mortensorchid Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 So I am on this thing Hinge lately (trying out another dating app) and I made contact with this guy who is about 14-15 years younger than me. Was thinking this like a lot of these connections would just be chatting for a few days and then one goes poof and that's that. But he did ask me this morning "So, you're into younger guys then?" How to answer that? Well ... I'd be lying if I said I was not attracted to him because he's quite cute. I am looking for a relationship of course, not a hookup. How can I answer this without sounding too desperate, like I am looking for a hookup, etc. yet make him take me seriously enough?
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 I would answer, "It definitely depends upon the guy." Playful, sassy and a challenge. Let him meet your standards, then you'll see. That's just what I'd do...but I'm kind of a b. Into younger guys sounds like you're stalking sites looking for a maximum number and clicking that as the desired trait or something. Nah. He needs to have a little more to offer. 1 1
Blind-Sided Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 If you are into younger guys... then just say yes. But let him know you are looking for more than a hook up. If you don't say that up front... then that's what you will wind up with. Regardless... Good luck. 1
OatsAndHall Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) "Yes, I'm looking for a younger gentleman to inherit my vast wealth and who will care for my fifteen cats when I pass away... Do you like hard candy served from a tin?" Ask a dumb question, get a dumb answer. Edit: I refer to it as a "dumb question" because any answer she gives serves no purpose for the guy and puts her in an awkward spot. Is she going to say "No!" after initiating contact with someone younger than her? If she says "Yes!!" then that can be open to a lot of interpretation, good or bad. Edited May 28, 2020 by OatsAndHall 3 1
Miss Spider Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 I think it’s a tacky q... not surprising though from a young guy xD 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Just now, Cookiesandough said: I think it’s a tacky q... not surprising though from a young guy xD Exactly. It's basically a neg. I mean boy stop. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Most men are understandably cautious about approaching older women, so check in right away to see if there's any potential. Personally, I think most men are interested in older women only for something casual. You hear the exceptions here and there, but it seems to me they're rare. The majority of men seek out younger women for serious relationships. Since I'm only interested in serious relationships, I never felt comfortable assuming the risk of dating a younger guy. 4
Miss Spider Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) Xxxxxx Edited May 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
mark clemson Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Consider saying some version of "Not younger guys specifically, but I think you're cute. BTW, I'm looking for a relationship eventually, with the right person, not just hookups." If he drops off quickly, he wasn't looking for what you're looking for... 2 1
Ellener Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 hmm, I wouldn't consider someone 15 years younger than middle-aged me a 'young guy'...even though he is technically young-er. 'Age is just a number' is a cliche, but it's true, makes zero difference- though the man's maturity level and self-care does. A 20 year old probably wouldn't have enough life experience or social skills, but that said I've met 60 year olds who aren't emotionally mature... Good luck whatever you decide! 1
thefooloftheyear Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) As a guy would I consider a woman that much older for a relationship? I guess if it was JLo or something, sure...but for anyone else? Nah.... Not that I would have anything against older women, but for the same reasons younger women wouldn't want an older guy...differences in life goals, etc...Also the age is important...I can see a 35 year old guy that didn't want kids getting involved with one of the more youngish types of late 40's women, but a 26 year old guy probably wants nothing to do with a early 40's+ woman...not in the sense of a regular LTR.. I do know that it's pretty well documented that a lot of younger guys are using older women for sex...I guess if its a mutually beneficial experience, who cares, but then you say you want a relationship so I don't think they are on the same page...Just the way he worded it, suggests that he thinks maybe you are horny for a younger guy and he's fishing around to see if that's the case... TFY Edited May 28, 2020 by thefooloftheyear 3
carhill Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 OP, what has happened when you've met similar younger men in real life? 1
basil67 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I think it’s a tacky q... not surprising though from a young guy xD It's just banter with someone he's considering a casual hookup with. After all, it's what his mates will say when he tells them about it. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: Consider saying some version of "Not younger guys specifically, but I think you're cute. BTW, I'm looking for a relationship eventually, with the right person, not just hookups." If he drops off quickly, he wasn't looking for what you're looking for... When I was online dating, I got lots of messages from younger men. They all ask if you're open to dating younger men, and most of them say yes, they're open to getting serious with an older woman. Because they know if they said no, I just want to fool around, that would be the end of it. 2
mark clemson Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Because they know if they said no, I just want to fool around, that would be the end of it. Fair enough and it's certainly true (some) men will happily be dishonest in order to get laid (and probably have been since before we were actually fully modern humans). That said, if @mortensorchid states where she's coming from at least the guy will know. He might mislead her anyhow, but then again he might not. I think you'd probably agree she shouldn't lie and say she's looking for hookups. If she did that, then when (if) he pumps and dumps and she is hurt, he will be saying "but you said you weren't looking for anything serious", etc...
Miss Spider Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) I guess I feel differently because my dad is significantly younger than my mother... but you’re probably right that overall, a younger man is not the best bet for something lasting ... for a lot of reasons...including most(?) just want a hookup with an hot older woman NSA But also when you’re younger dating older and you break up, a lens is put on the age difference. When people who don’t work out or hookup only that are similar ages are not accounted for. I dated a much older man 20+ years and when I broke up all of his friends said he should have known it was just a fling. That isn’t true. We broke up because of incompatibilities. Anyway, I don’t think all younger guys would approach an older woman with this question ... it’s off putting to me for some reason I can’t really explain. Maybe because it’s looking at it in terms of age when a real connection shouldn’t be about that? Obviously she’s ok with his age if they matched and especially if they start talking Edited May 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
rjc149 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Men look to hook up with older women for casual, no-strings attached sex. They are seen as easy targets, and some guys like the novelty of a fling with a cougar. I highly doubt this has long-term, serious potential. Yes, you could find an Emanuel Macron or a Hugh Jackman, a handsome young man seeking a matriarch, but that carries the distinct risk of finding him in the garage with some other dude's dick in his mouth. OP, what's clear is this: you are attractive enough to excite younger men who have options with women their age. So, you are attractive enough to find a man in an age range that is compatible with your personalities and life trajectory. Just hang in there. The signs are looking good. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) Just to dispel some of the old stereotypes in this thread... the younger men who approached me when I was 40 were for the most part in their 20s, hot, athletic, fun, charming, sweet, respectful, great careers, all the bells and whistles (sports cars, stylish dressers, etc.). I went on a couple of dates with one and he seemed like a great guy and was a perfect gentleman. Just as men say about younger women, he was unjaded, upbeat, no baggage, a breath of fresh air. I read about a study that showed women tend to go for younger men for the sex putting her pleasure at the forefront, endless stamina, and so on. It's a myth that these older women are helpless targets. For many of them, a hot young buck is exactly what the doctor ordered. Edited May 28, 2020 by Ruby Slippers 4
simpycurious Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 38 minutes ago, rjc149 said: Men look to hook up with older women for casual, no-strings attached sex. They are seen as easy targets, and some guys like the novelty of a fling with a cougar. I highly doubt this has long-term, serious potential. Yes, you could find an Emanuel Macron or a Hugh Jackman, a handsome young man seeking a matriarch, but that carries the distinct risk of finding him in the garage with some other dude's dick in his mouth. OP, what's clear is this: you are attractive enough to excite younger men who have options with women their age. So, you are attractive enough to find a man in an age range that is compatible with your personalities and life trajectory. Just hang in there. The signs are looking good. I have seen some of my peer group dating older women for a variety of reasons. Of course, these women are attractive, don't look their age, very bright, and full of life. I do think that many older women have an incredible amount of allure combined with sex appeal that is very engaging or enticing to a younger man. 3
Weezy1973 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 @mortensorchid just be honest, that’s always the best policy. From your previous threads that means that, yes, you are more attracted to younger men physically, and you’re also looking for a meaningful relationship.
Juha Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 How old is this younger guy? Honestly if he is messaging you he is only looking for a hookup Seems he is possibly playing with you by the question he asked you.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Just to dispel some of the old stereotypes in this thread... the younger men who approached me when I was 40 were for the most part in their 20s, hot, athletic, fun, charming, sweet, respectful, great careers, all the bells and whistles (sports cars, stylish dressers, etc.). I went on a couple of dates with one and he seemed like a great guy and was a perfect gentleman. Just as men say about younger women, he was unjaded, upbeat, no baggage, a breath of fresh air. Seems like a dream scenario for you.....what happened??? TFY
Ruby Slippers Posted May 29, 2020 Posted May 29, 2020 We kissed after a date and it was hot. But I'm not into hookups! He made it clear he's up for a date anytime, should I be so inclined
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