miranda561 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 1 minute ago, Mystery4u said: Read the OP again, it's not 'early stages'. It's been 2 months. Not texting too much and only for arranging dates etc is literally for the first couple of weeks, maybe 2-3 dates. After that if it's going well then both will want to get to know each other more and more and daily communication would be the expectation. May be. But have they had tht talk though. About how serious it really is. He said sheworks long hours though
poppyfields Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: Read the OP again, it's not 'early stages'. It's been 2 months. Not texting too much and only for arranging dates etc is literally for the first couple of weeks, maybe 2-3 dates. After that if it's going well then both will want to get to know each other more and more and daily communication would be the expectation. Literally? Not according to what I've read, heard and witnessed! I know guys who follow this "no texting in between" for months. Or for the entire duration. By then they're seeing each other 2-3 times a week and they text only to schedule the dates. Many men swear by this rule, they claim it keeps things fresh and prevents the woman from losing interest. Women complain, but there appears to be strong evidence to support that. My bf and I never followed this rule, but many men do. I've seen it. Edited May 27, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Literally? Not according to what I've read, heard and witnessed! I know guys who follow this "no texting in between" for months. Or for the entire duration. By then they're seeing each other 2-3 times a week and they text only to schedule the dates. Many men swear by this rule, they claim it keeps things fresh and prevents the woman from losing interest. Women complain, but there appears to be strong evidence to support that. My bf and I never followed this rule, but many men do. I've seen it. I have dated enough to say that I rarely meet or have met any women who have regularly responded to texts. Again, not talking about bombarding. I am a man and have never adopted that rule: Many men swear by this rule, they claim it keeps things fresh and prevents the woman from losing interest. Thank goodness. I have fun texting when reasonable. People can text way too much, literally have philosophical conversations, which is nuts, but regular, back and forth, witty, fun, sexy, light communication back and forth is. Just. Fun. Not for everyone. Of course not. Some people are just not whimsical and fun and not their style. I can tell you that there are many men who don't have a problem texting. Unfortunately, like so many, texting is more the comfortable means of communication until you are together with your partner. I don't know what evidence you have. But, I suspect its because those men don't have anything of substance to say in the first place. Texting is a great way to just have fun...and like I said, not for everyone. And I've seen it and live it and I am a man. 1
poppyfields Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I have dated enough to say that I rarely meet or have met any women who have regularly responded to texts. Again, not talking about bombarding. I am a man and have never adopted that rule: Many men swear by this rule, they claim it keeps things fresh and prevents the woman from losing interest. Thank goodness. I have fun texting when reasonable. People can text way too much, literally have philosophical conversations, which is nuts, but regular, back and forth, witty, fun, sexy, light communication back and forth is. Just. Fun. Not for everyone. Of course not. Some people are just not whimsical and fun and not their style. I can tell you that there are many men who don't have a problem texting. Unfortunately, like so many, texting is more the comfortable means of communication until you are together with your partner. I don't know what evidence you have. But, I suspect its because those men don't have anything of substance to say in the first place. Texting is a great way to just have fun...and like I said, not for everyone. And I've seen it and live it and I am a man. I hear ya, I feel the same and so does my bf. But let's not invalidate the experiences of others, just because we ourselves don't follow or agree to this "no texting in between" rule. The advice is out there. For men to not text in between unless to schedule a date and women to not text in between either like miranda posted. I've heard it too. The men I know who do this are not losers either. They are successful, good quality guys. To each their own. Edited May 27, 2020 by poppyfields
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: I hear ya, I feel the same and so does my bf. But let's not invalidate the experiences of others, just because we ourselves don't follow or agree to this "no texting in between" rule. The advice is out there. For men to not text in between unless to schedule a date and women to not text in between either like miranda posted. I've heard it too. No invalidation intended nor possible. We are all aware that this topic, hashed out many times in the past, is all about communication preferences and expectations. 1
miranda561 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: No invalidation intended nor possible. We are all aware that this topic, hashed out many times in the past, is all about communication preferences and expectations. So how are we supposed to know if a guy is actually interested as opposed to not interested....if half the time theyre holding back like the op ( who isn't sure of mutual interest) or just playing some kind of game to attract the interest of the girl. Its just a mind f*** And a lot of people like this may end up going separate ways because they're not sure of each others intentions. When truly they actually do like the person. Edited May 27, 2020 by miranda561
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 19 minutes ago, miranda561 said: So how are we supposed to know if a guy is actually interested as opposed to not interested....if half the time theyre holding back like the op ( who isn't sure of mutual interest) or just playing some kind of game to attract the interest of the girl. Its just a mind f*** And a lot of people like this may end up going separate ways because they're not sure of each others intentions. When truly they actually do like the person. You talk about these things while face-to-face. Including communication expectations. People who are aloof about communicating what they want/need risk losing potential good partners. I am trying to get to know a woman who doesn't like to speak over the phone. She is an active texter (as almost all of the women I have encountered). She also has other legitimate reasons for preferring text. But, we will speak every once in a while. I made it clear that I enjoy speaking over the phone and she has made compromises. COMPROMISE. But, without this, one risks losing interest merely based on the communication styles in conflict. 1
miranda561 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 29 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: You talk about these things while face-to-face. Including communication expectations. People who are aloof about communicating what they want/need risk losing potential good partners. I am trying to get to know a woman who doesn't like to speak over the phone. She is an active texter (as almost all of the women I have encountered). She also has other legitimate reasons for preferring text. But, we will speak every once in a while. I made it clear that I enjoy speaking over the phone and she has made compromises. COMPROMISE. But, without this, one risks losing interest merely based on the communication styles in conflict. Do you text her back often? Or do you leave itforwhen you speak. And who does the initiating??
Miss Spider Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) It’s funny hearing because for me it’s the exact opposite. The men I’ve met text way too much. Don’t get me wrong. They can be fun and witty with the text banter... but over half you meet up and they’re quiet or just straight awkward (no hate I’m a bit awkward myself ), and it’s just like they have a COMPLETELY different personality.. So no, I don’t think it’s a good indicator of communication skills in general. I actually had one guy tell me text is easier to communicate because he has time to consider what he’s going to say Edited May 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
simpycurious Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Do you think that SOME (women and men) need constant ATTENTION or AFFIRMATION which manifests itself in all the texting/communication? Or are they NEEDY? 1
poppyfields Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: It’s funny hearing because for me it’s the exact opposite. The men I’ve met text way too much. cookies, maybe you're talking to and dating the wrong men! Lol Since admittedly you lose interest in all of them, maybe you need a guy who doesn't text so much, who will offer you a bit of a challenge? The guys you meet and date are clingers and have absolutely zero game! Xd Which doesn't surprise me. That's usually how it plays out - when one wants more the other wants less, when one wants less, the other wants more. Your elusiveness (not judging, I am somewhat the same) results in guys chasing you, trying to pin you down. Which ends up turning you off, and you ghost. It makes perfect sense when you think about it. I bet the same guys who text you ad nauseam would be turned off if a woman texted them as often as they text you! Edited May 27, 2020 by poppyfields 1
introverted1 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 3 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: regular, back and forth, witty, fun, sexy, light communication back and forth is. Just. Fun. 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: I hear ya, I feel the same and so does my bf Where are these men? My dislike of texting stems from the fact that, after the 3rd day of banal pleasantries, I've had enough. I would enjoy engaging under the terms described above. I guess I am a magnet for poor texters. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, miranda561 said: Do you text her back often? Or do you leave itforwhen you speak. And who does the initiating?? I text her back ALWAYS. As promptly as I possibly can. My communication style tends to be efficient in terms of time between responses, but when busy, it can be a few hours delay. I never leave an text unanswered and I find people who do not respond in a timely manner, within a reasonable amount of time, certain not days, to be inconsiderate. This is true of any communication whether it be voice mail, email, text. I am 51 and experienced enough to know what I want in a relationship and how. Communication is one of the first things I talk to my potential partner about. I just had my first meet with her last week Friday and hashed out a lot of our expectations and needs in a relationship. Since I am the one who started the communication by demonstrating my interest, the 'conversation' has been back and forth. When I text, she always responds within a reasonable manner and directly to my questions. Another pet peeve...people who do not respond to specific questions. Why insist on texting or communicating at all if you are going to pick and choose which questions to respond to...annoying. I don't allow people with whom I communicate get away with not answering questions I have asked. If a particular question is not responded to, I know it is avoidance and I have decided to end communication for that. I just responded to a text after 2 hours. I was in a meeting and busy with work. But, when I respond, I am deliberate and attentive. People appreciate not only the right amount of frequency, but also substance of your responses. Edited May 27, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
Miss Spider Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: cookies, maybe you're talking to and dating the wrong men! Lol Since admittedly you lose interest in all of them, maybe you need a guy who doesn't text so much, who will offer you a bit of a challenge? The guys you meet and date are clingers and have absolutely zero game! Xd Which doesn't surprise me. That's usually how it plays out - when one wants more the other wants less, when one wants less, the other wants more. Your elusiveness (not judging, I am somewhat the same) results in guys chasing you, trying to pin you down. Which ends up turning you off, and you ghost. It makes perfect sense when you think about it. I bet the same guys who text you ad nauseam would be turned off if a woman texted them as often as they text you! yea I mean not all of them, poppy, but I’ve just seen too many cases of guys having a lot of being very interesting / a lot game on text but practically none in person.... Some people are better at written communication than oral
Miss Spider Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 1 hour ago, introverted1 said: Where are these men? My dislike of texting stems from the fact that, after the 3rd day of banal pleasantries, I've had enough. I would enjoy engaging under the terms described above. I guess I am a magnet for poor texters. Agree..It’s boring af .Like if you just did something interesting or something exciting happened, do tell. But let me hear about it in person and don’t expect me to match paragraph after paragraph on my day... .and then they want you to reply back ASAP “What’s up?” “How’s your day going?” “*copy and pasted meme*” I can find my own memes. Don’t need yours 1 1
simpycurious Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, simpycurious said: Do you think that SOME (women and men) need constant ATTENTION or AFFIRMATION which manifests itself in all the texting/communication? Or are they NEEDY? Do you think guys seem to have more "game" in person or via text? Edited May 27, 2020 by simpycurious 1
miranda561 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I text her back ALWAYS. As promptly as I possibly can. My communication style tends to be efficient in terms of time between responses, but when busy, it can be a few hours delay. I never leave an text unanswered and I find people who do not respond in a timely manner, within a reasonable amount of time, certain not days, to be inconsiderate. This is true of any communication whether it be voice mail, email, text. I am 51 and experienced enough to know what I want in a relationship and how. Communication is one of the first things I talk to my potential partner about. I just had my first meet with her last week Friday and hashed out a lot of our expectations and needs in a relationship. Since I am the one who started the communication by demonstrating my interest, the 'conversation' has been back and forth. When I text, she always responds within a reasonable manner and directly to my questions. Another pet peeve...people who do not respond to specific questions. Why insist on texting or communicating at all if you are going to pick and choose which questions to respond to...annoying. I don't allow people with whom I communicate get away with not answering questions I have asked. If a particular question is not responded to, I know it is avoidance and I have decided to end communication for that. I just responded to a text after 2 hours. I was in a meeting and busy with work. But, when I respond, I am deliberate and attentive. People appreciate not only the right amount of frequency, but also substance of your responses. All those things you find annoying i find annoying aswell. I would say its more predominant amongst my age group. Mid to late 20s. Reason i asked if you text back always is because the person im on and off with just stopped bothering to text back all the time. But it could be because our communication method preferences are different. He always without fail responds to calls and texts sometimes they will go unanswered. But on the odd occasion would be nice to get a text back when i cant speak on the phone for hours at a time. So he likes calls and i like texts. But what can i do . Edited May 27, 2020 by miranda561
ThereSheGoes Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 I feel like this depends on your communication preferences, and what you NEED from the other person, in order to feel valued and appreciated, and that goes for both people. Have you asked if she could be a little more communicative during this two week hiatus? If she would rather not, and wants to stick to her normal communication habits, then maybe you should move on, because they way you guys communicate, isn't compatible. 1
poppyfields Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: yea I mean not all of them, poppy, but I’ve just seen too many cases of guys having a lot of being very interesting / a lot game on text but practically none in person.... Some people are better at written communication than oral I hear ya, I've had that happen too, but just once or twice. It was like they had two personalities, their on-line personality and in-person personality. It was soooooo weird! But then again I never actually met in person most of the guys I chatted on line with, I knew before meeting they were not for me! At all. In fact, the last time I was on a dating app, I only met in person two guys, the second guy I met is now my current boyfriend! Edited May 27, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: yea I mean not all of them, poppy, but I’ve just seen too many cases of guys having a lot of being very interesting / a lot game on text but practically none in person.... Some people are better at written communication than oral Yep. This happens a lot for sure. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) Awww that’s sweet yea it’s happened to me quite a bit, but I am really analytical on my dates. They seemed really different to me , but I’m not sure if others would notice. They were much more wit in text... quick witted and interesting... I don’t know if it’s true the other way( people who are boring texters often boring in person ) because I wouldn’t make it on a date with someone I found boring in text...but I will accept others’ experiences that that is the case most of the time Edited May 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
happybird Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 On 5/26/2020 at 12:40 PM, Butters14 said: I am a girl. I feel it seems she may contact other person and is not into you. I may too direct.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 @happybird. The OP dismisses this as a possibility.
Spainglish Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 16 hours ago, Butters14 said: But I did meet her roommates briefly if that counts. That absolutely counts! Without knowing all the details of your relationship and going by what you have provided, It doesn't seem like there's anything to worry about. There are worst things she could do.
Spainglish Posted May 27, 2020 Posted May 27, 2020 20 hours ago, simpycurious said: Nice hat Spainglish that's what the ladies wear at the Derby....very chic @ simpycurious. Thank you so much. I actually wore it to a Kentucky Derby themed charity auction. I even had long red gloves to match. It was so much fun!
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