balin Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) I have known this woman for a couple of years, a friend of a friend and have met her maybe half a dozen times in that time. We clearly like each other and we met for a few drinks this time last year and parted with a surprisingly open kiss. However she went off to Asia for the summer a few days later so I didn't see her for months. I have been seeing a bit more of her lately. A few weeks ago we and her bestie had a few outdoor social distanced sundowner beers and after her friend went we went into hers and tidied up and had a bite to eat. She was a bit drunk and was getting a bit amorous and I am attracted to her but felt a bit awkward and uncomfortable what with Covid and everything so I said I had to go, work next morning etc. Next day we had some back and forth texting including this: Me: ...Would have loved to stay longer it was getting horny lol. Her: Ohhh no problem. Horny? Ffs just messing I don't think we have that spark unfortunately. I was kicking myself for essentially rejecting her but surely I did the right thing regarding Covid - but it doesn't at all feel like I did (the right thing). Anyway on to the present and it's a sunny bank holiday weekend here so a few days ago we arranged to go to the beach for a swim today, weather permitting. Not strictly a date but we would more than likely have ended up back in hers for some food and vin and possibly more. Then she texted last night: Her: Sorry I have to cancel tomorrow. Im going camping in place with my sister etc... (posts photos pf place) Me: No bother good to get away for the long weekend for a few nights. Have a good one! Beach will be packed tomorrow anyway I took this at 6pm (photo of packed beach) ... Her: Never mind there will be other chances. Even after work next week. A spin if anything Me: I think the police would be pestering folks going to the beach over the weekend too. ... Her: ...Camping was my plan anyway I'm not hurt by the flake or anything and I've nothing invested but is that last line a blow off? It reads like the original Plan A was not-yet-confirmed camping and I was back up but why tell me this? Is this a touché for me leaving hers a few weeks ago? She is evidently not really one for relationships by the way and seems to get by with occasional hook ups, Tinder etc so I wouldn't be expecting any more than FWB really. We haven't even come close to discussing. I'm still trying to shake off a major crush from over a year ago so she may be right person, right time, if I can handle FWB, and if she is up for it. Maybe she thinks I want more and is saying that nothing is happening here. IDK really. Its confusing because after a few drinks she gets quite hot and heavy and when normal it's like nothing happened. Maybe I'm reading it all wrong and we are in the platonic friendzone. It clearer having typed it out but any insight most welcome. Edited May 30, 2020 by balin 1
Versacehottie Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) Well, I think overthinking on both your parts has stolen whatever momentum existed with this one. Not saying you couldn't resurrect it but I think you should let her take the lead. Right now she "sounds" like she is not interested in you--though on the other hand she sure acts extremely fickle and flip flops. In the future, if she is giving you a signal, then try to go with the flow. Start out with just a make out session or hookup and you can worry about all the rest of it later. As far as COVID, mhhhh personally I think if you are hanging out as a group of friends, without masks and socializing which i'm sure is not happening at a distance then there is not much difference hooking up (of course I'm not an infectious doctor or anything like that). But it seems a bit hypocritical to hang out and then hold back on the rest cause I think you effectively have crossed the line where you've already thrown your safety out of the window anyway. I don't think you can chase her in this case. But if she gives you a signal don't be all hemming and hawing about it--that is a less masculine stance and is probably part of the reason she is losing interest. I also think she is butt hurt because you can read that between the lines of her text exchange with you; slight brush off, a little passive aggressive yet still keeping it open for the future. She is half in, half out. Girls definitely don't react well to being rejected physically. Plus if you've already kissed a year ago, then she probably already feels like that when you haven't taken steps to progress things. If you get another chance, don't pussyfoot around. Idk, but I think in general (can't believe i'm giving this one up) but girls react better to guys who go after what they want in the moment, even if they disappear after. The hesitation and hemming and hawing on your part is more unattractive than just hooking up and then disappearing. People won't necessarily agree or like hearing this but that is what I've observed. Then she would probably be hooked on you. Good luck Edited May 30, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
FMW Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 I would wait for her to contact you again and then follow her lead. As Versacehottie said, if you get another chance don't back away. She does sound a bit defensive so I agree she's probably hurt/embarassed that you left the last time you were with her. 2
Fox Sake Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Ah man, I hate to say it ... but you’ve answered your own question a few times. She already said you don’t have that sort of spark. Straight up told you that, and she was just messing. The worst part is you’re EXPECTING sex from her ... I honestly don’t think she’s that into you. You were convenient when she was drunk to flirt with , but your comment about it getting horny and then she blew you off saying she was just messing... I dunno. Doesn’t really add up. No reciprocation on anything and you seem dead keen, and the drunken kiss is what sold it. I think you’ll sleep together maybe once at some point , probably hammered, and that’ll be it. But maybe that once was your chance before you left that night. If anyone’s blowing anyone off, it’s definitely her. Try and remain friends. Don’t make the benefits your goal and see what happens in the future 2 1
Miss Spider Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Maybe there is something in the texts you didn't share, but I don't see anything in your post that suggests she knows you are romantically/sexually interested in her. If she has the opportunity to go on a camping getaway with her sister or go to a crowded beach with guy 'friend' just to get blue balled/rejected again, sounds like she's just choosing what makes the most sense for her.. 2
Fox Sake Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Maybe there is something in the texts you didn't share, but I don't see anything in your post that suggests she knows you are romantically/sexually interested in her. If she has the opportunity to go on a camping getaway with her sister or go to a crowded beach with guy 'friend' just to get blue balled/rejected again, sounds like she's just choosing what makes the most sense for her.. Good point. You could be right. There could always be more too it. Nothing is ever really black and white. After pondering on it , I can see how that could be plausible, reading In between the lines. . I just worry that he’s thinking with his dick and it’s clouding his judgment, after she said flat out they didn’t have that sort of spark. That wouldn’t make me try again, if I was in his shoes hearing that. But I would question her motives on what she said, how she handled it and what would have happened if I had stayed Edited May 30, 2020 by Fox Sake Dyslexic phone 2 1
smackie9 Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 She was a bit drunk....so it was the alcohol that did the talking....she chose to go camping with her sister....that pretty much says friends zone. 1
Author balin Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) Thank you so much for your responses. I do like the friendship we have. Maybe keep it so, unless she indicates otherwise. @cookies you are saying she mighn't even know I have an intention. Yes its possible but I don't really have an intention. We are friends but I am not falling for her or anything. Should do really she is cool. Best not for now. Edited June 1, 2020 by balin 1
Miss Spider Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) Balin, my initial thought was total skepticism at a man turning down a ready and willing woman he is really into because of Covid... I don’t think that happens. Edited June 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Author balin Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 I havent had a roll in the hay with someone in yonks so it becomes a big deal and I just freaked out. I do crave love and intimacy I will have to be cooler in myself. 1
Miss Spider Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) I actually do understand that completely...Been there too Edited June 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
miranda561 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 On 5/30/2020 at 3:52 PM, Versacehottie said: Well, I think overthinking on both your parts has stolen whatever momentum existed with this one. Not saying you couldn't resurrect it but I think you should let her take the lead. Right now she "sounds" like she is not interested in you--though on the other hand she sure acts extremely fickle and flip flops. In the future, if she is giving you a signal, then try to go with the flow. Start out with just a make out session or hookup and you can worry about all the rest of it later. As far as COVID, mhhhh personally I think if you are hanging out as a group of friends, without masks and socializing which i'm sure is not happening at a distance then there is not much difference hooking up (of course I'm not an infectious doctor or anything like that). But it seems a bit hypocritical to hang out and then hold back on the rest cause I think you effectively have crossed the line where you've already thrown your safety out of the window anyway. I don't think you can chase her in this case. But if she gives you a signal don't be all hemming and hawing about it--that is a less masculine stance and is probably part of the reason she is losing interest. I also think she is butt hurt because you can read that between the lines of her text exchange with you; slight brush off, a little passive aggressive yet still keeping it open for the future. She is half in, half out. Girls definitely don't react well to being rejected physically. Plus if you've already kissed a year ago, then she probably already feels like that when you haven't taken steps to progress things. If you get another chance, don't pussyfoot around. Idk, but I think in general (can't believe i'm giving this one up) but girls react better to guys who go after what they want in the moment, even if they disappear after. The hesitation and hemming and hawing on your part is more unattractive than just hooking up and then disappearing. People won't necessarily agree or like hearing this but that is what I've observed. Then she would probably be hooked on you. Good luck I disagree No woman wants a man to hook up and then disappear. Unless she's just as reckless
miranda561 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 2 hours ago, balin said: Thank you so much for your responses. I do like the friendship we have. Maybe keep it so, unless she indicates otherwise. @cookies you are saying she mighn't even know I have an intention. Yes its possible but I don't really have an intention. We are friends but I am not falling for her or anything. Should do really she is cool. Best not for now. Im confused. So if you dont really have an intention or care or dont want anything...no offence but what was this whole thread about? As for the woman...her words and actions are contradicting all the time. It sounds like her ego got in the way when you mentioned how beaches may be packed etc..so she then followed up with she was always going to go camping. And as for the covid thing..its not wrong to not want to do something if it would compromise your safety. Not to mention she said the next day there isnt a spark. She shouldn't have gone there then if that was the case. Or maybe she likes you secretly but is trying to hide it. Then the alcohol prevents her from doing that
Author balin Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 Oh Miranda I just make such heavy weather of it. Lol, Fml Jeezus like
Author balin Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 Light and breezy I am really good and urbane but just rusty and, yes, inexperienced when it comes to it. Not totally but yer kind of clueless.
Author balin Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) @Fox and @fmw yeah of course lets see what will transpire.I am totally not invested in the outcome but by typing here it is becoming an investment lol. Edited June 1, 2020 by balin
chillii Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) Ha , that's what l was thinking , sounds like one.She's making you wait now though even if she was interested nope women don't take a knock back well , but there could be a next time with a few drinks, lf you like her as a friend though why would you even wanna go there then anyway. Edited June 1, 2020 by chillii
Versacehottie Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 3 hours ago, miranda561 said: I disagree No woman wants a man to hook up and then disappear. Unless she's just as reckless you are misinterpreting what i said. it's not an absolute; it's relative to... but even if you get that it's relative and didn't say what you meant, that's fine agree to disagree. 1
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