Is he behaving strangely or is it just me? Long)

[Oceanwaves]

I have been dating this man for half a year now, he is 27years old and I am 30.

He's always been a "clown", likes to joke around and such. At first it was nice, he was amusing to me. But now after a few months I noticed he seems weird. And I dont know if its just me. That's why I'm posting this. I am his first girlfriend. Incl sexual experience.

We were friends at first, he wanted more but insisted on staying friends nonetheless.  Until he admitted it to himself, only after I explained to him though that's he's actually treating me like a Gf.. He didnt know how to act..He went back and forth with me, not knowing how to act. He was cold, then nice again until he decided we should be more. He lives at home and seems attached to his mother and home life. I live on my own, I have a lot of hobbies and interests and like to learn anD keep  busy. He doesn't like much, not interested in any sports, cultures, people , nothing. 

I struggle to find topics to talk about. He either doesn't know or doesn't understand. Also, whenever I have a down day he doesn't know what to say. I was ill once and didn't feel like being all emotional, he didn't like that and told me he has never come across anyone who hit rock bottom the way I did. I explained to him exactly what is wrong with me and why I do not feel like myself or before ATM but he said he doesn't understand it.

Ever since I feel the connection between is somehow gone from my side.

The only thing he ever talks aboit is food. Every day, for weeks on end. He sends me photos of foods and tells me to inspire him what to put in the basket when he's food shopping. He sends me videos of himself eating, preparing food and or making drinks. He goes out with his mum to buy food since he refuses to drive. The only thing he is ever excited about is food. Nothing else.  The other issue is, whenever I wanna have a conversation with him he starts joking around, responds with a joke.  The other thing he told me to do is download a drawing app so we can guess each others drawings. Or he wants to use filters on Snapchat. But I don't use Snapchat.the other day he told me I should appreciate him more sometimes because other guys wouldn't be so patient (in that time when i was ill).Another thing he does is being repetitive. He sends me the same picture 5x a day, randomly, and wants me to tell me him he's very handsome. If I dont do it he gets weird. And quiet. He made me a photo book of us for Christmas. That waS lovely but half of tthe book was covered with Disney stickers.

When we go on dates I have to pay , he doesn't have much money so we often soemrimes sat in the rain or cold because he couldn't afford to sit inside. I usually paid but I paid for so much already.in the end I even canceled dates because he said I should be warned, he's broke..he has a job.but I dont think he's good at Money, unfortunately he's rather secretive about his mother and life at home, his finances as well.

I told.him.he can tell me, I'm interested but he doesn't seem to be willing.

Tonight he keeps sending me pictures of the shopping list, the receipt, desserts and things he's eaten in his life.

 

The other  day he wanted to play a game again...100 things you should know about Yoir girlfriend list. I said OK fine let's do it. He then answered to the questions with Jokes, not really about my true interests.

These are just a few examples.

I feel weird about this relationship. He doesn't engage with my life, we have very different values, and he only lives in the moment. He's usually out with his mother , not sure about friends. He has one friend I know of. I mean I love how loyal he is but something seems off. He lives in his own bubble somehow. Not wanting to know about the world and life. He does not want to learn anything either .. I love Spanish but he says English is enough, no point in languages.. He also doesnt seem to get me when I talk about my passions. He says ah nice but that's it.the thing is he doesn't seem uninterested, rather that he really cannot comprehend it somehow. Could there be anything wrong with him?a  Friend of mine said he seems a bit autistic but I dont know...

Edited May 27, 2020 by Oceanwaves

[basil67]

I'm not going to diagnose him over the internet.    What I will say is that this guy isn't meeting your needs and it's time to move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

Even before I reached the last line of your post, I was also wondering if he’s got some developmental issues. There are some markers here for someone who experiences the world very differently from what we would expect of a typical adult.

I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to display disinterest in your life, for what it’s worth. It appears to me that he genuinely doesn’t understand how to connect with you, and has some significant struggles reading and responding to social cues.

How did you meet him?

[Miss Spider]

It’s not just you ... he sounds strange 

[Oceanwaves]

48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Even before I reached the last line of your post, I was also wondering if he’s got some developmental issues. There are some markers here for someone who experiences the world very differently from what we would expect of a typical adult.

I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to display disinterest in your life, for what it’s worth. It appears to me that he genuinely doesn’t understand how to connect with you, and has some significant struggles reading and responding to social cues.

How did you meet him?

Doesn't know how to connect with me or even in general with people, I ask myself. We met on a dating app. 

He makes up stories what he wants with me, and he keeps telling me these things again and again and he's completely leaving out reality, his imagination is only rainbows and happiness. I told him and he said he is aware. But I feel he doesn't get things.not wanting to sound rude but I genuinely feel he cannot comprehend things. And I don't feel its only being immature.  I feel he is in his own world. Once, I looked at him during a Datr and he was laughing about his own jokes but his eyes were empty. It was strange. 

 

Also I noticed when I dont act the way he wants he goes quiet. We talked about it before. And he said he expects things to be how he imagines it.

 

[Versacehottie]

Doesn't sound like you respect him much (who he is, his personality)  He may or may not be deserving of respect which is a subjective thing in this case.  Girl, why are you hanging in there?  I see no reason to.  

[Oceanwaves]

1 minute ago, Versacehottie said:

Doesn't sound like you respect him much (who he is, his personality)  He may or may not be deserving of respect which is a subjective thing in this case.  Girl, why are you hanging in there?  I see no reason to.  

Its not that I don't respect him but I am seriously wondering! 

 

I dont like to give up on things so easily but I somehow think it doesn't go anywhere. The point is I dont feel a connection with him anymore.

[basil67]

Yes, you're exactly at that stage where the rose coloured glasses come off and reality starts to kick in.  

[Ami1uwant]

I need concrete examp,Es to understand what it is.

 

my guess he has aspergers.

 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

2 hours ago, Oceanwaves said:

He was cold, then nice again until he decided we should be more. He lives at home and seems attached to his mother and home life. I live on my own, I have a lot of hobbies and interests and like to learn anD keep  busy. He doesn't like much, not interested in any sports, cultures, people , nothing. 

I struggle to find topics to talk about. He either doesn't know or doesn't understand. Also, whenever I have a down day he doesn't know what to say. I was ill once and didn't feel like being all emotional, he didn't like that and told me he has never come across anyone who hit rock bottom the way I did. 

Game over right here ... before I read further ... though I did read further.

You do know the point of dating is to find someone who we thoroughly enjoy being with? We usually tro to find people we share interests and activities with ... usually someone who gets us emotionally ... people who bring energy and excitement to us ... I see absolutely nothing here that suggests this relationship is other than a random chance.

If you were to go to a town and close your eyes, spin around and point ... the guy you would point to at random ... would probably have more interesting things going on than this guy. Which raises the question: tell us about your confidence. It must be low for you to be with this guy. Now, if you just want to have sex, that's fine. But if you're at all thinking about a relationship ... well ... please tell us about your confidence. 

[Ami1uwant]

27 minutes ago, Oceanwaves said:

Its not that I don't respect him but I am seriously wondering! 

 

I dont like to give up on things so easily but I somehow think it doesn't go anywhere. The point is I dont feel a connection with him anymore.

 

What are things your passion is in? Where are his passions?

[preraph]

Early on in your post I was getting that you had simply reached the bottom of this guy and that there was nothing else to know. then your last line made perfect sense because he does seem like he has some severe limitations. 

 

I don't know why on Earth you would put up with someone sending you the same photo and demanding compliments and stay in the relationship. Clearly he is not very competent. I'm having trouble seeing one thing about him that would merit him having a girlfriend. He's never going to stand on his own. 

 

Whatever is wrong with him is always going to be wrong with him. Don't start thinking it's something you can fix. He seems to have very limited capacity and he's repetitive and irritating. 

 

You need to make sure he understands you are not girlfriend and boyfriend and stop spending much time with him and start dating other people.

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, Oceanwaves said:

Its not that I don't respect him but I am seriously wondering! 

 

I dont like to give up on things so easily but I somehow think it doesn't go anywhere. The point is I dont feel a connection with him anymore.

You seem unsatisfied to a point of no return.

Its time to let go. Unless You want to waste the rest of your life feeling like you dont get him and he doesnt get you.

Don't waste your time. 

[preraph]

Life is precious.  Don't waste it.  

[MsJayne]

Have you been to his home and met his mother? The reason I ask is that the way you describe his situation makes me wonder if maybe his mother has some control issues and this may be at the root of his odd behaviour, in the sense that mothers who won't let their kids grow up usually do a lot of damage. What makes me think that may be the problem is that you say he works but never has any money,  is secretive about his mother,  his lack of interest in most things, but mostly the childishness of him. All of that might suggest a very sheltered life. I'm sorry, but I'm seeing Norman Bates at the moment, (I hope his mother's not down in the cellar). Maybe, as others have said, he could be on the autism spectrum, but obviously only a qualified person can make that call. Whatever, you're at the six month mark and you're entitled to explanations, and you can't have a proper relationship with someone who keeps secrets. 

[ShyViolet]

Why exactly are you still with this guy?  It sounds like there are no positives to this relationship, all negatives.  It's time to end it.

And to be perfectly honest he does sound like he's on the autism spectrum.  Not that anyone can say for sure, and not that it necessarily matters....

[ccas93]

How on earth do guys like this get girlfriends or even date someone for half a year? in their late 20s and early 30s? I was cringing the whole time just reading that.. the fact that after 6 months you're questioning if if you should continue, tells me he must be extraordinarily good looking or something. jeez

[Oceanwaves]

No, he's not super good looking and we

Haven't even had sex yet. He said he wanted to wait till he's ready.  That's also because we haven't seen eachh other for months due to virus.

My passions are music, instruments, I play basketball, I learn Spanish and like to challenge myself. I have traveled, and I do yoga. I like reading but he despises books. I dont even mention anymore when I read .

 

His passion is buying and eating Foods but most of the time his Mum cooks for him. His sister is 35 and also lives at home. He never showed me or talked about them.he siad he's too different from them but at the same time he tells me he goes shopping with his Mum and gets picked up from work. He claims he's ambitious but I dont see it. I asked him what his plans are for the. Next years. He said he didn't know but he Is open for possibilities.I do feel I reached the end of who he is. I have my own place, want kids.

I like to have conversations about different topics.

Oh well and he likes to draw figures on his phone and sends them to me. Then he wants  me to guess who he drew. And he plays Xbox. That's it really.

 

The weirdest suggestion he ever had and which made me cringe was that he wanted to draw supermarket aisles on a sheet of paper and then I should tell him what to put in the imaginary basket.... I said no to this one.

Low confidence when I Met him? Not so Much. I just believed that there was more to him but there just isn't. I just didn't know.

 

No I didn't meet them and we always ever met in public. On a bench.

 

God I feel so stupid now. Why did I even do that?

 

On my birthday we talked all day, but he didn't say a thing until around 3pm. He said he believes in saying happy birthday at around mid day only when the person finished work etc. But a day before his birthday he told me every 5 mins that I should be available at twelve to say happy birthday. I did tell Him  this. And he was apologizing saying he never had a Gf before etc.but a lot of things I just find iits common sense.

 

Edited May 28, 2020 by Oceanwaves

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 minutes ago, Oceanwaves said:

No, he's not super good looking and we

Haven't even had sex yet. He said he wanted to wait till he's ready.  That's also because we haven't seen eachh other for months due to virus.

My passions are music, instruments, I play basketball, I learn Spanish and like to challenge myself. I have traveled, and I do yoga. I like reading but he despises books. I dont even mention anymore when I read .

 

His passion is buying and eating Foods but most of the time his Mum cooks for him. His sister is 35 and also lives at home. He never showed me or talked about them.he siad he's too different from them but at the same time he tells me he goes shopping with his Mum and gets picked up from work. He claims he's ambitious but I dont see it. I asked him what his plans are for the. Next years. He said he didn't know but he Is open for possibilities.I do feel I reached the end of who he is. I have my own place, want kids.

I like to have conversations about different topics.

Oh well and he likes to draw figures on his phone and sends them to me. Then he wants  me to guess who he drew. And he plays Xbox. That's it really.

 

The weirdest suggestion he ever had and which made me cringe was that he wanted to draw supermarket aisles on a sheet of paper and then I should tell him what to put in the imaginary basket.... I said no to this one.

Low confidence when I Met him? Not so Much. I just believed that there was more to him but there just isn't. I just didn't know.

 

 

 

What I initially attracted you to this guy? What did and what do you like about him?

[Miss Spider]

Girl I’ve made the same mistake of thinking different  =interesting. The weird ones are intriguing because you think that they’re something  to unravel and once you do you’ll find something deeper. But nope , the weird ones are just the same as the rest. There’s usually nothing more except they’re weird 

[Oceanwaves]

I liked his voice. His looks. We seemed to have things in common at first and he came across as confident , knowing what he wants and doesn't want. He seemed sure about things. He is loyal and patient which is the only thing now i still value. During the Virus he grew a long Beard and hair, finding it interesting. OK that's his choice . I felt close to him , attracted to him somehow but I guess that was just the initial phase...

 

 

[Miss Spider]

I dig long hair n beards but that’s just me... Sounds like you’re just kind of losing interest/attraction to him. Sucks but it happens. Also are you 33 or 30.  Nbd but you mention your age diff in threads. 
 

You need to think ultimately about what you want. Are you happy overall in the relationship. If N, I’d say cut the cord sooner rather than later. Time isn’t stopping 

[Oceanwaves]

4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Girl I’ve made the same mistake of thinking different  =interesting. The weird ones are intriguing because you think that they’re something  to unravel and once you do you’ll find something deeper. But nope , the weird ones are just the same as the rest. There’s usually nothing more except they’re weird 

Yeah I think that makes sense

[Oceanwaves]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I dig long hair n beards but that’s just me... Sounds like you’re just kind of losing interest/attraction to him. Sucks but it happens. Also are you 33 or 30.  Nbd but you mention your age diff in threads. 
 

You need to think ultimately about what you want. Are you happy overall in the relationship. If N, I’d say cut the cord sooner rather than later. Time isn’t stopping 

Yeah.I have to let him know its over. Today.

I am 33.  I can't edit my post anymore from yesterday. Its too late

Edited May 28, 2020 by Oceanwaves

[Oceanwaves]

I dont know why I dragged it out for so long.I was hoping for something that won't happen and hoping he would change, and make his mind up about stuff but he won't. There is a reason he's still with his mum and that he never had a Girlfriend and that he's too scared to live an adult life. I can't change him, I m not getting any younger either.  I shouldn't have to teach him how to be an adult. That's not my Job