Deaana Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 Hello guys, I hope you're doing well. I was arguing with my boyfriend. I was out with a friend of mine and he got angry because I didn't tell him when he told me he would meet a friend. Why didn't I say "me too". I actyally did hours before but he misunderstood it. Today he only told me that he would meet a friend, only when I asked him. So I said him, that he can't expect from me something, if he doesn't do the same. I want equality. On that point he said that we will never be equal about some things. This made me angry. I know this is bulls***, but maybe in the future there would be something more important and he will think we arent' equal. I mean I don't want to be someone who gets controlled from her boyfriend. So he can do what he wants, but I have to tell him everything I do. What do you think? Am I overthinking it or am I right? How can i convince him that this is not fair?
Ami1uwant Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 You had relationship rules and you violated them...yes or no...ignore what happened after.
basil67 Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 You can't convince him of anything. As hypocritical as his rules are, they are how he functions and what he wants. If you don't like his expectations of you, then leave him.
Lotsgoingon Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 but maybe in the future there would be something more important and he will think we arent' equal. Uh ... he already thinks you're unequal and he's treating you unfairly right now. There's no "future." He's treating you badly now. Dump this guy. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 Is this a one-off said in an argument or is it a trend?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Hey, OP, he has already declared his feelings regarding reciprocity in the relationship. It doesn't matter if it's the first time or not. This is how he sees the relationship right now.
Author Deaana Posted May 30, 2020 Author Posted May 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: You had relationship rules and you violated them...yes or no...ignore what happened after. Of course we didn't have relationship rules. Like he has never said what is he going to do if I didn't ask him. And he never said me that I should do so without him asking me
Author Deaana Posted May 30, 2020 Author Posted May 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: Is this a one-off said in an argument or is it a trend? We have had one or two other argument for equality
Emilie Jolie Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 1 minute ago, Deaana said: We have had one or two other argument for equality Then it's not a great sign (sorry!).
Ami1uwant Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, Deaana said: Of course we didn't have relationship rules. Like he has never said what is he going to do if I didn't ask him. And he never said me that I should do so without him asking me What it appears from what you said he told you he was meeting a friend but you didn’t tell him you were meeting a friend.
Author Deaana Posted May 30, 2020 Author Posted May 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: What it appears from what you said he told you he was meeting a friend but you didn’t tell him you were meeting a friend. I told him but he thought i would meet her the next day. When i asked him what he was doing, he said he was waiting for his friend to get ready. Two hours later he asked me what I was doing and I said I was out with my friend. And he got angry.
Spainglish Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 He sounds like a Neanderthal. Dump him and find someone who respects you more. 1
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 You are being offensive to Neanderthals, by suggesting this guy is one. Neanderthals were not the primitive subhuman beings we previously thought they were. But yeah, I agree the OP should dump this guy. Quote Fred H. Smith, a physical anthropologist at Loyola University in Chicago who has been studying Neanderthal DNA. “They were believed to be scavengers who made primitive tools and were incapable of language or symbolic thought.” Now, he says, researchers believe that Neanderthals “were highly intelligent, able to adapt to a wide variety of ecological zones, and capable of developing highly functional tools to help them do so. They were quite accomplished.” 2
poppyfields Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, Deaana said: I told him but he thought i would meet her the next day. When i asked him what he was doing, he said he was waiting for his friend to get ready. Two hours later he asked me what I was doing and I said I was out with my friend. And he got angry. SMH, I'm trying to figure out the dynamic here. So he got angry because you didn't tell him beforehand you were meeting your friend? Or ask him? As in seek his permission? Have you thought about what a future with him or any man like him (controlling in the extreme) would be like? A bf (or husband) who literally needs to keep track of your whereabouts 24/7 lest he gets angry at you? OP, this doesnt get better, it gets worse and will escalate. Nevermind equality, it's not even about that imo. It's about him being an insecure, controlling, demanding * who feels threatened by your independence, good luck with that. Edited May 30, 2020 by poppyfields 1
simpycurious Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 OP, this sounds like a "control" dynamic. Nobody has the right to control ANYONE. If you are that uneasy being with someone that you feel like you need to control them and track them then you are maybe with the wrong person. It comes back to trusting or in this case NOT trusting someone.
Author Deaana Posted May 30, 2020 Author Posted May 30, 2020 14 minutes ago, poppyfields said: SMH, I'm trying to figure out the dynamic here. So he got angry because you didn't tell him beforehand you were meeting your friend? Or ask him? As in seek his permission? Have you thought about what a future with him or any man like him (controlling in the extreme) would be like? A bf (or husband) who literally needs to keep track of your whereabouts 24/7 lest he gets angry at you? OP, this doesnt get better, it gets worse and will escalate. Nevermind equality, it's not even about that imo. It's about him being an insecure, controlling, demanding * who feels threatened by your independence, good luck with that. It wasn't about for permission. It was about I didn't tell him beforehand I was meeting a friend.
poppyfields Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 1 minute ago, Deaana said: It wasn't about for permission. It was about I didn't tell him beforehand I was meeting a friend. Nevertheless, that is still very controlling dear, good lordy. Getting angry because you failed to inform him you were meeting a friend? GMAFB. Again, best of luck living under such an oppressive microscope.
smackie9 Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Gosh there was nothing there to get angry about....and he loses his %&*$ over that? Sorry girl but he's being really immature. You can do way better than him. I have been there and I will tell you this it only gets worse. The only way to fix this is to get out of the relationship.
Ami1uwant Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 17 hours ago, Deaana said: I told him but he thought i would meet her the next day. When i asked him what he was doing, he said he was waiting for his friend to get ready. Two hours later he asked me what I was doing and I said I was out with my friend. And he got angry. Why is who you are meeting eith such an issue? Which one is jealous?
poppyfields Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Why is who you are meeting eith such an issue? Which one is jealous? There are guys who literally need to keep tabs on their girlfriends 24/7. Otherwise their anxiety goes through the roof, hence the anger. Imo it's not jealousy so much as insecurity or maybe both, all leading to a need to control. How equality entered into this, I don't know. But to me it's not about that, it's about OP's boyfriend having insecurity issues, anger issues and controlling issues.
Ami1uwant Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: There are guys who literally need to keep tabs on their girlfriends 24/7. Otherwise their anxiety goes through the roof, hence the anger. Imo it's not jealousy so much as insecurity or maybe both, all leading to a need to control. How equality entered into this, I don't know. But to me it's not about that, it's about OP's boyfriend having insecurity issues, anger issues and controlling issues. I’m not assuming that because women do it too. Everything you said applied to women.
poppyfields Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) 39 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I’m not assuming that because women do it too. Everything you said applied to women. Agree it's not a gender issue, never suggested it was. Of course there are some women who do the same. However in this particuarc instance, on this thread, the OP's bf is a man, so I framed my response as such. Edited May 30, 2020 by poppyfields
Realitysux Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) What are the things you are not equal in? I'm old fashion so I do believe somethings aren't going to be equal. I think when You love someone then they typically do have a lot of power but the right man isn't going to try and control you with it. I hope that makes sense. If they do that's when I would say yea honey no, I'm in charge! Edited May 30, 2020 by Realitysux
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