fred123 Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Ostepop said: And i've tried pulling but she'll just messages me with something and i can't say i've been the biggest dater so i don't want to come across as an insensitive jerk either by completely ignoring her. Something to make her reflect about her behavior would be perfect. sack her off. u obv like her and care for her. she doesnt respect u. something has def changed from her side. no idea what or why. she was hot now shes cold. probs katy perry
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: I'm always nice Look, you've invested feelings in someone you don't really know. She may have acted that way in person too, so count your blessings you've discovered that now. Lesson learned for the future: only invest in women who's actions and words are consistent and matching. It doesn't need to be a Good vs Evil epic battle; just timing / incompatibities. Good thing she took me for granted this early then and showing how she truly is by trying to step all over me. Lousy tactic that will even ruin our friendship. It's really my personality which does this. Happens repeatedly. I don't like creating drama or being mean to people. I'm always kind and caring. Many think they can take advantage of that and they certainly can for a while. But when i feel it's getting out of hand and that i'm being taken advantage of, i lash out. And that burns some bridges. Shame people have to be like this. That was a bit offtopic.
poppyfields Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) Ignoring might cause her to reflect. Did you read my earlier post? We teach people how to treat us. Typically by our actions (or non-actions) rather than with words. Trust me, your silence will say way more than your words ever could. You said yourself, this isn't doable and I agree. So don't do it, don't play her game. She or any woman cannot do a complete 180 like that and expect a man to stick around. Boundaries man, boundaries. Edited May 24, 2020 by poppyfields 2
miranda561 Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I know, and that's what i'm doing. But she doesn't let me play in the way i do. Single word answers, no questions i can answer, complaining about stuff in her daily life.. Did i say never ask any questions? How could anyone work with that after having such an amazing time just prior? Not doable. As a person who has many options online. If i don't see the person as anything more than an acquaintance i won't initiate conversation usually. Its very rare i will continuously talk to the person. Unless that person keeps messaging me and on occasion i may end up replying. Just stop initiating..and then see what she does. If she continues to engage with you in a way you dont feel fits what you want. Let her go Edited May 24, 2020 by miranda561 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 1 minute ago, miranda561 said: As a person who has many options online. If i don't see the person as anything more than an acquaintance i won't initiate conversation usually. Its very rare i will continuously talk to the person. Unless that person keeps messaging me and on occasion i may end up replying. Just stop initiating..and then see what she does. If she continues to engage with you in way you dont feel fits what you want. Let her go I'm not the one initiating. She does for the most part. 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Ignoring might cause her to reflect. Did you read my earlier post? We teach people how to treat us. Typically by our actions (or non-actions) rather than with words. Trust me, your silence will say way more than your words ever could. You said yourself, this isn't doable and I agree. So don't do it, don't play her game. She or any woman cannot do a complete 180 like that and expect a man to stick around. Boundaries man, boundaries. Thanks, this is sound advice and i'll just have to do it.
Emilie Jolie Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Ostepop said: Good thing she took me for granted this early then and showing how she truly is by trying to step all over me. Lousy tactic that will even ruin our friendship. It's really my personality which does this. Happens repeatedly. I don't like creating drama or being mean to people. I'm always kind and caring. Many think they can take advantage of that and they certainly can for a while. But when i feel it's getting out of hand and that i'm being taken advantage of, i lash out. And that burns some bridges. Shame people have to be like this. That was a bit offtopic. Well, maybe you can work on the communication part - it's not a personality trait, you're fine. In between being nice and lashing out, you have a few wrungs you can learn to use. All good, you know something about yourself you can tweak a little. Not a big deal, we all do.
miranda561 Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Ostepop said: I'm not the one initiating. She does for the most part. Thanks, this is sound advice and i'll just have to do it. Just leave her to it. It would be a lot easier if you guys could meet in person. You could then decipher more easily what her true intentions are.
preraph Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Do you have any sure way of knowing how old she actually is? I would be asking if you're sure it's a woman but you said you had voice chattrd her. she could be someone that's either too young or too old for you who just poses as someone online.
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 minute ago, miranda561 said: Just leave her to it. It would be a lot easier if you guys could meet in person. You could then decipher more easily what her true intentions are. Which is exactly what i'm trying to do when it's possible. Also voice calling and video chat are decent options for bonding. But she's not giving me the time of day for these things anymore.Always some excuse and she doesn't suggest a time which works for her either? I'm pretty flexible, but she's showing no interest, yet still showing interest. Frustrating to say the least.
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, preraph said: Do you have any sure way of knowing how old she actually is? I would be asking if you're sure it's a woman but you said you had voice chattrd her. she could be someone that's either too young or too old for you who just poses as someone online. I'd venture to guess that no woman would admit to be over 30 when they're in their 20's 1
Erik30 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Ostepop said: What the hell is going on here? I can't for the life of me figure it out. I'd obviously think that she wasn't interested in me and just keeping me as emotional support or a backup, but it doesn't quite fit either. Maybe she still likes me and just don't respect me and stopped making an effort? You made it "real" for her when you started talking about the future and meeting up. Before it was just fun and casual, now she feels some pressure. Also you might have a connection but maybe she's not interested in a LDR, and she just liked talking to someone during lockdown. 1
miranda561 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ostepop said: Which is exactly what i'm trying to do when it's possible. Also voice calling and video chat are decent options for bonding. But she's not giving me the time of day for these things anymore.Always some excuse and she doesn't suggest a time which works for her either? I'm pretty flexible, but she's showing no interest, yet still showing interest. Frustrating to say the least. My whole thread is literally about a guy who wanted me to speak to him on the phone but i hardly ever did..and instead resorted to messaging. Back then it was because i was out all the time and with/around people etc. Just never found a convenient time. But with quarantine going on..she should have plenty of time on her hands and opportunities. Who does she live with..and how old is she. Ask her straight why she doesn't want to speak on the phone anymore? 1 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 minute ago, Erik30 said: You made it "real" for her when you started talking about the future and meeting up. Before it was just fun and casual, now she feels some pressure. Also you might have a connection but maybe she's not interested in a LDR, and she just liked talking to someone during lockdown. I know. She said as much and i apologized and agreed we'd take this one step at a time. Which she agreed to.
Miss Spider Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) I hate to say it, but usually how this plays out…… if you stop reaching out to her, you are going to start seeing yourself have a lot less conversations with her. if you stop engaging and asking questions, you are going to see your conversations go a lot less deep and far. Unless she wants something.... then she’ll engage. She will also throw crumbs to keep you on her line. . And not to be mean, but I don’t see her changing drastically if you choose to ignore her. I see her getting frustrated, but ultimately just going to another online orbiter to pick up the slack. A woman (gamer girl who chats with guys online esp) never has a shortage of men who she is not interested in who are interested in her... and are willing to “ talk” to her. She probably has a favorite. I would say that one is you. But there will probably always be back ups I do think you should ignore her though. For you, not for her Edited May 25, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
preraph Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 6 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I'd venture to guess that no woman would admit to be over 30 when they're in their 20's I'm just saying she could be 12 or 57 and that could account for if she is just playing around. 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 minute ago, preraph said: I'm just saying she could be 12 or 57 and that could account for if she is just playing around. We've exchanged pictures so it all seems to check out.
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: I hate to say it, but usually how this plays out…… if you stop reaching out to her, you are going to start seeing yourself have a lot less conversations with her. if you stop engaging and asking questions, you were going to see your conversations go a lot less drop and far. Unless she wants something.... then she’ll engage. She will also throw crumbs to keep you on her line. . And not to be mean, but I don’t see her changing drastically if you choose to ignore her. I see her getting frustrated, but ultimately to another online orbiter to pick up the slack. A woman never has a shortage of men who she is not interested in who are interested in her... and are willing to “ talk” to her. She probably has a favorite. I would say that one as you. But there will probably always be back ups I do think you should ignore her though. For you, not for her Yeah, that is definitely a big possibility. Well, hopefully she'll learn her lesson sooner or later if she decides to go that route. No doubt she'll be doing the same again. 1
preraph Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Good. Of course, there are so many possibilities of what could be going on. Maybe you'll find out eventually. 1
Erik30 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I know. She said as much and i apologized and agreed we'd take this one step at a time. Which she agreed to. There was no need to apologize... You didn't do anything wrong. She just doesn't want the same thing. I think your "relationship" with her now is all it's ever going to be. 1
Interstellar Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 Has she seen your picture? If you have to travel by plane to get to where she is then this thing is over before it even started. And your interest level is too high. You gotta bring it down drastically so you won’t get hurt.
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 minute ago, Erik30 said: There was no need to apologize... You didn't do anything wrong. She just doesn't want the same thing. I think your "relationship" with her now is all it's ever going to be. Maybe not, but by rushing things i might have ruined everything. So i attempted to salvage it. That was my thought at the time. 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 1 minute ago, Interstellar said: Has she seen your picture? If you have to travel by plane to get to where she is then this thing is over before it even started. And your interest level is too high. You gotta bring it down drastically so you won’t get hurt. She has. She said i was good looking. 1
fred123 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 15 minutes ago, miranda561 said: My whole thread is literally about a guy who wanted me to speak to him on the phone but i hardly ever did..and instead resorted to messaging. Back then it was because i was out all the time and with/around people etc. Just never found a convenient time. But with quarantine going on..she should have plenty of time on her hands and opportunities. Who does she live with..and how old is she. Ask her straight why she doesn't want to speak on the phone anymore? if you were into him ud make time to talk on phone. no way you had not 10 minites lol
Spainglish Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 She may not be ready for an actual relationship. If she's been hurt, an online friendship / relationship seems more safe and probably all she's willing to give right now. It sounds like things were going really well as long as things stayed light hearted. Once you mentioned meeting you crossed her comfort zone. The fact that you placed pressure on defining the relationship by suggesting there has to be an endgame probably spooked her. She was probably happy living in the moment, no strings attached. Sounds like now she may be trying to distance herself so she doesn't give you mixed signals. 1
fred123 Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, Spainglish said: She may not be ready for an actual relationship. If she's been hurt, an online friendship / relationship seems more safe and probably all she's willing to give right now. It sounds like things were going really well as long as things stayed light hearted. Once you mentioned meeting you crossed her comfort zone. The fact that you placed pressure on defining the relationship by suggesting there has to be an endgame probably spooked her. She was probably happy living in the moment, no strings attached. Sounds like now she may be trying to distance herself so she doesn't give you mixed signals. which makes sense apart from the fact that after he mentioned this then WHY DID SHE ASK him to be hers?!!!
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