I actually had to stop reading. 

You took it all like a champ though.  Yeah probably didn't handle that situation the best, but we all make mistakes, and learn.

ty...yea people can be really harsh here...You can tell just from this thread. But I cringe reading it too. I deserved it 100% . Anyway, with that guy , I told him the truth that I am not looking for serious and he said thats cool so we are dating casually (hiking on thurs). Im never going to mislead anyone again.  Also I apologized to my ex (mentioned in that thread) for being mean to him and accusing him of cheating when he needed to stay with our friend during a snowstorm. I wanted out of my rship so I was waiting for something to blame it on him for. I don't do that stuff anymore. Ive learned from it. And guess what's happening? People I date don't hate me anymore...The only ex that hates me now is my first, but he's delusional anyway.

Edited May 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

ty...yea people can be really harsh here...You can tell just from this thread. But I cringe reading it too. I deserved it 100% . Anyway, with that guy , I told him the truth that I am not looking for serious and he said thats cool so we are dating casually (hiking on thurs). Im never going to mislead anyone again.  Also I apologized to my ex (mentioned in that thread) for being mean to him and accusing him of cheating when he needed to stay with our friend during a snowstorm. I wanted out of my rship so I was waiting for something to blame it on him for. I don't do that stuff anymore. Ive learned from it. And guess what's happening? People I date don't hate me anymore...The only ex that hates me now is my first, but he's delusional anyway.

  

[Gr8fuln2020]

7 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

You didn't say that, so I didn't mean for it to come off that way, but you seemed to be saying that if a woman wasn't going for it she was hiding her "true needs." If it were months (of interaction, not texts) I'd agree, or else think there may have been abuse in the past, or else was just not interested in the man. I just don't see how these decisions are made that the woman should want it by a certain timeframe, or else she's being non-genuine and holding back. She may just not a ready yet. She may not know the guy well enough, may not be sure she trusts him overall yet, the heat may not be at that level yet, it could be anything.

You seemed to be subtly negging that a woman who doesn't have sex by a certain time is not a "natural" woman. Every woman is herself. Individual. And every association between people is unique.

This is from an earlier post: "When you are into someone physically, emotionally, why wait? No need. Waiting months is unnecessary..." I should have been clearer. I meant when two people are connected and ready, why wait? 

[Miss Spider]

9 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

It is up the lady to decide when, how quickly intimacy takes place.

So, let's say a woman agreed to a dinner date at your house and also a sleepover. Let's say for the sake of argument, unlike op, she did not specify she was waiting. Would you not make any moves on her? Thats where it gets murky for me. See, I don't the night if I'm not ready for physical intimacy, because I think thats a bit weird(nothing wrong with it though), but I will go over to their house. I'm just going to move aside the guys that don't try anything. I would say a good 80% will try to cuddle or physical escalation. Of that 80%, 90% will try to kiss. So basically what happens is kiss turns to making out and then touchy feely. But then I am like WHOAH. I'm not ready for all that, bro. They have always been cool with that. But I think what happens is a lot of women feel pressured or maybe the best word is tempted to go further...So maybe a home date is just too ambiguous for MOST people.The guy might feel insulted or like he did something "Wrong"

Edited May 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

It's not that unusual for YOU. You have the most options out of all of us here, though. 

 

-----

 

When a guy has  a bunch of women practically knocking down their door to sleep with him, why would they even need to make the first move, let alone wait? I say just let the women come to him, and if he is too virtuous to sleep with them on the first date, reject them as need be. That is, if he can see through the cloud of panties being thrown at him.

I love you Cookies.