Butters14 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Hi guys, I've been dating this girl for almost 2 months now and I wanted your point of view on this. Basically, she is the type that BARELY checks her phone, she just hates using it from what she told me. I don't think I've ever seen her check her phone when we're together. It has been like that since the beginning, 1-2 replies per day max. She has never turned me down when I asked her out (yet) and when we're together, it's great (and I think she's really fun to be with), but between dates, BARELY any communication. She also has never initiated texting (obviously). We live a bit less than 1 hour apart and with the current situation, seeing each other more than once a week is difficult (she does sleep over on weekends). I'm posting this because I'm not going to see her this weekend as she had other plans (and that's perfectly fine) but we haven't texted at all since she left on Saturday and I don't think she will unless I do... I'd feel really weird if we didn't talk at all for almost 2 weeks... Is it needy of me to want her to text first for once? Or am I expecting too much from someone who is not into her phone at all? I'm not the needy/possessive type at all, but I do expect SOME thing on her part. 2
stillafool Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 33 minutes ago, Butters14 said: Basically, she is the type that BARELY checks her phone, she just hates using it from what she told me. I don't think I've ever seen her check her phone when we're together. Now this girl sounds like a keeper. Instead of texting her why don't you just call her and have a conversation where you can actually hear her voice. 7
miranda561 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 1 minute ago, stillafool said: Now this girl sounds like a keeper. Instead of texting her why don't you just call her and have a conversation where you can actually hear her voice. This girl sounds like me 2
stillafool Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Yeah but you do text Miranda. This girl doesn't do it at all. She hates the phone.
miranda561 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Just now, stillafool said: Yeah but you do text Miranda. This girl doesn't do it at all. She hates the phone. I texted that guy after a whole month lol. Havent agreed to meeting him properly. Rarely call. She still met the guy though and sees him at the weekend. If anything im worse lol
miranda561 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 41 minutes ago, Butters14 said: Hi guys, I've been dating this girl for almost 2 months now and I wanted your point of view on this. Basically, she is the type that BARELY checks her phone, she just hates using it from what she told me. I don't think I've ever seen her check her phone when we're together. It has been like that since the beginning, 1-2 replies per day max. She has never turned me down when I asked her out (yet) and when we're together, it's great (and I think she's really fun to be with), but between dates, BARELY any communication. She also has never initiated texting (obviously). We live a bit less than 1 hour apart and with the current situation, seeing each other more than once a week is difficult (she does sleep over on weekends). I'm posting this because I'm not going to see her this weekend as she had other plans (and that's perfectly fine) but we haven't texted at all since she left on Saturday and I don't think she will unless I do... I'd feel really weird if we didn't talk at all for almost 2 weeks... Is it needy of me to want her to text first for once? Or am I expecting too much from someone who is not into her phone at all? I'm not the needy/possessive type at all, but I do expect SOME thing on her part. I agree with stillafool. If you want to speak to her. Call her!! Phone conversations are miles better.
miranda561 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yeah, at least she'll see a guy in person. i need to leave my pride to one side I think that girl is interested in him since she takes time out to meet him. I had a situation like that where i met the guy once every week/2 weeks. And didnt feel the need to check in in between Edited May 26, 2020 by miranda561 1
preraph Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 I think she sounds a lot healthier than most of the rest of the people who just live by their phone and don't live in real life. I certainly would not start pressing her to stay in touch in between but would just continue to make dates with her and like someone else said, call her instead of text or email her. Ask her how she prefers but do not expect her to be kept tabs on. maybe she has a landline she prefers to talk on like me. 5
Amanda141 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Just to have a better picture of the situation, how old is she? Because on the one hand is understandable and very good that she doesn't need to be 24/7 on her phone, but on the other hand if I really liked a guy at least I would try to call him and chat on the phone. As long as you are fine with her behaviour, no problem. But since you wrote here on a forum I assume that you consider it strange. If I were you I wouldn't pressure her, but I think you ought to call her and ask her if she okay with calling you once a day, or once every other day... I can understand that she wants freedom in her life, but from my point of view (I am in my early 20s), if girls like someone they reach out... Especially now that we are in lockdown, I cannot understand how she doesn't find the time to text/call you even just a bit everyday. Hope you can sort out the situation soon! 1 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 OP. This is absurd. Why would you date someone is a poor communicator? This doesn't show someone who doesn't like to use her phone, it shows someone who is a poor communicator knowing that you and others rely on that phone to communicate with her. Either she does not see you as priority or she is lying. Why would she have a phone, if not for communication? Why don't you call? 2 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 3 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: OP. This is absurd. Why would you date someone is a poor communicator? This doesn't show someone who doesn't like to use her phone, it shows someone who is a poor communicator knowing that you and others rely on that phone to communicate with her. Either she does not see you as priority or she is lying. Why would she have a phone, if not for communication? Why don't you call? I agree with Gr8. It's the old "I suck at texting" line. Sounds like you may be a back burner guy. I would wait for her to initiate the next contact and do not reach out until then. Don't be a doormat. 6
smackie9 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 I agree, if she was really into you she would reciprocate...to not talk for 2 weeks or not even reach out?...it would be a deal breaker for me. 2
preraph Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 A good communicator doesn't know everything you're doing every minute you're not with them and, therefore, still has something to talk about when you do see them. No one needs to get in the habit of being kept tabs on all the time. It's insecure and boring to chit chat for no reason. 3
Author Butters14 Posted May 26, 2020 Author Posted May 26, 2020 Thanks for the replies everyone. While she might be a poor communicator, it definitely only is with texting and not just with me. I don't think I'm a "back-burner guy" like some of you said but I also agree that she should be reciprocating a tiny bit at least. FYI, we are both in our late 20s. 12 minutes ago, preraph said: A good communicator doesn't know everything you're doing every minute you're not with them and, therefore, still has something to talk about when you do see them. No one needs to get in the habit of being kept tabs on all the time. It's insecure and boring to chit chat for no reason. I do agree with you, I will not press her, I'm far far from the all-day texter, especially not after less than 2 months of dating, but I've never been with a girl like that and I guess I wanted to get other people's opinion. Again, until now, things between us are great, she's always eager to meet and she's a real down-to-earth girl which is refreshing in this era. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Great! Hope her style of communication doesn't frustrate you more.
Miss Spider Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Quote Lol this is me af. I am loveshacking nonstop, but not checking my texts. Some people are just like this. You learn to love us. Hey, at least we aren’t texting on the date 4
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 I don't believe the OP is talking about checking in every minute of the day. Sounds like he would like some initiative or reciprocity. Reasonable. I did do some thinking and realize that some people just really suck at communicating. The last thing you want to do with use texting for boring, inconsequential communication. I have been repeated told that my texts are fun, quarky, and substantive. I try to be and that is my personal communication style. I also mime. Looking back, I have met a few ladies who just do not have the knack for engaging texting. So, frequency was much less. It turns out their actual communication style was not too different from their texting. I also find it interesting how so few do not like to talk on the phone. Anyhoo...good luck OP!
Miss Spider Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) I respect your experience, gr8fful, and I’m sure in a lot of cases it’s true. . But I must defend my people lol.I think I’m a pretty good communicator irl, very engaging and engaged, and not to brag, I’ve heard it often. I just find text communication lackluster/too easy to be misinterpreted. Some people(like you) are good at written communication and some are just not. Some just don’t like it. So I think as long as he is okay with her communication style when they meet up and the amount of time they meet up/her reciprocity for dates ... it is something that shouldn’t be looked too far into and given a little leeway There are definitely unforeseen pros to dating someone who isn’t constantly blowing up their phone Edited May 26, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3
poppyfields Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 What about gmail? I'm not a huge texter either but I love gmail, not sure why, I find it easier than texting. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 45 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I respect your experience, gr8fful, and I’m sure in a lot of cases it’s true. . But I must defend my people lol.I think I’m a pretty good communicator irl, very engaging and engaged, and not to brag, I’ve heard it often. I just find text communication lackluster/too easy to be misinterpreted. Some people(like you) are good at written communication and some are just not. Some just don’t like it. So I think as long as he is okay with her communication style when they meet up and the amount of time they meet up/her reciprocity for dates ... it is something that shouldn’t be looked too far into and given a little leeway There are definitely unforeseen pros to dating someone who isn’t constantly blowing up their phone Ok, but the OP is not talking about blowing up someone's phone. Just reciprocity. 2
Miss Spider Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) sorry I meant someone who isn’t blowing up their OWN phone just my way of saying basically advantages to dating someone not into texting Edited May 26, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 I hear you. Well, as long as the OP is okay with the fact that the ONLY means of communication seems to be texting right now and he is getting what he obviously needs, wants, all good. 1
OatsAndHall Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Yeah... I ended it with a woman who barely communicated with me for a little over a week (one text in eight days). We got along great in person but communication was way too one sided. I don't enjoy texting but it takes thirty seconds to send a quick "Hello", "Good morning", "Have a good day!", or "Good night" text. 1 2
Miss Spider Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 2 minutes ago, OatsAndHall said: Yeah... I ended it with a woman who barely communicated with me for a little over a week (one text in eight days). We got along great in person but communication was way too one sided. I don't enjoy texting but it takes thirty seconds to send a quick "Hello", "Good morning", "Have a good day!", or "Good night" text. Really? Wow. My text communication is sht, but never had anyone end it with me over it. I’m seeing your guys’ perspectives. So everything else was great, just the texting? And did you feel like you saw her enough?
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