miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 5 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: I don't actually mind 'what's up'. You can reply with a and move on with your day. Those that do that are fairly low maintenance, I find. What I hate is full on text convos or early dating 'keep in touch' phase. Either see me in person or call, don't text. I'm a grown adult, not a teenager. I don't know how old you are but text messaging is a millennial thing. Its just the way some people communicate
Emilie Jolie Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 6 minutes ago, miranda561 said: I don't know how old you are but text messaging is a millennial thing. Its just the way some people communicate I'm old 1
miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 32 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: I'm old Makes sense then
Miss Spider Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) 22 hours ago, Mystery4u said: She can call if she is so afraid of texting (which is just weird tbh) but she isn't communicating at all. She is not meeting your communication expectations and that's something you need to talk to her about. If she's not willing to take your feelings into consideration and put bit more effort then there's only one way this relationship is going. Personally no way could I be with someone like this. A relationship without daily communication is not a relationship to me. I feel like I’d be way more like relationship material prior to the advent of the cellphone. You don’t get space from people anymore with a cell phone. You literally have them in your pocket with you 24/7 . Some people love that... but I think it’s really sick A couple months ago I had a date with a guy who lost his sht on me in a one sided conversation with himself. It started with a pic he sent and “what do you think? Too minimalist?” Then “honestly though, how are you?” Then: pic Then: What do you want from me? Then “ Putting it out there: I think you're remarkable. You can’t fake the conversations we had at xxxxx. I suspect you weren't ready to feel that way and it's horrifying. Whatever you want from me, I'm in, but it has to be something you're ready for too.” Then: I'll be downtown a while longer if you want to sit down somewhere and have a conversation. Then: Or just go to an arcade bar, be in each other's company, and not talk because that's too difficult right now. Then: I should have left you well alone after you made it clear you were only looking for fun. I was selfish. Hope my crazy hasn't placed too much of a burden on you. Truly sorry. ....All of this within like 10 hrs of no response. Just witnessing someone slip into insanity like that bc they are so used to instantly gratifying communication is disturbing and too real... the way it triggers anxiety to not hear back... and on the other end triggers anxiety to have the pressure to get back stat..I mean no way that would have happened had text not existed and we’re still relying on calls...Perhaps we’d still be dating. I was asleep. Edited May 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Emilie Jolie Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 14 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Makes sense then I didn't like texting 15 years ago either (yeah, it was a thing back then too). I also know millenials who don't like constant text comms, so maybe it's a preference thing. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I feel like I’d be way more like relationship material prior to the advent of the cellphone. You don’t get space from people anymore with a cell phone. You literally have them in your pocket with you 24/7 . Some people love that... but I think it’s really sick A couple months ago I had a date with a guy who lost his sht on me in a one sided conversation with himself. It started with a pic he sent and “what do you think? Too minimalist?” Then “honestly though, how are you?” Then: pic Then: What do you want from me? Then “ Putting it out there: I think you're remarkable. You can’t fake the conversations we had at xxxxx. I suspect you weren't ready to feel that way and it's horrifying. Whatever you want from me, I'm in, but it has to be something you're ready for too.” Then: I'll be downtown a while longer if you want to sit down somewhere and have a conversation. Then: Or just go to an arcade bar, be in each other's company, and not talk because that's too difficult right now. Then: I should have left you well alone after you made it clear you were only looking for fun. I was selfish. Hope my crazy hasn't placed too much of a burden on you. Truly sorry. ....All of this within like 10 hrs of no response. Just witnessing someone slip into insanity like that bc they are so used to instantly gratifying communication is disturbing and too real... the way it triggers anxiety to not hear back... and on the other end triggers anxiety to have the pressure to get back stat..I mean no way that would have happened had text not existed and we’re still relying on calls...Perhaps we’d still be dating. I was asleep. It sounds like you had a loose cannon on your hand. Nothing to do with texting. Personally, I would be annoyed too if I felt obligated to answer streams of or constant texts. So, I make certain that I date women who have their crap together, a job, sane, etc. Most important, I make every effort to be with my partner as much as possible. I have never met a woman who was obsessed with their texting. Never. If some have, that is another issue. By the way, I am a Gen X and only date Gen X or Yers. All the women text or FB Message. Normal, occasional, communication having fun, enjoying the convenience... Edited May 28, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 1
miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) 31 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I feel like I’d be way more like relationship material prior to the advent of the cellphone. You don’t get space from people anymore with a cell phone. You literally have them in your pocket with you 24/7 . Some people love that... but I think it’s really sick A couple months ago I had a date with a guy who lost his sht on me in a one sided conversation with himself. It started with a pic he sent and “what do you think? Too minimalist?” Then “honestly though, how are you?” Then: pic Then: What do you want from me? Then “ Putting it out there: I think you're remarkable. You can’t fake the conversations we had at xxxxx. I suspect you weren't ready to feel that way and it's horrifying. Whatever you want from me, I'm in, but it has to be something you're ready for too.” Then: I'll be downtown a while longer if you want to sit down somewhere and have a conversation. Then: Or just go to an arcade bar, be in each other's company, and not talk because that's too difficult right now. Then: I should have left you well alone after you made it clear you were only looking for fun. I was selfish. Hope my crazy hasn't placed too much of a burden on you. Truly sorry. ....All of this within like 10 hrs of no response. Just witnessing someone slip into insanity like that bc they are so used to instantly gratifying communication is disturbing and too real... the way it triggers anxiety to not hear back... and on the other end triggers anxiety to have the pressure to get back stat..I mean no way that would have happened had text not existed and we’re still relying on calls...Perhaps we’d still be dating. I was asleep. I haven't come across that level of crazy from a guy. But I have female friends who do tht Hes definitely just an exception or someone who doesn't have many options or something. Coz most will be too in their ego to continue messaging without a response. Edited May 28, 2020 by miranda561 1
Miss Spider Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) Yes he prob was just crazy... but the text def exacerbated it. Also, if we were not texting or he wouldn’t have had a medium to vomit every thought that came to mind ... he’d have time to chill when I didn’t answer phone if it were voice, and I would have noticed his crazy perhaps later ... You also see ALL the time on here people losing their sht when a text goes unanswered from a few hours up until a couple days... so I know I’m not the only one who has encountered ppl like that Edited May 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
simpycurious Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 It's really difficult for some to keep their "Crazy" on the down low for very long. 9 minutes ago, miranda561 said: I haven't come across that level of crazy from a guy. But I have female friends who do tht Hes definitely just an exception or someone who doesn't have many options or something. Coz most will be too in their ego to continue messaging without a response. Being OPTION-LESS does tend to lead to more CRAY CRAY activity 2 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 4 minutes ago, miranda561 said: I haven't come across that level of crazy from a guy. But I have female friends who do tht Hes definitely just an exception or someone who doesn't have many options or something. Coz most will be too in their ego to continue messaging without a response. Yep. I am convinced that there are men who also play this "I am not going to respond for another few hours to keep her thinking, or make myself seem confident or mysterious, blah blah blah..." The funny thing is, when I started dating again years ago, I always heard this line of reasoning, NEVER followed it, and never had anyone but one person ever accuse me of being clingy...Most have appreciated my attempt to promptly response, when reasonable. If I like someone, I don't mind responding when I have the time to do so. I can get very busy most days, in fact, almost every day and throughout, but there is always a few seconds at least, during the day, I can find to respond. And of course, when I get home. 1 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 1 minute ago, simpycurious said: It's really difficult for some to keep their "Crazy" on the down low for very long. Being OPTION-LESS does tend to lead to more CRAY CRAY activity Yep! 1 1
Miss Spider Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) Idk this guy was good looking... I would think he has a lot of options But idk maybe not ... maybe didn’t. He also seemed normal until that event. I feel like texting just brings out the bad in a lot of people kk I think I’ve shared enough of my thoughts on this now xD Edited May 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough
miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Yep. I am convinced that there are men who also play this "I am not going to respond for another few hours to keep her thinking, or make myself seem confident or mysterious, blah blah blah..." The funny thing is, when I started dating again years ago, I always heard this line of reasoning, NEVER followed it, and never had anyone but one person ever accuse me of being clingy...Most have appreciated my attempt to promptly response, when reasonable. If I like someone, I don't mind responding when I have the time to do so. I can get very busy most days, in fact, almost every day and throughout, but there is always a few seconds at least, during the day, I can find to respond. And of course, when I get home. I think some people just get it wrong. They either wont reply at all or they will do too much. Personally i dont always reply straight away. But i will eventually as it's only polite to do so. When i message a guy and he doesnt reply. I just see it as game playing. Or passive aggression. Especially when a week ago he was all up in ma grill Edited May 28, 2020 by miranda561 1 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Idk this guy was good looking... I would think he has a lot of options But idk maybe not ... maybe didn’t. He also seemed normal until that event. I feel like texting just brings out the bad in a lot of people kk I think I’ve shared enough of my thoughts on this now xD Hey, as we have mentioned, people become something else when texting or online, etc. Your guy could have been a little on edge AND uninhibited because he was texting. Who knows for sure. He could have been the insecure type, for sure. Or controlling? That woman who accused me of being clingy in my earlier post, she ended up marrying me, but it didn't work out! We live thousands of miles apart, separate lives, but I get texts from her and they are typically longer than ones I create. I used to get huge texts from her, pissed off, and now, I get huge texts from her asking for advice. 1 1
simpycurious Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 I still believe that MOST attractive (men and women) who have a lot going for them are simply just not going to act CRAZY either over a text or in person. The close friends that I have just wouldn't do some of the stuff that that is being posted about above but these are VERY confident, fit, well heeled dudes who date VERY attractive women regularly. Daters with few options are more prone to act NUTZ IMO 1
miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Yep. I am convinced that there are men who also play this "I am not going to respond for another few hours to keep her thinking, or make myself seem confident or mysterious, blah blah blah..." The funny thing is, when I started dating again years ago, I always heard this line of reasoning, NEVER followed it, and never had anyone but one person ever accuse me of being clingy...Most have appreciated my attempt to promptly response, when reasonable. If I like someone, I don't mind responding when I have the time to do so. I can get very busy most days, in fact, almost every day and throughout, but there is always a few seconds at least, during the day, I can find to respond. And of course, when I get home. At the end of the day...that line of reasoning may work at the beginning. But then it just gets old. And you just think to yourself this guy is either a narcissist or a complete waste of space 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, miranda561 said: At the end of the day...that line of reasoning may work at the beginning. But then it just gets old. And you just think to yourself this guy is either a narcissist or a complete waste of space You know, I have dated quite a few women, and I have never had any of them say to me, "Dude, you are too transparent and conscientious about reply back to me when you can. I just can't see myself dating someone who is not mysterious." Nope. Especially when early in the relationship, you are building a foundation of trust, familiarity, last thing that never made sense was to try to be aloof and "mysterious." Then again, I am a HUGE proponent of transparency. Nothing to hide, in fact, I want you to know who I am, what I do, what I like, I want to know all of that about you! We've seen enough threads about communication. When your communication style differs and there is no compromise or discussion regarding that, it causes problems. Simple. I simply adjust TOWARDS the communication style that the person I enjoy being with has and I expect the same. Edited May 28, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 2
simpycurious Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 8 hours ago, Spainglish said: When I get a "what's up?" I usually answer with "why don't you tell me?" Stumps them every time. ha ha ha And do they tell you? 6 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: Yeah, that type of stream of consciousness. Just. Why? I will say when the cleaning ladies arrive every week, it is a GOOD day so don't knock it 1
amaysngrace Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 My guy used to ghost during text in the very beginning and after like four unanswered texts of mine I finally sent him the pay attention to me bitmoji. The one where she’s clanging cymbals. It worked. Now we do two, three and four hour phone calls. You just gotta call them out on it. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 47 minutes ago, simpycurious said: I still believe that MOST attractive (men and women) who have a lot going for them are simply just not going to act CRAZY either over a text or in person. The close friends that I have just wouldn't do some of the stuff that that is being posted about above but these are VERY confident, fit, well heeled dudes who date VERY attractive women regularly. Daters with few options are more prone to act NUTZ IMO True. And also true that the same type of people also DO text regularly. I know them as well. Communication style, not necessarily about confidence or being fit. Like I said, I love the opportunity to have fun with texting. I am playful and if and when I can use texting to send out some random, funny, mischievous text to my partner or my friends or my family or my kids, I do!
miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 43 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: You know, I have dated quite a few women, and I have never had any of them say to me, "Dude, you are too transparent and conscientious about reply back to me when you can. I just can't see myself dating someone who is not mysterious." Nope. Especially when early in the relationship, you are building a foundation of trust, familiarity, last thing that never made sense was to try to be aloof and "mysterious." Then again, I am a HUGE proponent of transparency. Nothing to hide, in fact, I want you to know who I am, what I do, what I like, I want to know all of that about you! We've seen enough threads about communication. When your communication style differs and there is no compromise or discussion regarding that, it causes problems. Simple. I simply adjust TOWARDS the communication style that the person I enjoy being with has and I expect the same. Thats the best way to be. To be upfront..and compromise as well to what the other one wants. Unfortunately younger men can't/wont do any of that.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 8 minutes ago, amaysngrace said: My guy used to ghost during text in the very beginning and after like four unanswered texts of mine I finally sent him the pay attention to me bitmoji. The one where she’s clanging cymbals. It worked. Now we do two, three and four hour phone calls. You just gotta call them out on it. I love to use emojis! I am notorious for using them in the most silly ways. When texting became a thing, I used to resist and boldly claim that I will never use texting. I would say, " I would rather speak over the phone....not a texter." Well, a few years later, I have fun with it in many ways. I am not ashamed and have fun with it. The next thing you know, you start from one emoji, to 2, to more fun gifs, and then full-blown silly photos...Whoop whoop! I can imagine the rolling of eyes by some followers! 1
miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, amaysngrace said: My guy used to ghost during text in the very beginning and after like four unanswered texts of mine I finally sent him the pay attention to me bitmoji. The one where she’s clanging cymbals. It worked. Now we do two, three and four hour phone calls. You just gotta call them out on it. I don't call the person out because i feel like ill be compromising my self respect. Also i don't want the other person to know i want to speak to them to that level. As it may end up with them being all arrogant about it
miranda561 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Just now, Gr8fuln2020 said: I love to use emojis! I am notorious for using them in the most silly ways. When texting became a thing, I used to resist and boldly claim that I will never use texting. I would say, " I would rather speak over the phone....not a texter." Well, a few years later, I have fun with it in many ways. I am not ashamed and have fun with it. The next thing you know, you start from one emoji, to 2, to more fun gifs, and then full-blown silly photos...Whoop whoop! I can imagine the rolling of eyes by some followers! I always use emojis/bitmojis And sometimes people are like why do you use them so much 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Posted May 28, 2020 2 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Thats the best way to be. To be upfront..and compromise as well to what the other one wants. Unfortunately younger men can't/wont do any of that. A lot of the younger generation is getting faulty advice regarding relationships today. Too many of them are getting advice from macho, self-serving, YouTubers. Many of our men, especially, just have a basic difficulty communicating.
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