Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) We met through a game and we had a pretty strong spark pretty instantly. We'd talk and talk through voice chat for hours upon hours and have a blast at it. We talked about everything and eventually started breaching "where this is going" chat. I told her that i thought she's amazing and i most definitely want to meet her to see if this spark extends to real life. I might also have said something akin to that i'd not be interested in dating if we wouldn't at least entertain the plan of an endgame as that would just end in heartbreak for one of us. Most likely me, as that's usually the case for men in these scenarios. She didn't take that too well, but we kept talking and we decided to just focus on the present and not think too much on the future. Just take it one step at a time and make sure to meet each other in person when it's possible and see how we feel about each other in real life. The same night she asked if i could be hers, and i obviously said yes. Wasn't meant as a couple thing really, but as a sign of affection. Now starts the problems. The very next day her messages are colder and less considerate. This is about ten days since now and we've spoken only an hour altogether as she'll suddenly feel ill and have to leave about half an hour into the conversation. Her coldness continues and whenever i say something kind of about her or us, she ignores that part of the message and just talks about other stuff. She stops asking questions about me and mostly talks about herself. I could hold on for 1 week where i said that i don't know who she is anymore and that i think we should stop talking until she would return to me as the kind, considerate and fun girl that i knew and fell for. Now the funny thing is that she became truly mad and told me that nothing is different between us and that she still likes me. Quite obviously something is wrong. She's avoiding talking to me outside texting. Always some excuse or not reading my message until it's too late for me and i'm in bed already. 2 times i've tried to tell her that it's not right between us anymore and that i don't feel her affection anymore, but she got mad both times. She also initiates text messages every day and will keep texting me and suddenly stop if i ask her to voice. What the hell is going on here? I can't for the life of me figure it out. I'd obviously think that she wasn't interested in me and just keeping me as emotional support or a backup, but it doesn't quite fit either. Maybe she still likes me and just don't respect me and stopped making an effort? We're both in our early thirties if that has any significance. Edited May 24, 2020 by Ostepop
Emilie Jolie Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 I'm not trying to rain on your parade and understand that all sorts of connections can happen online, but they only are real when you meet in the flesh. I would stop all comms with her until a time she gives you a place and time to meet up in person. For now, consider her a stranger with whom you game. 2
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 That is definitely relationship death in the corona times when we can't even meet. If we could i'd order a plane ticket asap, well that is if she' actually interested, which is what this topic is about. I can't figure her out and i certainly won't order that plane ticket when things are like they are now. But she still keeps initializing text messages every day when i try to pull away in hopes that she'll think about her actions.
Emilie Jolie Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) What else do you want her to do? It's no good making an emotional investment when you don't know if or when you'll meet. She knows that, you know that. What's wrong with continuing as friends who game, keep it light and lowkey no pressure contact in that way? Edited May 24, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) Because that's what friends do? Stop focusing on the game, that's not important. It's just how we met. Edited May 24, 2020 by Ostepop
Emilie Jolie Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) What else can you do together at this moment in time, Ostepop? What would you like her to do? You've already overstepped the friendship boundary as per your thread title... Edited May 24, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1
Miss Spider Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) Who initiated the DTR talk? Emilie’s right... I mean you said yourself there’s no point in starting these things if there’s no endgame... someone could get hurt too. Maybe saying that helped her realize that Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
fred123 Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I see you know everything. Been through something similar and empathize with her would be my guess. You've not even tried answering my questions. Why don't you do that or just find some others thread to pester? iv been through it exactly. where the girl iv met online in another country is sweet talking me and texting me non stop. then after a while goes cold and all my sweet messages she ignores and only replies to basic messages from me. it doesnt end well pal! she either loves the attention at the time and has now got cold feet and changed her mind when the reality sat in. or shes met someone else. Edited May 24, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
fred123 Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Who initiated the DTR talk? Emilie’s right... I mean you said yourself there’s no point in starting these things if there’s no endgame... someone could get hurt too. Maybe saying that helped her realize that why did she lead him on and participate in all this then? iv been in this situation. women are not blameless here 1
miranda561 Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I see you know everything. Been through something similar and empathize with her would be my guess. You've not even tried answering my questions. Why don't you do that or just find some others thread to pester? She quite clearly still wants to speak to you. As she gets mad when you say you should end contact with one another But i dont think you should pressure her into communicating your way. Just keep it cool and casual. Not turn it into some fantasy relationship. Which can be hard to do when you want to keep a hold of the person. But its best to keep a realistic head on your shoulders
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 1 minute ago, fred123 said: why did she lead him on and participate in all this then? iv been in this situation. women are not blameless here Ohh she's definitely not blameless. She says she likes me and wants something more. Yet she's just changed and gets mad if i tell her that i can't deal with this cold change or hers.
Miss Spider Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, fred123 said: why did she lead him on and participate in all this then? iv been in this situation. women are not blameless here You have a point. Not saying she’s blameless. Some women are notoriously flirty and it’s easy for flirting with a long term online friend to be taken too far. Maybe the “feelings” talk made her catch herself and real it back in. She’s still talking so she obviously wants to be friends... not sure about more Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, miranda561 said: She quite clearly still wants to speak to you. As she gets mad when you say you should end contact with one another But i dont think you should pressure her into communicating your way. Just keep it cool and casual. Not turn it into some fantasy relationship. Which can be hard to do when you want to keep a hold of the person. But its best to keep a realistic head on your shoulders I know, and that's what i'm doing. But she doesn't let me play in the way i do. Single word answers, no questions i can answer, complaining about stuff in her daily life.. Did i say never ask any questions? How could anyone work with that after having such an amazing time just prior? Not doable. 1
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 Just now, preraph said: Did you start trying to sext? Nope, i would never do that. 2
Miss Spider Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I know, and that's what i'm doing. But she doesn't let me play in the way i do. Single word answers, no questions i can answer, complaining about stuff in her daily life.. Did i say never ask any questions? How could anyone work with that after having such an amazing time just prior? Not doable. Sounds like someone who just wants to use you as a sounding board/shoulder to cry on. Using your interest to get it, but not someone that is interested back Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 Just now, Cookiesandough said: Sounds like someone who just wants to use you as a sounding board/shoulder to cry on. Using your interest to get it, but not someone that is interested back Which is kind of what i figured myself really. But why get so mad when i try to end whatever it is that we're doing and telling me she's the same as always. I have feelings for this woman and i can't just keep going like this.
Emilie Jolie Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 7 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I see you know everything. Been through something similar and empathize with her would be my guess. You've not even tried answering my questions. Why don't you do that or just find some others thread to pester? Charming... Apparently, she's not all interested in online dating a guy she may not meet for a while, or at all. Move on. That's all you need to do.
Miss Spider Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 I’m sorry. I think maybe she knows if you don’t see the hope in it progressing, you won’t be as available as her “friend”... because even her friends aren’t as supportive and attentive as you are, BECAUSE you are romantically interested. It’s kind of manipulative in a way. I know you do have feelings for her and I know it’s hard... it sucks to find someone you feel a connect with and lose that :[
poppyfields Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Ostepop said: I know, and that's what i'm doing. But she doesn't let me play in the way i do. Single word answers, no questions i can answer, complaining about stuff in her daily life.. Did i say never ask any questions? How could anyone work with that after having such an amazing time just prior? Not doable. Then don't do it mate. I'm with you, her behaviour is messed up. If she changed her mind, fine. But she keeps saying she didn't, while her actual words, responses say otherwise. Your words, it's "not doable." So don't do it, refuse to play her game. If a man started that game on me, I'd ask once, if not a proper response, I'm done. We teach people how to treat us. Edited May 24, 2020 by poppyfields
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 Just now, Emilie Jolie said: Charming... Apparently, she's not all interested in online dating a guy she may not meet for a while, or at all. Move on. That's all you need to do. Be nice and i can certainly be charming. You're probably right, it's just that her behavior projects both interest and disinterest. Truly annoying.
fred123 Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 12 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: You have a point. Not saying she’s blameless. Some women are notoriously flirty and it’s easy for flirting with a long term online friend to be taken too far. Maybe the “feelings” talk made her catch herself and real it back in. She’s still talking so she obviously wants to be friends... not sure about more you say maybe the feelings convo caught her, but if u read OPs statement, even after he talked about feelings, she asked him if he could be hers!! wtf?!!! 2
poppyfields Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Ostepop said: Be nice and i can certainly be charming. You're probably right, it's just that her behavior projects both interest and disinterest. Truly annoying. Yup, push/pull at it's finest. Edited May 24, 2020 by poppyfields
Author Ostepop Posted May 24, 2020 Author Posted May 24, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Push/pull at it's finest. And what does she possibly have to gain by doing that? she knows i like her, she's been telling me she likes me too :S And i've tried pulling but she'll just messages me with something and i can't say i've been the biggest dater so i don't want to come across as an insensitive jerk either by completely ignoring her. Something to make her reflect about her behavior would be perfect. Edited May 24, 2020 by Ostepop
Emilie Jolie Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 I'm always nice Look, you've invested feelings in someone you don't really know. She may have acted that way in person too, so count your blessings you've discovered that now. Lesson learned for the future: only invest in women who's actions and words are consistent and matching. It doesn't need to be a Good vs Evil epic battle; just timing / incompatibities. 3 minutes ago, Ostepop said: Be nice and i can certainly be charming. You're probably right, it's just that her behavior projects both interest and disinterest. Truly annoying. 1 1
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