heartwhole2 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 Your right to make decisions based on reality is sacred. This guy really does suck. He's obviously a huge manipulator with no real empathy for others and no regard for the truth. 2
Author Husbandssecret Posted June 4, 2020 Author Posted June 4, 2020 3 hours ago, S2B said: let’s look at these statements the way you should be looking at them... Overall, I just wish YOU were being more realistic. you can’t change him - you can only change YOURSELF, your own reactions and no reactions does have a change on the outcome. if you want things to change then YOU change how YOU are participating. him? Looks like he will always lack empathy, be selfish, and not a guy to buy you gifts. think about that... that’s what you really want? You want a guy that you have to spoon feed - in order for him to understand things from YOUR perspective? You want a guy who doesn’t bring you a present? I would have a hard time with a guy like him. If you want it to change - start telling him exactly what would make you happy.. and IF he isn’t capable of being that guy - don’t make effort to settle for so little! Yes exactly!! I started seeing things that way and stopped playing “victim” to him. Started taking control over my life!! I’m 4 days NC. It’s been tough, but not as tough as I thought it would be. I held myself accountable and finally spilled this secret affair to my sister. I’m starting the road to recovery!! There’s only one way now-FORWARD!!! 3 2
Author Husbandssecret Posted June 4, 2020 Author Posted June 4, 2020 8 hours ago, S2B said: Stay strong! What did your sister say when you told her about the MM? She has been very supportive but she was the closest person to me prior to my MM. The fact that I kept this from her has definitely made her feel a sense of loss. She feels betrayed that I hid such a huge part of my life from her. She’s also felt sad and angry that I was so self destructive. I feel terrible because I hadn’t realized how far gone I was. I was always putting him first. I was like an addict. Waiting for my next “hit” (seeing him) and doing all I could to keep it a secret. I hadn’t realized how much it had affected me and my other relationships that previously were the most important to me. I had put my relationship with him above all else. I know that it’s going to take time to build up trust with my sister but I also know coming clean will hold me accountable. It will give me the support I need so I don’t fall back into it with MM. 3
BaileyB Posted June 4, 2020 Posted June 4, 2020 (edited) That’s a huge step forward. To disclose this information to your sister such that she now knows all about the affair... that is a big step, you are making yourself accountable and she will help to keep you on the right track. For me, it wasn’t as much the fact that you kept this secret as it was all the times you would say “I have this feeling that this is not good, but he tells me to ignore it, so - I’m going to ignore my own instinct and do as he says...” That was upsetting for me. He would guilt you and manipulate you, and you would say - “have I done enough? He says I need to be more understanding, more compassionate, to give more...“ We would say - “what about you?” And your answer was always... “I know, BUT he needs, he said...” I hope you learn not to lose yourself like this again. Relationships are about compromise, but when one person is giving and the other person is taking... that’s not a compromise, that’s an unhealthy situation. Edited June 4, 2020 by BaileyB 3
Recommended Posts