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Lingering Love. should I text her

Sedenog

By Sedenog
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Sedenog New Member

Sedenog

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Last year I found the perfect women. She was a few years older then me (4 years) but was everything I ever wanted. I was accepted into medical school and I wanted to make it serious and pursue it. She knew we were going strong for about 6 months but was reluctant to make it serious. She said she couldn’t give me a answer on if she wanted to go “all in”. Weeks of me basically trying to convince her and in the end she still didn’t have an answer. She said she felt bad and because I was going away and she has had personal issues with long distance and she just doesn’t know- I heard that a million times. 

So one night I decided to end it. I basically said if she didn’t know then I know her answer and I’m going to have to be the one to end this lingering love. It was a horrible night for me. I loved her - never told her, but I felt like we had something special. i was absolutely heart broken I still think about her all the time. I’ve had other girl friends after to try to match her or repair my loss but it did nothing. 

She texted me 2 months after I started wishing me good luck in med school and I didn’t respond out of anger and frustration with her. I saw her 8 months later at my sisters wedding and again I was still upset that she basically rejected me. So i did a very immature thing... I did was be cold to her. She came up to me to say hi and I basically was as cold as you could be. I know it was wrong but she hurt me more then I can describe. I can’t stop thinking about how perfect she is and what we could have been. I don’t want to be desperate and beg even though I basically did before I walked away. To make it worse our family’s are friends so it is superrrr uncomfortable and awkward. 
 

should I text her apologizing for my behavior at the wedding or try to say something to spark it up again? It has been almost a year now since. we’ve had no contact for about a year(other then the wedding which was 8 moths ago). I didn’t know if I should just let her go and let her be and if she wants to retry she can contact me somehow. I know it seems rare for a female to contact a male but it was her uncertainty that made me walk away. Weeks for her toying with me and the relationship going back and forth. It was a lot of frustration. I know she’s still single too. Idk if she’s talking to anyone or something. 
 

She was the reason it ended I just pulled the trigger after weeks of practically begging her to do it

 

I need serious help 

Thanks,

S

 

 

 

Kballer Member

Kballer

Posted
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I agree you need help.. You acted like an immature child at the wedding. Did you think that acting that way was going to impress her? What exactly were you hoping to accomplish acting like dirt-bag? Though you are in medical school... I shudder to think how someone so insecure, and immature, is going to make a good Dr., or nurse...

Right now... The most important thing for you to do is start thinking about why you allow yourself to carry on in a manner that is not befitting an adult.. Much less a medical professional. Only when you understand why you are acting like a jerk, can you then decide to not do that anymore. I strongly suggest that you seek counseling. A professional needs to be involved to help you get to the root of your problem.

Yes.. I think you absolutely should apologize to her for acting like a toddler. But ONLY IF you understand why your actions were wrong. If you cant' grasp why what you did was wrong, do not waste her time by apologizing to her.

Let me give you a dating hint... You should NEVER be the one pushing for someone to commit to you... If you are doing everything RIGHT.. SHE.. yes, SHE will be asking you to be exclusive. Why are you even discussing being in a long term relationship? What were you expecting her to commit to? When you say you wanted to "make it serious"... WTF does that even mean? Life, and dating, and meeting the RIGHT person starts out with dating, and spending time together, and getting to know each other and things just fall into place organically... Trying to DISCUSS her into committing to you... WRONG! I'm surprised she is even still talking to you... You got problems bro that a medical textbook won't, and can't solve. Seek professional help. STOP trying to box her into a "relationship" or what it is you consider "something serious". Just let things work out the way they are supposed to. If she is happy, and you are doing things correctly, you won't have to try and force her into something........ If you find yourself trying to force any woman into anything-YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!

At this point.. Send her a text that says.. "I'm so sorry for acting like a jerk at the wedding. I had forgotten how beautiful you are and when I saw you, it took my breath way. Since that day I have tried to put you out of my mind, but I just can't seem to do that! Can you please forgive me for being a jerk:-)?" Then see how she responds.. if you are lucky-because you DO NOT deserve another chance-she will contact you again. After that, it's on you to be a RESPECTFUL man, and not a little soiled-diaper-spoiled-brat..

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Kballer is right. She is not that into you or she wouldn’t have had trouble committing after 6 mo. Look, Covid has made like 75% of us at least consider reaching out to someone we were once involved with. Don’t let those desperate feelings get to you. If you try to go down this path again I believe it won’t end well for you. Look forward, not behind. 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Sedenog New Member

Sedenog

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Posted
8 hours ago, Kballer said:

I agree you need help.. You acted like an immature child at the wedding. Did you think that acting that way was going to impress her? What exactly were you hoping to accomplish acting like dirt-bag? Though you are in medical school... I shudder to think how someone so insecure, and immature, is going to make a good Dr., or nurse...

Right now... The most important thing for you to do is start thinking about why you allow yourself to carry on in a manner that is not befitting an adult.. Much less a medical professional. Only when you understand why you are acting like a jerk, can you then decide to not do that anymore. I strongly suggest that you seek counseling. A professional needs to be involved to help you get to the root of your problem.

Yes.. I think you absolutely should apologize to her for acting like a toddler. But ONLY IF you understand why your actions were wrong. If you cant' grasp why what you did was wrong, do not waste her time by apologizing to her.

Let me give you a dating hint... You should NEVER be the one pushing for someone to commit to you... If you are doing everything RIGHT.. SHE.. yes, SHE will be asking you to be exclusive. Why are you even discussing being in a long term relationship? What were you expecting her to commit to? When you say you wanted to "make it serious"... WTF does that even mean? Life, and dating, and meeting the RIGHT person starts out with dating, and spending time together, and getting to know each other and things just fall into place organically... Trying to DISCUSS her into committing to you... WRONG! I'm surprised she is even still talking to you... You got problems bro that a medical textbook won't, and can't solve. Seek professional help. STOP trying to box her into a "relationship" or what it is you consider "something serious". Just let things work out the way they are supposed to. If she is happy, and you are doing things correctly, you won't have to try and force her into something........ If you find yourself trying to force any woman into anything-YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!

At this point.. Send her a text that says.. "I'm so sorry for acting like a jerk at the wedding. I had forgotten how beautiful you are and when I saw you, it took my breath way. Since that day I have tried to put you out of my mind, but I just can't seem to do that! Can you please forgive me for being a jerk:-)?" Then see how she responds.. if you are lucky-because you DO NOT deserve another chance-she will contact you again. After that, it's on you to be a RESPECTFUL man, and not a little soiled-diaper-spoiled-brat..


Kballer I know it’s hard to understand the whole story in a post but it is hard to describe the situation in a few paragraphs. Also please do not intersect medical professionals with my love issue. That is absolutely irrelevant and not even on the table of discussion. To clarify...

I was leaving for school and she was the one who was trying to escalate things. Asking questions of “what are we” “are you all in” Asking what’s my timeline of marriage and my thoughts for the future. I was the one who said I wanted to continue to be with her through thick and thin. I clearly didn’t “box her into a relationship” if I’m the one who left and ended the lingering relationship. Yes I wanted to be with her and tried to explain why it could work. My behavior was purely an act of disappointment and anger. I didn’t want to see her...that’s how upset I was. I wasn’t trying to prove anything to her except to show her she obviously hurt me and I didn’t want anything from her at the time..like I was done with her. I know it was wrong but that is where it came from. 
 

Also the best doctors have love issues as well. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. You can’t sit there and attack someone’s career choice because of their love issues. You obviously don’t know who I am. But it’s very easy to sit there and judge behind a screen. A Broken heart suck...especially when you can’t do anything about it. Obviously I care for her but at the same time I don’t want to be “Mr. desperate” texting her apologies and trying to fix it. Thus the reason why I wrote my story...not to get harassed but to seek advice from wiser individuals...not attacking individuals. 
 

Thanks for the time of day

S

Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

Posted
Posted (edited)

I agree that it is inappropriate to bring in the ops profession into the equation. Out of order in fact. 
 

There are many doctors, lawyers, business owners etc who experience  problems in their love life.  That does not reflect how good or bad they are at their job. It’s totally irrelevant and shouldn’t be factored into the equation. 
 

Op my advice is to ignore those offensive statements first and foremost. 

Right back on topic: 

Op I get why you behaved like you did but you know yourself this wasn’t the best thing to do. 
 

It doesn’t sound like this lady was all in the first time round so you need to prepare yourself that she may not give you what you want the second time around either . Before you take action you’d be best to accept this as a possibility. Can you accept that? Can you also accept that she may not be interested in hearing from you and therefore may not respond? 
 

If so, you’ve got nothing to lose. If she means that much to you, reach out to her, apologise and see her reaction. 
 

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. 
 

 

Edited by Calmandfocused
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