miranda561 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 11 minutes ago, fred123 said: if you were into him ud make time to talk on phone. no way you had not 10 minites lol I did speak to him here and there. But not for long. I think he preferred lengthy conversations. Im overall not a phone person. Now he just waits for me to contact him. 1
Spainglish Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 If she's always been in relationships with jerks, I'm thinking She was in the moment, feeling loved and happy. I admit it's crappy of her to say something like that if she didn't mean it. Seems like she slept on it and reality kicked in. Now she's backtracking by distancing. Odds are things would go back to normal if he told her he didn't meant to put pressure on her and he wanted to keep things status quo. Or maybe not. She now knows he wants more and will keep her guard up.
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 20 minutes ago, Spainglish said: If she's always been in relationships with jerks, I'm thinking She was in the moment, feeling loved and happy. I admit it's crappy of her to say something like that if she didn't mean it. Seems like she slept on it and reality kicked in. Now she's backtracking by distancing. Odds are things would go back to normal if he told her he didn't meant to put pressure on her and he wanted to keep things status quo. Or maybe not. She now knows he wants more and will keep her guard up. I'm not interested in keeping the status quo. I'm not pressuring her into becoming my girlfriend but i do expect that we do progress. Otherwise we're wasting both of our times by playing, which i'm not interested in. But she's not communicated that so.
poppyfields Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, fred123 said: which makes sense apart from the fact that after he mentioned this then WHY DID SHE ASK him to be hers?!!! Yeah, and I think that is why OP is so confused! Sure, he brought up the "where is this going" talk, but they mutually agreed they were jumping ahead and to dial it back. Then suddenly like the next day, she ups the ante with her "will you be mine"? After which she suddenly does a complete 180? What the ........ It's crazy making! Yeah OP, ignore her for you. She sounds nutters. Edited May 25, 2020 by poppyfields
rjc149 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Ostepop said: We'd talk and talk through voice chat for hours upon hours and have a blast at it. We talked about everything and eventually started breaching "where this is going" chat. I told her that i thought she's amazing and i most definitely want to meet her to see if this spark extends to real life. 2 hours ago, Ostepop said: What the hell is going on here? 1 hour ago, Ostepop said: Something to make her reflect about her behavior would be perfect. What's going on here, is that you haven't met this woman, so this is not an actual romantic relationship with a flesh-and-blood human being. It's not attractive to be getting this invested and excited, and emotional, about a woman you haven't met in person. That conveys that you don't have other opportunities to date women in real life, that this is the only thing you've got going on. I'm not trying to belittle it or dismiss your confusion and your feelings. I'm trying to take a big-picture perspective here. I'm guessing that on some deep level, this woman is confused about why things are getting so intense with a guy she plays online video games with, and that your overall emotional volatility about this is turning her off.
poppyfields Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) What about her emotional volatility? They mutually agreed to dial it back after which SHE asked OP "will you be mine"? Then does a complete 180! What was that? I'd call that pretty emotionally volatile. Followed by a whole lot of push/pull.. Edited May 25, 2020 by poppyfields 1
fred123 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 16 minutes ago, rjc149 said: What's going on here, is that you haven't met this woman, so this is not an actual romantic relationship with a flesh-and-blood human being. It's not attractive to be getting this invested and excited, and emotional, about a woman you haven't met in person. That conveys that you don't have other opportunities to date women in real life, that this is the only thing you've got going on. I'm not trying to belittle it or dismiss your confusion and your feelings. I'm trying to take a big-picture perspective here. I'm guessing that on some deep level, this woman is confused about why things are getting so intense with a guy she plays online video games with, and that your overall emotional volatility about this is turning her off. all of this is rubbish. several years ago at uni i had a friend who was agirl and she met a guy from venezuela on a game online. well the following summer after months of talking she flew from UK to venezuela to spend a few weeks with him! and these stories iv heard a million times from both sexes!
rjc149 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: What about her emotional volatility? They mutually agreed to dial it back after which SHE asked OP "will you be mine"? Then does a complete 180! What was that? I'd call that pretty emotionally volatile. And now a whole lot of push/pull.. I'm giving advice to the guy posting this thread, I'm not mediating their relationship. It's not his job to hold her accountable for her behavior. It's his job to be accountable for his own.
rjc149 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Just now, fred123 said: all of this is rubbish. several years ago at uni i had a friend who was agirl and she met a guy from venezuela on a game online. well the following summer after months of talking she flew from UK to venezuela to spend a few weeks with him! and these stories iv heard a million times from both sexes! Gotta love technology!
poppyfields Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, rjc149 said: I'm giving advice to the guy posting this thread, I'm not mediating their relationship. It's not his job to hold her accountable for her behavior. It's his job to be accountable for his own. And I respect that rjc, what I'm disputing is your reference to "all this is turning her off." I'm questioning how turned off could she be when (1) she was an equal participant in their intense texting exchanges and (2) after they both agreed to dial things back and keep things light until after quarantine is over, why would she then ask him to be hers? And then immediately after that do a complete 180 w/r/t her actions but continue reassuring him that nothing has changed? That's the part I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around. Edited May 25, 2020 by poppyfields
rjc149 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 The OP is a man. He is not supposed to be emotionally volatile. He is supposed to be in control of his own emotions, be steady and certain, be the rock. He's not being the rock. He's being reactive. He's a wooden boat riding her tides up and down, getting rickety and splintery, and getting himself worked up about it. Over a girl he's never met, never touched, never kissed, never seen in person. She's literally a stranger on the internet. It's irrelevant if she's all over the place emotionally or what her problem is. The problem is that this is not a real relationship, but the OP is acting like it is. He's investing way more than he should be. Regardless of whatever she's doing. I believe, on an instinctive level, that this is turning this girl off, or at least, causing her unpredictability. The OP needs to go meet and date women in actual physical real life. IMO.
chillii Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) It all boils down to or boils over really her asking him to be hers but then she flips and has ever since. That was the point of flip. lf this was me l'd be asking her exactly why that and now this and wtf is going on with you, and if she didn't wanna explain herself then let me know when you do but until then to hell with the bs, it's just stupid, Edited May 25, 2020 by chillii 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 5 hours ago, chillii said: It all boils down to or boils over really her asking him to be hers but then she flips and has ever since. That was the point of flip. lf this was me l'd be asking her exactly why that and now this and wtf is going on with you, and if she didn't wanna explain herself then let me know when you do but until then to hell with the bs, it's just stupid, That ship has kind of sailed though. I've done it in not that much of an ultimatum way. It'd just be nagging her away rather than making her reflect and realize that she's not acting like she should if she's interested. Probably my fault though for actually trying. Why change when the guy keeps trying anyway? I get that.
poppyfields Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, chillii said: It all boils down to or boils over really her asking him to be hers but then she flips and has ever since. That was the point of flip. lf this was me l'd be asking her exactly why that and now this and wtf is going on with you, and if she didn't wanna explain herself then let me know when you do but until then to hell with the bs, it's just stupid, Right on brother, my sentiments exactly, and I am a woman! It's messed up, period end of. My advice OP? Cut your losses with this one and going forward, aim higher. Edited May 25, 2020 by poppyfields
dangerous Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) I'd not reach out to her anymore. And next time she contacts you, say you've been thinking and you'd prefer to dial things back ie. only text maybe weekly checking in, until travel resumes and then you can broach plans for meeting. That puts you back in control, and reasserts yourself as the authentic (strong) man. If she sticks around great, if she finds someone else, then that was always going to happen, but at least you haven't been her ego-stroker dangling at her behest. Good luck man. Edited May 30, 2020 by dangerous
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