What do you guys think of this?

May 23, 2020

Meeting someone you wanted to be with right now during the pandemic would just be more frustrating and dangerous.. maybe you could go get out in the country somewhere and go hiking or something like that. I think we're all feeling the strain in different ways. I just watched a Twitter video of a dog with a dog cam attached to its back running down a long scenic trail to the rocky water's edge and plunging in. I said that's what I want to do.

May 23, 2020

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

She ^ is right I suppose that it does come down to each individual guy. I cannot imagine any of my friends doing anything remotely like is mentioned in the post above. They are simply not that sort of guy and again HAVE WAY WAY too many options.

You all make excellent points. I don't mean to overgeneralize, and I do realize there is a broad range of susceptibility/ gullibility in men... however, having been a guy for quite a few years I am also aware that a gorgeous woman can get away with sh*t that no one else on the planet could. I'm sure you all know this. Personally, I am automatically suspect of hottie types––they have entitlement issues by design. Yes, younger men and those with a fewer options are naturally more prone. And lest we gloss over this point, they are people too, and their feelings matter as much as anyone's. All I am really saying is, that attractive women were given a gift, a unique advantage in life, and it's all too easy for them to integrate such awareness as being more virtuous and deserving. Beauty with grace is, of course, not just a shiny surface, but includes awareness, perspective, wisdom, and caring (even for those who have nothing to offer them). It knows when not to leverage the gift.

Edited May 23, 2020 by salparadise

May 23, 2020

30 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yes I told him last night I don’t want to get involved. He said reconsider, but I think I’ve considerate it far too much. Something is not right with those people. Im back to square one, but it ain’t no thing. I I’m just going to move on now.

You do you cookie!

If it means trying to connect with others due to feeling lonely then do so.

But just be aware of the weirdos out there and people's intentions.

Quarantine is bound to make even the most independent, happy being single people..want a bit of human interaction. Its normal, so don't worry.

May 23, 2020

46 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I am nothing special and don’t think this is about because women of all appearance can get interest, sex or whatever.

First off cookies, you underestimate yourself and how special you are. Not just looks but the whole package.

Not saying that to boost you up or anything like that, just stating the truth from my perspective and apparently the perspectives of men you meet considering how they all fall for you. Very quickly I might add.

And even after you ghost them, and months later "pop back up", how readily they are to pounce even when they have another gf!

I don't agree that women of all appearances will have this same experience or men behaving like this, no way.

And I think it's important you be aware of this and acknowledge it, otherwise you risk being exploited by some men for their own self-serving purposes like this guy with the girlfriend. Arghh. I will refrain from commenting further about what I think of him, suffice it to say it's not good.

Not all men of course, but some. So just be careful, okay? I hope that doesn't sound condescending but I care about you, you are good peeps, and I'd love to see you meet the right guy for you, not these schlumps you're meeting on line.

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

May 23, 2020

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

First off cookies, you underestimate yourself and how special you are. Not just looks but the whole package.

Not saying that to boost you up or anything like that, just stating the truth from my perspective and apparently the perspectives of men you meet considering how they all fall for you. Very quickly I might add.

And even after you ghost them, and months later "pop back up", how readily they are to pounce even when they have another gf!

I don't agree that women of all appearances will have this same experience or men behaving like this, no way.

And I think it's important you be aware of this and acknowledge it, otherwise you risk being exploited by some men for their own self-serving purposes like this guy with the girlfriend. Arghh. I will refrain from commenting further about what I think of him, suffice it to say it's not good.

Not all men of course, but some. So just be careful, okay? I hope that doesn't sound condescending but I care about you, you are good peeps, and I'd love to see you meet the right guy for you, not these schlumps you're meeting on line.

Most men will fall over themselves to get physical with any woman...let alone a 10/10.

Ive had guys badgering me for months to years, just to get me to give in even once.

Cookie doesn't want that she wants something real, from the impressions i got. Therefore i told her to be careful of a man's intentions. And more likely than not ..the guys "falling" for her ( not that she isn't a great person) ..doesnt mean love..its probably lust.

May 23, 2020

Thank you all for the perspectives and kind words. I'll admit the talk about looks in general, it kinda makes me feel depressed that looks even matter. It does for some, I know, It's kind of upsetting that it changes perspectives and forms judgments and I actually just don't even wanna think about it. just don't at all , it depresses me, not sure why because I get everyone has different taste all over the map and whats the big deal but idk

I appreciate the responses. Just gonna keep chugging along. I think I am a good person with stuff to offer. I'm kind, affectionate, easy going, will gladly change the dressing on their wounds if they need my help. I also play the violin and am a decent cook. I ultimately do want to meet someone I feel something for and fall in love for the first time, but Im also cool with not. I love my freedom and spare time to do hobbies, like post on LS, but I also like talking to guys (ty for understanding realitysux) and I hadn't talked to any men, absolutely 0, romantically since around the beginning of March. So I have been slowly reaching out. Going on a hike with the bartender Thursday and I might friend back and message that one guy on Facebook later. I feel pretty low now though and I know 100% it is due to lack of romantic contact...Schlumpy and everyone else who can empathize/sympathize.

Thank you guys, so much x

Edited May 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 23, 2020

27 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Cookie doesn't want that she wants something real, from the impressions i got. Therefore i told her to be careful of a man's intentions. And more likely than not ..the guys "falling" for her ( not that she isn't a great person) ..doesnt mean love..its probably lust.

That's exactly what I advised too, in the last two paragraphs of my post. Different words, same message.

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

May 23, 2020

17 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Thank you all for the perspectives and kind words. I'll admit the talk about looks in general, it kinda makes me feel depressed that looks even matter. It does for some, I know, It's kind of upsetting that it changes perspectives and forms judgments and I actually just don't even wanna think about it. just don't at all , it depresses me, not sure why because I get everyone has different taste all over the map and whats the big deal but idk

I appreciate the responses. Just gonna keep chugging along. I think I am a good person with stuff to offer. I'm kind, affectionate, easy going, will gladly change the dressing on their wounds if they need my help. I also play the violin and am a decent cook. I ultimately do want to meet someone I feel something for and fall in love for the first time, but Im also cool with not. I love my freedom and spare time to do hobbies, like post on LS, but I also like talking to guys (ty for understanding realitysux) and I hadn't talked to any men, absolutely 0, romantically since around the beginning of March. So I have been slowly reaching out. Going on a hike with the bartender Thursday and I might friend back and message that one guy on Facebook later. I feel pretty low now though and I know 100% it is due to lack of romantic contact...Schlumpy and everyone else who can empathize/sympathize.

Thank you guys, so much x

Let us know how it alll goes

May 23, 2020

cookies, if the looks thing depresses you, then why not downplay a bit?

It's interesting, when I downplay my looks a bit, still me, just not as "dolled up" - the hair, the makeup, the clothes - I still get approached but it's a different quality of men, more down to earth, less focused on "hitting me up" more focused on getting to know me. This was when I was single.

Everything we say and do, how we choose to present ourselves, sends a message.

If you dont want your looks to play a role, or not as big a role as they do, or send the wrong message, then best to not present yourself as a woman who seeks that type of attention.

I mean absolutely no disrespect and I adore you, but every pic I've seen of you has been with full on makeup, hair perfect, a bit of cleavage. Sexy!

If that is the message you want to send, great, but I don't think it is since you said it depresses you.

A bit of a contradictory message there.

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

May 23, 2020

It sounds like you aren't going to go for the open relationship thing. My thought would be that, in case you change your mind at some point, be sure to verify with her that the relationship is genuinely an open one before doing anything with him. You were probably totally thinking that already, but just mentioning.

I suspect you won't stay single too long once the lockdowns start to ease and people can start going out again, etc. However, there's a difference between being coupled and being with someone you really want to be with.

If you keep finding yourself discarding people or finding yourself in "dead end" relationships that you really don't want to be in or that don't match your actual goals, consider seeing a therapist just to help you figure out why that might be. Not sure what your goals actually are, but for example this bartender guy. He's convenient and interested, so far so good. If your intent is just to date folks, no doubt he'll be great. OTOH if you're ready to "get serious" and be with someone LT, you probably want to consider whether he's actually LT material for you. That sort of decision making can be tough both emotionally and when short term "fun" competes with LT "this is what I really want", etc.

May 23, 2020

Poppy, hi. All these posts are like "looks make guys want to talk to women and sleep with them "blah blah and then Im supposed to make myself uglier? No way..I'll have even less luck than I do now...I think it was because I was bullied in school for not being cute and being very dorky. Then when high school came around, I grew boobs and started to look a bit better...more like the other girls. I started to actually look like a girl . The same guys who were bullying me 5 years back asked me out. It really put a bad impression on me, because I was the same person inside. It's not what you say. I really appreciate all the kind words. And yes you're completely right. It's just a very 'triggering' subject for me (can't believe I used the term), but I deal. I. get everyone has their own individual tastes/preferences and that extends to appearance, I don't think too much about it. I am not going to change who I am/my style for it though. Nope. No way....

But anyway, I guess this thread can close. I really appreciate all the help

Edited May 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 23, 2020

cookies, you couldn't be "ugly" if your life depended on it!

And I wasn't suggesting that and I'm sorry you read it that way.

I just meant a bit toned down that's all, if that's even possible.

Like I said, I did, still very much ME, I am just much more natural now. I have grown to be more comfortable within and that now reflects on the outside.

Still get compliments, still have men wanting to talk to me even tho I have a bf, but it's a different approach.

They "see" me differently, not just someone to bang. Or maybe they do, but not "just" someone to bang.

I dunno, it's hard to explain but no, I wasn't suggesting you make yourself "uglier" not that you ever could anyway.

I'm sorry you were bullied growing up. I did not have that experience so cannot relate to it. Maybe if I did, I'd understand better.

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

May 23, 2020

I wouldn't TONE ANYTHING down if that's not what makes you feel good. In other words, be who you enjoy being and don't change for anyone. Sal, I agree with you in regards to beautiful women but the same goes for certain types of men. Things are very very easy especially a certain category of men. Embrace who you are and what brings you happiness.

Edited May 24, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 24, 2020

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

cookies, you couldn't be "ugly" if your life depended on it!

And I wasn't suggesting that and I'm sorry you read it that way.

I just meant a bit toned down that's all, if that's even possible.

Like I said, I did, still very much ME, I am just much more natural now. I have grown to be more comfortable within and that now reflects on the outside.

Still get compliments, still have men wanting to talk to me even tho I have a bf, but it's a different approach.

They "see" me differently, not just someone to bang. Or maybe they do, but not "just" someone to bang.

I dunno, it's hard to explain but no, I wasn't suggesting you make yourself "uglier" not that you ever could anyway.

I'm sorry you were bullied growing up. I did not have that experience so cannot relate to it. Maybe if I did, I'd understand better.

Oh believe me...it's quite possible lol. But shucks, thanks.

I think that may work for you because when you got a down-to-earth look going, they feel less intimidated to approach you despite your extreme beauty...Just my theory.

I've never really had the problem of only attracting guys who want to sleep with me. I wish I had that problem.....I can see if that is a problem for a woman just wearing a turtleneck or something might help...but maybe not even then...

I don't think it's a problem with who I attract anymore.I think is that I can't stay excited with people...I have been initially excited, but it was more an idea of the person, like before even talking As we get to know, interest declines. Then it's gone. I never feel that deep connection...I keep thinking maybe I just haven't found the right one. I hate to say this, and no diss to anyone, but people are kind of all the same at the end of the day (myself included)....when you strip away all that mystique and thrill of chase...it's just...the same..

Yeah thank you so much for answers, you guys... I guess thread can be closed... x You all are the best!!!!

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 24, 2020

50 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh believe me...it's quite possible lol. But shucks, thanks.

I think that may work for you because when you got a down-to-earth look going, they feel less intimidated to approach you despite your extreme beauty...Just my theory.

I've never really had the problem of only attracting guys who want to sleep with me. I wish I had that problem.....I can see if that is a problem for a woman just wearing a turtleneck or something might help...but maybe not even then...

I don't think it's a problem with who I attract anymore.I think is that I can't stay excited with people...I have been initially excited, but it was more an idea of the person, like before even talking As we get to know, interest declines. Then it's gone. I never feel that deep connection...I keep thinking maybe I just haven't found the right one. I hate to say this, and no diss to anyone, but people are kind of all the same at the end of the day (myself included)....when you strip away all that mystique and thrill of chase...it's just...the same..

Yeah thank you so much for answers, you guys... I guess thread can be closed... x You all are the best!!!!

You are right in a sense and wrong in a sense IMO........yes People are Just People but some are different, unique, captivating and interesting. In the end, we have different interests, desires, dreams, and outlooks but finding someone that you JIVE with day in and day out is the key I guess

May 24, 2020

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh believe me...it's quite possible lol. But shucks, thanks.

I think that may work for you because when you got a down-to-earth look going, they feel less intimidated to approach you despite your extreme beauty...Just my theory.

I've never really had the problem of only attracting guys who want to sleep with me. I wish I had that problem.....I can see if that is a problem for a woman just wearing a turtleneck or something might help...but maybe not even then...

I don't think it's a problem with who I attract anymore.I think is that I can't stay excited with people...I have been initially excited, but it was more an idea of the person, like before even talking As we get to know, interest declines. Then it's gone. I never feel that deep connection...I keep thinking maybe I just haven't found the right one. I hate to say this, and no diss to anyone, but people are kind of all the same at the end of the day (myself included)....when you strip away all that mystique and thrill of chase...it's just...the same..

Yeah thank you so much for answers, you guys... I guess thread can be closed... x You all are the best!!!!

I know what you mean. How people just all end up being the same..and there's not really a spark.

So are you down about not finding the one?

May 24, 2020

cookies, when was the.last time you fell hard for a man, and sustained it? You mentioned a man several years back that you had a difficult time getting over? But that you finally did and now to you, he's like meh?

Anyone since him?

For some people, it takes literally years to find that "spark" with someone else. I will use Nicole Kidman for example cause everyone knows who she is, but after Tom Cruise, it took her 5 years to fall again, for Keith Urban, her now husband.

She remained single in between, no dates, no crushes.

That's how it is for some peoole, others are able to feel attractions at the drop of a hat, but one has to wonder how deep those attractions are. I would venture to guess, not very.

I dunno cookies, maybe it's something else, it's hard to know. Something within you that is blocking you from being able to feel. A hidden fear of some sort?

It might be worth exploring within and with the help of a qualified therapist if you are open to that.

I'm sorry, I know you said you want the thread closed, so this will be my last, and will respect your request.

FWIW -- ((hugs))

May 24, 2020

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

cookies, when was the.last time you fell hard for a man, and sustained it? You mentioned a man several years back that you had a difficult time getting over? But that you finally did and now to you, he's like meh?

Anyone since him?

For some people, it takes literally years to find that "spark" with someone else. I will use Nicole Kidman for example cause everyone knows who she is, but after Tom Cruise, it took her 5 years to fall again, for Keith Urban, her now husband.

She remained single in between, no dates, no crushes.

That's how it is for some peoole, others are able to feel attractions at the drop of a hat, but one has to wonder how deep those attractions are. I would venture to guess, not very.

I dunno cookies, maybe it's something else, it's hard to know. Something within you that is blocking you from being able to feel. A hidden fear of some sort?

It might be worth exploring within and with the help of a qualified therapist if you are open to that.

I'm sorry, I know you said you want the thread closed, so this will be my last, and will respect your request.

FWIW -- ((hugs))

Is there a fear of committing? Is there a fear of eventually being hurt if you open yourself up to someone? I think before you can open yourself up totally to someone you first need open yourself up to YOU............

May 24, 2020

And @cookies, just to clarify, for me when I spoke about being approached now versus years back when I wouldn't even leave my house without makeup or hair perfectly styled, etc., I didn't mean the "quantity" of approaches, that hasn't changed, I meant the "quality" of the approach.

I dunno again hard to explain.

But I also agree with the poster who said in all caps, don't tone yourself down if it's not who you are. Embrace who you are, be your true authentic self.

For me personally, it is who I am, who I became, after resolving certain issues within myself that needed resolving.

You do you cookies, always. xoxo

Edited May 24, 2020 by poppyfields

May 24, 2020

35 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

cookies, when was the.last time you fell hard for a man, and sustained it? You mentioned a man several years back that you had a difficult time getting over? But that you finally did and now to you, he's like meh?

Anyone since him?

For some people, it takes literally years to find that "spark" with someone else. I will use Nicole Kidman for example cause everyone knows who she is, but after Tom Cruise, it took her 5 years to fall again, for Keith Urban, her now husband.

She remained single in between, no dates, no crushes.

That's how it is for some peoole, others are able to feel attractions at the drop of a hat, but one has to wonder how deep those attractions are. I would venture to guess, not very.

I dunno cookies, maybe it's something else, it's hard to know. Something within you that is blocking you from being able to feel. A hidden fear of some sort?

f

Yeah...I don't think I ever have, now that I think of it. I think you are referring to my first ex ....and I wouldn't say I fell for him ...or that I was in love...I talked about it a lot here before...a lot of people have heard that story. He was depressed and would stay in all the time...He would make me feel bad all the time for wanting to go out and live my life...He manipulated me and guilty tripped me a lot. But it worked because every time I broke off with him...I missed him.. BUT ONLY when I was broken up. it was just the idea of him...So when he would take me back, I would lose interest and break up again. Then he was fed up with me. Told me to F off basically and I said he thinks I'm horrible..just melodramatic stuff..And then I did miss him for a long time...but I knew I wouldn't be happy with that person. Now I see what happened but I didn't really have much experience back then...

I guess it is also worth mentioning that I didn't really start dating until I was 25...I never really cared about it much and I never felt much was missing until my dad was wondering if I was gay. But I do like dating. I like it a lot now.

I get what you mean. You mean you looked too high maintenance? I don't know, I guess I could stop doing my hair and stuff , butagain I don't think I have a problem with the attention in quantity or quality I get Like, I don't think there some demographic of men I'm missing out on and if I tap into it, ill find my match. I think I'm just a problem.....

@miranda561 At this point, I'm completely down, and know it is quite probable I will not. What about you?

I am fine with not finding someone to fall for..t's just the loneliness of not having a sexy guy to flirt with :(((( First world problems....

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 24, 2020

18 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yeah...I don't think I ever have, now that I think of it. I think you are referring to my first ex ....and I wouldn't say I fell for him ...or that I was in love...I talked about it a lot here before...a lot of people have heard that story. He was depressed and would stay in all the time...He would make me feel bad all the time for wanting to go out and live my life...He manipulated me and guilty tripped me a lot. But it worked because every time I broke off with him...I missed him.. BUT ONLY when I was broken up. it was just the idea of him...So when he would take me back, I would lose interest and break up again. Then he was fed up with me. Told me to F off basically and I said he thinks I'm horrible..just melodramatic stuff..And then I did miss him for a long time...but I knew I wouldn't be happy with that person. Now I see what happened but I didn't really have much experience back then...

I guess it is also worth mentioning that I didn't really start dating until I was 25...I never really cared about it much and I never felt much was missing until my dad was wondering if I was gay. But I do like dating. I like it a lot now.

I get what you mean. You mean you looked too high maintenance? I just wear eyeshadow, mascara, and lipstick. I don't wear foundation because it feels gross on my skin and I don't really do my hair that often but I color it...I don't know...maybe I do look high maintenance sometimes. I'm not sure. But again I don't think I have a problem with the attention in quantity or quality I get Like, I don't think there some demographic of men I'm missing out on and if I tap into it, ill find my match. I think I'm just a problem.....

@miranda561 At this point, I'm completely down, and know it is quite probable I will not. What about you?

I am fine with not finding someone to fall for..t's just the loneliness of not having a sexy guy to flirt with :(((( First world problems....

Haha a sexy guy to flirt with . So you don't find the bartender all that then .

Is it that all the men you interact with are just not appealing to you looks wise? Bartender for example what dont you likeabout him?

Oh and i don't believe in "the one".. i havent found anyone that amazing 2bh. I feel like i have a lot of great qualities (without sounding bigheaded)and the men around me simply don't match up.

The one my threads about currently..hes attractive and in a great profession and young n all that..but he can be totally up himself at times. So with him its pending

But anyway back to you

Edited May 24, 2020 by miranda561

May 25, 2020

On 5/22/2020 at 9:20 PM, simpycurious said:

It seems a little SKETCH to me but maybe not. He obviously seems interested.

I have to read ALL the responses but it seems a LOT sketch to me. But agree he obviously seems interested. Though honestly, do you really want this complicated thing? If he's lying then whatever you guys would have starts from a big lie and if he's not it's just messy.

Listen, girl, I hate to say it but you still haven't changed much with the ghosting and not wanting to get close to people. I don't really think you need ANOTHER complication in the mix. I'm really rooting for you to kind of make it over the hurdle where you don't ghost someone and you are excited about him. This guy is way too messy. It's like sabotage from the get go.

For someone that gives pretty good advice, I have no idea why you can't do the same for yourself. Sorry, I just want good for you and all i see when I read your scenarios is that you keep running from whatever it is you say you want, maybe you only half want it. I still believe there's a version and a person out there that is it for you but i think a lot of your strategies (for yourself) and the way you approach it would need to change. Good luck

May 25, 2020

On 5/23/2020 at 5:54 AM, Cookiesandough said:

I just thought open relationships were trendy now...I found his gf though on fb...They do have "in a relationship" on there. Doesn't say open or not. You are right though, jspice.. Jeez.I almost became a side piece via video chat. Before I saw your post I wrote back to him "Um sure. Just video chat, then friends" He's going to think I'm flaking on him again now. I do want to video chat. My love life is just sad now. I'm so lonely Thanks again though.

if u want we can video chat haha. my love life is boring too atm .

what r u looking for with this guy?

May 25, 2020

Open relationship, hmmm. You will never really know if he is or not.

Many people have used this when someone they like better comes along and are interested in seeing them and maybe trading one relationship for the other

or have their cake and eat it to. Really do not know any of these so called open relationships.

May 27, 2020

@fred123 im down

Ugh, so had a first date...

So, it's incredibly hard for me to find people I connect with beyond physical attraction...and I need way more than physical attraction to feel a "spark", so I believe this is largely why I struggle with dating.

I just came back from meet up with a man I have not seen for almost a year. He is part of a philosophy group I was part of. We've had many conversations about epistemological and ontological stuffs. He is a great thinker and source of knowledge for me to tap into. He's also not stuffy and in his head as a lot of people who are drawn to this subject tend to be.

So he asked me to meet to talk more about some thoughts he's had. I knew kind of that he was romantically interested because he is in the field basically as a profession and I am just a noob. Basically, and this is kind of pertinent to the rest of the tale, he had reached some sort of personal enlightenment on a day last January. It essentially freed him of his ego (it's more in-depth than that, but for the sake of simplicity, that is what happened) and has made him a lot more comfortable with himself.

So we met on his grandmother's property on a public road, a meditative spot for him. It's beautiful. As soon as we meet up, this change in him is extremely evident. He seems very confident and is immediately touchy-feely. Not overly so, just something I'm in tune with because I am not attracted to him AT ALL. In the physical sense, he is not my type. So I do not want to mislead him by a touch of my hand to his...etc. I do that too much.

I closed in on myself a lot and he noticed. I told him I was just shy. We continued to have a nice conversation. We walked to the place he used to skip rocks as a kid. Here he kissed me. It was just a light peck on the lips because as soon as he kissed me I recoiled. I began dodge his other kisses too. It was awkward because I know he thought I was nervous. But I was not attracted. I told him I'm wary of corona v, and he looked at me like I was a bit crazy because yeah.

But maybe this is something I need to work on. I mean lots of people have grown attraction to people they initially didn't feel any for. He says he really likes me and I said you're cool too..but I don't know. Maybe I'm writing it off too soon. No, I can't do it...and this is where I think it is okay to block because we don't have to keep talking to each other...and also I don't want to presumptuous and tell him I'm not interested in seeing him I don't even know if he's interested in seeing me again.

Edited May 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

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