honeybun Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I've been dating my guy for the past 8 months. we were friends then hooked at alittle after him and his g-friend for 5 years broke up, she cheated on him after he went out of state for school. Things were wonderful then over the summer i had to go home and only saw him a few times a month. Even though we talked alot and got together something happened and freaked him out and he didn't want to see me anymore. He called me three days later with "I'm sorries" and "i love yous." He said he was scared and things were getting to serious for him. So we cooled it down. To make a super long story short..I saw him after about a month of space and he was back to his I miss yous but kept saying that he was scared. A few weeks before we were both living in the same area he was calling me everyday saying how excited he was to see me and be with me. We got things back together when we were living closer. He said that we needed to slow it down though because he was overwelmed w/ his feelings. Everytime we spend alot of time together it's great. We don't fight, we're best friends and enjoy eachother soo much, but he gets mushy and very attached, then scared so he runs away. And after 3 days he calls me again with the i miss yous. But i don't suffocate him though. if we don't talk for a day i don't track him down and yell at him. I know he needs some space and I support that because he's having a tough time. but this has been going on for a little while. Anyways we saw eachother, but not everyday..then we didn't talk for 3 days he freaked out and said he needed to talk to me more and see me more. Then he got freaked out and ran away again. He tells me that he wants to be with me but he "has to figure things out in his head". So he'll never offically tell me we're over..he just becomes unaccessible for a few days and then he'll call me up. I'm so confused...why is he scared, why is he running away, why can't he make up his mind, and can I do anything so he isn't scared? more space..more seeing him..bringing him to a therapist? I don't know what else to do and i need some advice.
europimp Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Have you expressed this to him? It seems like you two have an awesome relationship and you two love eachother and want to be together with eachother, i see no reason for him to be scared. You've been together awhile after knowing eachother for awhile, so you should just sit down with him and express your concerns, and see what he thinks, and make sure you tell him you feel the same way he does. He may have a fear of commitment now that he's been cheated on after such a long relationship. Make sure that you reassure him, he must be afraid to get involved in relationships because he had gotten hurt not too long ago. All that you can do is stay with him and reassure him and try to help him get over his fear of being hurt.
Author honeybun Posted October 9, 2005 Author Posted October 9, 2005 i have told him how I feel. There is no doubt in my mind that he wants to be with me..that's why im having such a hard time with this. i ask what i can do..he says space..i give it to him..he wants to see me..he does then gets freaked out. But he has never told me why he's scared so I don't know how to make progress..or if I can make progress. I don't want to give up on him. but he puts no effort on figuring it out, but he won't let me go. I reassure him in so many ways and he is always telling me that i make him feel special..so im at a loss
europimp Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 It seems that the only thing that will shed more insight into this is time... Now I realize that this is nowhere near a good bit of advice, but since he seems reluctant to share why he's feeling so conflicted (and you don't want to pressure him too much), all you can do is live your life and go out with friends, invite him to come along, h ave some alone time, and just see where the relationship goes. You don't want to focus your entire life on him, you want to have fun, incorporate him into what you do as much as he feels comfortable, and let him resolve this. If this is a recent development, let it go for a little while and let him think, if he's had time, see if there's anything you can do. That's all I can think of, let's see what the other members of LS can come up with and whether or not they agree or disagree with what I'm saying.
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