DefOFinsanity Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 Hello, I’m a 36 m and I have 2 kids. 8 and 2. I’ve been married for about 9 yrs. We have always had a rocky relationship. Infidelity by both of us years ago and quite a bit of arguments.This arguments we took right to the edge before domestic violence but never laid a hand on each other.The past year has been completely different. She’s unhappy in general and gets easily mad at me for mundane stuff and in turn it makes me retreat and stay out of her way to avoid getting yelled at. In turn we have grown further apart and are indifference became the normal. I’ve been really unhappy too but we stay because we have a house and 2 kids. I’m not exaggerating when I say deal with pretty much everything financially and around the house. She works full time and pays for the kids private school but I pay for every other bill and the mortgage and card. I also take the kids to school and pick them up for the most part. After our last blow out we both decided I stay at my parents which is quite normal. I was doing ok for a few days but every morning at wake up at 5am with anxiety and I can’t go back to sleep. I cry, I pace and one morning I broke down and called her so I can come back home. She said no and that it’s actually nicer I’m not there anymore. I thought with me gone she would realize how much she needs me but it backfired and I realize that her and the family maybe don’t need me. It’s causing me some depression and anxiety. I’ve been on meds before for depression and I have codependency issues. I feel hopeless and scared. I know my relationship is toxic but I’m going to lose everything. When I think of the best case scenario where both of us moved on and happy it makes me even more depressed because it’s not together as a family. My friends and family know I’ve been unhappy for a long time and I even agree with my wife when she says we have to break the cycle but then I think of the kids and how I won’t get to sleep in bed with them or wake up with them and I just break. Also we don’t have any real arrangement right now custody or financially and in fact she’s at the house with everything the same except I’m not there. I know filing papers would change that but I’m scared because I know when I do that it means it’s over for good Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 If you are not open to marriage counseling then find a good lawyer and follow their advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 Can you go to a therapist? You are trapped into depression logic ... I've been there. Depression logic is heads I lose, tails I lose ... sideways, I lose ... don't-toss-the-coin-at-all and I lose ... The relationship is toxic. So either you guys need to separate or go to intensive marriage counseling. A toxic relationship means really it's NOT good for the kids. Kids pick up on toxic energy between their parents. A toxic relationship means going back with your partner would not be healthy right? But somehow you're turning logic every which way to go for the worst possible interpretation of reality. That's depression thinking. You can't win ... any step is hopeless ... can you call your doctor and therapist and resume depression treatment? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DefOFinsanity Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 thank you for the replies, we tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work. I really want to try and get through this without meds because everytime I had a ton of side effects that occurred. It’s just really painful to be so hurt by a dead toxic relationship. My mind knows it’s over but doesn’t want to accept it Link to post Share on other sites
emprosnet7 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Avoid meds and start taking long walks in the park or the city. Try to get is out of your system. It helps me alot. Get a good attorney and arrange a fair devorce. Get to see the kids as much as possible because they are at a young age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DefOFinsanity Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 Yea everyone keeps saying go talk to a lawyer and I agree but I’m scared because it means it’s over even though I know it’s over if that makes sense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IdealMan1 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 On 5/27/2020 at 9:28 AM, DefOFinsanity said: thank you for the replies, we tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work. I really want to try and get through this without meds because everytime I had a ton of side effects that occurred. It’s just really painful to be so hurt by a dead toxic relationship. My mind knows it’s over but doesn’t want to accept it It really takes some searching before finding a good counselor. It took me 4 tries before finding a good one Link to post Share on other sites
AMarriedMan Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 On 5/26/2020 at 11:12 PM, DefOFinsanity said: I thought with me gone she would realize how much she needs me but it backfired and I realize that her and the family maybe don’t need me. But you still continue to pay all the bills except for the kids' private school? If you divorced, would you have to pay anywhere near as much if your wife got residential custody of both the children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts