Made out with good friends sister. Ignores me now.

May 26, 2020

Long story short. We made out one night, ignores my text after, now when I see her at friends she acts like nothing happened. Why and how do I approach this?

Backstory:

First time I met her was at a small party with her brother and a few other people. Talked to her here and there a little bit. Nothing too in depth. At the end of the night, we are all around the table and she says goodbye to everyone but me. I said (as she walked away) “Oh I don’t get a goodbye? How rude!” in a joking manner. She replied (jokingly) “How rude! ...You’re part of the family now I’ll see you again!”

Hung out all together a few more times after but never actually talked. She’d laugh at a lot of my jokes I’d notice but never would say hello or goodbye or directly talk to me. Her brother left us alone at the table for a brief moment and I told her how her brother was one of my favorite people. She said “Yea he IS pretty cool”. I offered her some food as I was going to the fridge she said “no thank you”. Everyone comes back in. We start a game. Her teammate tells me to fill in for her because she has to leave. Her opponents (not paying attention) go “Where’s your teammate?”

Her: (in an annoyed tone) I guess he’s playing now.

We play. Don’t really say much. She leaves but this time gives me a half hug and says goodbye.

One night we were left alone after hanging with mutual friends. First time we really talked. We had a deep chat about relationships. She said she hasn’t been with anyone in two years by choice and is waiting for someone who shares her values and faith. I told her I was holding out for that too. She said every time she gets involved with someone they always leave or they don’t end up being what they portrayed themselves as. I told her I’ve experienced similar. I said one day the right one will be right in front of you. We ended up making out.

Her: You better not tell my brother.

Me: Ok I won’t.

Two days later I see she’s in a group text chat. I text her seperately a day or so later and say hello.

No response. It’s been over a week. Radio silence.

Last night she shows up at a mutual friends party. I’m playing a game with friends and there was a moment where I didn’t understand the rules. She yells out “Come on don’t act like you don’t understand the rules.” from the sidelines. I just laugh.

We all go back to her and her brothers house. I don’t engage with her really but I notice she would interject here and there in conversation and try to tell me something about what we were talking about. I see her making eye contact with me off and on here and there but can’t really read her. At the end she gives us all a hug and goes to bed.

Im confused. Should I try to text her again or wait until there’s a moment to chat with her in person and take it from there. The whole not responding to my text thing really threw me off. It’s like, does she want me to engage with her or not? Do I even bring it up and ask why she didnt respond? What’s the move?

May 26, 2020

She doesn't sound very interested and certainly doesn't want anyone to know you made out so she's not going to encourage you. At the same time, she is trying not to be a jerk about it. It's lack of interest.

May 26, 2020

I'm assuming you're all young. Young people play hot/cold "he loves me he loves me not." It's just a facet of dating in youth.

Young women will often say things, and act, in accordance with the emotions of a given moment, without those words or actions have any future implications. You were having a conversation, you were connecting, she was feeling close to you in the moment, and it just happened in the moment. It's not necessarily indicative of her nursing romantic feelings or attraction for you. It was a one-time, spur of the moment thing. Women will have sex with a guy on a wild, fun night, and the next morning, not be interested in ever seeing him again.

Young women are also very, very concerned about their social reputations. It's possible that you're not approved and pre-selected within this social circle, hence, she doesn't want it known that she had a make out moment with you. She doesn't want to be seen as loose or slutty, as a girl who will hook up with lots of guys. This factors very prominently into whether a young girl will hook up with you, even if she is very attracted to you. She has to protect her reputation within her social group. This is why they will turn down the hot stranger at the party and hook up with the less attractive, but pre-selected and approved, alpha member of the tribe.

Definitely do not ask her why she blew you off, or in any way come off as butthurt about anything. Just be cool, unshakable, and confident. You made out with her. Not a big deal. Just play it off, and the next time you interact with her at a party, continue to be cool, confident, and cocky. Flirt with her. Flirt with other girls in front of her. But don't reward her blow-off by continuing to pursue and validate her with more texts.

Edited May 26, 2020 by rjc149

May 26, 2020

Sometimes, as the song goes, a kiss is just a kiss. It's fun, exciting, and no hurt emotions when that's it (most of the time). Sounds like she wanted to make out and that's it. Now she's playing you. Ignore her. I'll bet good money that if you ignore her, she will hit on you hard. Personally, I'd decline but if you like playing games, at least play to win.

May 26, 2020

You waited too long after making out with her to contact her. Sounds like you waited 4 days? That's way too long.

I don't think that this can be salvaged, so just move on to the next.

May 26, 2020

5 hours ago, rjc149 said:

I'm assuming you're all young. Young people play hot/cold "he loves me he loves me not." It's just a facet of dating in youth.

Young women will often say things, and act, in accordance with the emotions of a given moment, without those words or actions have any future implications. You were having a conversation, you were connecting, she was feeling close to you in the moment, and it just happened in the moment. It's not necessarily indicative of her nursing romantic feelings or attraction for you. It was a one-time, spur of the moment thing. Women will have sex with a guy on a wild, fun night, and the next morning, not be interested in ever seeing him again.

Young women are also very, very concerned about their social reputations. It's possible that you're not approved and pre-selected within this social circle, hence, she doesn't want it known that she had a make out moment with you. She doesn't want to be seen as loose or slutty, as a girl who will hook up with lots of guys. This factors very prominently into whether a young girl will hook up with you, even if she is very attracted to you. She has to protect her reputation within her social group. This is why they will turn down the hot stranger at the party and hook up with the less attractive, but pre-selected and approved, alpha member of the tribe.

Definitely do not ask her why she blew you off, or in any way come off as butthurt about anything. Just be cool, unshakable, and confident. You made out with her. Not a big deal. Just play it off, and the next time you interact with her at a party, continue to be cool, confident, and cocky. Flirt with her. Flirt with other girls in front of her. But don't reward her blow-off by continuing to pursue and validate her with more texts.

She's in her 20's. I'm in my 30's. I just texted her that one time and that was it. Yes it's a tight nit group of guys and girls that have known each other for a long time. I just moved here and started hanging out. They are all friends of my cousin. Who I am very close with. All the girls seemed really cold towards me initially. We've had parties where none would talk to me at all. Im very extroverted and friendly. Guy friends tell me Im a stud and how so many girls will like me out here. Yet literally everyone is weird, awkward, cold or distant towards me. Almost as if im invisible.

One wanted to change the music I was playing at a party said "Your music sucks". She has since said "I wasn't sure if I liked you at first". But then has since warmed up to me, friended me on FB and invited me to one of her parties.

Another I talk to about music and she just got up mid sentence and walked away and made out with one guy who is just completely drunk out of his mind all the time.

One was drunk on all fours crawling to the couch, I said "What is going on here?" (joking) and she leaped up ripped my phone out of my hand (obviously offended) and started yelling at me from the stairs.

The one I made out with said to her brother in front of me once "...then you left me alone with him. So awkward."

I don't know if they are all just insecure, immature, etc. or if I'm turning them off somehow. I am super tight with all my cousins guy friends but none of the girls. Hard to decode really.

May 26, 2020

4 hours ago, Yosemite said:

You waited too long after making out with her to contact her. Sounds like you waited 4 days? That's way too long.

I don't think that this can be salvaged, so just move on to the next.

I had no way to contact her until she showed up in a group chat.

May 26, 2020

22 minutes ago, aaforever said:

She's in her 20's. I'm in my 30's. I just texted her that one time and that was it. Yes it's a tight nit group of guys and girls that have known each other for a long time. I just moved here and started hanging out. They are all friends of my cousin. Who I am very close with. All the girls seemed really cold towards me initially. We've had parties where none would talk to me at all. Im very extroverted and friendly. Guy friends tell me Im a stud and how so many girls will like me out here. Yet literally everyone is weird, awkward, cold or distant towards me. Almost as if im invisible.

One wanted to change the music I was playing at a party said "Your music sucks". She has since said "I wasn't sure if I liked you at first". But then has since warmed up to me, friended me on FB and invited me to one of her parties.

Another I talk to about music and she just got up mid sentence and walked away and made out with one guy who is just completely drunk out of his mind all the time.

One was drunk on all fours crawling to the couch, I said "What is going on here?" (joking) and she leaped up ripped my phone out of my hand (obviously offended) and started yelling at me from the stairs.

The one I made out with said to her brother in front of me once "...then you left me alone with him. So awkward."

I don't know if they are all just insecure, immature, etc. or if I'm turning them off somehow. I am super tight with all my cousins guy friends but none of the girls. Hard to decode really.

Yeah, they sound pretty lame. But I don't think it's that hard to decode -- you are an interloper, an older guy (if they're early 20's), an outsider in their social circle who doesn't seem entirely welcome. This girl is clearly concerned with the group's opinion of you, and is concerned with her reputation. Your rank in her circle is too low, so she's not going to give you the time of day. I remember this was the game in college, it was all about social status. That's how it works in this age group. It's the age group with the hottest girls, but only high-ranking members of their social groups have access to them.

The way you become pre-selected, and increase your rank, is to continue being charming, extroverted, alpha, and cocky, and not give a f--k what these lame-ass immature people think of you. Befriend the higher-ranking men, or the "AMOGs" (alpha male of group) but don't try too hard, don't come off as approval-seeking. Just be friendly and cool. If the AMOG's give you the nod, the women will warm up to you. Remember, they are the gatekeepers of their groups. If they don't approve of you, they're going to demote you even further down in front of everyone, and you'll basically be out. In the meantime, pretend you never made out with this girl, like she's just in the background while you do your thing. The quickest way to get someone's attention is to remove yours.

If you want this girl, don't focus on this girl. Focus on becoming an alpha in her peer group. If you're not interested in doing that (and I really cannot blame you) or are unable to, then move on.

Edited May 26, 2020 by rjc149

May 26, 2020

Ive have friends who have slept with guys they never wanted to see again ... this is 2020 and to a lot of people a kiss doesn’t mean much . Best get used to it.

If she liked you and you showed her interest she would most likely be receptive. She’s not. I’d move on. “More fish..” and all.. Sorry.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 26, 2020

10 minutes ago, aaforever said:

She's in her 20's. I'm in my 30's. I just texted her that one time and that was it. Yes it's a tight nit group of guys and girls that have known each other for a long time. I just moved here and started hanging out. They are all friends of my cousin. Who I am very close with. All the girls seemed really cold towards me initially. We've had parties where none would talk to me at all. Im very extroverted and friendly. Guy friends tell me Im a stud and how so many girls will like me out here. Yet literally everyone is weird, awkward, cold or distant towards me. Almost as if im invisible.

One wanted to change the music I was playing at a party said "Your music sucks". She has since said "I wasn't sure if I liked you at first". But then has since warmed up to me, friended me on FB and invited me to one of her parties.

Another I talk to about music and she just got up mid sentence and walked away and made out with one guy who is just completely drunk out of his mind all the time.

One was drunk on all fours crawling to the couch, I said "What is going on here?" (joking) and she leaped up ripped my phone out of my hand (obviously offended) and started yelling at me from the stairs.

The one I made out with said to her brother in front of me once "...then you left me alone with him. So awkward."

I don't know if they are all just insecure, immature, etc. or if I'm turning them off somehow. I am super tight with all my cousins guy friends but none of the girls. Hard to decode really.

This one is easy.

These girls sound so high school its painful to read. You are a grown man in his 30's, hanging out with immature 20's girls at house parties. They want to drink, party, make out, etc. and not much else. Hang out with your cousin all you want, but expand your horizons to find a girlfriend. Watch how these ho's treat you down the road once you get a nice girlfriend. I can almost guarantee that one or more will end up chasing after you once you are in a happy relationship. It's what 20-something ho's do. They can't help themselves.

You're welcome

May 26, 2020

17 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

this is 2020 and to a lot of people a kiss doesn’t mean much . Best get used to it.

Making out didn't necessarily mean anything back in the 70's and 80's either. I used to think that a guy who kissed me must want to date me - but how wrong I was

@aaforever to her, this was just a spur of the moment thing. She doesn't want it to go further.

Edited May 26, 2020 by basil67

May 26, 2020

1 hour ago, aaforever said:

She's in her 20's. I'm in my 30's.

Is this she's 28-29 and you're 30-32? Or more like she's 24-26 and you're 37-39?

May 26, 2020

From what you describe why do you want to be around with people like that?

They sound immature and ignorant to be perfectly honest.

You can do better than that

May 26, 2020

7 minutes ago, Juha said:

From what you describe why do you want to be around with people like that?

They sound immature and ignorant to be perfectly honest.

You can do better than that

I don't think I do anymore.

May 27, 2020

She did it on a lark, for fun, tried you out, but that was it. She's not interested in more. It's really that simple.

Don't chase and in fact forget all about seeing her in any capacity (expect as part of this group of friends if/when you hang with them). No discussion necessary - there's no point to discussing it, I think, from her perspective.

She may end up "in your lap" again at some point, e.g. if extremely drunk, but again it will just be an encore to this one-time thing. Won't mean anything. IF that happens (I'd say there's maybe a 10% chance at best) then you'd have to decide if you can fool around without becoming emotionally interested in her, because just making out for "entertainment" is what it almost certainly would be - nothing meaningful.

In the meantime don't even think about her, focus on finding someone else who you're more compatible with.

May 27, 2020

The problem is right here:

First time we really talked. We had a deep chat about relationships. She said she hasn’t been with anyone in two years by choice and is waiting for someone who shares her values and faith. I told her I was holding out for that too. She said every time she gets involved with someone they always leave or they don’t end up being what they portrayed themselves as. I told her I’ve experienced similar.

OK, this conversation is so not hot--and yes in my younger years I could talk like this. You guys are basically bonding over being treated badly in relationships ... Uh ... that's not bonding material.

Essentially: I got treated bad. You got treated bad. Let's kiss!

May 27, 2020

3 hours ago, aaforever said:

I don't think I do anymore.

It's a big step to go from wanting to date someone to not wanting to be around the group anymore. Would moving away from them risk your friendship with your mate who's involved? Be careful not to cut your nose off to spite your face.

May 27, 2020

42 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It's a big step to go from wanting to date someone to not wanting to be around the group anymore. Would moving away from them risk your friendship with your mate who's involved? Be careful not to cut your nose off to spite your face.

I think I may just limit my involvement with them, try to branch out and find more like minded people my age. Not move away completely. They are my only social circle here so it gets a bit lonely and frustrating. Im not the type to just make out with girls and sleep with them. I'm more of a relationship type of guy. Im turned on by classy women with faith and values who can carry good conversation. I guess I'm surrounded by the opposite right now. I don't do dating apps and I work from home so it's hard to meet anyone. Maybe I'll join the church.

May 27, 2020

She isn't interested, unfortunately.

As the others said, it's time to start working expanding your social circle. These people sound like they're still in that immature, whoop-it-up phase. Nothing wrong with that, most of us have been there, but we generally outgrow it. You've outgrown it. You'll have a better time and better chance of meeting someone when you're around more like-minded people.

May 27, 2020

1) Do you even like her? ...or were you just thinking why not because she happened to kiss you?

2) in my 20’s I kissed plenty of girls without any intention of it being anything more than just that, a kiss! ....I wasn’t trying to play games and I’d of been really surprised had I found out that it had left them expecting ‘more’. She could have been thrown by your text!

3)I agree with the others! She doesn’t sound seriously interested! There’s playing hard to get and then there’s trying to let you know (without saying) she’s not interested! ...I’d of figured if she was interested she’d of replied to your text in some way!

May 27, 2020

It was just a kiss. She doesn't sound interested in you at all.

And you are hanging out with immature kids. Ok we have all been there done that in our late teens/early twenties but it gets boring after a while and at some point you actually want a life long relationship. She is not it.

May 27, 2020

15 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Is this she's 28-29 and you're 30-32? Or more like she's 24-26 and you're 37-39?

^^OP, you haven't clarified the age difference, which is a pretty key piece here.

If this social group is recent college or mid-20's (which they sound), and you're mid-30's or older, that would pretty soundly explain the "what is this creep doing here" sentiment you seem to be feeling from them.

11 hours ago, aaforever said:

They are my only social circle here so it gets a bit lonely and frustrating.

You sound almost like you're a desperate, friendless tag-along. The perception, especially among image-obsessed 20-somethings, is that a man in his 30's has his own social life going on and isn't interested in hanging out with kids again. Even if they tolerate you out of pity, you'll have a tough time becoming a pre-selected male in this group.

The other element is that when a kiss, or sex, means more to the guy than it does to the woman, it turns the woman off. Especially if this is California, where girls will have unprotected sex with homeless crackheads if they're bored on a Tuesday afternoon. You needing a connection more than her turns her off, because it conveys neediness and desperation.

I would say embrace the solitude like man while you develop a more age-appropriate social circle, and maybe give online dating a try. A grown-ass man needing to hangout with kids because he's lonely is a bad look.

May 27, 2020

19 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Is this she's 28-29 and you're 30-32? Or more like she's 24-26 and you're 37-39?

OP--answer the question, please.

May 27, 2020

She doesn't want her brother to know, so she's acting annoyed by you to steer away any attention extra attention....she obviously wants things to back to normal, the way before this ever happened. I think it's pretty straight forward this was a one time thing......let it go.

Edited May 27, 2020 by smackie9

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Made out with good friends sister. Ignores me now.

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