Is my boyfriend putting me in any danger?

[Healthissues11]

My bf needs out patient ortho surgery and will be taking the COVID test beforehand.  I will not be in the facility but will need to take care of him for a few days.  I promised I'd help but that was before the COVID issue. My adult daughter and her SO will be visiting during this time and don't want me to go with my bf b/c I could be exposing my self and./or them. She said she won't visit me now if I decide to go with him at this time.

Also, they question if my bf should "expect" me to do this and why his grown daughter isn't doing so instead (she lives further than me and has 2 small kids and a husband and works like me but I'm older with no kids).  When I mentioned the scheduling of my daughter's visit with his surgery he mocked me and said "she doesn't need you here the whole time she is visiting to hold her hand".  Perhaps he could have said if it is causing too much stress (which it has definitely done), he can make other arrnagements.

My daughter pointed out that I made the promise to take care of my bf before COVID - and this shouldn't be my responsibility - I'm not his fiance, nor do I live with him - and only been seeing him for 7 months.

But I'm a very reliable person and I promise I follow through ---- what do I do?

[FMW]

You have to determine that for yourself.  Don't be guilted into it by him and don't be talked out of it by your daughter.  What do YOU think?  Seems like you probably don't want to do it anymore but just feel you have to honor your promise.  So which is less stressful/disagreeable to you - going ahead and doing it and being anxious or telling him that because of the changed situation (COVID) you can no longer help?  I don't see either decision making you a "bad guy".  

[Gr8fuln2020]

Let me start by saying that 'only been seeing him for 7 months' is not an argument against. 7-months of a committed relationship is not insignificant. It sounds like you two have not been visiting one another during COVID months. So, dating physically 4 months, but 3 months by phone/text/video-chat? Do you two really care for one another? If so, and he is clear, why wouldn't you help him?  

It's only for a few days. Why can't the visit hold off until this time and they come back in a few weeks? This really does have a happy compromise. You help your SO and they come and visit later. Or, if your SO is negative of COVID, going to help him and back to your family while they visit shouldn't be a problem, right? Really. 

What exactly is the timeline of the visit? How much overlap?

[Healthissues11]

we've been seeing each other on weekends. I haven't seen my daughter since last November b/c of the Virus and she is driving 11 hours to see me for about 2 weeks. She's been quarantined for months and doesn't want to chance exposure and I've been quarantined except seeing my bf on weekends.  

[FMW]

Since you've already been seeing him on weekends, is it really a significant change to your risk exposure?  I'm not sure I see that it is.  Personally I would go ahead and help him out, but again, this is about YOU.  You don't need anyone's permission to make either choice.  

[Healthissues11]

Even if I'm willing to take the risk, is it fair if some of my visiting kids are not?

[Gr8fuln2020]

4 minutes ago, Healthissues11 said:

we've been seeing each other on weekends. I haven't seen my daughter since last November b/c of the Virus and she is driving 11 hours to see me for about 2 weeks. She's been quarantined for months and doesn't want to chance exposure and I've been quarantined except seeing my bf on weekends.  

Does your daughter know that you have been seeing him on weekends? If so, why hasn't she cancelled all together? If her concern is that great, she should be very much aware that you visiting him every few days does not make her visit any less of a risk. Or has she been specifically concerned about his time in the hospital? Again, having a hard time understanding her concern for exposure, but if she knows you have been visiting your SO on weekends, why isn't she simply holding off all together? Did I already ask that? 

[Fox Sake]

3 minutes ago, FMW said:

Since you've already been seeing him on weekends, is it really a significant change to your risk exposure?  I'm not sure I see that it is.  Personally I would go ahead and help him out, but again, this is about YOU.  You don't need anyone's permission to make either choice.  

Not only that - but did anyone realise that the daughter appears not have even met the bf yet, given the months they been together and the last time she saw her daughter? 
 

I really hope it’s not the case that your daughter doesn’t approve for some reason and is making your life difficult. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

5 minutes ago, Healthissues11 said:

Even if I'm willing to take the risk, is it fair if some of my visiting kids are not?

Yes. They have every right to not be exposed or potentially so. There is a simple remedy for this. Hopefully your daughter and family have been as conscientious for their sake and yours while in their own home. 

Edited May 30, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[Gr8fuln2020]

2 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Not only that - but did anyone realise that the daughter appears not have even met the bf yet, given the months they been together and the last time she saw her daughter? 
I really hope it’s not the case that your daughter doesn’t approve for some reason and is making your life difficult. 

I believe the OP started another post related (?). This sounds all too familiar and cannot be coincidence. 

[DKT3]

Hmm, this is interesting because I'm fairly confident the guy wont be released if he has covid.  

I'm wondering how long you've been single and has your daughter had issues with your dating in the past. 

I dont think its anymore of a risk then going to Walmart.  In fact, likely less of a risk. I wouldn't imagine covid patients are hanging out in the orthopedic wing of the hospital.  I guessing that they aren't wondering around any part of the hospital.  Out patient likely means scoped which would only require you to help out 48 hrs, after that he should be fine on his own with a crotch. 

Sounds to me like your daughter has other motives. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

10 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

Out patient likely means scoped which would only require you to help out 48 hrs, after that he should be fine on his own with a crotch.  

 What kind of out-patient surgery/procedure do you think he is getting?  

Honestly, I agree with your full post. 

[Redhead14]

He's being tested for Covid before the surgery.  If he doesn't have Covid, what's the big deal?  All patients are being tested and if they are positive, the surgery won't happen so his risk of getting it after the surgery is limited as well.  You've been seeing him prior anyway.  If you were going to be exposed, it's already happened. 

If you've changed your mind, so be it.  Say so.  What kind of surgery is he having?  Open heart?  How much care would be needed?  Most of the time, even with some more serious surgeries, people are up and around fairly quickly. 

[elaine567]

7 minutes ago, Redhead14 said:

He's being tested for Covid before the surgery.  If he doesn't have Covid, what's the big deal? 

The big deal is that he may pick up the infection in the hospital.
The testing prior to the surgery is for the protection of the staff.

If he does pick up the infection in the hospital it may be 2 days to 2 weeks before he shows symptoms and by that time he may have infected you, your daughter and her kids...