What do you guys think of this?

May 23, 2020

This whole topic shows you are nowhere near ready to start a proper long term commited relationship. You need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You need to know your worth, not lower it so much like you are doing just because you are lonely.

You are becoming desperate just to have 'someone', anyone in your life, instead of learning to be happy with yourself, and if someone joins your life then they ADD to the happiness, instead of giving you the only happiness.

Get off all this internet stuff, deactivate trashbook, meet real people (when possible), stop reconnecting with people you have no interest in just for the sake of it, and in the mean time focus on being happy with yourself.

When the time is right you will meet someone.

May 23, 2020

I agree. You had a picture up for your profile and you're a beautiful gal. There are a few guys I'm interested in but I'm not content on my own yet. I don't know your situation but I'm focusing on my house and work and self before I attempt to go out with someone .. Having said that, I don't see a problem with what you're doing. We need attention sometimes so getting flattered every so often while you are single is not a bad thing. This forum has a lot of oppinions but I don't find it all that useful in the real world. Its just nice to log on and get a distraction during the pandemic.

May 23, 2020

I’m going to have to agree with the last few posts. Feeling lonely while being alone says to me that you’re aren't very comfortable with yourself, by yourself.

Rather than reaching outward to fill a void you need to do the hard work of searching inward and learn to be okay alone.

May 23, 2020

20 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

I’m going to have to agree with the last few posts. Feeling lonely while being alone says to me that you’re aren't very comfortable with yourself, by yourself.

Rather than reaching outward to fill a void you need to do the hard work of searching inward and learn to be okay alone.

Who are you guys trying to create here? You don't have to be in a relationship to connect with people from the opposite sex. Contact with others helps you learn about yourself too. There is nothing wrong with having relationships with other people while you work on yourself.

May 23, 2020

17 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Who are you guys trying to create here?

Cookiesandough’s best self

May 23, 2020

Just now, amaysngrace said:

Cookiesandough’s best self

She can be her best self and not have to isolate herself. You don't grow isolated.

May 23, 2020

1 minute ago, Realitysux said:

She can be her best self and not have to isolate herself. You don't grow isolated.

If you focus outward it takes energy you could devote inwards but it seems you don’t understand this well.

I don’t want to argue so will just agree to disagree with you. Take care.

May 23, 2020

7 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

If you focus outward it takes energy you could devote inwards but it seems you don’t understand this well.

I don’t want to argue so will just agree to disagree with you. Take care.

Agree to disagree .. How's that work crush working out for you? We are all friends around here and I remember you posted in the wrong thread so I've been excited for you.

May 23, 2020

aw thanks @Realitysux xo

so far so good!!

no sexy time yet but we’re workin on it!

Edited May 23, 2020 by amaysngrace

May 23, 2020

6 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Oh my God...

Run girl run.

Run like really really fast......Usain Bolt fast.

Why get involved with that nonsense?

Edited May 23, 2020 by simpycurious

May 23, 2020

8 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

You guys..I am really lonely lately. I'm going to hang out Thursday with this bartender I dated briefly earlier this year...I guess. I'm not excited about him at all. We have no mental connection at all. I am lonely and haven't been talking to anyone lately. I haven't been going out, not on any dating apps, changed my number, and burned bridges. Not that I'd want to cross any of those bridges again. I'm just saying all is really quiet on the front, lately ...

So I messaged on Facebook this (other) guy who I hadn't answered since Jan 23 of this year. I think he wanted to video chat before and I was kinda eh about it... I messaged him today asking if he would like to video chat tomorrow. Wasn't really expecting a response. It's been a couple months and now I'd really rather video chat that meet anyone.

Many years ago the common term was "going through a dry spell."

This is what life is like C&D - it's peaks and valleys. Even if you find the love of your life your marriage will follow the same pattern.

What I recommend that you do is not try to rush your climb up the next peak because you many times choose the wrong path. Instead, use this time in the valley to learn something new. It doesn't have to be deep knowledge or craftsmanship at the master level. You could pursue an interest that you have. That interest could be reading the top one hundred books that humankind has produced over the centuries. It could be art appreciation as in learning a little something about the history of art. There are a lot of painting classes that cater to beginners. If your leanings are social conscience, then volunteer for a local charity. Learn to water ski or try white water rafting. Study what it takes to survive in the wild.

What about testing your physical prowess on the local bike trail or start training for 5k races. During the summer where I live, there are establishments that set up volley ball courts. It might be useful to learn to bowl. It does take some skill.

The point is to use the downtime to round yourself out as a person and make yourself more interesting by acquiring a skill that people who don't know you would be surprised that you have.

An eclectic approach to life will offer you many more opportunities to find that special person then hanging out with a generic bartender who you are not especially excited about.

At 67 I'm much older then you so I guess you could just dismiss my suggestions as "Dad talk" but I hope you give them fair consideration.

Now I have to get back to my classical guitar which popped an E string yesterday. That means I have to replace them all. Where's a roadie when you need them?

May 23, 2020

6 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Many years ago the common term was "going through a dry spell."

This is what life is like C&D - it's peaks and valleys. Even if you find the love of your life your marriage will follow the same pattern.

What I recommend that you do is not try to rush your climb up the next peak because you many times choose the wrong path. Instead, use this time in the valley to learn something new. It doesn't have to be deep knowledge or craftsmanship at the master level. You could pursue an interest that you have. That interest could be reading the top one hundred books that humankind has produced over the centuries. It could be art appreciation as in learning a little something about the history of art. There are a lot of painting classes that cater to beginners. If your leanings are social conscience, then volunteer for a local charity. Learn to water ski or try white water rafting. Study what it takes to survive in the wild.

What about testing your physical prowess on the local bike trail or start training for 5k races. During the summer where I live, there are establishments that set up volley ball courts. It might be useful to learn to bowl. It does take some skill.

The point is to use the downtime to round yourself out as a person and make yourself more interesting by acquiring a skill that people who don't know you would be surprised that you have.

An eclectic approach to life will offer you many more opportunities to find that special person then hanging out with a generic bartender who you are not especially excited about.

At 67 I'm much older then you so I guess you could just dismiss my suggestions as "Dad talk" but I hope you give them fair consideration.

Now I have to get back to my classical guitar which popped an E string yesterday. That means I have to replace them all. Where's a roadie when you need them?

Love Schlumpy's post very well done........I think far too often people get into a RUT and recycle the same people, places, and activities. Like Schlumpy said try new things, travel more, expand your horizons. I love being able to go new places and experience new things. Ski, learn to surf, raft, go hiking, etc. these are all things that I do out of season and they are FUN. There will still be plenty of "ME" time when you want it but life is meant to be LIVED and it is the greatest adventure of ALL so not something to let pass by.

May 23, 2020

3 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

Feeling lonely while being alone says to me that you’re aren't very comfortable with yourself, by yourself.

Rather than reaching outward to fill a void you need to do the hard work of searching inward and learn to be okay alone.

I agree with this in general but I think it overlooks the fact that quarantine is very hard for single people. Couples can typically shelter together but singles are alone, pretty much 24/7 (unless they are essential workers working outside their homes). No matter how comfortable you are by yourself, 2+ months of aloneness can make even the most comfortable person yearn for human interaction.

May 23, 2020

If you are just reaching out to him for casual reasons, he is in a relationship that he is willing to set aside if you turn out to like each other because he thinks you're hot. Now you know he will do this. I would just say that you sound pretty lukewarm on him to begin with so maybe not turn his life upside down.

May 23, 2020

Hey cookies, may I be honest? I saw your profile pic last night for like 2 seconds, and I've seen others before too, you are extremely beautiful, way above average, and I suspect every man you meet or interact with online is gonna go gaga over you. Most men being visually-oriented and all. Don't get me wrong, you have a rockin personality too but first thing guys will notice is your beauty, lets not kid ourselves about that.

This first guy with the gf, No! I don't think he has an open relationship, I think he has a gf and wants some side action via video chat with a beautiful sexy woman - namely you. My advice? Don't go there, it's degrading.

FB guy -- I dunno, franky imo it doesn't matter what you say. What you lack in words, trust me he'll be ok with it, and carry it.

The bartender? Not surprised one bit he is waaaaay more into you than you are him, makes perfect sense to me! Most guys will be, unless they're gay or something. Xd

cookies, I'm lonely too. My bf is gone for about 2 more months, I don't have that many local girlfriends, which is why I enjoy posting here and another forum, and other social media even though SM typically isn't my thing.

The lockdown is beginning to lift, second phase, and once we get to third phase, I am going to start getting out with friends, staying active.

Jmo, but I just think interacting with these guys on line who you admittedly have no interest in is not the right way to go.

They end up falling for you, you ghost and it never turns out well. xoxo

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

May 23, 2020

4 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

I’m going to have to agree with the last few posts. Feeling lonely while being alone says to me that you’re aren't very comfortable with yourself, by yourself.

Rather than reaching outward to fill a void you need to do the hard work of searching inward and learn to be okay alone.

I agree with this^^ too cookies, esp 2nd paragraph. I did the same and it has really paid off well for me.

May 23, 2020

57 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hey cookies, may I be honest? I saw your profile pic last night for like 2 seconds, and I've seen others before too, you are extremely beautiful, way above average, and I suspect every man you meet or interact with online is gonna go gaga over you. Most men being visually-oriented and all. Don't get me wrong, you have a rockin personality too but first thing guys will notice is your beauty, lets not kid ourselves about that.

This first guy with the gf, No! I don't think he has an open relationship, I think he has a gf and wants some side action via video chat with a beautiful sexy woman - namely you. My advice? Don't go there, it's degrading.

FB guy -- I dunno, franky imo it doesn't matter what you say. What you lack in words, trust me he'll be ok with it, and carry it.

The bartender? Not surprised one bit he is waaaaay more into you than you are him, makes perfect sense to me! Most guys will be, unless they're gay or something. Xd

cookies, I'm lonely too. My bf is gone for about 2 more months, I don't have that many local girlfriends, which is why I enjoy posting here and another forum, and other social media even though SM typically isn't my thing.

The lockdown is beginning to lift, second phase, and once we get to third phase, I am going to start getting out with friends, staying active.

Jmo, but I just think interacting with these guys on line who you admittedly have no interest in is not the right way to go.

They end up falling for you, you ghost and it never turns out well. xoxo

The poster is right in that the majority of guys will ALWAYS notice beauty (face, figure, etc) first. I will say that VERY VERY attractive women are LITERALLY everywhere. So, friends of mine have ZERO problem meeting, dating, whatever with VERY VERY attractive women but finding one that is COOL/FUN/Engaging is very very difficult. It could be the geographic areas or whatever but the fact remain the COOL FACTOR is not easy to find.

May 23, 2020

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I've seen others before too, you are extremely beautiful, way above average, and I suspect every man you meet or interact with online is gonna go gaga over you. [...] I just think interacting with these guys on line who you admittedly have no interest in is not the right way to go.

This is what struck me about this thread... C&D seems to be using sex appeal to lure these guys, who she admittedly doesn't think much of, because she's feeling lonely. So they're going to shower her with compliments and pump her full of bullsh*t in an effort to get laid. Maybe I'm not reading between the lines very well, but I don't get the impression that lonely is her euphemism for desperate to get laid (please correct me if I'm wrong). So if she gets together with one of these guys, whether or not it turns into a hookup, it's not going to assuage the loneliness for more than the time it take for him to find his socks and start the car.

I don't think she should pursue this route because it's devoid of authenticity, and will be equally missing any lasting satisfaction. She shouldn't use sex appeal to manipulate guys into giving her a bunch of superficial attention, esp. if she's not actually interested. This is something I've thought about quite a bit lately, having been left thinking WTF more often that I care to admit. I wonder if sometimes attractive women just assume that it's okay to use guys for amusement since most guys are so eager, more than willing to volunteer for the role. This is what actual friends are for–– to share genuine connection, understanding, and camaraderie, or baseline fulfillment of the need to connect with people.

I sometimes wonder if attractive women are so used to the world beating a path to their door based on nothing more than sex appeal that it creates a gap in awareness, makes it's hard for them to see that power as something to be reserved for special people and circumstances. Cookiesandough, I don't mean this in a personal way at all, but I do think it's something to think about.

Now, if this word loneliness is actually about something else... just pick one, call a spade a spade, and make it clear that he should not expect anything more.

Edited May 23, 2020 by salparadise

May 23, 2020

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

May 23, 2020

10 minutes ago, salparadise said:

This is what struck me about this thread... C&D seems to be using sex appeal to lure these guys, who she admittedly doesn't think much of, because she's feeling lonely. So they're going to shower her with compliments and pump her full of bullsh*t in an effort to get laid. Maybe I'm not reading between the lines very well, but I don't get the impression that lonely is her euphemism for desperate to get laid (please correct me if I'm wrong). So if she gets together with one of these guys, whether or not it turns into a hookup, it's not going to assuage the loneliness for more than the time it take for him to find his socks and start the car.

I don't think she should pursue this route because it's devoid of authenticity, and will be equally missing any lasting satisfaction. She shouldn't use sex appeal to manipulate guys into giving her a bunch of superficial attention, esp. if she's not actually interested. This is something I've thought about quite a bit lately, having been left thinking WTF more often that I care to admit. I wonder if sometimes attractive women just assume that it's okay to use guys for amusement since most guys are so eager, more than willing to volunteer for the role. This is what actual friends are for–– to share genuine connection, understanding, and camaraderie, or baseline fulfillment of the need to connect with people.

I sometimes wonder if attractive women are so used to the world beating a path to their door based on nothing more than sex appeal that it creates a gap in awareness, makes it's hard for them to see that power as something to be reserved for special people and circumstances. Cookiesandough, I don't mean this in a personal way at all, but I do think it's something to think about.

Now, if this word loneliness is actually about something else... just pick one, call a spade a spade, and make it clear that he should not expect anything more.

Good post Sal..........I will say that most guys that I know, granted they are successful, very much Alpha's in their world, are not easily swayed by an attractive woman. Simply because they have to way way too many options as far as attractive women are concerned. My point being that if a guy is EASILY manipulated then maybe that says more ABOUT HIM than about her. In that, he does not have many options for whatever reason. I do not see CD as being that way at all but maybe being PICKY, particular or even somewhat fickle. IMO

Edited May 23, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 23, 2020

Poster above has a point about it being more about the guy. Or maybe a bit of both? That and what salparadise said too.

Some guys (not all, but some) can be absolute idiots when it comes to beautiful women. I've seen begging, pleading; I'm not as beautiful as cookies, but I once had a guy get down on one knee pleading for just one date!

He kept asking me out, I wasn't into him at all, one night I ran into him, he followed me out to my car and literally fell to his knees pleading for a date. I swear I thought it was a joke! It wasn't.

On line was ridiculous so I quit. Married guys, guys with girlfriends, guys with boyfriends, girls with girlfriends, the messages I received ran the gamut.

As for cookies, it's sometimes the most beautiful women who are the most insecure and need the most validation.

Not sure why, but I can relate to that.

Not as much now as years ago before I resolved some internal issues, but it's still there on some level.

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

May 23, 2020

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Poster above has a point about it being more about the guy. Or maybe a bit of both?

Some guys (not all, but some) can be absolute idiots when it comes to beautiful women. I've seen begging, pleading; I'm not as beautiful as cookies, but I once had a guy get down on one knee pleading for just one date!

He kept asking me out, I wasn't into him at all, one night I ran into him, he followed me out to my car and literally fell to his knees pleading for a date. I swear I thought it was a joke! It wasn't.

On line was ridiculous so I quit. Marrird guys, guys with girlfriends, guys with boyfriends, ran the gamut.

As for cookies, it's sometimes the most beautiful women who are the most insecure and need the most validation.

Not sure why, but I can relate to that at least on some level.

She ^ is right I suppose that it does come down to each individual guy. I cannot imagine any of my friends doing anything remotely like is mentioned in the post above. They are simply not that sort of guy and again HAVE WAY WAY too many options. I honestly believe that being attractive is just not that unique in that there are so many and I mean from head to toe. Engaging personality , an adventurous outlook, good sense of humor, and BEING FUN are what seems to separate so many from the others.

May 23, 2020

You need to just drop this guy with the girlfriend because she is not going down easy and you do not really care about him.

May 23, 2020

3 hours ago, introverted1 said:

I agree with this in general but I think it overlooks the fact that quarantine is very hard for single people. Couples can typically shelter together but singles are alone, pretty much 24/7 (unless they are essential workers working outside their homes). No matter how comfortable you are by yourself, 2+ months of aloneness can make even the most comfortable person yearn for human interaction.

Thanks you guys so much for the responses...

You are very sweet, poppy. Thanks everyone for kind words and advice. I agree with simpy... I am nothing special and don’t think this is about because women of all appearance can get interest, sex, or whatever. Lonely for me does not mean hookups/casual sex at all. I need to really like someone. I mean I’m lonely for romantic connection...human companionship... the touch of an ungloved hand to ungloved hand. I get what some of you guys are saying about how it’s validation, but Jeez it’s been like 4 months of social distancing. Do you single people not dating really not get lonely at all.

Thank you again all for your insight

Edited May 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 23, 2020

53 minutes ago, preraph said:

You need to just drop this guy with the girlfriend because she is not going down easy and you do not really care about him.

Yes I told him last night I don’t want to get involved. He said reconsider, but I think I’ve considerate it far too much. Something is not right with those people. Im back to square one, but it ain’t no thing. I I’m just going to move on now.

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