Is he pushing my boundaries already, even before the first date?

May 29, 2020

Hi guys!

A week ago I've met a guy who lives 1h away and we have been texting and video chatting every day since that. He texts and calls me several times during the day but I have been enjoying talking to him.

So he asked me when we can meet and I said to him this Sunday. He said he would drive in the morning to meet me so we can spend the day together.

But yesterday we were talking and we got really excited to get together, and he said he works Saturday but he finishes at 8pm and can drive and meet me that evening. I said to him that I've got my daughter with me and because he knows my mom lives nearby and my daughter stays with her sometimes, he proposed for me to take my daughter to my mom, we go have dinner and then after dinner I can pick her back from my mom's.

I said ok we can do that and asked him if he is ok with driving 1h just to be together for a couple of hours and then drive back. He said yes he is fine with it and also wants to drive back Sunday and spend the day together.

But then later on our phone call it was around 10pm and I was tired and said to him I am going to sleep and he started to say "oh so Saturday I am going to drive all the way to meet you and you'll gonna go to sleep early too", to which I was stunned.

I asked him if he was ok to drive to just be together for a couple of hours and he said yes, but in reality he is expecting me to stay up late that night? Well I am not going to pick up my daughter from my mom's late at night thats's for sure.

I'm starting to feel he is expecting my daughter to sleep at my mom's that night and he comes and sleeps at mine...

I didn't like that and I don't want to feel pressured that I have to stay up late with him just because he drove to meet me, when he knows I go to bed early and I have to pick up my daughter because that was the deal I said yes too.

I am going to tell him please don't bother to drive here on Saturday evening if you expect me to stay up late, and we better just meet on Sunday during the day.

I'm starting to have a feeling he just wants to get lai* and nothing else. Any thoughts?

Edited May 29, 2020 by ladybug2021

May 29, 2020

Yes, that is a good decision to cancel for Saturday night. You have not even met him in real life... so take the dates slowly... one at a time.

Sunday, during the day sounds very reasonable. Hope you have a wonderful time together, and then you can decide how to proceed.

Good luck my friend.

May 29, 2020

When you say you met him a week ago, did you meet in person or online?

I would be quite put off by the fact that you barely know him and he's already suggested you get a babysitter for the night. This guy doesn't understand parenting nor that he doesn't take precedence over your own child. I would not have agreed to that and just stuck with the original Sunday plans.

So no, I wouldn't proceed with the Saturday night date idea. I would tell him it is better to meet on Sunday so that you can spend time with your child as planned, and you don't need to worry about him pressuring you to stay the night - which I think is likely what he is aiming for.

May 29, 2020

Yes. He already finagled it from a day date to a night date. Now he just has to get rid of the kid. I mean if you were DTF, fine, but it definitely doesn't sound that way so if it were me I'd cancel and tell him If he happy to meet with him on a Sunday that was good for him. I wouldn't be pushed into ordering my weekend so he could have an hour's drive be worth his while.

Plus, if an hour is excruciating for him and not really worth it unless he can "sleep over" then how into you is he anyway? How often do you think he'd be making that trip to see you, considering he's already acting as though it's such a chunk out of his busy week that even one date requires reshifting plans two, three times or more until it's all worth it to him?

I wouldn't be letting this boy guilt me for one more minute, it's one little date and he's turning it into this whole complex plan as he calls the shots and you rush to work it all out for him. This dude better be freakin' Chris Pratt. Sorry, don't mean to sound nasty but come on now. Really. He wants the date? Cool, come out Sunday like HE originally wanted. Or don't, there are other guys.I

I'd not SAY all this don't get me wrong, LOL! Just...oh, it sounds like it's not working out for this weekend, call me when you have that free Sunday. I'd give him that benefit of a doubt but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Edited May 29, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

May 29, 2020

2 hours ago, divegrl said:

Yes, that is a good decision to cancel for Saturday night. You have not even met him in real life... so take the dates slowly... one at a time.

Sunday, during the day sounds very reasonable. Hope you have a wonderful time together, and then you can decide how to proceed.

Good luck my friend.

Thank you!

May 29, 2020

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

When you say you met him a week ago, did you meet in person or online?

I would be quite put off by the fact that you barely know him and he's already suggested you get a babysitter for the night. This guy doesn't understand parenting nor that he doesn't take precedence over your own child. I would not have agreed to that and just stuck with the original Sunday plans.

So no, I wouldn't proceed with the Saturday night date idea. I would tell him it is better to meet on Sunday so that you can spend time with your child as planned, and you don't need to worry about him pressuring you to stay the night - which I think is likely what he is aiming for.

We met online.

Yes. I am going instead with the Sunday date, or nothing. Meeting during the day so I can see how he is.

May 29, 2020

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Yes. He already finagled it from a day date to a night date. Now he just has to get rid of the kid. I mean if you were DTF, fine, but it definitely doesn't sound that way so if it were me I'd cancel and tell him If he happy to meet with him on a Sunday that was good for him. I wouldn't be pushed into ordering my weekend so he could have an hour's drive be worth his while.

Plus, if an hour is excruciating for him and not really worth it unless he can "sleep over" then how into you is he anyway? How often do you think he'd be making that trip to see you, considering he's already acting as though it's such a chunk out of his busy week that even one date requires reshifting plans two, three times or more until it's all worth it to him?

I wouldn't be letting this boy guilt me for one more minute, it's one little date and he's turning it into this whole complex plan as he calls the shots and you rush to work it all out for him. This dude better be freakin' Chris Pratt. Sorry, don't mean to sound nasty but come on now. Really. He wants the date? Cool, come out Sunday like HE originally wanted. Or don't, there are other guys.I

I'd not SAY all this don't get me wrong, LOL! Just...oh, it sounds like it's not working out for this weekend, call me when you have that free Sunday. I'd give him that benefit of a doubt but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Thank you.

He didn't say he wanted to sleep over, but from his comment that he is gonna drive all the way and I'm go back home early, it felt his intentions were that.

I already told him that Saturday doesn't work for me because I go to bed early and we can meet Sunday morning. He said ok that he understands and we'll meet on Sunday.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt but will pay attention to how he behaves and how he is.

May 29, 2020

I don't think you should assume anything sinister is going on. You're reading a lot of stuff into a couple of words. The solution would be to meet him at the restaurant and say goodnight when you finish dinner. Stick to the script, and if he tries to push it off script then you've saved the whole day on Saturday.

May 29, 2020

8 minutes ago, salparadise said:

I don't think you should assume anything sinister is going on. You're reading a lot of stuff into a couple of words. The solution would be to meet him at the restaurant and say goodnight when you finish dinner. Stick to the script, and if he tries to push it off script then you've saved the whole day on Saturday.

I already told him I prefer to meet Sunday morning. I didn't like his vibes when he said that about Saturday evening and I prefer to meet him during the daytime. We're going for a walk on Sunday morning and if I feel good around him we'll spend more time, if not I'll let him know and go back home.

May 29, 2020

1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes. I am going instead with the Sunday date, or nothing. Meeting during the day so I can see how he is.

I think that is the best idea, whenever you meet a stranger for the first time.

May 29, 2020

6 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

he proposed for me to take my daughter to my mom, we go have dinner and then after dinner I can pick her back from my mom's.

Yeah this seems really pushy, especially since it's someone you barely know.

I wouldn't be surprised if this guy turns out to be very controlling.

May 29, 2020

29 minutes ago, Erik30 said:

Yeah this seems really pushy, especially since it's someone you barely know.

I wouldn't be surprised if this guy turns out to be very controlling.

Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he cancels the meet altogether, and that he starts fading now.

Oh Sal, if you could be a woman for just one day. Guy does not wanna go for a walk! Lol

Yes he was definitely pushing. What a turn off. If me, I would be the one to cancel.

Guy's got some set of balls, I'll give him that. Lol

Edited May 29, 2020 by poppyfields

May 29, 2020

6 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

Hi guys!

A week ago I've met a guy who lives 1h away and we have been texting and video chatting every day since that. He texts and calls me several times during the day but I have been enjoying talking to him.

So he asked me when we can meet and I said to him this Sunday. He said he would drive in the morning to meet me so we can spend the day together.

But yesterday we were talking and we got really excited to get together, and he said he works Saturday but he finishes at 8pm and can drive and meet me that evening. I said to him that I've got my daughter with me and because he knows my mom lives nearby and my daughter stays with her sometimes, he proposed for me to take my daughter to my mom, we go have dinner and then after dinner I can pick her back from my mom's.

I said ok we can do that and asked him if he is ok with driving 1h just to be together for a couple of hours and then drive back. He said yes he is fine with it and also wants to drive back Sunday and spend the day together.

But then later on our phone call it was around 10pm and I was tired and said to him I am going to sleep and he started to say "oh so Saturday I am going to drive all the way to meet you and you'll gonna go to sleep early too", to which I was stunned.

I asked him if he was ok to drive to just be together for a couple of hours and he said yes, but in reality he is expecting me to stay up late that night? Well I am not going to pick up my daughter from my mom's late at night thats's for sure.

I'm starting to feel he is expecting my daughter to sleep at my mom's that night and he comes and sleeps at mine...

I didn't like that and I don't want to feel pressured that I have to stay up late with him just because he drove to meet me, when he knows I go to bed early and I have to pick up my daughter because that was the deal I said yes too.

I am going to tell him please don't bother to drive here on Saturday evening if you expect me to stay up late, and we better just meet on Sunday during the day.

I'm starting to have a feeling he just wants to get lai* and nothing else. Any thoughts?

Did he not say to you that on Saturday he was going to take you out for food and then take you back to pick up your daughter?
And then he wanted to see you on Sunday too. So that doesn’t sound to me like he just wants to get laid.
It sounds to me like he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to drive there and only spend an hour with you over a rushed meal. Which given the time scale of how long it will take him to travel , was a reasonable question, probably trying to tease you , but I don’t think it came across correctly.

maybe give him the benefit of the doubt. Make some plans for Saturday evening by all means, but put a time on it and say you have to be back by xyz time and see what he says? 8pm is late to travel an hour away to eat (food )
otherwsie I would just stick to Sunday and see what happens. If you don’t like his company then you don’t have to meet up again

May 29, 2020

Fox, pls read all OP's posts again, I think you might have missed some things.

OP, I would suggest you cancel. Or if you do go, do not get in the car with him to go "driving" or anything else.

This man is a stranger. His snarky comment about the date being two hours, your having to pick up your daughter and going to bed early was rude and a red flag.

Be careful girl. And choose who you meet wisely!

Edited May 29, 2020 by poppyfields

May 29, 2020

You already sense something is amiss. I disagree with the above stating he may genuine interest. Based on his half-snarky comment about you going to bed early, this guy probably feels entitled.

I bet he thinks since he is driving an hour to see you then will drive another hour the following day, he’s going “above and beyond”. It’s like he’s saying you need to make it worth his time.

May 29, 2020

^^ Two good posts to read OP. He seems creepy or at the least a tool.

May 29, 2020

As you said you two got a little "excited" about meeting...was it very flirtatious? maybe a little passionate? he very well may have gotten the impression you were ready to go, nudge nudge wink wink say no more....

If his comment was in a snippy tone, I would block/delete. I didn't find his comment very appealing at to being with...and to me, first impressions count. Red flag? very possible.

May 29, 2020

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

As you said you two got a little "excited" about meeting...was it very flirtatious? maybe a little passionate? he very well may have gotten the impression you were ready to go, nudge nudge wink wink say no more....

If his comment was in a snippy tone, I would block/delete. I didn't find his comment very appealing at to being with...and to me, first impressions count. Red flag? very possible.

Yes it was flirtatious. He mentioned he wanted to kiss me. And he didn't go beyond that because I didn't show myself open to it. But he definitely expects something physical to happen.

He makes some comments sometimes, like for example he called me today and I said I was alone in the house and he said I would be better if he was here with me... What the f***!?

May 29, 2020

OK that's going to creepy town....

May 29, 2020

2 hours ago, Erik30 said:

Yeah this seems really pushy, especially since it's someone you barely know.

I wouldn't be surprised if this guy turns out to be very controlling.

We haven't even met and he texts me all the time many times per day, and also calls me on the phone in the morning, afternoon and evening. I find it a bit too much, even if we were in a relationship, and much more when we haven't met yet. So he might be the controlling type yes.

May 29, 2020

Lonely to the point of texting you incessantly. Has he nobody else? I mean not even one buddy to hang with on the Saturday. He is moving too fast, but he seems lonely, which is a bit of a pink flag, to have nobody...

Edited May 29, 2020 by deepthinking
new thought

May 29, 2020

10 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes it was flirtatious. He mentioned he wanted to kiss me. And he didn't go beyond that because I didn't show myself open to it. But he definitely expects something physical to happen.

He makes some comments sometimes, like for example he called me today and I said I was alone in the house and he said I would be better if he was here with me... What the f***!?

I retract my previous statement. Holy shi*t what a creep. Especially if that kind of behaviour hasn’t been reciprocated , yet he continues to drop hints like that and doesn’t take the hint himself. Sounds like he is infatuated and maybe sees you as a bit of an object . I hope that’s not the case but he definitely sounds like a bit of a predator

May 29, 2020

6 minutes ago, deepthinking said:

Lonely to the point of texting you incessantly. Has he nobody else? I mean not even one buddy to hang with on the Saturday. He is moving too fast, but he seems lonely, which is a bit of a pink flag, to have nobody...

I don't know if it's because he is lonely, or what it is, but to me is too much.

For example, we spoke like 1h ago on the phone when he called me and I said to him I am going to do some work, and he just called me now again, knowing I am working! I find that over the top really.

Edited May 29, 2020 by ladybug2021

May 29, 2020

3 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

I retract my previous statement. Holy shi*t what a creep. Especially if that kind of behaviour hasn’t been reciprocated , yet he continues to drop hints like that and doesn’t take the hint himself. Sounds like he is infatuated and maybe sees you as a bit of an object . I hope that’s not the case but he definitely sounds like a bit of a predator

It's putting me off of meeting him all together.

May 29, 2020

Yeah he’s being a pain in the arse now calling you all the time when you said you were off to do some work. That behaviour makes me cringe!

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