Confoosedgal Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 So, in my master's program we do LIVE ZOOM classes. I've noticed this guy for a while now and I think he's not only handsome but I've noticed he's smart, mature, and very articulate which I like too. We don't talk to each other, we only respond to the professor really. So, I wanted to email him and ask him out but I was afraid that might come off a little too strong for someone who doesn't know I exist. Instead, I emailed him asking about the 3D background he uses (lame segue i know) and the band poster he has in his background. I lied and said they were my favorite band too and we started a long conversation about that through email. I did notice after the first response, he would respond within about 5-10 minutes and they were very thorough lengthy responses. By the end, I asked him for his social media info and he actually gave me his phone number instead saying it would be easier to contact each other that way. I'm obviously hoping that maybe he wants to take this further? Although I haven't given him much indication that I'm looking for anything other than discussion about music, I was hoping MAYBE he might be interested in me? Would he have given me his phone number if he had a girlfriend? Because I don't even know if he has one at this point. Any advice? School ends next week, so I'm going to wait and see if he starts a conversation about something else later in the week. But, I'm thinking of asking him to "hang out" or go for a cup of coffee once school ends? I just don't want to scare him or come off too strong.
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 You created an opportunity. Good for you! Whether you ask him out or now is up to you & your risk tolerance. Some people will advise you not to chase a man. I'd give him some time & enough encouragement to ask you out before you make that 1st move. I have never asked a man out in my life but I was usually able to create situations where men I wanted to ask me out felt confident enough to do so knowing I'd say yes. 3
Author Confoosedgal Posted May 30, 2020 Author Posted May 30, 2020 I normally go on dating apps so chasing goes both ways on there. But I normally create my own opportunities too. In another case, I had asked a male classmate to help with a homework assignment I didn’t actually need help with and weeks later he asked me out on a date. So by “discussing music” I’m hoping it’ll turn into something else but I’m waiting patiently to see what happens. But my concern is him having a girlfriend, I don’t actually know if he’s available, so I’m treading very lightly.
preraph Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 I know one thing, you better be boning up on that band. Just talk for awhile and see if the attraction holds, see if he has a girlfriend already, etc. You can't do anything right now anyway because of the pandemic. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) ahahahaha I am jealous of this guy. I think I love you. You remind me of myself. Listen, I got like that a lot too about guys I've never talked to/met so I feel like I'm somewhat of an authority on it. The more you think about it, the creepier it is. Just be chill. Guys are usually pretty straight forward. If they are single and think you're cute, just be light hearted and fun and pretty direct when you flirt..(they're not the best at taking hints)..and you're golden. If he has a gf, oops. NBD I don't know why he didn't give you social media. Maybe he doesn't have it? Anyway, don't be all creepy and yandere about it and you should be good to go. 1 hour ago, Confoosedgal said: I lied and said they were my favorite band too Edited May 30, 2020 by Cookiesandough
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 33 minutes ago, Confoosedgal said: But my concern is him having a girlfriend, I don’t actually know if he’s available, so I’m treading very lightly. Hopefully you will be able to figure that out through social media. Another option is the cliché transparent Q: How does your GF feel about the band?
Amanda141 Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Smart way to create an opportunity, good job!! Even if you’re still at very early stages, so far I think he is interested in you, otherwise he wouldn’t have given you his number. My only concern is why he didn’t give you his social media: it seems odd that someone in 2020 doesn’t have them. Maybe he wanted to conceal something (like his gf) from you? If his profile isn’t private and you know his last name (hopefully he has it on zoom) you can check it out.. but maybe you’ve already done it ahah. So keep texting and see what happens.. let us know! Best of luck 1
Author Confoosedgal Posted May 31, 2020 Author Posted May 31, 2020 I notice everyone suggesting social media. So he said he got rid of all of it a few months ago. Which I believe because believe me I’ve tried to look for him by his full name, email and now his phone number with no luck. I know I look like a total stalker but I just wanted to see if he’s available is all. i don’t think that’s weird I barely started social media 2 months ago for my own business and never had it prior to that. so yeah the only way I’ll be able to know or figure out anything is by asking him directly. Im playing it so chill that I don’t think he knows I’m interested. If he reaches out after we have class Monday I feel like that’ll kind of be my sign to continue a conversation. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 31, 2020 Posted May 31, 2020 2 minutes ago, Confoosedgal said: I notice everyone suggesting social media. So he said he got rid of all of it a few months ago. Which I believe because believe me I’ve tried to look for him by his full name, email and now his phone number with no luck. I know I look like a total stalker but I just wanted to see if he’s available is all. i don’t think that’s weird I barely started social media 2 months ago for my own business and never had it prior to that. so yeah the only way I’ll be able to know or figure out anything is by asking him directly. Im playing it so chill that I don’t think he knows I’m interested. If he reaches out after we have class Monday I feel like that’ll kind of be my sign to continue a conversation. No worries. I deleted all my social media except my fb which is pretty barren a couple months ago. So I don't see that as a red flag. I think you should let him know you're interested a little bit. Keep it light and flirty
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2020 Posted May 31, 2020 Guys are very visual creatures, better do a little extra in the appearance dept. 1
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 2, 2020 Author Posted June 2, 2020 So, I wanted to provide a little update. I do become a little obsessive over guys... I certainly enjoy the challenge of "winning them" although, again, with dating apps there's no chasing or challenges or anything which makes it easier. So, I started a conversation about an upcoming assignment, pretending to need help on something. He was very polite and helped out. I played a small joke on him that night which he thought was funny and then we wound up getting into a deep conversation about our favorite television shows that night. I KNOW I'm reading too heavily into it because after re-reading our messages I can tell he was being nice and polite whereas I was being flirtatious towards the end of our conversation. During our meeting today, he did engage me a little more but, again, in a friendly, polite way. I'm going to give it a week to see if maybe he reaches out but if not, i'm thinking of being direct and simply asking if he has a girlfriend? At that point, I'm sure he'll know i'm interested and if he does have a girlfriend well then... i'll just swallow my humiliation just as men do. 2
Amanda141 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 5 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: So, I wanted to provide a little update. I do become a little obsessive over guys... I certainly enjoy the challenge of "winning them" although, again, with dating apps there's no chasing or challenges or anything which makes it easier. So, I started a conversation about an upcoming assignment, pretending to need help on something. He was very polite and helped out. I played a small joke on him that night which he thought was funny and then we wound up getting into a deep conversation about our favorite television shows that night. I KNOW I'm reading too heavily into it because after re-reading our messages I can tell he was being nice and polite whereas I was being flirtatious towards the end of our conversation. During our meeting today, he did engage me a little more but, again, in a friendly, polite way. I'm going to give it a week to see if maybe he reaches out but if not, i'm thinking of being direct and simply asking if he has a girlfriend? At that point, I'm sure he'll know i'm interested and if he does have a girlfriend well then... i'll just swallow my humiliation just as men do. I agree with what you say! Good luck!!
miranda561 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: So, I wanted to provide a little update. I do become a little obsessive over guys... I certainly enjoy the challenge of "winning them" although, again, with dating apps there's no chasing or challenges or anything which makes it easier. So, I started a conversation about an upcoming assignment, pretending to need help on something. He was very polite and helped out. I played a small joke on him that night which he thought was funny and then we wound up getting into a deep conversation about our favorite television shows that night. I KNOW I'm reading too heavily into it because after re-reading our messages I can tell he was being nice and polite whereas I was being flirtatious towards the end of our conversation. During our meeting today, he did engage me a little more but, again, in a friendly, polite way. I'm going to give it a week to see if maybe he reaches out but if not, i'm thinking of being direct and simply asking if he has a girlfriend? At that point, I'm sure he'll know i'm interested and if he does have a girlfriend well then... i'll just swallow my humiliation just as men do. Dont over analyse. Most of the time the way women analyse isn't even it. Don't do too much. Youve pretty much initiated everything so far... but i guess you can find out about the girlfriend. I agree he will know you like him in that way afterwards. I would suggest you hold back following that and see what he says/does Edited June 2, 2020 by miranda561
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 5, 2020 Author Posted June 5, 2020 Thank you all for your replies! I finally bit the bullet and in the most casual, nonchalant manner invited him to go out for a drink. I got into another fake conversation about that band and talked about doing a VLOG on Youtube about my favorite bands, although this was a lie, I could just tell he's REALLY into music. I started joking around about dating during all of this and once I figured out he was more than likely single based on his responses about HIS own dating life, I casually asked if he wanted we could grab a drink and we "can discuss musicians in person!" He quickly took up the offer, surprisingly, but because of what's happening with COVID he suggested we go for a hike or walk instead. Which I'm even more down for. And, now we have something set up. 2
Miss Spider Posted June 5, 2020 Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Confoosedgal said: Thank you all for your replies! I finally bit the bullet and in the most casual, nonchalant manner invited him to go out for a drink. I got into another fake conversation about that band and talked about doing a VLOG on Youtube about my favorite bands, although this was a lie, I could just tell he's REALLY into music. I started joking around about dating during all of this and once I figured out he was more than likely single based on his responses about HIS own dating life, I casually asked if he wanted we could grab a drink and we "can discuss musicians in person!" He quickly took up the offer, surprisingly, but because of what's happening with COVID he suggested we go for a hike or walk instead. Which I'm even more down for. And, now we have something set up. Yay!! You go girl. Way to be alpha woman af. Have a great time on your date Edited June 5, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Maldives Posted July 3, 2020 Posted July 3, 2020 Finally a happy story awesome please update how it's going be interested and hopeing it's all smooth sailing so far
introverted1 Posted July 3, 2020 Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) Deleted. Just realised how old this thread is. Edited July 3, 2020 by introverted1
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 I did another forum post on this but I'm going to wrap it up here. We were not really compatible. I built him up to be this handsome, smart, mysterious unicorn of a man when he was actually quite negative, pessimistic, and extremely narcissistic (once he got comfortable with me). Despite his negativity, I actually gave him ANOTHER date (our 3rd I believe) thinking maybe I was being too judgmental or something. Nope. It was even worse. Not only was he negative, he was very full of himself and bragged about women he came after him in other zoom meetings in our program. He invited me out on another date for Saturday to have a midday picnic but I don't know if I'm going.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Don't waste his time or yours. You already know he's not the guy you hoped he was. Good for you for being brave but that doesn't mean you have to keep forcing something that's not working
mr_marvel Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 On 5/31/2020 at 4:53 AM, Confoosedgal said: So, in my master's program we do LIVE ZOOM classes. I've noticed this guy for a while now and I think he's not only handsome but I've noticed he's smart, mature, and very articulate which I like too. We don't talk to each other, we only respond to the professor really. So, I wanted to email him and ask him out but I was afraid that might come off a little too strong for someone who doesn't know I exist. Instead, I emailed him asking about the 3D background he uses (lame segue i know) and the band poster he has in his background. I lied and said they were my favorite band too and we started a long conversation about that through email. I did notice after the first response, he would respond within about 5-10 minutes and they were very thorough lengthy responses. By the end, I asked him for his social media info and he actually gave me his phone number instead saying it would be easier to contact each other that way. I'm obviously hoping that maybe he wants to take this further? Although I haven't given him much indication that I'm looking for anything other than discussion about music, I was hoping MAYBE he might be interested in me? Would he have given me his phone number if he had a girlfriend? Because I don't even know if he has one at this point. Any advice? School ends next week, so I'm going to wait and see if he starts a conversation about something else later in the week. But, I'm thinking of asking him to "hang out" or go for a cup of coffee once school ends? I just don't want to scare him or come off too strong. Just ask him out for a casual coffee. If he likes you, he'll be making moves after that coffee-date. If he doesn't, you'll always be the one to initiate dates, or never hear from him again. It's simple as that.
dispatch3d Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Whoa - this is a lot of conclusions about a person over a very short period of time (you may have spent 8 hours around each other?)
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