Zachary101 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 So i was dating "hanging out" this girl. She asked me to go excising "i exercised with her yesterday going for a run outside" and because i didn't want to today and just go out with the guys to a BBQ. She replied "you're never gonna have anyone with class & this is why you don't have a girlfriend" She doesn't say anything positive really. Always complaining. Also she is older then me. Should i just give up on her and get someone younger? what are your thoughts? , because i feel like i wasting a huge amount of time. 1
The Outlaw Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 37 minutes ago, Zachary101 said: She doesn't say anything positive really. Always complaining. There's your answer. She isn't worth it. Just leave her alone and find someone more worthy of your time. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 52 minutes ago, Zachary101 said: So i was dating "hanging out" this girl. She asked me to go excising "i exercised with her yesterday going for a run outside" and because i didn't want to today and just go out with the guys to a BBQ. She replied "you're never gonna have anyone with class & this is why you don't have a girlfriend" She doesn't say anything positive really. Always complaining. Also she is older then me. Should i just give up on her and get someone younger? what are your thoughts? , because i feel like i wasting a huge amount of time. Interesting. How much older? This doesn't sound like a girl you have been just 'hanging out' with. Does she know you from before dating you? Or longer than this post seems to indicate to me? How long have you been 'hanging out' with her? Yeah, she doesn't seem to have boundaries and sounds selfish. Is there more to this? I mean, you are asking LS peeps to give you advice to whether you should leave a woman who you know clearly doesn't respect your boundaries (you) and you are specific to mention a detail that is not relevant (her age difference). Edited May 25, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
Author Zachary101 Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 She is 12 years older. Black woman. she lives in my building and we talk off and on. never really dated. But she knows I like her like that. But she’s always putting me down. Starting to seeing should I just break off contact with her and stop pursuing her. also thanks guys for the answers. a little about me Single white guy. No kids and good job still hopefully. No drama or anything.
Author Zachary101 Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 Also when I say we never really dated. I mean we just went out to lunch “a simple cheap lunch” a few times. That’s it.
spiritedaway2003 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Zachary101 said: Should i just give up on her and get someone younger? what are your thoughts? , because i feel like i wasting a huge amount of time. It seems like this is not a age thing, but more a personality thing. If that's not gelling, then you have your answer. 1
smackie9 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 She just insulted you...that in itself is a deal breaker. 2
Amanda141 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 I think you should move on to someone who is really able to appreciate you. Nobody deserves someone who insults them! 2
FMW Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Zachary101 said: She replied "you're never gonna have anyone with class & this is why you don't have a girlfriend" That's a weird thing to say in response to you choosing to hang out with your friends at a BBQ. And if she's always complaining, she sounds unhappy and judgmental. I don't think it's about age at all (I'm sure I'm a lot older than both of you and she sounds like someone I'd avoid). Why are you questioning whether you should look elsewhere? What exactly does she offer you that makes you keep the door open? 2
kendahke Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Zachary101 said: Should i just give up on her and get someone younger? yes, but not because of her age---but because of her level of maturity and not her wanting to understand that you have a right to choose how you spend your time and with whom. She is manipulative--and you don't need that. Besides, someone who is always negative and putting you down is a problem who needs therapy, not a boyfriend. Edited May 25, 2020 by kendahke 2
Author Zachary101 Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 She looks good. That was about it. But after reading everyones reply i have decided to break it off with her. I don't know how i didn't c this stuff with my own two eyes. But thank you 100% in helping me decide guys. Sometimes you just need a 2nd opinion before making a change in life.... 4
Mystery4u Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 10 minutes ago, Zachary101 said: She looks good. That was about it. But after reading everyones reply i have decided to break it off with her. I don't know how i didn't c this stuff with my own two eyes. But thank you 100% in helping me decide guys. Sometimes you just need a 2nd opinion before making a change in life.... Break what off with her? You two haven't even had sex yet? There's nothing to 'break off'.
Versacehottie Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 eh, i think you should break it off with her. I'm not sure she is all these bad things that others are saying. I think she might have a different perspective of how together or progressing that you are and is mainly REACTIVE to your stance. Not saying your stance is wrong; nor is her's but they are at odds. I think in the future if you try to be very careful and clear about when you will hang out then these type of people will back off. If that is not the case at all, then disregard this. I'll bet she is giving you some grief cause you were wavering and then chose your boys and she feels jerked around that's why she is reacting/over-reacting. The fact that she is not the best communicator when she is upset is not a great sign but it is the classic thing where you have more of the power and pick and choose when you want to see her and she's all the way on. So that's imbalanced. I guess ask yourself if you communicated clearly that you wouldn't be hanging out or if you kept her in limbo until the last moment and you will maybe see why she is seeing it like this. Not totally defending her but there are usually two sides to things. I think you should break up with her because it seems like you are at different stages of what you want in life; definitely with each other; she sounds more invested---and that the majority of what she says is negative--that is something you don't want to sign up for, at stage of life good luck
ThereSheGoes Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 The fact that she went straight for your neck, when you said no, tells you all about her. Leave that alone. 4
Calmandfocused Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 One thing I’ve learnt in life: if someone treats you less than well you give them one chance and one chance only to treat you better. If they continue you simply slam that door firmly in their face!.... metaphorically of course 1
miranda561 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Zachary101 said: So i was dating "hanging out" this girl. She asked me to go excising "i exercised with her yesterday going for a run outside" and because i didn't want to today and just go out with the guys to a BBQ. She replied "you're never gonna have anyone with class & this is why you don't have a girlfriend" She doesn't say anything positive really. Always complaining. Also she is older then me. Should i just give up on her and get someone younger? what are your thoughts? , because i feel like i wasting a huge amount of time. She sounds like a woman with a chip on her shoulder. Shes getting a bit too rude and emotional, i mean you saw her yesterday. And you guys are not even anything serious. I would just cut her off. There are plenty of good looking women who don't act like that Edited May 25, 2020 by miranda561 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 OP, You break things off not because you have an answer like dating younger women. You break things off because you didn't feel good when with the person. Period. Criteria number 1 for going forward with anyone: do you feel fantastic spending time with this person? The answer should be an immediate, loud "yes!" Any other answer ... any hesitation ... you stop. No need to rule out older women ... The next older woman might be fine for you. Rule out this one person! 1 1
SumGuy Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 8 hours ago, Zachary101 said: She replied "you're never gonna have anyone with class & this is why you don't have a girlfriend" ... Should i just give up on her and get someone younger? Oh I love when people say stuff like that, so quick to tell you how you will never get anywhere in life because you didn't do what they want. Classic, hilarious and in your case she is full of it. Give up? NO, run Forest, run...so yes move on ....that kind of statement is a Soviet May Day parade of red flags in my book. Also a lot of projection on her part
Miss Spider Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) Ya she’s was a b*tch , but what’s age got to do with anything? It’s not like that’s exclusive to any one age group... Soubds like you’re just being bitter back to her because she got to you. Just next her and try not to let people get to you so much. Edited May 25, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Yosemite Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Maybe she was upset that you didn't invite her to the BBQ as your date. Idk how old you are, but you sound too old for "hanging out" with someone that you want to date. She was a little rude with the way she said it, but maybe her feelings were hurt that you turned her down and then didn't invite her to go with you. Sounds like she's been doing all the initiating and was upset that you rejected her initiation and didn't invite her to go to the BBQ. 1
miranda561 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 21 minutes ago, Yosemite said: Maybe she was upset that you didn't invite her to the BBQ as your date. Idk how old you are, but you sound too old for "hanging out" with someone that you want to date. She was a little rude with the way she said it, but maybe her feelings were hurt that you turned her down and then didn't invite her to go with you. Sounds like she's been doing all the initiating and was upset that you rejected her initiation and didn't invite her to go to the BBQ. Hanging out ..he probably doesn't want to use the term dating. ..and wants to keep it as casual as possible 1
miranda561 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Yosemite said: Maybe she was upset that you didn't invite her to the BBQ as your date. Idk how old you are, but you sound too old for "hanging out" with someone that you want to date. She was a little rude with the way she said it, but maybe her feelings were hurt that you turned her down and then didn't invite her to go with you. Sounds like she's been doing all the initiating and was upset that you rejected her initiation and didn't invite her to go to the BBQ. And don't be ageist. People can use whatever term they want to use to describe a situation they're in. Edited May 25, 2020 by miranda561 1
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 10 hours ago, Zachary101 said: because i didn't want to today and just go out with the guys to a BBQ. She replied "you're never gonna have anyone with class & this is why you don't have a girlfriend" She is probably right though. Strike while the iron is hot. You had a woman there who wanted to spend more time with you and you preferred to go off to a BBQ with the guys... If you don't really like her then fair enough but best not to go about rejecting interested women out of hand, they don't tend to forget it. 1
snowboy91 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 I don't think age or skin colour has anything to do with it. This *particular girl* isn't respecting that you may have your own plans and your own life that you may want to do on one day. We don't know what her expectations are, but at the very least they seem incompatible with yours. I would move on and not stress too much about it. 1
Yosemite Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 1 hour ago, miranda561 said: And don't be ageist. People can use whatever term they want to use to describe a situation they're in. Hanging out and dating have different meanings. My point was that if he wants to date her, then act like it. If he wants to hang out, ok do that. But don't "hang out" with someone that you actually want to date because it won't work. 1
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