Dating a girl not into her phone at ALL

[Gr8fuln2020]

The problem I have is that I am very enthusiastic and energized when I like a girl. Not manic, though some may and have characterized my texts as much, but still didn't enjoyed them!  I love to communicate and I don't expect immediate responses, as I do not always respond immediately myself. But if I am putting in all this work to communicate in the ONLY manner the other person gives me and I get back monosyllabic rubbish after time....SNOOZES-VILLE.  I am investing much too much time into communicating and sustaining the relationship when we don't see each other enough already. I eventually step back and my communication becomes at par with theirs...and eventually, sorry, we don't have enough to talk about. 

Ha ha. Looking back, my ex-wife didn't like to text (she also didn't like to talk over the phone)...after me...she could and would write entire treatises using the app.  She saw how fun it was...and convenient. 

Edited May 26, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[OatsAndHall]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Really? Wow. My text communication is sht, but never had anyone end it with me over it. I’m seeing your guys’ perspectives. So everything else was great, just the texting? And did you feel like you saw her enough? 

There were other more serious factors involved (there's a thread around here about it) but the one-way communication was certainly one of them. I don't like having conversations via text (just friggin' call me...) but the simplicity and convenience of text makes it easy to let someone know you're thinking about them here and there. Especially when you KNOW that person has their damn phone in front of them all day.

[Backinthesaddleagain]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

...You learn to love us....

So says a very pretty girl! Us average looking guys don't have women who will "learn to love us". We just get ghosted for bad communication skills.

[Miss Spider]

Haha naw not really , but you’re kind. Tbh, I would like to find a guy who did not rely so much on text communication . I feel like it should be used to set up plans to each other or something pertinent  ... not this meme that meme. but I guess we live in a world now where if they’re not getting/giving  texts to/from you, they’re getting it from someone else hahah

 

Thanks,  Oatsandall. I will check out the thread. 

Edited May 26, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

40 minutes ago, OatsAndHall said:

There were other more serious factors involved (there's a thread around here about it) but the one-way communication was certainly one of them. I don't like having conversations via text (just friggin' call me...) but the simplicity and convenience of text makes it easy to let someone know you're thinking about them here and there. Especially when you KNOW that person has their damn phone in front of them all day.

I read your thread, didn't know you ended it though. But from what I can recall, smart move.  

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, Backinthesaddleagain said:

So says a very pretty girl! Us average looking guys don't have women who will "learn to love us". We just get ghosted for bad communication skills.

Sorry didn't mean to laugh cause it's not really a laughing matter. But I dunno, the way you worded it was funny!  I meant it kindly. 

[Backinthesaddleagain]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Sorry didn't mean to laugh cause it's not really a laughing matter. But I dunno, the way you worded it was funny!  I meant it kindly. 

It was worded funny because I am hilarious with a great sense of humor. Lots of my posts are satirical in nature.  

Laugh all you want, it's good for the soul! 

[introverted1]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I respect your experience, gr8fful, and I’m sure in a lot of cases it’s true. . But I must defend my people lol.I think I’m a pretty good communicator irl, very engaging and engaged,  and not to brag, I’ve heard it often. I just find text communication lackluster/too easy to be misinterpreted. Some people(like you)  are good at written communication and some are just not. Some just don’t like it. So I think as long as he is okay with her communication style when they meet up and the amount of time they meet up/her reciprocity for dates ... it is something that shouldn’t be looked too far into and given a little leeway

So much this!

I hate texting for anything more than making plans, or a quick check-in, or saying I got home safely. I definitely do not want to have meaningful conversations in text.  it has nothing to do with my level of interest in the guy. And I am a words person in other areas of my life.  So it's not a communication thing either.

[chillii]

 

You should stick her in a box and send her off to the chick factory to get copies of her made, they'd sell millions of her.

Do you realize how rare it'd be finding a female that wasn't into her damn phone every waking minute .

Should just call her a few times a wk in between or whatever. Talk , like humans .

[Scarlett.O'hara]

My first instinct was to say you're lucky to have someone who isn't precious about their phone and doesn't like texting that much.  Then I thought about it from your perspective and how it is making you feel.  You're not wrong to want her to reciprocate and show some more interest.  The problem is, it might not be in her nature to do that, but you'll never know unless you ask.

Why don't you talk to her about it?  Tell her what your needs are in regards to communication and what you need from a partner, and ask her what she wants and needs from you to be happy.  If your needs are polar opposites, then you can either try and negotiate a middle ground or perhaps you might decide to cut your losses now and move on.

Don't keep quiet for too long though or you'll just end up becoming resentful.

I hope it works out for you both.

[Spainglish]

Hmm?  Kind of sounds like me.
If she's staying the night with you, communicates well in person, doesn't have set days or hours when you can see her,  includes you in her routine 
and doesn't hide you from her friends and family, then she has nothing to hide.  She just likes her freedom and prefers not to be tethered down by a phone. 

In the past, I have been accused of being "like a man" or hiding something because I don't care to text all day long or I go hours in between messages.  It's not because I don't want to communicate with the person, but because I'm a busy body.  I'm always moving and doing and my hands are always in something .  I hate having to stop what I'm doing and clean up to send a text.  I prefer to put someone on speaker phone and talk.  Then I can bake, paint, cook, clean or whatever while I talk.   

Texts get ignored until i'm finally in rest mode for the night.  Then I only text for a few minutes because I spend my down time relaxing with a book or writing, which requires focus. 

Needless to say, it's difficult to find someone who can accept  and/or respect a person who isn't tethered to their phone.  If everything else seems to be right, then I wouldn't read into it too much.  However, if she does have set hours/days when she can see you and excludes you from the rest of her circle, etc., you might be getting ignored on purpose and it's time to have a real conversation with her about it.     Good luck.  

Edited May 27, 2020 by Spainglish

[simpycurious]

17 minutes ago, Spainglish said:

Hmm?  Kind of sounds like me.
If she's staying the night with you, communicates well in person, doesn't have set days or hours when you can see her,  includes you in her routine 
and doesn't hide you from her friends and family, then she has nothing to hide.  She just likes her freedom and prefers not to be tethered down by a phone. 

In the past, I have been accused of being "like a man" or hiding something because I don't care to text all day long or I go hours in between messages.  It's not because I don't want to communicate with the person, but because I'm a busy body.  I'm always moving and doing and my hands are always in something .  I hate having to stop what I'm doing and clean up to send a text.  I prefer to put someone on speaker phone and talk.  Then I can bake, paint, cook, clean or whatever while I talk.   

Texts get ignored until i'm finally in rest mode for the night.  Then I only text for a few minutes because I spend my down time relaxing with a book or writing, which requires focus. 

Needless to say, it's difficult to find someone who can accept  and/or respect a person who isn't tethered to their phone.  If everything else seems to be right, then I wouldn't read into it too much.  However, if she does have set hours/days when she can see you and excludes you from the rest of her circle, etc., you might be getting ignored on purpose and it's time to have a real conversation with her about it.     Good luck.  

Nice hat Spainglish that's what the ladies wear at the Derby....very chic 

I prefer to talk/voice as well but NOT all the time.  I feel that you saturate someone with endless babble that says little of nothing.  Also, I think everyone deserves and/or needs some AWAY TIME or ME time.  So many want to reveal and share EVERY aspect of their day minute by minute which to me is simply TOO MUCH. 

[Miss Spider]

33 minutes ago, Spainglish said:

Hmm?  Kind of sounds like me.
If she's staying the night with you, communicates well in person, doesn't have set days or hours when you can see her,  includes you in her routine 
and doesn't hide you from her friends and family, then she has nothing to hide.  She just likes her freedom and prefers not to be tethered down by a phone. 

In the past, I have been accused of being "like a man" or hiding something because I don't care to text all day long or I go hours in between messages.  It's not because I don't want to communicate with the person, but because I'm a busy body.  I'm always moving and doing and my hands are always in something .  I hate having to stop what I'm doing and clean up to send a text.  I prefer to put someone on speaker phone and talk.  Then I can bake, paint, cook, clean or whatever while I talk.   

Texts get ignored until i'm finally in rest mode for the night.  Then I only text for a few minutes because I spend my down time relaxing with a book or writing, which requires focus. 

Needless to say, it's difficult to find someone who can accept  and/or respect a person who isn't tethered to their phone.  If everything else seems to be right, then I wouldn't read into it too much.  However, if she does have set hours/days when she can see you and excludes you from the rest of her circle, etc., you might be getting ignored on purpose and it's time to have a real conversation with her about it.     Good luck.  

Well said. Most people think somethings up, you’re not interested, you’re playing games, or other weird stuff when you are not a big texter and I think it’s pretty unfair. Never got “like a man” (haha that’s funny) but people think they’ve done something wrong or you’re purposefully blowing them off

. I mean sure if she’s snapping constantly and texting others  and can’t throw you a text, I might be more inclined to see a problem. . But if you know she doesn’t use her phone that much? I think texting is quite stressful too  in how you have to keep checking it “...” to make sure you have not missed someone’s texts too long. It’s not for people who tend to stay  focused. I have my read receipts on so people know I haven’t looked and they haven’t been ignored. A lot of times I turn off iMessage because I just can’t with it. If you genuinely need that more constant communication or you aren’t happy in a relationship, it’s whatever, to each their own, but don’t make date someone you know doesn’t use their phone/text that much then get offended you aren’t getting constant validation  

Edited May 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[miranda561]

6 hours ago, OatsAndHall said:

Yeah... I ended it with a woman who barely communicated with me for a little over a week (one text in eight days). We got along great in person but communication was way too one sided. I don't enjoy texting but it takes thirty seconds to send a quick "Hello", "Good morning", "Have a good day!", or "Good night" text.

I didnt even think men liked texting this  much. Damn! The guy im on and off with he wont reply to texts..but he will talk on the phone for hours. And i think a little over a week is a bit extreme for you to end it.

Hell i take up to weeks n weeks  sometimes

[Malin889]

8 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

OP. This is absurd.  Why would you date someone is a poor communicator? This doesn't show someone who doesn't like to use her phone, it shows someone who is a poor communicator knowing that you and others rely on that phone to communicate with her. Either she does not see you as priority or she is lying. Why would she have a phone, if not for communication? Why don't you call? 

I agree. I don't use my phone that often, I don't go on social media that much, I'm terrible when it comes to messaging people back on Facebook messenger. BUT when I am dating someone, and I like them, they become a priority and I keep in contact with them between dates, even if I normally "don't use my phone that much." I would never keep them guessing after dating them for two months. I do wonder if she is thinking about you between dates. I'm not trying to be harsh, but when I've dated someone for awhile, I think about them, and I WANT to stay in touch with them. I think you should keep your distance and wait for her to contact you. 

[simpycurious]

12 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I didnt even think men liked texting this  much. Damn! The guy im on and off with he wont reply to texts..but he will talk on the phone for hours. And i think a little over a week is a bit extreme for you to end it.

Hell i take up to weeks n weeks  sometimes

Texting gets TAXING.....

 

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

Nice hat Spainglish that's what the ladies wear at the Derby....very chic 

I prefer to talk/voice as well but NOT all the time.  I feel that you saturate someone with endless babble that says little of nothing.  Also, I think everyone deserves and/or needs some AWAY TIME or ME time.  So many want to reveal and share EVERY aspect of their day minute by minute which to me is simply TOO MUCH. 

People waste TOOOOOO much time on their phones

[Butters14]

Woah this thread exploded over night!
Yes, it's great to find someone who's head is not buried into their phone 24/7 and again, when we're together, it's really good but I also would like to keep in touch every couple of days, nothing like the crazy examples some of you are giving, i.e. constant boring communication, phones blowing up, etc. It's just nice knowing that other person is thinking of you.

Am i being needy, maybe but hey...

I'm surprised a few of you say you're the same, she's the only one I know who's like that, I'm getting used to it now but when/if it gets more serious, maybe I'll let her know that I do want a tiny bit more. In the meanwhile, I'll see how she feels about calling.

3 hours ago, Spainglish said:

Hmm?  Kind of sounds like me.
If she's staying the night with you, communicates well in person, doesn't have set days or hours when you can see her,  includes you in her routine 
and doesn't hide you from her friends and family, then she has nothing to hide.  She just likes her freedom and prefers not to be tethered down by a phone. 

In the past, I have been accused of being "like a man" or hiding something because I don't care to text all day long or I go hours in between messages.  It's not because I don't want to communicate with the person, but because I'm a busy body.  I'm always moving and doing and my hands are always in something .  I hate having to stop what I'm doing and clean up to send a text.  I prefer to put someone on speaker phone and talk.  Then I can bake, paint, cook, clean or whatever while I talk.   

Texts get ignored until i'm finally in rest mode for the night.  Then I only text for a few minutes because I spend my down time relaxing with a book or writing, which requires focus. 

Needless to say, it's difficult to find someone who can accept  and/or respect a person who isn't tethered to their phone.  If everything else seems to be right, then I wouldn't read into it too much.  However, if she does have set hours/days when she can see you and excludes you from the rest of her circle, etc., you might be getting ignored on purpose and it's time to have a real conversation with her about it.     Good luck.  

That's it, she works long hours and only looks at her phone late in the evening, and barely at that. If I don't notice her reply for 1 hour let's say, she's already sleeping.

Hiding me from friends and families, still early to say tbh (I sure wouldn't introduce her to mine yet, it's still a bit early) but I did meet her roommates briefly if that counts.

[Noproblem]

I don't know why the people here are trying to make this girl as the perfect girl in the world.

He wants communications and she is not giving him that. 

He is not needy to want to communicate and talk with someone he likes, what kind of relationship is there if I can't talk to the one I like about my day and my sorry, my happiness, my fear, Do i Have to wait 3 weeks until I meet them in person to tell them how some weirdo annoyed me today?

Like these are all missing moments from their lives, they are not sharing because we have a girl who hates phone, I am sorry but she is not adjusting to what the world has reached. 

 

Even in the past people used to call each other every day or every other day, she doesn't call or text. That's not a relationship, that's just a temporary one until she meets the one!

 

I see this a deal breaker Op, if you are not communicating with each other, you'll eventually wants to communicate with someone else.. This will get boring in no time.

She is not gonna change and neither will you, you'll always feel like you are neglected and you are right to feel this way!

 

Don't give 100% if the other person only gives 10%

 

 

 

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by Noproblem

[miranda561]

4 hours ago, Noproblem said:

I don't know why the people here are trying to make this girl as the perfect girl in the world.

He wants communications and she is not giving him that. 

He is not needy to want to communicate and talk with someone he likes, what kind of relationship is there if I can't talk to the one I like about my day and my sorry, my happiness, my fear, Do i Have to wait 3 weeks until I meet them in person to tell them how some weirdo annoyed me today?

Like these are all missing moments from their lives, they are not sharing because we have a girl who hates phone, I am sorry but she is not adjusting to what the world has reached. 

 

Even in the past people used to call each other every day or every other day, she doesn't call or text. That's not a relationship, that's just a temporary one until she meets the one!

 

I see this a deal breaker Op, if you are not communicating with each other, you'll eventually wants to communicate with someone else.. This will get boring in no time.

She is not gonna change and neither will you, you'll always feel like you are neglected and you are right to feel this way!

 

Don't give 100% if the other person only gives 10%

 

 

 

 

Are you male or female

[Mystery4u]

5 hours ago, Noproblem said:

I don't know why the people here are trying to make this girl as the perfect girl in the world.

He wants communications and she is not giving him that. 

He is not needy to want to communicate and talk with someone he likes, what kind of relationship is there if I can't talk to the one I like about my day and my sorry, my happiness, my fear, Do i Have to wait 3 weeks until I meet them in person to tell them how some weirdo annoyed me today?

Like these are all missing moments from their lives, they are not sharing because we have a girl who hates phone, I am sorry but she is not adjusting to what the world has reached. 

 

Even in the past people used to call each other every day or every other day, she doesn't call or text. That's not a relationship, that's just a temporary one until she meets the one!

 

I see this a deal breaker Op, if you are not communicating with each other, you'll eventually wants to communicate with someone else.. This will get boring in no time.

She is not gonna change and neither will you, you'll always feel like you are neglected and you are right to feel this way!

 

Don't give 100% if the other person only gives 10%

 

 

 

 

This x100.

She can call if she is so afraid of texting (which is just weird tbh) but she isn't communicating at all. She is not meeting your communication expectations and that's something you need to talk to her about. If she's not willing to take your feelings into consideration and put bit more effort then there's only one way this relationship is going.

Personally no way could I be with someone like this. A relationship without daily communication is not a relationship to me.

[OatsAndHall]

14 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I read your thread, didn't know you ended it though. But from what I can recall, smart move.  

Yeah, it was a smart move. In that case, her lack of communication was a small yellow flag pointing to some bigger red ones.

I understand if someone doesn't like to text. I understand if someone doesn't have their cell phone in their hands 24/7. But, if you're dating someone, a little communication goes a long way. Before cell phones, it wasn't uncommon to talk to one's SO over the phone every couple of days, if not daily. It didn't have to be a lengthy conversation; just a check-in to see how they're doing.

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by OatsAndHall

[poppyfields]

9 hours ago, Malin889 said:

I would never keep them guessing after dating them for two months. I do wonder if she is thinking about you between dates. I'm not trying to be harsh, but when I've dated someone for awhile, I think about them, and I WANT to stay in touch with them. I think you should keep your distance and wait for her to contact you. 

Oh the irony!  Lol. Do you know how many times I've heard men advise other men "Don't text in between dates"!  Use text to schedule the date ONLY."

There is a poster on this forum who preaches the same.

I've read it on forums and in real life. And many men follow that advice too, leaving women wondering all the time - does he think about me in between our dates, does he miss me, is he into me?  Doesn't he want to talk to me?  

I've read hundreds of threads like this.  And women are told to suck it up, let the man lead. Ugh.

So maybe this girl is following that "no texting in between" rule because she thinks that's what OP wants!  She doesn't want to risk turning him off by texting in between. 

Just a thought because I am sure she is aware of the advice given to men about not texting in between.  

But I suppose men want to be in control of the texting and in this case, he's not.  And that is what's bothering him. 

It's all such a game.... 

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

 

Sorry double post. 

Edited May 27, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

40 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

This x100.

She can call if she is so afraid of texting (which is just weird tbh) but she isn't communicating at all. She is not meeting your communication expectations and that's something you need to talk to her about. If she's not willing to take your feelings into consideration and put bit more effort then there's only one way this relationship is going.

Personally no way could I be with someone like this. A relationship without daily communication is not a relationship to me.

I don't understand. All the guys in this forum want more communication from the person they're  seeing (early stages). Yet women are always advised to not text too much etc..from dating experts and coaches.

[Mystery4u]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

I don't understand. All the guys in this forum want more communication from the person they're  seeing (early stages). Yet women are always advised to not text too much etc..from dating experts and coaches.

Read the OP again, it's not 'early stages'. It's been 2 months.

Not texting too much and only for arranging dates etc is literally for the first couple of weeks, maybe 2-3 dates. After that if it's going well then both will want to get to know each other more and more and daily communication would be the expectation.